Saturday, March 04, 2006

Gay Penguins, Convicted Republicans and Hot Whistleblowers!!!

Parents Complain About Book's Undertones
The Associated PressSaturday, March 4, 2006; 12:22 PM
SAVANNAH, Mo. -- A children's book about two male penguins that raise a baby penguin has been moved to the nonfiction section of two public library branches after parents complained it had homosexual undertones.
The illustrated book, "And Tango Makes Three," is based on a true story of two male penguins, named Roy and Silo, who adopted an abandoned egg at New York City's Central Park Zoo in the late 1990s.
The book, written by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson, was moved from the children's section at two Rolling Hills' Consolidated Library's branches in Savannah and St. Joseph in northwest Missouri.
Two parents had expressed concerns about the book last month.
Barbara Read, the Rolling Hills' director, said experts report that adoptions aren't unusual in the penguin world. However, moving the book to the nonfiction section would decrease the chance that it would "blindside" readers, she said.
(huh? is this a new part of the gay agenda? human males aren't getting the job of turning the world's children into sissies done, so they're now using the animal kingdom for this purpose? so, how'd they know those two penguins were gay and not just overly fetching in their tuxes? was it the clawticures? or the pages of Redbook lining their litter boxes? i guess this could answer the question: which came first, the gay penguin or the egg?)

anyone want to grab some illgotten booty from Randy "Duke" Cunningham? in order to pay his back taxes and whatnot, his assets are being auctioned off. $40,000 rugs? woof!

and speaking of hypocrites, Iraqi in-charge people have vowed to disband the militias that have been carrying out executions en masse of enemies, but aren't too sure just how quickly this should be done. as well as considering "disbanding" to mean absorbing them into the Iraqi "police" units so that not too many militias are operating in the same area at one time. uh, yeah. good idea. no need for turf wars over who gets to kill who when you can cover more territory the "legal and moral" way.

by the way,
"When they finally stopped, they discovered that they had just killed a family of unarmed civilians. Vivian Salim's husband, her 15-year-old son Hussam, her 12-year-old son Waseem, and her daughter Merna, age 6, were all dead."
a small group of Iraqi women wanted to come to the US to speak of their experiences. they were turned down by our government for, of all things, the fact that they had no next of kin and couldn't show that they wouldn't have a good reason for returning to Iraq after the visit. more than likely, they were turned down, because the administration knew the stories would not read well in Peoria. our soldiers wiping out innocent families? not in OUR house!

Sibel Edmonds is such a hottie!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Half Nekkid Thursday and

My Fractured Mind
Oh, and people need to wave at the webcam. or write notes and hold them up so they can say hi to me from my exile in Washington. My first year away from the Rogue.
update: let them comment!!! and tell fatass to get out of the way of the webcam... sorry, jag. didn't mean to call you fatass.
update #2: good crowd. but they don't look drunk. did you guys provide wine? and why do they keep looking at the lame artwork on the wall when the true genius is on the laptops? hey. HEY!!! pay attention to me. look at me! don't make me add another picture! okay, that's it. now, you've pissed me off. here it comes. and i won't be held responsible. you asked for it!!!

Yeah, you don't like that one, do you? drink more and maybe it will all blur into a bad memory. like my once firm buttocks.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


You know I hate polls. Right? Hate them more than spinach and spam. hate them more than the smell of my morning breath. More than that ingrown hair high up on my inner thigh that rubs against my jeans all day and turns into a whitehead. More than Seigfried and Roy. More than the fact that my cat can lick her labia and I can't even scratch my ass without turning around. I hate polls.
i don't read them. i don't live my life by them. I don't wake up and open the paper and expound on what a beautiful day it's going to be, because Bush is in the toilet waiting for Cheney to be flushed ahead of him. That's not how I roll.
So, imagine my surprise and chagrin when I read the following:
U.S. Troops in Iraq: 72% Say End War in 2006
Now, the shock is not that soldiers are a little tired of the crap they're going through. That's natural. Getting shot at, watching buddies get blown apart, being told to smile real big when the politicians come acalling, refrain from shooting everyone in sight because they can't take another day of being called an invader and infidel and the devil. Not a cool gig. No R and R in Hawaii or the Philipines after three or six months of incountry duty. No chance at a tickertape parade. No medals, no college, no bonus, no exit.
To me, though, the real pisser is that 90% think this war is about retaliation for Saddam Hussein's role in the 9/11 attacks. Um, they don't get out much, do they? I imagine with bullets whizzing by and bombs going off and factions attacking each other the common grunt might not get much time to surf the web and search out the real news. But 90 friggin' per cent? 90?!? Not oil, not revenge for an assassination attempt on Shrub's daddy, not global hegemony, not The Neocon Deal, not even "hey, this is the only thing Republicans think they're good at". No, they all seem to think that Saddam was involved in the Twin Tower attacks. Still. To this day. As I write and you read. They think they are there for revenge, because Saddam somehow trained, financed and bought flight training for the terrorists. Wow.
But I wasn't finished with being surprised by the latest polls.
Not only do I find the lowest support for these two in almost ever, but they give me two great pictures to go with it with the numbers right below. Hosanna in the highest. Manna from Heaven. An edible fruitcake. Wonder of wonders. Actually, I think these are the lowest. I don't remember Bush going lower than 37% and Cheney below 21%. Of course, you know this means war, right? These two won't take this sitting down. Cheney will come out guns ablazing. And Bush will practice his smugly pensive look each night until it's time for ice cream and jammies. And Iran might want to close its borders and arm its anti-ballistic missiles just in case. I mean, now that New Orleans is a non-issue (passed its 90 day warranty this week).
But really the one thing that got my dandruff in a freefall today was reading that this group is calling for a boycott of advertisers on Desperate housewives. They claim (and I quote)
Wildmon calls the show "one of the trashiest programs on television. Many people consider it to be the most offensive, so we decided to take on the worst of the worst."
Wildmon, by the way, is a man and he is speaking for Good to know who wears the pants there. Why can't they boycott The Bachelor or Deal Or No Deal? Or The Apprentice? Or Jay Leno? Or Oprah Winfrey? Or the nightly local news? Right there is enough trash to cause a garbage strike in Manhattan. But no. They have to go after one of the very, very few intelligently written shows out there. Trashy? Some of it is...akin to the recycle not yet taken out. Or the clean green that waits to be mulched.
What these people object to is sex and sex talk. Cuz they all know that that kind of thing never happens in real life. At least, not in suburban Stepford life. Or where their husbands are concerned. And none of them are going to be seduced by the lawnmower guy. And none of them are going to get a shot a conjugal prison visits. But some are going to pass out on their lawns. And many of them are going to emasculate their husbands. And almost all are going to become their mothers (which isn't necessarily a bad thing if they can remember lessons learned). And a lucky few will sleep around for much longer than is socially acceptable and not contract any lasting diseases. And that very lucky One will become a community pariah for whatever reason and wake up and turn into Shirley Maclain's character from Steel Magnolias.
And what is it with everyone naming their group a million something? In this same article there's a and I'm wondering what exactly they did wrong to get forced into it. Stain the sofa? Fuck the maid? Vote for Kerry? Play the wrong Lotto numbers? Leave the cake out in the rain? What? Because no man in his right mind joins one of these things if his world is on a fairly even keel. No man wakes up in the morning and says to himself "you know, those 999,999 other men seem sane and happy and I feel like jumping off a cliff today". Not even to get laid. It just ain't cricket.
Unless, of course, it's NASCAR.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Countdown to Rouge

go here to find out what this really cool picture is all about. trust me. Really. Seriously. Shut up. Yes, I've been drinking. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what makes you happy? To think I'm still a drunk? Then fine. I'm drunk and puking all over my keyboard. Oh crap, here goes another volley. Dirty little Commies.
I hate polls, don't you? One note about this one, though. It's not six ports, it's around 21. Fortunately for you Californians, your ports are not affected (according to your illustrious Governor), but you might want to ask which country's company is actually in charge of them.
To me it's kind of funny the difference in arguments about Dubai being involved in controlling these ports. When I first heard about it I, too, was a bit agog that our administration would hand over something like this to a foreign entity having ties to those people we are told we want to kill. Looking into it, though, I found I was more interested in
1) the fact that the deal was done without the knowledge of Bush, Chertoff and Rumsfeld (three alleged administration mucky mucks directly tied to this type of thing), and
2) why exactly we need to be outsourcing critical control of our seaports. Are we as American workers and American companies really that incompetent? So much so that we can't be trusted to helm this ship (so to speak) ourselves? Or does bottom dollar truly rule? Or does a million dollar gift to the George Bush Library by Dubai really count for this much?

And speaking of outsourcing...or is it just more deregulation? Or deforestation? Or dearrangerment?

And speaking of Hallibuton...weren't we?...looks like we're picking up the tab for disputed costs on one of its no-bid contracts. Hey, you gotta feel for these guys. Hard working what with the bribes and graft and cut throat business deals and overcharging for every little damn thing and not finishing one job that I can think of. Of course, if you had as many people to pay off and subsidiaries to not keep track of or inline you wouldn't have any time left to run your own business the way one might expect you to. Good thing halliburton has never had any intention of doing that. By the way, do any of you realize just how heavy a "football" made up of hundred dollar bills can get when humped in a suitcase or backpack all the way from the States to Baghdad? Evidently, it's not easy feeing green.

So, if I can make it down to the 'No for the second weekend of the Rogue, who can I count on for a place to lay my sodden head? Because I can guarantee this: it will be sodden. And snorin'. Things might work out for me to make the sojourn. And kamotion says she'll be there as well. By the way, today is her birthday. So, go over and wish her one why dontcha? Oh, and go to Generik's place and ask him if he's coming down for this year's festival and bringing the missus.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Tripping The Right Fantastic

Last June, Bush said there would be no Civil War in Iraq on his watch. Last December, he repeated pretty much the same thing (and, also, called Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum his close friend)
Hmm. But now George Will (an Administration apologist, though he calls himself a political historian) seems to disagree. And Goergie has been a very good and loyal pooch up until now. This doesn't mean he will ever say that Bush's policies are a disaster. Or even an ill-conceived frat prank. What he probably means is that "little brown boys can't handle Democracy".
And, of course, there's nothing like reality to give one an idea of who might be closer to the truth...on the Civil War memo. Not Ann Coulter tripping the Right Fantastic.
Hey, remember that really crappy movie starring Dennis Quaid about the big holes in the ozone that created super storm cells that sucked really, really, really cold air from, um, up there? And everything froze? And he had to make his way to New York City to save his son? And it was all white and everything and if he blew his nose it looked like a big long green icicle? So, okay. And when everyone raced for the border of Mexico (because somehow this giant weather thingy only affected Democratic areas of the country or something) they had to set up refugee camps to control everyone? Remember? Well, don't look now, but Halliburton just got a huge friggin' contract to build detention centers in case we get a huge influx of "refugees" or "immigrants" or just plain old-fashioned "population movements". Not that it could happen, but just in case. You know...nuclear war, mass destruction, all you can eat at the Santa Fe Ribs Joint, martial law, cats and dogs living together, really really good Blue Light Specials. Nutty stuff, but the Administration takes our protection seriously. Seriously enough to keep spending all of our money on protecting us from invisible rabbits, talking horses, crazed millions of Muslims pouring in from Mexico and Liberals.
Then again, maybe it's in case they can't get this airport no-fly list thing to work (evidently, it still has a few unworked-out kinks). You know, round up all the dissidents and America haters and plop 'em down in some unused alfalfa field, radio tag 'em and let 'em free range. If Ann Coulter read my blog, I know she'd be down with that in the comment section. Call me, babe. We'll do lunch.