Saturday, April 08, 2006

Rainy Saturday

this may be a long post, because it's raining and windy outside today and i'm stuck inside the house with the master's tournament on a rain delay hold and i've got a halfrack of beer in the fridge. but let's get started:

sy hersh of the New Yorker has been lightyears ahead of his journalistic colleagues when it comes to getting access to administration insiders and malcontents. he's been writing for a while about the inevitability of us attacking iran. according to him, it may be time to tighten the seatbelts and batten down the hatches.

if you're an AT&T subscriber and you're using their services to do or say naughty things (or even if you're not), then you might want to read this.
if men in black sunglasses are blocking your driveway or your school bus zone make sure you've got a videocamera before attempting to engage them in dialogue. or about a hundred witnesses.

hugo chavez watch: go here to find out how he will bring down the untied states through the electoral process. and go here to find out just who was behind the fruit and vegetable pummeling of an american diplomat's car in caracas.

a three-fer here. bill frist and brokeback mountain...hilarious; jack straw kicking condi rice out of bed; and a boring (but nasty) campaign fight.

plan B contraception explained here, albeit by a professor who has no use for the right wing argument that it is actually abortion.

i've blogged before about the dearth of body armor for soldiers. i've also blogged about the government telling soldiers recently that hey had to turn in their personal body armor in exchange for government-okayed body armor. now, dailykos has some more on the effectiveness of both types. guess which type is better? yeah. it would be what the soldiers and their families were paying for out of their own pockets. not what we would have them wear.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Still Pissed Off, But Laughing At It All

(from 2003 shortly after the leak hit the urinal, president bush answered reporters' question regarding how he felt about the leakers who leak...can you say total hypocritical lying son of a-?)

Q Do you think that the Justice Department can conduct an impartial investigation, considering the political ramifications of the CIA leak, and why wouldn't a special counsel be better?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Let me just say something about leaks in Washington. There are too many leaks of classified information in Washington. There's leaks at the executive branch; there's leaks in the legislative branch. There's just too many leaks. And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of. And so I welcome the investigation. I -- I'm absolutely confident that the Justice Department will do a very good job. There's a special division of career Justice Department officials who are tasked with doing this kind of work; they have done this kind of work before in Washington this year. I have told our administration, people in my administration to be fully cooperative. I want to know the truth. If anybody has got any information inside our administration or outside our administration, it would be helpful if they came forward with the information so we can find out whether or not these allegations are true and get on about the business. Yes, let's see, Kemper -- he's from Chicago. Where are you? Are you a Cubs or White Sox fan? (Laughter.) Wait a minute. That doesn't seem fair, does it? (Laughter.)

Q Yesterday we were told that Karl Rove had no role in it --


Q -- have you talked to Karl and do you have confidence in him --

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I know of nobody -- I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information. If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action. And this investigation is a good thing. And again I repeat, you know, Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information -- outside the administration. And we can clarify this thing very quickly if people who have got solid evidence would come forward and speak out. And I would hope they would. And then we'll get to the bottom of this and move on. But I want to tell you something -- leaks of classified information are a bad thing. And we've had them -- there's too much leaking in Washington. That's just the way it is. And we've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them and I want to know who the leakers are.

(and what does this mean if the president is allowed to "declassify" intel as he sees fit? now it's not a crime and no one should be punished, because the prez authorized it? this was revenge. this was petty thuggery. leg breaking. this was the action of a man who had spit in his eye. this is a man who also has a rather large beam in it as well. this is a group that will stoop to any level to hurt others. bush, cheney and rove must go. whether it's in leg irons or simply in shame i don't care. but go they must. they make nixon look like a dime store shoplifter. and what's a blowjob in comparison to this? absolutely nothing. and wait. do i hear the rumblings of the senate and house of representatives now waking up and calling for impeachment proceedings? no, i do not. because the cowards are all still saying that you don't impeach a president in times of war, which means nerts. because we are in a "war" with no end. and a theocratic mafia is at the helm of this oh-so-offcourse ship. now, they've hit some shoals, because they didn't expect libby to break. he obeys omerta and is pardoned when bush quits. easy peasy. except that fitzgerald obviously knows the kung fu grip of death and used it. for the first time in my life i'm beginning to revisit my stance against torture. i think i now believe that all elected or politically appointed officials should be made available for "coercive" interrogations while being questioned about purportedly illegal activities. and it should be shown on tv as some sort of game show.
"i can break that spirit in three whiplashes".
"waterboarding for $200, alex".
"i'd like to buy a howl, pat".
"squeal or no squeal".
great googlymoogly, folks. what more do we need from this administration? they suck, pure and simple.)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I'm Calling Bullshit on Alberto

hoo boy. this article by the new yawk times lays out some damning insinuations that, if proven, could actually lead to impeachment proceedings if the democrats take back congress in november. here's the sentence i found most relevant:
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the president has the ''inherent authority to decide who should have classified information.''
so, bush can take a classified document and decide a reporter should have it in order to disseminate it to the public and, suddenly, it's legally declassified. he can take our most secret nuclear technology and hand it to bob novak to print for the world to read and it's okay, because it's bush. the president. pardon me, but
the only time someone in government is supposed to get away with releasing classified info is when that person is reasonably sure that others are breaking the law and releasing certain info is the only way in which to make sure existing law is adhered to. it's the whistleblower protection. bush wasn't blowing any whistle. bush and cheney were retaliating for the exposure of their lies.
and here's the attorney general of the untied states claiming bush is within the law, because if he does it it must be okay. monarchs crave that kind of unilateral fucking power. and some of them never get it. this truly is a king in the making. and a theocracy. and martial law. and "let them eat cake".
you know, the democrats aren't much better on the national scene, but at least most of them know when to call it a day. right now, the republicans can't seem to fall asleep for want of more power, money, influence and immortality. maybe that's what happens when you've spent decades as the minority party. so much ground to make up, so little time, so few brain cells.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Me, Myself and Ir-wreck

so, zonthar had a good question. why hasn't scarysquirrelman given a reason for returning and what is it?
well, i'm not saying. at least, i can't really cover the gamut.
suffice it for me to say that this was an ill-timed move. the reasons were right, the timing was not. had i waited one month i would not be up here. but that's hindsight talking. and as president bush once famously said, i prefer not to dwell on the past but to look to the future. of course, he said that in response to his failure to find WMDs in ir-wreck or a link between it and al-quaeda.
i can honestly say that the situation i was led to believe existed in this office does not, in fact, exist. i can further say that i am not a diplomatic person when it comes to dealing with bosses who have no management skills. even more so, i can say that i did not move up here to work 7 days a week and have no kind of balance between work and personal time (not that any of you would notice considering how much time i spend blogging).
certain promises were made, none were kept. certain expectations were given, none were met.
each morning i wake up and i do not look forward to going to work. this did not used to be the case. now, my first thought is "what is going to dumped on me today? how am i going to be made to think less of myself? what must i do to keep from lashing out? why do i always have to make the coffee?".
life is a gamble. this time the dice were loaded, but i placed my money down anyway. my own fault for believing in the goodness of others. mind you, this office has a great staff overall. lots of experience. but it is an angry office. and that anger has bled onto me in a very short time. and i see no way of changing the attitudes of those around me with whom i must directly work.
so, after my rogue vacation, i sat down and asked myself if being up here around all of this communal hostility was worth the payraise, the lab challenge and the chance to do something new at the expense of what happiness i brought with me from the 'No. and the answer, a couple of weeks in coming, was...'No.

the clovis office has approved my transfer. they understand that i am stuck in a lease. they will wait.
unfortunately, they may have to wait a bit longer than they or i thought. i signed a six month lease. on the phone and on the website it was a six month lease. i moved in december 1. when i signed the papers 4 days later i didn't notice that the agent had written in that the lease ended on the last day of june. and that one extra word was slipped into the jargon: "approximate". as in approximate six month lease. the agency has me dead to rights on paper. i signed a seven month lease. it's unethical certainly. but is it illegal? i'll bet not. my initials are right there on the bottom of the page. it's interesting, though, that the agent spent a lot of time going over the entire contract, but that is the one section she didn't point to. interesting, also, that when i called recently about moving out earlier then the end of may she very adamantly informed me that the lease ends in june. when i questioned this and counted up my months of tenancy she declared that she has always started leases on the first day of the second month and she's never heard of any agency ever doing otherwise. i defy any of you to find a person who's ever signed this kind of lease. not to mention that the contract stipulates that the lease began on december 1.
but there is that damned little word "approximate". i spoke with mr. geoffrey and he doesn't see how they can stretch "approximate" into an extra month. neither do i since there was no prorating done. plus, they received my first month's rent in november. and, yes, i have documented proof of that. but i have no precedent and web searches for lease laws have come up lean, very lean.
so, i will be finding a local contract lawyer to weigh my options. if worse comes to worst, then i will pay rent for june up here and down there. and suck it up. boo-rah. just watched jarhead. sorry.
just a damn good thing i've not gone on any baseball card buying binges of late. in fact, i've gone on no binge of any kind. other than food, beer and smokes. and two harmonicas (don't ask). i get up, go to work, come home, doodle on the computer, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, fall asleep on the couch. occasionally, i listen to the neighbor girls bicker. very funny. 14 and 16. definate siblings. but no spending sprees for which i used to be famous. perhaps, my subconscious was warning me.
anyhoo. there it is.

The Funnies

(every now and then a family member sends me something intentionally funny. i'd seen this one before, but it never fails to get a chuckle out of me. thought i'd share it this time.)

"After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an ”S”) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Bastards On Our Doorsteps

i wanna talk about our neighbors to the south for just a minute. has anyone been paying attention to what's been going on down there? much of the doings down there have been underreported by the press due to the flatuence issuing from ir-wreck and afghanistan.
venezuela and bolivia are now considered extremist on the same level as cuba. in peru, a leftist is leading in the polls for their next president. and in mexico, it's the same.
chavez has been sending cheap heating oil to our east coast so the poor and elderly don't freeze to death instead of having to pay exorbitant prices our government has set up. he's, also, selling his crude oil for less than market value (venezuela has the largest oil reserves outside of the middle east). plus, he just grabbed control of another foreign oil company as he redefines the terms by which greedy multinationals can do business in his country. and he's called bush a liar, cowboy, bad guy, and mr. mean. he may have said something nasty about our beloved condi rice as well. the bastard.
in bolivia, evo morales (the first indigenous person [read campesino] to win the top spot) has announced that coca cultivation is no longer illegal (long the poor person's crop of choice). and he has aligned himself squarely on the "bush sucks" side. another bastard.
in peru, ollanta humala is a retired general who led a failed coup in 2000 and is now ahead in the polls. many so-called experts say that polls are misleading and, inthis case at least, they are correct. the polls are undercounting the poor who are one of humala's biggest blocs. he, too, is anti-bush and "free trade". and he could inherit the continent's most flourishing economy. bastrad #3.
in mexico, vincente fox is not faring well with the poor. or the middle class. or the border families who have seen hundreds of their daughters disappear and then show up dead and raped. or anyone who has tried to cross the border to find better wages that they can send back to their families. and he now has a rival who is playing on all of that. you know, speaking to the oppressed masses like a craven bastard (#4).
daniel ortega, of all bastards, is looking like the front runner for president in nicaragua. remember that this is the guy who led the sandanistas to armed victory and was chased back out by our own lovely contras so we could get a peep at violeta chamorra. he survived CIA assassination attempts and in-house tries. and he was enemy numero uno for (it seems like) ever. now he's back #5.
brazil, chile and argentina, while somewhat left of center (whatever that means marketwise) are still on friendly terms with our man bush for now. but the political axis is tilting down south. and their bastards are making our bastards look stupid and colonial. and dimwitted.
and none of them are muslim. what gives. i thought we only had to fear the muslims. why aren't we being told to fear anyone of brown hue (sorry, lecram)? because there's lots and lots of them really close by. and they speak real good english real well.

Monday, April 03, 2006

today's forecast calls for

this is my garden. do you doubt now that i need a place to grow my seed?

"Zarqawi's role has been limited to military action. Zarqawi bowed to the orders two weeks ago and was replaced by Iraqi national Abdullah bin Rashed al-Baghdadi."
heh. baghdadi. bighdadi. that's cute. dj bighdadi.

oh, did anyone catch the last round of the LPGA Dinah Shore Classic yesterday? no? well, let me tell you that red-blooded hetero american males are now officially allowed to watch and root. i give as proof of this the following:

all in one group. all hitting awesome

Contest Update

Contest Update:
1 vote for the north side.
1 vote for the east side.
1 cosmic meltdown by a platypus.
1 berke breathed trashing.
2 trips to the store.
1 nasty dog teasing.
1 decrepit peruvian maid.
1 unbalanced maldovian pool boy.
1 sleepy rant against disco (i feel the same way about led zepplin).
1 anonymous dittohead.
1 'bitchin' accusation.
enough snarkiness to fill an elephant's sinus cavity.
0 (zero!) valid entries.
i don't know, folks. this isn't the clearinghouse sweepstakes. no one is guaranteed to win. you have to want it. you have to try. believe in yourself and you, too, can be a winner. otherwise, it's just another missed opportunity in a life filled with them. they say that it's never too late to change the path you're on, but in this case they may be wrong. the clock's ticking, time to saddle up.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Contest Ain't Over. Get On Board.

so far, my contest to help me move back to the Big Bad 'No has garnered one (1) response. and let me tell you that "move to the north side" goes directly into the recycle bin for those less fortunate, good looking, talented, popular or well groomed than me.
i await your help. i anticipate it. i expect it. why?
because i am scarysquirrelman.
beloved of the sweaty masses and feared by the powerful. so, give me a shout out. help me to move back and, by so doing, help yourself to a richer life.
i can't offer you $20 and a free hotel room like some evangelical politicians do in order to fill up the room for a fundraiser, but i can promise you rewards beyond your imagination when you go to your final dirtnap, uh, heavenly destination. God will look kindly on you for helping me to regain my celebrity status in the Big Bad 'No as the idiot token drunk who makes no sense ever, but is looked on fondly as the mistake of any festival, event, idea or bad move.
because i am scarysquirrelman.
because i speak the truth.
because i will dance to sister sledge.
because i know all of the words to shake your groove thing.
because i listen to your problems and DO NOT LAUGH...immediately.
because i CAN overact my way out of a wet paper bag.
because i will recite very bad, self-written poetry at open mic with no shame at any given moment..
because i will tend your garden when you're not looking, but never for a fee and never when you ask.
and because if you set something free and it wants to come back, it's yours. if it doesn't, it's because you didn't enter the contest and make it happen.
i am scarysquirrelman. hear me bark.