Friday, August 12, 2005

gotta love Friday. best day of the week. work is not only finished, it's done. two glorious days off to rest the weary bones, catch up on sleep, socialize, watch a movie without looking at the clock 2/3 of the way through, drink a beer for breakfast, chase the cat around the house until it's pissed and wants out, get a quarter of coke and stay up all night knowing the next day can be dozed over, make candles, buy a domain, cruise netflix, sort baseball cards into numerical order, check to make sure the air conditioner's condensor unit is on, walk out and look at the new car sitting in the driveway one more time, play "london calling" late friday night just louder than the stereo can handle, touch it without feeling rushed, go to the store and walk every aisle and play hide-the-baloney in the tofu bin.

...i'm thinking of a tattoo. a very special one. it's already drawn and hanged. a decision long in the making, but not yet decided. the ruling rests on the shoulders of those jurists who must choose that part of the anatomy that must submit. i must admit that getting involved with half nekkid thursday has made me think more on the artist i most enjoy. her name is augusta asberry. i have a poster from Seattle Folk Festival during the early to mid '90's when i worked at the Center. it was one of the festival posters and it is grand. three dancing figures. i have two of the dancers on me already...but where to put the third and final...truly a, then i have to find the right tattooist. i'm not in seattle and at slave to the needle anymore. it took me 35 years to find the right artist for the first one...

and now for the news:
Jay: it'll be hothothot in the city tomorrow, but more on that later. plus, sports happened a lot today and that's coming up. but, first, this breaking news: steroids in the white house? did the deputy chief of the needle? details at 11...
it's six o'clock and in breaking new photos you will see all of the differences in michael jackson's appearance and how much this trial hurt him. Brent?
Brent: thanks Jay. plus, we'll have an interview with defendants from the case everyone is talking about.
but, now, let's go to our weather center and Harry Hagopianolopolous. harry, take it away. by the way, what's with the wig? you lose a bet?
Harry: no, Brent. good one. it's hairsuit day in new zealand and on a cold day like it is down under there i just wanted to show solidarity with the limes.
Brent: ...did you mean 'hirsute'? and 'kiwis'?
Jay: wha...?

good night.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Half Nekkid Thursday

thought i might work up the stem of the leg i started with. sort of a blog striptease. you can see the tattoo i posted last week and the beginnings of the next for HNT. but it's the knee that interests me right now. lately, it's been causing me pain. not on the side you can see, but the other. it's an ache i've had since i was 16 and playing soccer all the year round for my high school team and the summer leagues. it started one day during a summer game in the under 23 age league (while i was still 16). my mostly high school team gang was battling the CSU-Fresno soccer alumni team and managing to stay tied at zero into the second half. the temperature in the shade was 114 faranheit. on the field...well, it was a bit warmer. one of the players went down with an injury and i trotted to the side lines for a drink of water. on the way there (just trotting, mind you) i felt/heard a click in my knee. i stopped immediately as all soccer players do when something with the important limbs (read: legs) seems suddenly amiss. i reached down, massaged it, felt no outside pain and resumed jogging. suddenly, the inside of my knee began to twinge each time i landed on it. i began limping a little bit and changed my direction of trotting from the water to my older brother. he had torn the cartilage in one of his knees playing high school football some years earlier. when i told him what i had felt and how it was now hurting he massaged the knee and asked if this or that hurt when he pressed on it. nope. just a pain in the knee. wait. yeah, that hurts right there. he gave me the neoprene knee brace he was wearing, i put it on, i got my water and went out and finished the match, which we lost 2-0 (but it was against ex-college players so we didn't feel so bad and my coach had me playing forward when i was a natural fullback/stopper). i spent the rest of the game pulling the knee wrap up, because it was too big for me.
the knee would continue to haunt me every now and then through the years, but not in any manner that was debilitating.
on toward today. for the last two weeks the pain is back and it is almost constant. when i go to bed at night i slather it in woodlock, which acts as a liquid aspirin. a very good alternative to bengay and the like. an acupuncturist who was treating me for bad tendonitis gave me a bunch of bottles when my insurance stopped covering the needling (might as well have, it wasn't giving me anything more than temporary relief. took me over a month to relax enough where the needles didn't hurt going in. funny, because i have tattoos and thoroughly enjoyed those experiences). woodlock smells like peppermint linament and isn't conducive to social gatherings, so i wait until i'm home for good each night. i'm now almost out and need to find a local asian pharmacy (where it's much cheaper than online).
but i digress. the reason i wanted to post my knee for Half Nekkid Thursday is i'm hoping that the knee will feel shame at being publicly exposed and heal itself or, at the least, shut the fuck up for a while. i tell my body it's okay to hurt sometimes. it's acceptable to want some downtime. i can allow a bit of joint self pity. but i'll be damned if i will put up with it for any prolonged period of time. and if it's a serious problem, then get serious. don't whine quietly. let me know i need to see a doctor. fall off or something. spurt blood in a geyser from an aorta i never knew existed. learn to call 911 your own damn self. become doublejointed and kick myself in the ass over and over until i can't ignore you anymore. stuff some of that toe fungus in my eye. go on a goddamned talkshow, bounce up and down on the couch and tell the world how much you love being in love with a scientologist who has lots and lots of money and whose ex-wives and girlfriends go on to very lucrative careers... that way i'll know to sign up for health insurance with my employer (because i'm NOT a goddamned scientologist and i don't have lots of money and i'll never be a hollywood star and i can't get a table at the Outback Steakhouse in under 30 minutes even when i claim to be an endangered species...)
pretty damn obvious i'm an ex-athlete, isn't it? treat it like it's a minor nuisance and then i'll get really pissed off when the doc tells me i have to walk on the other leg only. boing boing boing. look at me, i'm not even a kangaroo. i keep going in circles. wow, look at the lemmings-they can run straight...never mind. maybe one gimpy knee isn't so bad.
happy HNT (which is where you go to find out the guidelines and whatnot) to all who visit!
p.s. this is the HNT creator's site, which has a wonderful sidebar linklist of many who are involved.

I Heart Morons!!!

i don't normally condone idiocy, but, goddamn, this is inspired. i'd never thought of it. i never would have thought of it. i just wish there was video so i could see what kind of bounce he got. i love america!

Cindy Sheehan

and just when you thought rumsfeld and our glorious governemnt couldn't get any dirtier, slimier or more propagandistic comes this (a must read):

Blog Correction

by the way, lecram was very kind to post about my new car. thank you, lecram. however, he got the color wrong. and i hate it when dyslexic people get the color wrong.
so, this is it. exact color, my mansion in the background, proper white trash parking job. my valet ("bob", says so on his coveralls) is the best. meth bonus for him and his pregnant sister/wife. and copies of "grand theft auto" for the nearly newborn.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Two Cents From Scary Soccer Dad

ohmigod. bush admin staffers didn't expect judge roberts' record as a judge to be looked and taken into account by those senatorians who might just not be sitting solidly in the same camp as bush. they evidently thought that merely by being nominated by our ever so uniting president roberts would breeze through the confirmation hearings and assume his rightful place next to clarence thomas and just behind antonin scalia. how were they to know that some lowlife unscrupulous truncoats might actually take the time to dig up old skeletons and parade them around shamelessly for the public to see. now we know just how low the democrats have stooped. that they would dig for facts, read minutes, check past rulings, ask about political contributions and speeches. the nerve! this is why the country is in the state it is: democrats playing partisan politics with the truth. it's enough to make me want to move to cuba.

and just when you thought wal-fart couldn't get any stinkier (think hiring for subminimum wages and then tattling on their own illegal workers, being the only foreign corporation not having to adhere to china's constitutional law about all foreign corporations having to allow their workers to unionize, shutting down entire stores after employees voted to unionize, continuing to purchase clothing from third world sweat shops and claiming that wal-fart is merely helping these poor unfortunates by buying their products, pushing through "supercenters" in small cities and large towns that don't need them and forcing smaller local stores out of business) it lays a log that clogs the toilet and actually breaks the glade freshener.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Wotta A Day, Wotcher!

well, it seems to have been a banner day once again at the Scary Squirrel Man household. i awoke at 5 this morning and for some strange reason decided to just get up and go to work instead of rolling over and trying to ease the kink out of my back. honestly, i truly sleep about 3-4 hours a night. the rest of the time i doze and try to fight my way out of dreams that keep going wrong (the other day i had a nap dream in which i was able to ask God [for some odd reason] to get me out of a situation and i woke right up. first time ever). so, this morning i get up at the ass crack of dawn and shower, brush my head, rub my teeth, salt lick my pits, make tea and a couple of burritoes and go to work. the sacramento office has sent me all of their asphalt and i look forward to a full day of puttering around (lots of work, no work- i'm a great, professional putterer). but i also know that a certain lady is going to call me. she is going to call me with glad tidings. her tidings will spill forth onto my lack of a steady car. and i shall be washed in the bath of the replacement.
yes, i bought a new used car. it took almost four hours, because i was doing this under the benediction of my credit union, and while it is nice to have such an indulgence, it sure does take a damn long time. fortunately, the woman selling it to me appeared more and more desperate to get the money. and it wasn't a "god, this car sucks" so much as it was "god, i hate my ex-husband and this car reminds me of him too much". it's a 1998 saturn wagon and i already love it (unless, of course, the engine falls completely off tomorrow; in which case i will continue to love the car wash i bought it today, but not much else). it's a beaut.
also, two weeks ago i went to garden grove (smells like blue dog inside the van) to take my level 1 NICET (National Institute for Certification of Engineering Technicians) tests. i have run most of these tests for a long time, but i walked out of the testing very unconfident. i was pretty sure i had fucked up and would receive a shitload of wellearned abuse from my fellow labbies. i got the results in the mail today and...i passed all three first levels (soils, concrete and asphalt). out of 34 tests i failed only three (one i knew i failed and two that had me scratching my head). this, to me, is the best news of the dayweekmonth. it would have ben bery bery humiliating had i not passed, even though i was afraid i had bombed. here's a sample question of what i did miss:
Assuming no friction, how many Newtons of Force would it take to move a stationary object of such and such a weight into constant motion at such and such a speed?
um, who fucking cares? i guessed and may have gotten it right, because i passed that test for some unknown reason. my goodness, basic math and physical science were never my forte, but when did they start wanting to know what wattage/amperage would provide the most power? again, who the fuck cares? but i passed and i can go into work tomorrow knowing that now our lab is one of the very few in the state to have four labbies holding this title at the same time. it's so very cool.
anyway, it's time for political/social outrage and spittle. so, grab your drool cups and prepare to wonder what the hell i live for since it ain't sex and fritoes:

In the world as Bunnatine Greenhouse sees it, people do the right thing. They stand up for the greater good and they speak up when things go wrong. She believes God has a purpose for each life and she prays every day for that purpose to be made evident. These days she is praying her heart out, because she is in a great deal of trouble.

The news that Toyota is locating its next North American auto plant in Canada rather than in the U.S. shouldn't have come as such a shock to American bigwigs.

If there’s still any question what to call it — and Lord knows some in Washington tried — Ohio can now sadly assure the nation beyond any shadow of doubt.

Last week, Bush again brushed off polls showing his public approval ratings are the lowest of his presidency, saying a politician who made decisions based on polls would be "a miserable leader."
Reminded that power is perception, Bush scoffed, "Power is being president."

Several recent developments —persistently high gasoline prices, unprecedented warnings from the Secretary of Energy and the major oil companies, China's brief pursuit of the American Unocal Corporation—suggest that we are just about to enter the Twilight Era of Petroleum

Will fundamentalism tighten its grip on Hollywood, as it did many years ago?

It's "backdoor budget chicanery,"

"At this time we have a choice to make. Father God is watching while we cause Mother Earth so much pain. It's such a shame. Not enough money for the young, the old, the poor, but for war there is always more,"

Mohamed Yousry, an Arabic-language translator, has been practicing for life in a prison cell. He closes himself into small spaces to meditate and combs through his library for nonpolitical books he supposes his keepers will allow him to read.

and the letter i can't send to the Wall Street Journal can be read here (and the reason i can't send is that i have to subscribe to their crappy rag):
No offense intended to you illustrious journalists there at the Journal, but you just printed another column that stated Valerie Plame got her husband the Niger gig. Do you not read CIA memos? This is a fabrication that was shot down a long time ago. While she had influence over who was asked to Niger to track down the nonexistent "yellowcake", all CIA bigwigs and 'those in the know' have stated en masse that Joe Wilson was not her decision or request and their decision was not based on her influence or request. Their decision was based on his expertise and experience. Oh, and willingness to go without large entourage or expense account. Get this kind of thing right and you may be able to stop wondering why many of us who consider ourselves "normal" consider you "not".

Sunday, August 07, 2005

A Very Sad Day

Peter Jennings died today.
Please welcome the newest group of California nutcakes: the National Association for the Advancement of Preborn Children.

(oh yeah. the New York Times didn't archive their opinion piece that i linked to in my last post. sorry, jane.)