now, it's not surprising that atrocities have been committed by our side in this conflict, just as they have been by the other sides (yes, that's plural, because there are multiple factions working against each other), and it's not surprising that it took so long for this specific atrocity to come to light, and it's not surprising that most of us don't seem to care as scandal-shocked as we are. so, the article is much the same as every other one we've read over the past week or so. but what i found interesting is the following clip from this particular article:
"More than two months after the incident Time magazine asked the military to respond to allegations of the killings.
The magazine says a Marine spokesman responded with an e-mail stating, "I cannot believe you're buying any of this. This falls into the same category of Al-Qaeda in Iraq propaganda."
so, what was this guy saying exactly? that al-quaeda is not in iraq? top officials (um, dick cheney) are still claiming that saddam had direct ties to al-quaeda and was harboring them before we invaded. so, is this guy in fact saying that dick's covered with shit? i mean, i DO feel like i've been inappropriately penetrated by the the dickmeister, but here's a spokesman for the marines telling time magazine that bystander-obliterating is about as believable as a bar-mitzmah in babylon. and he uses the al-quaeda link, which we've been repeatedly told to put in our hanky pockets since 2002, as an example. odd. especially since we know that al-quaeda is indeed in iraq now. unlike when we invaded.
The Presidential Prayer Team in affiliation with Fabric of Faith
is pleased to offer you an exceptional line of patriotic apparel!
join the team, get your faith on and toss a dwarf for jesus.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
talk to the clown and toss that dwarf
well, i must admit i had a wonderful time tonight. apj has a great spread. and her house ain't so bad either. nyuk nyuk nyuk.
seriously, it was a fabulous barbecue. the food was great, the beer was aplenty, and the conversation never left the gutter. i will never look at a dwarf again without laughing. to myself, of course. because laughing at a dwarf out loud is really rude and inconsiderate. though, in terms of personal safety, it's not too dangerous. maybe some scarring on the knees or something, but that's about it.
and i will never ever talk to the clown again in public. i never knew it was considered socially unacceptable. even in a public restroom. or especially there. and all those times in the mall when i would talk to the clown and shake hands and tweak his little red nose...who knew i was breaking the law? well, maybe someday someone will go to manchester mall and dedicate a memorial plaque in my honor like they're thinking of doing for nick ryan and that toilet over at roeding park. or i'll get a street named in my honor like they might do for sam samuelian on motel drive.
i found the war nerd on wikipedia. this is the guy i've been trying to get you to read, because he claims to be from fresno. just too damn funny and acerbic for his own good. devastating reading. and you never do know what side he's shooting at.
speaking of shooting and not knowing who at, what's going on with the haditha massacre? it's beginning to look like we got ourselves a mini-mai lai on our hands. deaths aren't in the hundreds, just the dozens. but most of them appear to be executions of defenseless civilians in retaliation for a bombing attack they had nothing to do with. and the LA Times is pursuing another story in which a civilian may have been killed by marines and then set up to look like he was planting a roadside bomb. makes me think of the movie jarhead when the sniper team is about to get their first chance at a kill and the army breaks in and stops them, because a bombing raid will be so much more cooler. one sniper totally loses it, because he really wants this one chance to see the pink cloud. it's like these snipers have been so brainwashed and desensitized to killing that not getting to kill is the worst kind of emasculation. in the movie, though, they walk away and return to their unit to find out the war is over. in real life, the war is not over and it appears at the moment that soldiers may be under too much stress without proper command structure.
give a man a gun and he'll shoot the snot out of paper heads. teach that man to hate and he'll find moving targets.
and so bill frist has now said that the fbi's search and seizure within a congressman's office is within the law. a few days ago he was singing a different tune. but after meeting with alberto "VO5" gonzalez he's okay with it. why is it that when a republican disagrees with the bushies alberto "the consigliere" gonzalez seems to always have a sitdown with said dissenter and said dissenter almost always changes his mind? not that i'm against politicians not being above the same laws i'm required to obey. but (by the same token) ain't it funny that these politicians have spent 5 or 6 years letting the administration stomp all over our civil rights with nary a peep and suddenly, when one of their own gets the jackboot treatment, they are up in arms about it? both parties screaming about abuse of power and constitutional issues. i think i know where most of the pharmaceutical grade pot is being smoked now. when what they really need is a barium enema so that whenever they spew bullshit we can see the glowing vapor trail of it.
this is probably going to piss someone off (i hope), but i just have to ask: isn't the pope humanity's direct pipeline to god? isn't god supposed to speak directly through the pope? then why is the pope asking god why he didn't speak up or do something about the holocaust? is benedict telling us that john paul the 2nd (or whatever number) kept secrets? is he telling us that jp and the big g weren't really on speaking terms? the pope is on this earth to tell us what god is thinking and saying and doing and why. and here is benedict at auschwitz wondering what the hell god was doing right around the 1940's. personally, i think god was looking down (or up or sideways or whatever) and writing in his holy papers "note to Holy Self: germans and jews, that sucked.
p.s. further note to Holy Self: dissuade U.S. from creating land for anyone if it's not on U.S. soil. plus, ask Loki to kill all with the surnames Kennedy, Nixon and Bush. wait, strike Nixon. he amuses me."
so, cheney is still the vice-president, huh? good thing. but what's this little note about this administration challenging more laws than all previous administrations combined? wasn't it the bushies and their cohorts in congress who screamed bloody murder at the supreme court for "interpreting" the constitution when they should be laying down the law as writ (specifically during the terri schiavo non-crisis)? wasn't it the republicans who actually threatened the supreme court justices with the possibility of physical violence by "good (but misguided) americans" because of their twisting of the law? so, why is cheny still vice-president? lord knows no one will vote for him for president. we know and he knows. his heart will give out at any given moment. and his ties to big industry are just too, well, big to ignore. so, he's doing everything he can as the puppetmaster to make sure all of his ideas are implemented before 2008 rolls around. what we have to understand is that we have a second term group that smells death at the end of this term and is going to do all in its power to permanently change the balance of power. does it hope that another republican replaces it? yes. does it care deeply if a democrat steps in? not so much since it's burdened the next sucker with baggage that will stymie any reforms for decades to come. think about it. two "wars" not to be finished any time soon. social security no better than it was. a massive budget deficit. global warming issue not even approached. military brushfires around the world that weren't there 6 years ago (not to say they wouldn't have flared anyway). the ugly face of so-called religion having taken hold of politics one more time after a decade of tolerant acceptance by both camps. political scandals erupting everywhere. big business erupting everywhere and shitting hot lava on the common folk. tax breaks for the rich and half the usual tax return for me. mexicans who are suddenly the new face of terrorism and the reason our economy is in the tank. racism kicking up again. and not just from the crackers.
makes me want to curl up, watch movies and not leave the house ever again. damn java wava for making a killer avalanche.
seriously, it was a fabulous barbecue. the food was great, the beer was aplenty, and the conversation never left the gutter. i will never look at a dwarf again without laughing. to myself, of course. because laughing at a dwarf out loud is really rude and inconsiderate. though, in terms of personal safety, it's not too dangerous. maybe some scarring on the knees or something, but that's about it.
and i will never ever talk to the clown again in public. i never knew it was considered socially unacceptable. even in a public restroom. or especially there. and all those times in the mall when i would talk to the clown and shake hands and tweak his little red nose...who knew i was breaking the law? well, maybe someday someone will go to manchester mall and dedicate a memorial plaque in my honor like they're thinking of doing for nick ryan and that toilet over at roeding park. or i'll get a street named in my honor like they might do for sam samuelian on motel drive.
i found the war nerd on wikipedia. this is the guy i've been trying to get you to read, because he claims to be from fresno. just too damn funny and acerbic for his own good. devastating reading. and you never do know what side he's shooting at.
speaking of shooting and not knowing who at, what's going on with the haditha massacre? it's beginning to look like we got ourselves a mini-mai lai on our hands. deaths aren't in the hundreds, just the dozens. but most of them appear to be executions of defenseless civilians in retaliation for a bombing attack they had nothing to do with. and the LA Times is pursuing another story in which a civilian may have been killed by marines and then set up to look like he was planting a roadside bomb. makes me think of the movie jarhead when the sniper team is about to get their first chance at a kill and the army breaks in and stops them, because a bombing raid will be so much more cooler. one sniper totally loses it, because he really wants this one chance to see the pink cloud. it's like these snipers have been so brainwashed and desensitized to killing that not getting to kill is the worst kind of emasculation. in the movie, though, they walk away and return to their unit to find out the war is over. in real life, the war is not over and it appears at the moment that soldiers may be under too much stress without proper command structure.
give a man a gun and he'll shoot the snot out of paper heads. teach that man to hate and he'll find moving targets.
and so bill frist has now said that the fbi's search and seizure within a congressman's office is within the law. a few days ago he was singing a different tune. but after meeting with alberto "VO5" gonzalez he's okay with it. why is it that when a republican disagrees with the bushies alberto "the consigliere" gonzalez seems to always have a sitdown with said dissenter and said dissenter almost always changes his mind? not that i'm against politicians not being above the same laws i'm required to obey. but (by the same token) ain't it funny that these politicians have spent 5 or 6 years letting the administration stomp all over our civil rights with nary a peep and suddenly, when one of their own gets the jackboot treatment, they are up in arms about it? both parties screaming about abuse of power and constitutional issues. i think i know where most of the pharmaceutical grade pot is being smoked now. when what they really need is a barium enema so that whenever they spew bullshit we can see the glowing vapor trail of it.
this is probably going to piss someone off (i hope), but i just have to ask: isn't the pope humanity's direct pipeline to god? isn't god supposed to speak directly through the pope? then why is the pope asking god why he didn't speak up or do something about the holocaust? is benedict telling us that john paul the 2nd (or whatever number) kept secrets? is he telling us that jp and the big g weren't really on speaking terms? the pope is on this earth to tell us what god is thinking and saying and doing and why. and here is benedict at auschwitz wondering what the hell god was doing right around the 1940's. personally, i think god was looking down (or up or sideways or whatever) and writing in his holy papers "note to Holy Self: germans and jews, that sucked.
p.s. further note to Holy Self: dissuade U.S. from creating land for anyone if it's not on U.S. soil. plus, ask Loki to kill all with the surnames Kennedy, Nixon and Bush. wait, strike Nixon. he amuses me."
so, cheney is still the vice-president, huh? good thing. but what's this little note about this administration challenging more laws than all previous administrations combined? wasn't it the bushies and their cohorts in congress who screamed bloody murder at the supreme court for "interpreting" the constitution when they should be laying down the law as writ (specifically during the terri schiavo non-crisis)? wasn't it the republicans who actually threatened the supreme court justices with the possibility of physical violence by "good (but misguided) americans" because of their twisting of the law? so, why is cheny still vice-president? lord knows no one will vote for him for president. we know and he knows. his heart will give out at any given moment. and his ties to big industry are just too, well, big to ignore. so, he's doing everything he can as the puppetmaster to make sure all of his ideas are implemented before 2008 rolls around. what we have to understand is that we have a second term group that smells death at the end of this term and is going to do all in its power to permanently change the balance of power. does it hope that another republican replaces it? yes. does it care deeply if a democrat steps in? not so much since it's burdened the next sucker with baggage that will stymie any reforms for decades to come. think about it. two "wars" not to be finished any time soon. social security no better than it was. a massive budget deficit. global warming issue not even approached. military brushfires around the world that weren't there 6 years ago (not to say they wouldn't have flared anyway). the ugly face of so-called religion having taken hold of politics one more time after a decade of tolerant acceptance by both camps. political scandals erupting everywhere. big business erupting everywhere and shitting hot lava on the common folk. tax breaks for the rich and half the usual tax return for me. mexicans who are suddenly the new face of terrorism and the reason our economy is in the tank. racism kicking up again. and not just from the crackers.
makes me want to curl up, watch movies and not leave the house ever again. damn java wava for making a killer avalanche.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
no rant tonight. instead, i'll let the king of detroit rock and roll mayhem do it for me. click on this and strap yourself in for a very hairy ride. and please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
SSM Back In The Neighborhizzle!
so this is my driveway. it extends for quite a while. then it stops.
unless you turn at the right moment. and stop.
the kitchen. of course. a horse. a horse.
the communal patio.
the private patio. with two grills, one orange tree, a loquat tree and plum tree.hi. i'm back. so sorry you all had to do without me for an extended period of time. sucked for me, too. okay, not really. sbc's incompetence actually allowed me to spend a few days and evenings catching up on films i hadn't watched in a while. sunday's threepack of jersey girl, jay and silent bob strike back and dogma was a nice treat for a very hungover squirrel.
so, i'm back in the 'no and back online. the trip down was fairly noneventful aside from the cat peeing on itself 15 minutes into the drive, a 45 minute oregon refueling fiasco, no sleep until just below stockton on I-5, broken payphones at 4 rest areas in a row in northern california when i needed to call my new landlord to see if he could meet me the next morning to let me into my new place and arriving on the last sweltering day of the summer's first heatwave.
but now i have to go eat and sleep. in that order. i think. the weather's perfect, the breeze just right, how can one not want to nosh and nap?
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Sunday
so, i've had a change of heart. i do not like jack fm anymore. due to the fact that i just found out it is in fresno as well as bremerton. obviously, it is a hostile sirius type attempt at a radiowave takeover. even though i think a station without djs is like a vacation in nirvana.
and i stand by my assertion that the nightclub managers do not deserve life sentences for the Great White fire. negligent homicide at worst and whatever that brings, but life? no way. when the ceos who have gutted our nation's coffers walk with slaps on their wrists and minimum time at club fed after having destroyed countless lives and futures, then no. when politicians can send innocent people to their deaths in another country for no better reason than "i have a vision from God", then small-time, petty, greedy little managers should not get the equivalent of the death penalty no matter how many headbangers burn to death.
beautiful day in the neighborhood today. mid 70's. cloudless. tomorrow, though, we break records. mid 80's. and let me tell you, those temps in the northwest are almost never fun. except in july. here it's still too wet and the humidity will soar. except in bremerton where we get all of the breeze. so, i'll continue to clean. packing is almost all done. the lawns are all mown. the cat is going apeshit. laundry day tomorrow. coffeeshop day as well. one last trip to the thrift store for another tax deduction.
let's move on, shall we? this is what happens when a president's ratings plunge below 30% qualifying him as the least popular president in our nation's history. congarats all. we helped to set a record. and unleash even further a nasty, petty, greedy little demon. not that thousands of soldiers along the mexican border won't help to stop the terrorism rampant on our soil. and laura bush saying that the papers didn't put her husband's very high poll ratings on the front pages of their publications when that was a fact is just total bullshit.
still not investing in doubloons? might be about time.
oh jeez. if jack abramoff's and mike scanlon's story is ever filmed...i nominate greg kinnear and charles grodin to play the two. go here, check the pics and tell me i'm wrong.
and i stand by my assertion that the nightclub managers do not deserve life sentences for the Great White fire. negligent homicide at worst and whatever that brings, but life? no way. when the ceos who have gutted our nation's coffers walk with slaps on their wrists and minimum time at club fed after having destroyed countless lives and futures, then no. when politicians can send innocent people to their deaths in another country for no better reason than "i have a vision from God", then small-time, petty, greedy little managers should not get the equivalent of the death penalty no matter how many headbangers burn to death.
beautiful day in the neighborhood today. mid 70's. cloudless. tomorrow, though, we break records. mid 80's. and let me tell you, those temps in the northwest are almost never fun. except in july. here it's still too wet and the humidity will soar. except in bremerton where we get all of the breeze. so, i'll continue to clean. packing is almost all done. the lawns are all mown. the cat is going apeshit. laundry day tomorrow. coffeeshop day as well. one last trip to the thrift store for another tax deduction.
let's move on, shall we? this is what happens when a president's ratings plunge below 30% qualifying him as the least popular president in our nation's history. congarats all. we helped to set a record. and unleash even further a nasty, petty, greedy little demon. not that thousands of soldiers along the mexican border won't help to stop the terrorism rampant on our soil. and laura bush saying that the papers didn't put her husband's very high poll ratings on the front pages of their publications when that was a fact is just total bullshit.
still not investing in doubloons? might be about time.
oh jeez. if jack abramoff's and mike scanlon's story is ever filmed...i nominate greg kinnear and charles grodin to play the two. go here, check the pics and tell me i'm wrong.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Smoke Me A Kipper
in response to steph's question about my thoughts about the nightclub manager getting 4 years in prison for the fire that killed something like 100 people at a heavy metal gig due to pyrotechnics onstage igniting the ceiling:
check this out where an "eco-terrorist" gets almost 23 years for setting three trucks on fire at a dealership. do i think this guy is nearsighted in terms of what he should have chosen to do in order to get his message out? oh yes. do i think that 23 years is ridiculous and unwarranted without his having caused the death or injury of even one person? more than yes.
so, a nightclub manager who knows that pyrotechnics are not allowed according to city code lets it happen or fails to ensure that a band known for pyrotechnics gets the memo is serving 4 years. do i think he is a killer? not at all. do i think he's an idiot who stood aside in order to get his paycheck and keep everyone happy? yes, i do. do i think that he is the "ringleader" who deserves the most lockup time? no, again. the people who go to these concerts know what they're in for. the people who go to these concerts know that it will get violent at some point. the people who go these concerts know that the venues absolutely suck. did they deserve to die? no. did they deserve anything but a kickass concert? no. did they know that this band gets out of control on a regular basis and look forward to it? yes. did the manager know this as well? yes. is he paid to make the band and the patrons happy? yes. did he do his job well up to the point that the ceiling caught on fire? yes. do he do his job well after? not so much. but how do you calm a headbanger crowd down when the place is on fire? you don't. and what do you do when the sprinklers don't turn on? run like hell. so, i can blame the germans, but do i punish them harshly because they are culpable or do i not because they didn't go into the evening thinking that it would be cool to kill a bunch of bad music lovers?
by the way, have you ever noticed that when someone else yawns you want to as well? but when a pet yawns there is no like reaction on your part? why is that? do pets yawn differently? is it a species thing? what?
and how cool is my former dispatch woman? she had extra copies of Ender's Game and Speaker For The Dead and gave them to me as a going-away present. i lost $15 earlier this year when i tried to order them online. i received neither books nor refund.
i've been hearing a commercial for Geico lately that asks you about the feeling of getting a $5 bill from your granny and then 99 more from some other people. then it asks you about finding a $5 bill on the ground and then finding a $495 bill next to it. Geico (and i belong to them, by the way) thinks that finding a piece of currency in the amount of $495 to be a good thing. tell me: what store is going to accept a $495 bill? and whose picture is on it? is it the kind of bill i would slip into the waitress's book after my bosses all hung out with me and then left without paying anything and i know there is no way i can pay for this mistake of mine? is this special money for states with a mandatory purchase rebate? can you take it to a bank and ask for all $1 bills in exchange? all $5? quarters? serously, though, whose picture would be on it?
i will miss jackfm in seattle. it is a radio station that has no dj. ever. it plays music, "clever quotes" by a prerecorded voice that is sometimes amusing. it plays commercials and makes no bones about it. any sigles from the late late sixties to about 2 years ago. i've been surprised by songs i haven't heard in a long time by madonna, nine inch nails, the talking heads, the doors, the go-go's, KISS, rickie lee jones, movie quips, peter gabriel, tom waits, the proclaimers, pearl jam, tower of power, prince, matchbox 20. and i've been disappointed. the playlist is fairly random, but they do only play commercial singles. so, no obscure b side song except very occasionally. but their library is pretty vast. santana is playing right now. oye como va. valise notch. say your mama coughs. squa-weeze them. ..okay, so those are my rendition.
check this out where an "eco-terrorist" gets almost 23 years for setting three trucks on fire at a dealership. do i think this guy is nearsighted in terms of what he should have chosen to do in order to get his message out? oh yes. do i think that 23 years is ridiculous and unwarranted without his having caused the death or injury of even one person? more than yes.
so, a nightclub manager who knows that pyrotechnics are not allowed according to city code lets it happen or fails to ensure that a band known for pyrotechnics gets the memo is serving 4 years. do i think he is a killer? not at all. do i think he's an idiot who stood aside in order to get his paycheck and keep everyone happy? yes, i do. do i think that he is the "ringleader" who deserves the most lockup time? no, again. the people who go to these concerts know what they're in for. the people who go to these concerts know that it will get violent at some point. the people who go these concerts know that the venues absolutely suck. did they deserve to die? no. did they deserve anything but a kickass concert? no. did they know that this band gets out of control on a regular basis and look forward to it? yes. did the manager know this as well? yes. is he paid to make the band and the patrons happy? yes. did he do his job well up to the point that the ceiling caught on fire? yes. do he do his job well after? not so much. but how do you calm a headbanger crowd down when the place is on fire? you don't. and what do you do when the sprinklers don't turn on? run like hell. so, i can blame the germans, but do i punish them harshly because they are culpable or do i not because they didn't go into the evening thinking that it would be cool to kill a bunch of bad music lovers?
by the way, have you ever noticed that when someone else yawns you want to as well? but when a pet yawns there is no like reaction on your part? why is that? do pets yawn differently? is it a species thing? what?
and how cool is my former dispatch woman? she had extra copies of Ender's Game and Speaker For The Dead and gave them to me as a going-away present. i lost $15 earlier this year when i tried to order them online. i received neither books nor refund.
i've been hearing a commercial for Geico lately that asks you about the feeling of getting a $5 bill from your granny and then 99 more from some other people. then it asks you about finding a $5 bill on the ground and then finding a $495 bill next to it. Geico (and i belong to them, by the way) thinks that finding a piece of currency in the amount of $495 to be a good thing. tell me: what store is going to accept a $495 bill? and whose picture is on it? is it the kind of bill i would slip into the waitress's book after my bosses all hung out with me and then left without paying anything and i know there is no way i can pay for this mistake of mine? is this special money for states with a mandatory purchase rebate? can you take it to a bank and ask for all $1 bills in exchange? all $5? quarters? serously, though, whose picture would be on it?
i will miss jackfm in seattle. it is a radio station that has no dj. ever. it plays music, "clever quotes" by a prerecorded voice that is sometimes amusing. it plays commercials and makes no bones about it. any sigles from the late late sixties to about 2 years ago. i've been surprised by songs i haven't heard in a long time by madonna, nine inch nails, the talking heads, the doors, the go-go's, KISS, rickie lee jones, movie quips, peter gabriel, tom waits, the proclaimers, pearl jam, tower of power, prince, matchbox 20. and i've been disappointed. the playlist is fairly random, but they do only play commercial singles. so, no obscure b side song except very occasionally. but their library is pretty vast. santana is playing right now. oye como va. valise notch. say your mama coughs. squa-weeze them. ..okay, so those are my rendition.
Free At Last
um...i made it. i'm free sort of at last. no more bad boss. just a sad boss. his loss. today actually went relatively quickly. i had enough work to keep me occupied, then i read a book for the last two hours. i seem to have not met everyone's expectations, though. no one thought i would show up today. so, i saw looks of amazement and chagrin. a few of them may have lost bets.
i did receive kind words and thanks from all but He Who Shall Not Be Named. while my time here was short i did manage to make a difference in the eyes of the technicians. so, that makes me feel good. now that i think about it, everyone who had a reason to come into the office did stop to thank me. except bill. but he's, well, in his own orbit around the planet Anger. penn was the best. he knew exactly why i chose to leave and understood. he's worked with HWSNBN for a number of years and has seen him alienate many people. penn and i got along very well. he's the type of inspector who never talks down to anyone who might not be as experienced as he is. he will simply use smaller words. he enjoys teaching and mentoring. he's the kind of inspector i wish i could replicate ten times and have as my entire field staff. aaron, robert, john, tim and james all were very kind.
jon can kiss my ass. he is a ladder climber who will say one thing to you and another behind your back. but he was useful, because he's a snitch. i found i could feed him stuff in "confidence" knowing it would go straight to HWSNBN.
but that's all over. now, i go back to being a technician and arguing only with the dirt that is given to me. oh, another fun thing today: one of my old co-workers from down in the 'No called me for help on some asphalt testing. i was able to get her past the problems over the phone in about 30 minutes and it felt great to feel like a troubleshooter again. i haven't been asked to use my testing experience in some time.
but anyway. it's friday and i'm free. i may come back on later for political meanderings and whatnot. for now, gluck gluck gluck. burp. scratch. gluck gluck gluck.
i did receive kind words and thanks from all but He Who Shall Not Be Named. while my time here was short i did manage to make a difference in the eyes of the technicians. so, that makes me feel good. now that i think about it, everyone who had a reason to come into the office did stop to thank me. except bill. but he's, well, in his own orbit around the planet Anger. penn was the best. he knew exactly why i chose to leave and understood. he's worked with HWSNBN for a number of years and has seen him alienate many people. penn and i got along very well. he's the type of inspector who never talks down to anyone who might not be as experienced as he is. he will simply use smaller words. he enjoys teaching and mentoring. he's the kind of inspector i wish i could replicate ten times and have as my entire field staff. aaron, robert, john, tim and james all were very kind.
jon can kiss my ass. he is a ladder climber who will say one thing to you and another behind your back. but he was useful, because he's a snitch. i found i could feed him stuff in "confidence" knowing it would go straight to HWSNBN.
but that's all over. now, i go back to being a technician and arguing only with the dirt that is given to me. oh, another fun thing today: one of my old co-workers from down in the 'No called me for help on some asphalt testing. i was able to get her past the problems over the phone in about 30 minutes and it felt great to feel like a troubleshooter again. i haven't been asked to use my testing experience in some time.
but anyway. it's friday and i'm free. i may come back on later for political meanderings and whatnot. for now, gluck gluck gluck. burp. scratch. gluck gluck gluck.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
T Minus One
Am I just charmaliscious or what? I scored a $50 Visa gift card out of the SBC operator just by being my normal beautiful self. And the DSL modem is free. So, I have a new address, new phone number and DSL service when I get back to the 'No. APJ, ETA is next Thursday evening. I plan to do an almost straight through drive with the help of Exedrin Migraine (all the pain relief, twice the caffeine) with time to stop off somewhere and hit 756 homers in less than an hour. Tweaked when I get there? Oh yes. Needing help to unload the furniture? Definately. Happy to be back someplace where culture isn't a foreign word? Priceless. Moving away from my current boss? Pinch me. Wait, don't . If this is a dream I don't want to wake up.
Happy to be back with my old landlord. Endless thanks to Lecram for hooking me up with him in the first place three years ago. You gotta love a landlord who frequents your drinking establishments and insists on buying you one or two every time. And isn't hung up on "the rent is due by this day or you get charged extra". And doesn't even want a security deposit. But does take good care of the place. Of course, he does have amazingly responsible renters like me. When I moved out of my last place in the 'No before moving up here I realized I couldn't get the place totally cleaned before leaving (mostly because I let the moving guys take my vacuum cleaner two days before). So, I left a sixpack of good beer in the fridge along with some of my mom's homemade jam with a note to apologize about the pile of dust and stuff I'd swept into a corner. He liked it.
So, now I have an address that has to have the letter R or word Rear put on it in order for me to get mail. Cool. Make the joke, dear readers. Make the joke.
Now, one more day of work to get through. Today, my boss came through the lab and stopped as if he just remembered something and asked "So, your last day is still, um, tomorrow?". As if he'd forgotten. The message there was very simply "I'm trying to make you think that I truely don't think you're still here". Then he told me he wanted a "synopsis" of how the lab stands and what needs to be done by the time I leave. This guy is such a piece of work. He is in a panic to replace me, but won't speak with me unless it's to report a problem he has with me. And he won't include me in the steps needed to be taken in order to provide a smooth transition. He hasn't even interviewed anyone for my position. Why? Because he sat on his ass until it became a crisis.
Will I get a going-away lunch tomorrow? No. Will I get a thank-you-for-what-you've-done-and-can-we-still-be-friends moment? No. I will come in and do my work as I normally would and leave at 5 pm in order to get a free ride with the dispatch woman. I don't know that I even want to shake his hand if it's offered.
I found out very recently that he has illegally abused my salary position. I've said nothing. I don't know what to say or what I want to do about it. I know I'm going to make sure that the person who replaces me can't be taken advantage of in this way. Whether I ask for compensation for all of the extra hours worked is still a question turning on the spit in my mind.
But tomorrow is my last day! I'm so looking forward to working. I can do whatever I want. I can tell him to go fuck himself and there's nothing he can do. My transfer is complete and Clovis wants me back. I won't tell him anything, of course, but it will be nice to see him twist if there's anything he needs to speak to me about.
Anyhoo, I'm going to watch a movie now and drink a beer.
Happy to be back with my old landlord. Endless thanks to Lecram for hooking me up with him in the first place three years ago. You gotta love a landlord who frequents your drinking establishments and insists on buying you one or two every time. And isn't hung up on "the rent is due by this day or you get charged extra". And doesn't even want a security deposit. But does take good care of the place. Of course, he does have amazingly responsible renters like me. When I moved out of my last place in the 'No before moving up here I realized I couldn't get the place totally cleaned before leaving (mostly because I let the moving guys take my vacuum cleaner two days before). So, I left a sixpack of good beer in the fridge along with some of my mom's homemade jam with a note to apologize about the pile of dust and stuff I'd swept into a corner. He liked it.
So, now I have an address that has to have the letter R or word Rear put on it in order for me to get mail. Cool. Make the joke, dear readers. Make the joke.
Now, one more day of work to get through. Today, my boss came through the lab and stopped as if he just remembered something and asked "So, your last day is still, um, tomorrow?". As if he'd forgotten. The message there was very simply "I'm trying to make you think that I truely don't think you're still here". Then he told me he wanted a "synopsis" of how the lab stands and what needs to be done by the time I leave. This guy is such a piece of work. He is in a panic to replace me, but won't speak with me unless it's to report a problem he has with me. And he won't include me in the steps needed to be taken in order to provide a smooth transition. He hasn't even interviewed anyone for my position. Why? Because he sat on his ass until it became a crisis.
Will I get a going-away lunch tomorrow? No. Will I get a thank-you-for-what-you've-done-and-can-we-still-be-friends moment? No. I will come in and do my work as I normally would and leave at 5 pm in order to get a free ride with the dispatch woman. I don't know that I even want to shake his hand if it's offered.
I found out very recently that he has illegally abused my salary position. I've said nothing. I don't know what to say or what I want to do about it. I know I'm going to make sure that the person who replaces me can't be taken advantage of in this way. Whether I ask for compensation for all of the extra hours worked is still a question turning on the spit in my mind.
But tomorrow is my last day! I'm so looking forward to working. I can do whatever I want. I can tell him to go fuck himself and there's nothing he can do. My transfer is complete and Clovis wants me back. I won't tell him anything, of course, but it will be nice to see him twist if there's anything he needs to speak to me about.
Anyhoo, I'm going to watch a movie now and drink a beer.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I Blog Therefor I Am
1. When was the last time you had sex?
Most cultures define sex as an inimate act between two consenting adults. I do not. So, about four minutes ago.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Right. Like anyone else does either. You leave one, I leave another.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Of course. It's the only thing that restrains me from attacking the other idiots.
4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Oh yes. Oh yes indeedy. See answer #1.
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Patience.
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
(other people) Kevin Kline, Starsky, Tim Dalton. (me) Jack Black.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Liv Tyler
9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes. I, also, knuckle my crack.
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
I wake up every morning for some reason with a new song stuck in my head. So, it's a daily thing. Today's was "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. But I didn't hate it...for the first 30 minutes or so. Now, Axl Rose must die.
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No. Right now, I have the Bangles' "Vacation" going. Ooh, why would that be there?
12. What are your super powers?
The ability to annoy without provocation. Manipulation of others' feelings. Being goddamn funny even when no one else gets it. Forgetting the writer's lines. Sloth. Gardening. The ability to ignore incessant ringing. Eating for free at Costco. Shopping. Fucking up...and somehow making up for it.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Growing up. Accepting that Natalie Portman is too young for me. Accepting that I am not superhuman or immortal. Waking up right before driving through the fence right before the DUI. Realizing that I do not have the talent of Laurence Olivier or even one of the guys from "Buttfarts: The Musical". Learning to like myself.
14. Where are your car keys?
Within reach.
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
I don't even want to hear my own. I pick Zonthar and Mustang.
16. What's your most annoying habit?
Not answering the phone would be most people's pick. But I choose making sure my nose doesn't whistle before I fall asleep (this can be a long drawnout process if I'm partially stuffed up. I had one girlfriend banish me to the living room, that's when I learned to do it quietly).
17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
The 'No, of course. Tower. Rogue. Rain. Big fun. Friends galore. Great wrap party.
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Ann Coulter. Oh, and I'd want the cameras. Get away, yes; have it not seen, no.
19. What is your best physical feature?
My ankles are kind of nice. They're well-formed.
20. What CD is closest to you right now?
Gillain Welch. Kien Lim. Southern Culture On The Skids. Rickie Lee Jones. Sublime.
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Three? Um, cauliflower, cheese and beer. Three more: minced garlic, flour tortillas, corn tortillas. Three more: salad dressing, jam, butter.
22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
Wake up, shower, cup of tea with cigarette, take first crap.
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
No. But I will take my hand off the wheel in order to "greet" those who do.
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self?.
Joelle. My choice. I happen to like my name and think any girl would be lucky to be named after me.
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
"()"
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
30. What CD is in your stereo?
2 A.M. Orchestra.
31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Orange County what? None so far as I know.
32. How many kids do you want to have?
See question #1.
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Liv Tyler. Susan Sarandon. Christina Ricci. David Letterman.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
Why not? If you knew my history of kissing et al, you'd wonder why they wanted to kiss me.
35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Practice. Also, see #1.
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Who would I like? John Cusack. Who would I expect? Bystander #2. My life is boring and boring is never celuloid. Okay, so maybe Michael Caine during one of his paycheck phases.
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Blaze of Glory. I hate the cold now.
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
The ones I would steal. Seriously.
39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Kiki's Delivery Service.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Rickie Lee Jones, Lyle Lovett, Supertramp, The Beach Boys, Jonathon Richman, Tower of Power, The Police.
41. Have you ever been in love?
In love with love many times. In love with others...hard to say. It never took, so it's hard to say.
42. Do you talk to yourself?
I blog therefor I am.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
Nope. Without the ones I dislike I would have no outlet for my loathing of others. Or the ability to feel superior.
Most cultures define sex as an inimate act between two consenting adults. I do not. So, about four minutes ago.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Right. Like anyone else does either. You leave one, I leave another.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Of course. It's the only thing that restrains me from attacking the other idiots.
4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Oh yes. Oh yes indeedy. See answer #1.
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Patience.
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
(other people) Kevin Kline, Starsky, Tim Dalton. (me) Jack Black.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Liv Tyler
9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes. I, also, knuckle my crack.
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
I wake up every morning for some reason with a new song stuck in my head. So, it's a daily thing. Today's was "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. But I didn't hate it...for the first 30 minutes or so. Now, Axl Rose must die.
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No. Right now, I have the Bangles' "Vacation" going. Ooh, why would that be there?
12. What are your super powers?
The ability to annoy without provocation. Manipulation of others' feelings. Being goddamn funny even when no one else gets it. Forgetting the writer's lines. Sloth. Gardening. The ability to ignore incessant ringing. Eating for free at Costco. Shopping. Fucking up...and somehow making up for it.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Growing up. Accepting that Natalie Portman is too young for me. Accepting that I am not superhuman or immortal. Waking up right before driving through the fence right before the DUI. Realizing that I do not have the talent of Laurence Olivier or even one of the guys from "Buttfarts: The Musical". Learning to like myself.
14. Where are your car keys?
Within reach.
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
I don't even want to hear my own. I pick Zonthar and Mustang.
16. What's your most annoying habit?
Not answering the phone would be most people's pick. But I choose making sure my nose doesn't whistle before I fall asleep (this can be a long drawnout process if I'm partially stuffed up. I had one girlfriend banish me to the living room, that's when I learned to do it quietly).
17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
The 'No, of course. Tower. Rogue. Rain. Big fun. Friends galore. Great wrap party.
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Ann Coulter. Oh, and I'd want the cameras. Get away, yes; have it not seen, no.
19. What is your best physical feature?
My ankles are kind of nice. They're well-formed.
20. What CD is closest to you right now?
Gillain Welch. Kien Lim. Southern Culture On The Skids. Rickie Lee Jones. Sublime.
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Three? Um, cauliflower, cheese and beer. Three more: minced garlic, flour tortillas, corn tortillas. Three more: salad dressing, jam, butter.
22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
Wake up, shower, cup of tea with cigarette, take first crap.
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
No. But I will take my hand off the wheel in order to "greet" those who do.
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self?.
Joelle. My choice. I happen to like my name and think any girl would be lucky to be named after me.
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
"()"
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
30. What CD is in your stereo?
2 A.M. Orchestra.
31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Orange County what? None so far as I know.
32. How many kids do you want to have?
See question #1.
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Liv Tyler. Susan Sarandon. Christina Ricci. David Letterman.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
Why not? If you knew my history of kissing et al, you'd wonder why they wanted to kiss me.
35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Practice. Also, see #1.
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Who would I like? John Cusack. Who would I expect? Bystander #2. My life is boring and boring is never celuloid. Okay, so maybe Michael Caine during one of his paycheck phases.
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Blaze of Glory. I hate the cold now.
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
The ones I would steal. Seriously.
39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Kiki's Delivery Service.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Rickie Lee Jones, Lyle Lovett, Supertramp, The Beach Boys, Jonathon Richman, Tower of Power, The Police.
41. Have you ever been in love?
In love with love many times. In love with others...hard to say. It never took, so it's hard to say.
42. Do you talk to yourself?
I blog therefor I am.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
Nope. Without the ones I dislike I would have no outlet for my loathing of others. Or the ability to feel superior.
Bonds not Ruthian? Bullshit. Couldn't say it better myself. Actually, I couldn't say it anywhere near this well. After all, I am not a writer. I am a ranter. And anyone who thinks that Bonds got to where he is on the back of a needle can kiss my hairy white ass. Babe Ruth was a pig with the IQ of that twin from Deliverance.
Well, it's Quittin' Time minus 2 days. My lab tech asked me if he could take those two days off for a long weekend and, knowing that he will be working 6 or 7 days a week until they find my replacement, I said "get the hell out of here". So, I will be solo for these last two days. Which is okay. But I'll miss the young bugger. That boy can break me out of a funk faster than anyone I've ever met. Maybe it's because he's young. Maybe it's because he has a chip and attitude like no one's business and it makes me laugh to watch him get all pumped up over miniscule things. But I'll miss him. I just got done writing a letter of recommendation for him along with a personal note addressing those things I think he needs to think about. I may call him and get him to come mow the lawn before I leave (and help me schlep the couches into the moving van). It's weird leaving here. I can't wait to be back in the Tower and see all of my friends. But there's a part of me that hates walking away from this challenge I was so up for only 6 months ago. Under different circumstances I could have made this lab the creme de la creme. It's almost there. Well, it's a year or two away from "there", but it coulda happened. I don't feel as if this was a failure. But I do feel it was a big missed opportunity. And it will take time for me to figure out if the miss was truely the boss's fault or if I could have learned something from all of this and stayed. I do know that the person who replaces me can ask for the moon in terms of salary. They will be walking into a ready-made lab and the boss is in a panic. He won't speak to me about it...actually he won't speak to me about anything. He is acting as if I am already gone. Cutting off his nose to spite his face. Everyone else is being cool about the whole affair. I'm getting the usual ribs, but they're letting me know that they would like me to stay. I think I can leave on a positive note. I learned a lot about management and about myself. Someday, maybe, I can try it again. For now, though, I look forward to becoming an hourly grunt who just runs tests and helps out the lab boss.
See you tomorrow.
Well, it's Quittin' Time minus 2 days. My lab tech asked me if he could take those two days off for a long weekend and, knowing that he will be working 6 or 7 days a week until they find my replacement, I said "get the hell out of here". So, I will be solo for these last two days. Which is okay. But I'll miss the young bugger. That boy can break me out of a funk faster than anyone I've ever met. Maybe it's because he's young. Maybe it's because he has a chip and attitude like no one's business and it makes me laugh to watch him get all pumped up over miniscule things. But I'll miss him. I just got done writing a letter of recommendation for him along with a personal note addressing those things I think he needs to think about. I may call him and get him to come mow the lawn before I leave (and help me schlep the couches into the moving van). It's weird leaving here. I can't wait to be back in the Tower and see all of my friends. But there's a part of me that hates walking away from this challenge I was so up for only 6 months ago. Under different circumstances I could have made this lab the creme de la creme. It's almost there. Well, it's a year or two away from "there", but it coulda happened. I don't feel as if this was a failure. But I do feel it was a big missed opportunity. And it will take time for me to figure out if the miss was truely the boss's fault or if I could have learned something from all of this and stayed. I do know that the person who replaces me can ask for the moon in terms of salary. They will be walking into a ready-made lab and the boss is in a panic. He won't speak to me about it...actually he won't speak to me about anything. He is acting as if I am already gone. Cutting off his nose to spite his face. Everyone else is being cool about the whole affair. I'm getting the usual ribs, but they're letting me know that they would like me to stay. I think I can leave on a positive note. I learned a lot about management and about myself. Someday, maybe, I can try it again. For now, though, I look forward to becoming an hourly grunt who just runs tests and helps out the lab boss.
See you tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
T Minus Three and Counting
You thought it was over, but you're wrong. One more comment on the mighty mighty Stephen Colbert. Steph-o!
It's easy for many of us to forget those affected by hurricane Katrina. it's last year's story and so many more scandals and disasters have happened since. It's nice to know that some journalists are still working to remind us that this most devastating tragedy is not yet behind us and may not be for years to come.
Tony Blair has announced he will be stepping down from his most exalted post earlier than anticipated. He and his party have been rocked by scandal and gaining lack of public support for some time now, but things became inestimably worse when Jack Straw was sacked and word leaked out that it was due primarily to the influence of George "heckuvajob" Bush and one phone call. I have no idea which party would lead England in a better direction than they face now, but it will be distinctly interesting to watch the fall-out over Blair's veryveryvery close ties to our President whose approval ratings just dropped to 31%, let me say that again with another poll's backing-31%, second lowest only to Nixon and Carter. And Carter's ratings bungee-plummeted only because Reagan and his boys were making deals with Tehran during the campaign to not free our citizens until after the vote.
Bush's Fish Story. And, yes, there is a German paper that reported his interview. Some bloggers are asking the question: is he that much of a liar? I respond with: no, he's that much of a boy king moron. And if that's the highlight, ohmyfreakinggoodness, there's not much in the vein of positive news concerning his presidency that even he can conjure up.
Bush says that the Taliban are not terrorists. Just out (well, not so much just out as I'm just getting around to writing about it) is the annual list of those assholes who don't like us and made some sort of pact to show us their dislike by killing one or more of us in a concerted effort. You know, the Liberals. Just kidding. Seriously, I'm somewhat stumped as to how Liberals didn't make that List. But the Taliban are not on there. In another article was a quote from some administration wonk that the Taliban were made up mostly of normal, common, everyday Afghan men who just wanted their homeland back. Not like all those damned Iraqis, I mean insurgents, I mean foreign agitators, I mean effing terrorists not from Saudi Arabia or Dubai.
Do I dare to pretend I understand any monetary bill coming out of Washington an any given day? No, I don't. The legalese used to wrap an enigma in a riddle in a word jumble makes mincemeat of my 140 IQ mind (yeah, that's right. 140. Was told that by an online site the third time I took the test. And I only paid thrice, so there). Do I think that the Republicans, knowing that their control of the government is extremely shaky, will do pretty much anything to reward their benefactors before it's too late? Yes, I do. As any good crony government would do when it thinks it might be on the way out. Line the coffers, boyos. After all, your careers aren't over, just the job titles on your business cards.
It's easy for many of us to forget those affected by hurricane Katrina. it's last year's story and so many more scandals and disasters have happened since. It's nice to know that some journalists are still working to remind us that this most devastating tragedy is not yet behind us and may not be for years to come.
Tony Blair has announced he will be stepping down from his most exalted post earlier than anticipated. He and his party have been rocked by scandal and gaining lack of public support for some time now, but things became inestimably worse when Jack Straw was sacked and word leaked out that it was due primarily to the influence of George "heckuvajob" Bush and one phone call. I have no idea which party would lead England in a better direction than they face now, but it will be distinctly interesting to watch the fall-out over Blair's veryveryvery close ties to our President whose approval ratings just dropped to 31%, let me say that again with another poll's backing-31%, second lowest only to Nixon and Carter. And Carter's ratings bungee-plummeted only because Reagan and his boys were making deals with Tehran during the campaign to not free our citizens until after the vote.
Bush's Fish Story. And, yes, there is a German paper that reported his interview. Some bloggers are asking the question: is he that much of a liar? I respond with: no, he's that much of a boy king moron. And if that's the highlight, ohmyfreakinggoodness, there's not much in the vein of positive news concerning his presidency that even he can conjure up.
Bush says that the Taliban are not terrorists. Just out (well, not so much just out as I'm just getting around to writing about it) is the annual list of those assholes who don't like us and made some sort of pact to show us their dislike by killing one or more of us in a concerted effort. You know, the Liberals. Just kidding. Seriously, I'm somewhat stumped as to how Liberals didn't make that List. But the Taliban are not on there. In another article was a quote from some administration wonk that the Taliban were made up mostly of normal, common, everyday Afghan men who just wanted their homeland back. Not like all those damned Iraqis, I mean insurgents, I mean foreign agitators, I mean effing terrorists not from Saudi Arabia or Dubai.
Do I dare to pretend I understand any monetary bill coming out of Washington an any given day? No, I don't. The legalese used to wrap an enigma in a riddle in a word jumble makes mincemeat of my 140 IQ mind (yeah, that's right. 140. Was told that by an online site the third time I took the test. And I only paid thrice, so there). Do I think that the Republicans, knowing that their control of the government is extremely shaky, will do pretty much anything to reward their benefactors before it's too late? Yes, I do. As any good crony government would do when it thinks it might be on the way out. Line the coffers, boyos. After all, your careers aren't over, just the job titles on your business cards.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Monday Night Movies
As an antidote to Lecram's film picks of the week, I feel I must jump up and offer my own. It's not that I disagree with his choices. So far, he has been spot on interms of quality and entertainment value. However, testostrone level? Fear factor? Violence volume? Not so much. So, I present my first film pick as a remedy:
A rock-solid epic of a journey into the heart of Dixie darkness. Replete with zombies, killer viruses, backwoods redneck fucks, tributes to Deliverance and Evil Dead, and humor so dark and nasty you'd need to solve the Black Hole Theory just to find your pecker afterwards. Plus, it's a Morality Tale. Just in case some of you are hung up on the whole "redeeming quality", "is it good for the children", "he just said the N word" thing. Which I'm not. Laughs, gaffes, chills, thrills and spills. Potty talk, potty humor, maybe even potty potty. One disclaimer, though: it's intelligently written and directed with a talented cast. You know, blah blah blah. One more disclaimer: as Joe Bob Briggs would say, "3 Buckets of Blood, one car explosion, one burning body, zero boobies".
Sunday, May 07, 2006
'No News
Sunday May 28, 2006 at 10:00 AM-5:00 PM
Where:Aldo's Nightclub
617 W. Belmont
Fresno, CA 93728
SPONSORED BY PRIVATE ENCOUNTERS, ALDO'S NIGHT CLUB AND Q97 WILL ALSO BE AT THE EVENT!
GIRLS WANTED!!!!!
We are auditioning girls to come and join the fun and work in the biggest Co-Ed bikini car wash event of the year! The only Co-Ed Bikini Car Wash with Private Dancers! Hosted by Private Encounters!
This BIG Event will be held in May 28, 2006!
If interested please send Photos to email addresses below,
For more info email louistight@yahoo.com or private_encounters_fresno@yahoo.com
Or Call 559-273-0067
whoo hoo! waka waka! ahoooogah!
what's with the co-ed bikini part, though? are there going to be studs wearing buttfloss? or fat guys like me with plumber's butt?
Where:Aldo's Nightclub
617 W. Belmont
Fresno, CA 93728
SPONSORED BY PRIVATE ENCOUNTERS, ALDO'S NIGHT CLUB AND Q97 WILL ALSO BE AT THE EVENT!
GIRLS WANTED!!!!!
We are auditioning girls to come and join the fun and work in the biggest Co-Ed bikini car wash event of the year! The only Co-Ed Bikini Car Wash with Private Dancers! Hosted by Private Encounters!
This BIG Event will be held in May 28, 2006!
If interested please send Photos to email addresses below,
For more info email louistight@yahoo.com or private_encounters_fresno@yahoo.com
Or Call 559-273-0067
whoo hoo! waka waka! ahoooogah!
what's with the co-ed bikini part, though? are there going to be studs wearing buttfloss? or fat guys like me with plumber's butt?
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Jaun Cole
My obsession with Stephen Colbert and the fallout of his night on the town isn't ending yet. Here's a very good editorial about that night and the hypocricy surrounding most of the people attending.
Juan Cole takes it to Christopher Hitchens for being a yellow weasel. Strong, strong comment about the right wing push to annihalte Iran without legitimate provocation. Plus, Cole's nudge about Hitchen's drinking problem. But to get jaun Cole so pissed off that he attacks back with strong language means someone went off the deep end ethically. Cole is as moderate a Liberal as there is. he tries always to be a peacemaker. While he holds to his beliefs, he also tries to take into account always the other side of the argument. This column is a radical departure. Enjoy.
Now, good night.
Juan Cole takes it to Christopher Hitchens for being a yellow weasel. Strong, strong comment about the right wing push to annihalte Iran without legitimate provocation. Plus, Cole's nudge about Hitchen's drinking problem. But to get jaun Cole so pissed off that he attacks back with strong language means someone went off the deep end ethically. Cole is as moderate a Liberal as there is. he tries always to be a peacemaker. While he holds to his beliefs, he also tries to take into account always the other side of the argument. This column is a radical departure. Enjoy.
Now, good night.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Letter To The Editor
(oops. after my last post i made the odd decision to write to mr cohen. i'm trying t0 figure out if it's too much beer and not enough zucchini? Or too much zucchini and not enough beer? Or both?)
Mr. Cohen,
You don't find Mr. Colbert funny. Okay. You claim you're funny. Okay. Why is it, though, that you are relegated to writing words that snipe at others from the safety of your First Amendment rights and the cover of your newspaper's lawyers while Colbert is doing his thing on a channel owned by a very conservative company? You called him rude and a bully. In fact, he stuck his neck out in order to make the point that no one among us is beyond reproach. The fact that he basically called the Washington press corps stenographers should be clelebrated. For they are stenographers. If they weren't, Helen Thomas would not be sitting in the back row each day. The fact that he mocked the President made me feel an empowerment I haven't felt for some time. Finally, someone was making jokes that my intellectual brain was enjoying. Where were you when the conservative talk show hosts were lampooning Bill Clinton about his blowjob and not being funny? Did you stand up and shout out that it was disrespectful of the President and his office to mock him? Just because it's a public function does not mean that Bush should be held as would be a crystal vase. You're either a journalist and reporter who adheres to the truth of the matter at hand and not the party line or you are a partisan sycophant. Make your choice and shout it out.
(well, that was just the peachiest letter, wasn't it dearies? i know i'll get a reply from him as soon as he reads it. that's the way those top journalists are. they know the regular person like they know the back of their hand. because the back of the hand is what they see when they clutch their paychecks. write what i tell you and thank me for it. if i do get an answer i will print it here)
Mr. Cohen,
You don't find Mr. Colbert funny. Okay. You claim you're funny. Okay. Why is it, though, that you are relegated to writing words that snipe at others from the safety of your First Amendment rights and the cover of your newspaper's lawyers while Colbert is doing his thing on a channel owned by a very conservative company? You called him rude and a bully. In fact, he stuck his neck out in order to make the point that no one among us is beyond reproach. The fact that he basically called the Washington press corps stenographers should be clelebrated. For they are stenographers. If they weren't, Helen Thomas would not be sitting in the back row each day. The fact that he mocked the President made me feel an empowerment I haven't felt for some time. Finally, someone was making jokes that my intellectual brain was enjoying. Where were you when the conservative talk show hosts were lampooning Bill Clinton about his blowjob and not being funny? Did you stand up and shout out that it was disrespectful of the President and his office to mock him? Just because it's a public function does not mean that Bush should be held as would be a crystal vase. You're either a journalist and reporter who adheres to the truth of the matter at hand and not the party line or you are a partisan sycophant. Make your choice and shout it out.
(well, that was just the peachiest letter, wasn't it dearies? i know i'll get a reply from him as soon as he reads it. that's the way those top journalists are. they know the regular person like they know the back of their hand. because the back of the hand is what they see when they clutch their paychecks. write what i tell you and thank me for it. if i do get an answer i will print it here)
Keepin" It Real, Squirrel Style
Porter Goss the Albatross is OUTOUTOUT. 18 months and done. Talk about a temp job. I thought the CIA was a for-life thing until they put a bullet in your head. Or they leaked your name to the papers in retaliation for something your husband said. Or they have you fired on trumped up charges months before you were going to retire anyway. Hmmm, I'll have to look into employment there. I got no wife, they would know going in that I'd hand out classified material to reporters like Santa, presents and attractive women (good or bad) on christmas Eve. Wait, I mean children. Wait, I don't mean attractive ones. Oh, you know what I mean.
And they wouldn't have to lie about the charges of espionage. Looks like a perfect fit. Especially if I can get in on some of this action. Poker and Pros, baby. And at the Watergate hotel. That's the life for me. But wait, there's more. And tens of millions in greenbacks, too? Oh my. I gotta get me some of that. I'd sell my liberal, secular, goin-to-hell-for-sure, can't-believe-in-God-if-I-vote-Democrat soul for a taste of that pie.
Someday, somewhere, in a country far far far away from here, someone with enough clout will once and for all kick touchscreen voting machines the hell out of our solar system. But not today, not this year, not this cycle. Not until the democrats win one by so large a margin that it becomes obvious to the walking dead that their votes went to the wrong guy. Or a Liberal steps away from the bong long enough to learn how to properly hack and not leave a signature ending in "I so got you dudes. Fur sucks. Signed, Chronic."
Sleep-driving? Okay. I'll buy it. So long as they make another pill that allows sleep-sexing, sleep-talking to my parents, sleep-working, and (finally) sleep-sleeping.
Oooh. Now, here's a good question. Should Karl Rove resign from his paid-by-us position in order to orchestrate the Republican National Re-election campaign for this year's mid-term? Sounds a bit partisan on the face of it, dontcha think? He represents an administration that is supposed to represent all of us. Yet, he is now officially in charge of keeping the wingnuts in power within the Congress. Not that it makes much difference one way or the other.
Hit List: Rick Santorum. Purity Balls. Richard Cohen.
On a personal note...what is it with this recent platypus on squirrel sex thing? I mean, for cring out loud, think about the offspring they would produce? Duck-billed rodents with furry claws that are comfortable neither on land or in water and couldn't crack a nut to save their lives. Hell, you might as well try to build another new Volkswagon with that kind of thinking. it just won't work. And as attractive as a certain scary squirrel might find a certain platypus it's just not in the cards, folks. Not gonna happen. Wouldn't be prudent. And Jade, methinks you doth protest too much. Makes me wonder what deep dirty impulses you harbor. As for all of you "anonymous" readers and commenters, read the whole damn thing before you declare that I'm on your side or even interested.
Now, it time to watch "Squid and the Whale". Last night was "Walk the Line", which was very good and entertaining and made me miss my Folsom prison cd that I sold before I moved up here. In fact, anyone who bought something from me at the yardsales, I want it all back. No refunds. You took advantage of me in a weak moment. Shame on you. Lecram, however, can keep the barnyard porn. I didn't really get "it". Keep working on the students, though. They are our future.
And they wouldn't have to lie about the charges of espionage. Looks like a perfect fit. Especially if I can get in on some of this action. Poker and Pros, baby. And at the Watergate hotel. That's the life for me. But wait, there's more. And tens of millions in greenbacks, too? Oh my. I gotta get me some of that. I'd sell my liberal, secular, goin-to-hell-for-sure, can't-believe-in-God-if-I-vote-Democrat soul for a taste of that pie.
Someday, somewhere, in a country far far far away from here, someone with enough clout will once and for all kick touchscreen voting machines the hell out of our solar system. But not today, not this year, not this cycle. Not until the democrats win one by so large a margin that it becomes obvious to the walking dead that their votes went to the wrong guy. Or a Liberal steps away from the bong long enough to learn how to properly hack and not leave a signature ending in "I so got you dudes. Fur sucks. Signed, Chronic."
Sleep-driving? Okay. I'll buy it. So long as they make another pill that allows sleep-sexing, sleep-talking to my parents, sleep-working, and (finally) sleep-sleeping.
Oooh. Now, here's a good question. Should Karl Rove resign from his paid-by-us position in order to orchestrate the Republican National Re-election campaign for this year's mid-term? Sounds a bit partisan on the face of it, dontcha think? He represents an administration that is supposed to represent all of us. Yet, he is now officially in charge of keeping the wingnuts in power within the Congress. Not that it makes much difference one way or the other.
Hit List: Rick Santorum. Purity Balls. Richard Cohen.
On a personal note...what is it with this recent platypus on squirrel sex thing? I mean, for cring out loud, think about the offspring they would produce? Duck-billed rodents with furry claws that are comfortable neither on land or in water and couldn't crack a nut to save their lives. Hell, you might as well try to build another new Volkswagon with that kind of thinking. it just won't work. And as attractive as a certain scary squirrel might find a certain platypus it's just not in the cards, folks. Not gonna happen. Wouldn't be prudent. And Jade, methinks you doth protest too much. Makes me wonder what deep dirty impulses you harbor. As for all of you "anonymous" readers and commenters, read the whole damn thing before you declare that I'm on your side or even interested.
Now, it time to watch "Squid and the Whale". Last night was "Walk the Line", which was very good and entertaining and made me miss my Folsom prison cd that I sold before I moved up here. In fact, anyone who bought something from me at the yardsales, I want it all back. No refunds. You took advantage of me in a weak moment. Shame on you. Lecram, however, can keep the barnyard porn. I didn't really get "it". Keep working on the students, though. They are our future.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I Like Em Scrambled
It's very simple. We need to bomb China and India back into the Stone Age. If they have no roads and cars to drive on them, then we get our oil back. Pushing on Iran isn't the answer, obviously. We push, they get pissed off and turn the handle down on the oil spigot. We bomb them and we lose their oil supply. China and India make deals behind our backs with African nations and whonot and we sit by pretending not to notice. No. Nuke those two and gas prices fall back to 75 cents a gallon, in part because there's more oil to go around and because everyone else is so frigging scared we might radioactivate their testicles as well. I love it. Nuke, nuke, nuke. In the end, we will own all. And the cockroaches will have mutated enough that we can name them and (hopefully) housebreak them. Of course, the platypus will look on and mutter things about our genitalia and how, if evolution favors humans, it didn't give them the ability to lay eggs in the first place (but I will answer by pointing out that electing Bush is, in fact, laying a rather large egg; it's just that humans choose to do it en masse, it seems to take an entire country to produce only one).
3 Balls above His Head
Oh, you just gotta read what the Rude Pundit has to say today. Oh fuck it's funny.
So, is this court case in line with me being handed a "ten step program to better management" pamphlet that uses Psalms as its basis? Can I make him stop? Not that I would want to. It amuses me when co-workers approach me with management styles rooted in the Bible. Since I prefer to think that the Bible teaches anarchy when it comes to conformity and visulizing material gain. And it helps me to understand who all takes their jobs waaaaaay too seriously. I mean if you have that much need for bestseller metaphysical control over your work environment then you need to step away from the conference table and toward the waterbong.
Oh crap. Maybe you've seen this video. Maybe not, don't care. Chris Bliss juggles to the Beatles. Phenomenal. No other word. 'Simple' three ball tossing, but done to Golden Slumbers and into the finale of Abbey Road. Oh, it's worth it. Did I say fuck yet? Here: it's fucking great.
And one more note on Stephen Colbert: someone else in the blogosphere gets it. (yeah yeah, there's not only one. There's probably like three or four)
Bush thought he was going to la-di-da his way through a Rotary Roast and come out feeling all gushy and popular. What he got was a ke-bab-ing. And about time, too. Calvin Coolidge began this tradition for a reason. The reason was to let the "public" as it were remind us and the President that he is human. That he works a job and gets paid by us and he should never forget that we are his employer...okay, maybe that's not why this all started, but it shoulda been. people in power tend to forget what it might have been like before the Power. Bush never had to. Born into privilege, he has always walked above. On this night, he was brought back to Earth with more force and swiftness than Icharus melting in the Sun. Good on ya, Stepho.
In case you weren't yet convinced that Karl Rove may be somewhat out of toouch with those of us who face the mortgage wrath or the I'll-rent-'til-I-die regime, here's your opportunity.
So, is this court case in line with me being handed a "ten step program to better management" pamphlet that uses Psalms as its basis? Can I make him stop? Not that I would want to. It amuses me when co-workers approach me with management styles rooted in the Bible. Since I prefer to think that the Bible teaches anarchy when it comes to conformity and visulizing material gain. And it helps me to understand who all takes their jobs waaaaaay too seriously. I mean if you have that much need for bestseller metaphysical control over your work environment then you need to step away from the conference table and toward the waterbong.
Oh crap. Maybe you've seen this video. Maybe not, don't care. Chris Bliss juggles to the Beatles. Phenomenal. No other word. 'Simple' three ball tossing, but done to Golden Slumbers and into the finale of Abbey Road. Oh, it's worth it. Did I say fuck yet? Here: it's fucking great.
And one more note on Stephen Colbert: someone else in the blogosphere gets it. (yeah yeah, there's not only one. There's probably like three or four)
Bush thought he was going to la-di-da his way through a Rotary Roast and come out feeling all gushy and popular. What he got was a ke-bab-ing. And about time, too. Calvin Coolidge began this tradition for a reason. The reason was to let the "public" as it were remind us and the President that he is human. That he works a job and gets paid by us and he should never forget that we are his employer...okay, maybe that's not why this all started, but it shoulda been. people in power tend to forget what it might have been like before the Power. Bush never had to. Born into privilege, he has always walked above. On this night, he was brought back to Earth with more force and swiftness than Icharus melting in the Sun. Good on ya, Stepho.In case you weren't yet convinced that Karl Rove may be somewhat out of toouch with those of us who face the mortgage wrath or the I'll-rent-'til-I-die regime, here's your opportunity.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Colbert Gettin' Jiggy On Bush's Tush
Yeah! Fucking right fucking on! Bush doesn't like the cream pie facial? Too fucking bad! Did he think it would be twinkletoes like at the frat house? Is he that fucking arrogant? Did he assume that all speakers would be vetted (read that as censored) for content embarrassing to his Highness? Good on Stephen. Smackdown on the Royal Bitch. Bitchslap on Mr. "Oops, no WMD's under my desk". Intelligent skewering of Herr "We hit the trifecta". WWF bodyslam on Senor "Mission Accomplished".
Skewering comedy skit angers Bush and aides
By Paul Bedard
Posted 5/1/06
Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert's biting routine at the White House Correspondents Association dinner won a rare silent protest from Bush aides and supporters Saturday when several independently left before he finished.
"Colbert crossed the line," said one top Bush aide, who rushed out of the hotel as soon as Colbert finished. Another said that the president was visibly angered by the sharp lines that kept coming.
"I've been there before, and I can see that he is [angry]," said a former top aide. "He's got that look that he's ready to blow."
Colbert's routine was similar to what he does on his show, the Colbert Report, but much longer on the topic of Bush, suggesting that the president is out of touch with reality. Aides and reporters, however, said that it did not overshadow Bush's own funny routine, which featured an impersonator who told the audience what Bush was thinking when he spoke dull speech lines.
In fact, some aides crowed over reports that the president easily bested Colbert in the reviews of both comedy acts.
Heh. Bush bested Colbert? That's like saying Jessica Simpson has talent or Paris Hilton should be nominated for an Emmy. Or Tom Cruise isn't a nutcake. The only outer limits argument these guys could use in their defense is that the audience felt compelled (drinks were spiked?) to obligatorially laugh for Bush and didn't want to be seen guffawing at Colbert's truly funny, intelligent, ingenious zinging. oh well. let's see if I can find the second half of Colbert's routine for ya.
Part One.
Part Two.
Part Three.
This is from a different source than before (thanks to Atrios for this) and should cover the whole evening.
Jon Stewart weighed in with his critique of Colbert's performance.
The Huffington Post has the full transcript (plus, pissed off liberal critique). Be warned that the transcript is typed by someone who was a bit tired and coming down from their caffeine high.
Moving on, you know it's getting out of hand when even the Cato Institute begins criticising the Bush administration. The Press likes to call Cato libertarian, but it is much more conservative than that. If they're feeling nervous, then Bush and his handlers are truly losing control of their party. And, if you're like me, that's a very very very good thing. Neither party should ever lie down and let an idiot extremist steamroll or dutch-oven it.
Screw Amsterdam.
Skewering comedy skit angers Bush and aides
By Paul Bedard
Posted 5/1/06
Comedy Central star Stephen Colbert's biting routine at the White House Correspondents Association dinner won a rare silent protest from Bush aides and supporters Saturday when several independently left before he finished.
"Colbert crossed the line," said one top Bush aide, who rushed out of the hotel as soon as Colbert finished. Another said that the president was visibly angered by the sharp lines that kept coming.
"I've been there before, and I can see that he is [angry]," said a former top aide. "He's got that look that he's ready to blow."
Colbert's routine was similar to what he does on his show, the Colbert Report, but much longer on the topic of Bush, suggesting that the president is out of touch with reality. Aides and reporters, however, said that it did not overshadow Bush's own funny routine, which featured an impersonator who told the audience what Bush was thinking when he spoke dull speech lines.
In fact, some aides crowed over reports that the president easily bested Colbert in the reviews of both comedy acts.
Heh. Bush bested Colbert? That's like saying Jessica Simpson has talent or Paris Hilton should be nominated for an Emmy. Or Tom Cruise isn't a nutcake. The only outer limits argument these guys could use in their defense is that the audience felt compelled (drinks were spiked?) to obligatorially laugh for Bush and didn't want to be seen guffawing at Colbert's truly funny, intelligent, ingenious zinging. oh well. let's see if I can find the second half of Colbert's routine for ya.
Part One.
Part Two.
Part Three.
This is from a different source than before (thanks to Atrios for this) and should cover the whole evening.
Jon Stewart weighed in with his critique of Colbert's performance.
The Huffington Post has the full transcript (plus, pissed off liberal critique). Be warned that the transcript is typed by someone who was a bit tired and coming down from their caffeine high.
Moving on, you know it's getting out of hand when even the Cato Institute begins criticising the Bush administration. The Press likes to call Cato libertarian, but it is much more conservative than that. If they're feeling nervous, then Bush and his handlers are truly losing control of their party. And, if you're like me, that's a very very very good thing. Neither party should ever lie down and let an idiot extremist steamroll or dutch-oven it.
Screw Amsterdam.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Just Say No To Bad Porn
Just for you Zonthar: Stephen Colbert, Part II. (And, no, I was joking about the cutoff of the first part. I just thought it was funny that it was right at the Joe Wilson point and I couldn't find the second half of the tape at that point). By the way, I'd like to thank Steph for pointing out that the last Stephen Colbert segment came from some sort of crappy porn site and I promise you that I will endeavor in the future to bring you better porn site links if I possible can. I did not do proper research before linking and I am ashamed. Normally, I visit a porn site exhaustively again and again and again before recommending anything from it. This will not happen again. And again and again and again.
Was Valerie Plame, I mean Joe Wilson's wife (whew!), part of our clandestine spying on Iran and its attempts to obtain materials with which to make nuclear bombs? MSNBC claims to have spoken with unidentified intelligence officials who say it's so joe and that her outing has damaged our government's ability to moniter Iran and what it's up to. Go here and click on the video feed.
Well, ain't we having fun?
I could go on, but it's time for dinner and a nap. I'm getting old, you know.
Was Valerie Plame, I mean Joe Wilson's wife (whew!), part of our clandestine spying on Iran and its attempts to obtain materials with which to make nuclear bombs? MSNBC claims to have spoken with unidentified intelligence officials who say it's so joe and that her outing has damaged our government's ability to moniter Iran and what it's up to. Go here and click on the video feed.
Well, ain't we having fun?
I could go on, but it's time for dinner and a nap. I'm getting old, you know.
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