Sunday, May 28, 2006

talk to the clown and toss that dwarf

well, i must admit i had a wonderful time tonight. apj has a great spread. and her house ain't so bad either. nyuk nyuk nyuk.
seriously, it was a fabulous barbecue. the food was great, the beer was aplenty, and the conversation never left the gutter. i will never look at a dwarf again without laughing. to myself, of course. because laughing at a dwarf out loud is really rude and inconsiderate. though, in terms of personal safety, it's not too dangerous. maybe some scarring on the knees or something, but that's about it.
and i will never ever talk to the clown again in public. i never knew it was considered socially unacceptable. even in a public restroom. or especially there. and all those times in the mall when i would talk to the clown and shake hands and tweak his little red nose...who knew i was breaking the law? well, maybe someday someone will go to manchester mall and dedicate a memorial plaque in my honor like they're thinking of doing for nick ryan and that toilet over at roeding park. or i'll get a street named in my honor like they might do for sam samuelian on motel drive.
i found the war nerd on wikipedia. this is the guy i've been trying to get you to read, because he claims to be from fresno. just too damn funny and acerbic for his own good. devastating reading. and you never do know what side he's shooting at.
speaking of shooting and not knowing who at, what's going on with the haditha massacre? it's beginning to look like we got ourselves a mini-mai lai on our hands. deaths aren't in the hundreds, just the dozens. but most of them appear to be executions of defenseless civilians in retaliation for a bombing attack they had nothing to do with. and the LA Times is pursuing another story in which a civilian may have been killed by marines and then set up to look like he was planting a roadside bomb. makes me think of the movie jarhead when the sniper team is about to get their first chance at a kill and the army breaks in and stops them, because a bombing raid will be so much more cooler. one sniper totally loses it, because he really wants this one chance to see the pink cloud. it's like these snipers have been so brainwashed and desensitized to killing that not getting to kill is the worst kind of emasculation. in the movie, though, they walk away and return to their unit to find out the war is over. in real life, the war is not over and it appears at the moment that soldiers may be under too much stress without proper command structure.
give a man a gun and he'll shoot the snot out of paper heads. teach that man to hate and he'll find moving targets.
and so bill frist has now said that the fbi's search and seizure within a congressman's office is within the law. a few days ago he was singing a different tune. but after meeting with alberto "VO5" gonzalez he's okay with it. why is it that when a republican disagrees with the bushies alberto "the consigliere" gonzalez seems to always have a sitdown with said dissenter and said dissenter almost always changes his mind? not that i'm against politicians not being above the same laws i'm required to obey. but (by the same token) ain't it funny that these politicians have spent 5 or 6 years letting the administration stomp all over our civil rights with nary a peep and suddenly, when one of their own gets the jackboot treatment, they are up in arms about it? both parties screaming about abuse of power and constitutional issues. i think i know where most of the pharmaceutical grade pot is being smoked now. when what they really need is a barium enema so that whenever they spew bullshit we can see the glowing vapor trail of it.
this is probably going to piss someone off (i hope), but i just have to ask: isn't the pope humanity's direct pipeline to god? isn't god supposed to speak directly through the pope? then why is the pope asking god why he didn't speak up or do something about the holocaust? is benedict telling us that john paul the 2nd (or whatever number) kept secrets? is he telling us that jp and the big g weren't really on speaking terms? the pope is on this earth to tell us what god is thinking and saying and doing and why. and here is benedict at auschwitz wondering what the hell god was doing right around the 1940's. personally, i think god was looking down (or up or sideways or whatever) and writing in his holy papers "note to Holy Self: germans and jews, that sucked.
p.s. further note to Holy Self: dissuade U.S. from creating land for anyone if it's not on U.S. soil. plus, ask Loki to kill all with the surnames Kennedy, Nixon and Bush. wait, strike Nixon. he amuses me."
so, cheney is still the vice-president, huh? good thing. but what's this little note about this administration challenging more laws than all previous administrations combined? wasn't it the bushies and their cohorts in congress who screamed bloody murder at the supreme court for "interpreting" the constitution when they should be laying down the law as writ (specifically during the terri schiavo non-crisis)? wasn't it the republicans who actually threatened the supreme court justices with the possibility of physical violence by "good (but misguided) americans" because of their twisting of the law? so, why is cheny still vice-president? lord knows no one will vote for him for president. we know and he knows. his heart will give out at any given moment. and his ties to big industry are just too, well, big to ignore. so, he's doing everything he can as the puppetmaster to make sure all of his ideas are implemented before 2008 rolls around. what we have to understand is that we have a second term group that smells death at the end of this term and is going to do all in its power to permanently change the balance of power. does it hope that another republican replaces it? yes. does it care deeply if a democrat steps in? not so much since it's burdened the next sucker with baggage that will stymie any reforms for decades to come. think about it. two "wars" not to be finished any time soon. social security no better than it was. a massive budget deficit. global warming issue not even approached. military brushfires around the world that weren't there 6 years ago (not to say they wouldn't have flared anyway). the ugly face of so-called religion having taken hold of politics one more time after a decade of tolerant acceptance by both camps. political scandals erupting everywhere. big business erupting everywhere and shitting hot lava on the common folk. tax breaks for the rich and half the usual tax return for me. mexicans who are suddenly the new face of terrorism and the reason our economy is in the tank. racism kicking up again. and not just from the crackers.
makes me want to curl up, watch movies and not leave the house ever again. damn java wava for making a killer avalanche.

5 comments:

Mustang said...

...and breath out...
...and breath in...
...and out again...
...and finally in again...

Where is all the raging Gods in Hell do you find the rusty nail in the ass time to write????????

Have you completly gone off polishing the silver, smoking the bologna, whipping the monkey, spanking the priest, choking the marsupial (my fave!), and yanking the asspaagus????

Great Zonthar man, have you no need for rest and recuperation? Are you really just a flying finger machine? Are you ever going to answer even one of these fucking questions, I ask you????

Anyway, yes great gathering at Jump Central. Now that "talking to the clown" is out there in the vernacular, I find it difficult, nay trying, perhaps even stultifying to maintiain my composure on the cusp of the event. I must summon massive amounts of resolve to refrain from mumbled chucklery, or some form of stiffled guffawing. Egad!

Tossing the dwarf! Perfect...

M

airplanejayne said...

glad you enjoyed the spread....and the yard.


just remember:don't toss the clown or talk to the dwarf...

scarysquirrelman said...

mustie, did you not know that i am the master of the time vacuum? when you find that you have too many commitments and cannot afford the odd hour in which to write, it is i who have sucked time away from you. your movements through this space we call "time" is linear. i have found the means by which i make sure you are linear and i access all that fills the other 5000 directions. appealing to zonthar will not minimize this. accept and breathe in...and breathe out.
by the way, a furtive giggle or two during the act of talking to the clown has, in my experience, actually made the clown's nose happier. and redder.

Mustang said...

hmmm...point taken...

M

airplanejayne said...

pointy clown nose.....