Friday, May 05, 2006

Keepin" It Real, Squirrel Style

Porter Goss the Albatross is OUTOUTOUT. 18 months and done. Talk about a temp job. I thought the CIA was a for-life thing until they put a bullet in your head. Or they leaked your name to the papers in retaliation for something your husband said. Or they have you fired on trumped up charges months before you were going to retire anyway. Hmmm, I'll have to look into employment there. I got no wife, they would know going in that I'd hand out classified material to reporters like Santa, presents and attractive women (good or bad) on christmas Eve. Wait, I mean children. Wait, I don't mean attractive ones. Oh, you know what I mean.
And they wouldn't have to lie about the charges of espionage. Looks like a perfect fit. Especially if I can get in on some of this action. Poker and Pros, baby. And at the Watergate hotel. That's the life for me. But wait, there's more. And tens of millions in greenbacks, too? Oh my. I gotta get me some of that. I'd sell my liberal, secular, goin-to-hell-for-sure, can't-believe-in-God-if-I-vote-Democrat soul for a taste of that pie.
Someday, somewhere, in a country far far far away from here, someone with enough clout will once and for all kick touchscreen voting machines the hell out of our solar system. But not today, not this year, not this cycle. Not until the democrats win one by so large a margin that it becomes obvious to the walking dead that their votes went to the wrong guy. Or a Liberal steps away from the bong long enough to learn how to properly hack and not leave a signature ending in "I so got you dudes. Fur sucks. Signed, Chronic."
Sleep-driving? Okay. I'll buy it. So long as they make another pill that allows sleep-sexing, sleep-talking to my parents, sleep-working, and (finally) sleep-sleeping.
Oooh. Now, here's a good question. Should Karl Rove resign from his paid-by-us position in order to orchestrate the Republican National Re-election campaign for this year's mid-term? Sounds a bit partisan on the face of it, dontcha think? He represents an administration that is supposed to represent all of us. Yet, he is now officially in charge of keeping the wingnuts in power within the Congress. Not that it makes much difference one way or the other.
Hit List: Rick Santorum. Purity Balls. Richard Cohen.
On a personal note...what is it with this recent platypus on squirrel sex thing? I mean, for cring out loud, think about the offspring they would produce? Duck-billed rodents with furry claws that are comfortable neither on land or in water and couldn't crack a nut to save their lives. Hell, you might as well try to build another new Volkswagon with that kind of thinking. it just won't work. And as attractive as a certain scary squirrel might find a certain platypus it's just not in the cards, folks. Not gonna happen. Wouldn't be prudent. And Jade, methinks you doth protest too much. Makes me wonder what deep dirty impulses you harbor. As for all of you "anonymous" readers and commenters, read the whole damn thing before you declare that I'm on your side or even interested.
Now, it time to watch "Squid and the Whale". Last night was "Walk the Line", which was very good and entertaining and made me miss my Folsom prison cd that I sold before I moved up here. In fact, anyone who bought something from me at the yardsales, I want it all back. No refunds. You took advantage of me in a weak moment. Shame on you. Lecram, however, can keep the barnyard porn. I didn't really get "it". Keep working on the students, though. They are our future.

1 comment:

scarysquirrelman said...

shit. the purity ball link ain't going. so you know, it was young girls pledging their virginity and fidelity to their dads until they married. married (ostensibly) someone other than their dads.