New Contest For The Neighbor Girl

So, here's the deal: my high school neighbor is trying to come up with an idea for a children's book. Her story is Cinderella, but she must place it in a different culture. No requirement as to what kind. Except Nigerian. Race is not a factor, but it will be a 16 page children's book. Any ideas for a general theme or placement or type of community or...well, you get the drift.

After one full day of absolutely no battle with the rental agency...it caved without a whimper. "You're right. Your lease does end at the end of May". Didn't even have to bring out the big guns. Now, I just have to get the air conditioner back in place and arrange for a professional carpet cleaner to do the duty of shampooing my oh so dirty carpets. i have diiiirty carpets. Of course, I could just let the rental agency take care of it. I'd probably be hiring the same guys they do anyway. Plus, I need to mow the yard and do a bit of weeding. Other than that, I need to figure out a way to get the house keys back to the agency on the day i move out (I'll be driving a 16 foot truck with my car as its butt plug). And how to get two heavy futon couches into the truck the day before I move. The couches I can take care of with a beer bribe. The keys...well, that'll be tricky, because I don't want to start for home headed the wrong way on the highway. Can't leave them in the mailbox. They must be presented at the agency's office.

As for the J-O-B, well let's just say I know what it feels like to be a lame duck. Nothing happening in my lab is going through me. Everyone who is involved in its expansion is ignoring me and talking around me. Today, my boss stopped me at 4:59 in order to "fill me in" on what "they" are going to do. When we got to the sieve shaker, he said "I think we're going to move it over there, but I know you don't give a shit". I didn't reply. Should have. Should have said "How the hell do you know what I give or don't give since you haven't included me in one fucking decision over the past two weeks?". Instead, I said nothing. Just put it away in my mind's storage locker for future reference. As soon as he said that, I walked him over to a newly installed counter and told him that I wanted to move the specific gravity tank over to it and cut a new hole in the top for the cage to hang from thereby protecting the tank's water from dust when it wasn't in use. So, maybe in a sense I did tell him what I thought. I just did it in a positive manner. What a dick this guy is. No one should ever presume to know what I'm thinking, especially not him.

May have just made a deal with the high school neighbor to have her boyfriend come over and mow the lawn (it's rather intricate) tomorrow. Not holding my breath, but if I get home and it's all done he will have earned $75.
What's that you say? Where's the politics? I dunno. Did it run away or something while I wasn't looking? You mean Peace On Earth didn't descend while I was napping? Okay, I'll go look....

...Well, I was about to call it quits and tell you nothing happened today, but then I found this gem. Conservative commentators calling the Pulitzer winners for news reporting treasonous. Nice. Good to know that journalistic integrity runs through the veins of all of the pundits and talking heads. Good to know that not one of them is in the pay of the current Badministration or believes that the Fourth Estate should bow to Bush Omerta. I'm sure we'll hear more in the near future from the right wing attack dogs about this. I mean, really. Why should someone be rewarded for outing the illegal surveillance program or the rendition flights and secret torture prisons? That's just terrorist-lover talk. That's the kind of irresponsible reporting that will have double-humped camels stalking our streets within months. Have they no shame? Have they no patriotism? Don't they know they can get paid much better for just accepting Scott McClallan's morning news copy and publishing it as is? The Wall Street Journal knows this. So does the Washington Post most of the time. Why do the wannabes...oops, two of these winners ARE from the Washington Post. Should we expect to see their resignations on the boss's desk tomorrow morning? Perhaps this will wake up the editors at that, ahem, fine rag and make them want to do more stories like that one.
update: even though the temps at night this week have been in the mid to upper 30's, the mosquitoes have arrived. biguns, too. and i haven't seen my cat in a while. you don't think...nah, them skeeters ain't THAT big. is they?

Short Post For Now Cuz I Gotta Turn It Up And Dance!

Here's bittersweet news. Usually, it's easy to vilify those who think they are above the law and use their power and influence to fleece the public in order to line their pockets. Former Gov. Ryan doesn't quite fit the stereotype. Did he cheat the public? Did he fail his constituents? Did forget the oaths he took? Yes, yes and yes. Is he as easy to define as Tom DeLay or Scooter Libby or Katherine Harris or any of a large number of Republican politicians who have fallen into legal disarray because of their cheating ways? Not so much. Ryan won some admiration from me when he abolished the death penalty in Illinois, because he was troubled by the number of inmates being freed by new DNA tests and declared that he could not allow another execution to happen if the state could not say without a doubt that the inmate was guilty. He took a moral and lrgal stance that was and is at odds with his political party. He suffered recriminations, slings and arrows from that core group who voted him in. And he stood fast. I applauded that. I still do. Unfortunately, his sense of personal ethics stopped at the door of greed. Like muddy boots, he cast his humanity aside to enter into the den of iniquity and smoke from the communal pipe of greed. We can only hope that someone placed coins on his palm to pay the ferryman to take him to the other side. For he is now without clothes or coin. Oh, wait a minute. There are those millions of dollars that the Republican party put up for his defense. Wonder if there's some left over. He could ride the Styx in style.

So, today I took the first step toward severing my lease. Insofar as I understand it I am on solid ground legally and would win in Small Claims Court. Do I want to come back in order to attend SCC? No. So, I am trying to win this one in a "friendly". The agent actually admitted on the phone today that sometimes typos happen on contracts. She asked me to email my concerns to her and she would contact her broker. On this I'm confused. A rental agent for a house she doesn't own has a broker to cover the legalities of a lease? This agent signed the lease and signed the owners of the house on it by proxy. Oh well. She did restate that the lease began on January 1 as has always been the case in her career. Funny. All of the local rental agencies I called had never heard of not starting a lease on the day of move-in. Anyhoo:
"Thanks for calling back today. I'll try to be succinct with my concerns regarding my lease for 1735 N. Cambrian Avenue, Bremerton, Washington 98312. First, you've stated twice now in recent weeks that the lease did not begin until January 1, 2006. However, the lease clearly reads as starting on December 1, 2005. It, also, reads that it is an approximate lease and ends June 30, 2006. I understand that I initialed this. But my concern is about how to actually regard this. In all of our phone conversations leading up to my committing to the lease there was never an inference to "approximate" or that it was in actuality a seven month lease. I've spoken with several rental agencies locally and none of them have ever heard of a lease not starting on the day of move-in. I do notice that in the lease the first month is pro-rated, but it is done so at the full monthly value. So, that cannot be considered a partial month's rent.
Second, the lease states that the entire amount due for the term of the lease is $4,950. Dividing that by $825 (which is my monthly rent) equals 6. So, when I come in to pay my rent for May I will have met my financial obligation for the term of the lease. In effect, this would make June a free month's living at this address for me.
I will be moving out on May 17th, 2006. This gives you ample time to put the house back on the market and try to rent it again by June 1, 2006. You will have a good portion of May in which to show it unoccupied.
I, also, ask that you not withhold the refunding of my security deposit ($1,050) through June so long as I leave it as I found it minus normal wear and tear. While a few certain issues were not addressed during my tenure here (i.e. annual servicing of the gas fireplace, circuit breaker, broken doorbell) I am confident we will have no disagreement concerning the condition I will leave it in.
Finally, I look forward to meeting with you and discussing these issues. I believe that we can find common ground concerning these legal issues and reach a conclusion beneficial to both of us. Please call me to make such an appointment at your earliest convenience. As well, you may consider this my notice of intent to vacate by midnight on May 17th, 2006. I will hand-deliver written notification of this as well."
So, whaddya think? Well done? Or self-immolation?

Cop A Squat

Some good news out of California (if you were able to keep your computer's moniter above the rising water level):
"Los Angeles' policy of arresting homeless people for sitting, lying or sleeping on public sidewalks as "an unavoidable consequence of being human and homeless without shelter" violates the constitutional prohibition against cruel and punishment, a federal appeals court ruled today."
So, cop a squat for justice.

Ooh. More good news. Catherine Harris is getting her ass handed to her in the latest polls.
Y'all might remember that she was the one who stopped the 2000 Florida vote recount, which ultimately led to a Supreme Court (5-4) decision that Dumbya should be the one to have his finger on the red button. i guess Floridians aren't as crazy sometimes as they mostly portray themselves to be in the media on an almost daily basis. I'm sure they'll lose their senses in time to vote her in and return to their gun-toting, serial killing, building cities for God, Jeb backing, contructing houses on moving sandbars, wondering why hurricanes keep damaging their property ways. Still, it's nice to see one of the Bush's main backers get it in the arse while spending millions of her own dollars because the Rethuglican Party has disavowed her. Personally, I think the Democrapic Party should endorse her for no better reason than to piss off and confound their ilk across the senate aisle. Plus, she seems the type who would jump ship for the chance of power.

My buddy, the fun-loving Greg Palast, sends another missive describing why Donald the Duck Rumsfeld shouldn't resign. Gregorich makes a decent point. Except for the fact that I don't care if Rummie ain't the worst. He should be escorted out just like the rest of the top bananas. In Nuremburg, it didn't seem to matter if they were just following orders. Nor did it in the case of Dr. Mudd. Why should that change here? Complicity is complicity. No matter what war, what theater, what cause, what ends. Break the law, lie to the people, punish the innocent, shoot the whistleblowers, line your pockets at the expense of those less fortunate, go to jail or into exile.

Ooh. More good news. We and the UK staged mock war games wherein we invaded Iran in 2004. Why, you ask, do I consider this good news? Simple. I can't wait until gas is $5 a gallon here and going to the Big Lots store involves monthly budget planning. Think about it. A cross-town trip would become a community event as we call all of our friends to see if they need to shop somewhere specific. If they don't, then we can't. If they do, then we can. Maybe. Because with the rise of gas costs, so goes natural gas, heating oil and electricity comes an assumed fiscal austerity program, which has been touted by Bush all along as a way to contradict most everyone's views that the War On Terror is a drain on our way of life. And when it becomes a large burden just to pay off monthly bills (excluding rent, mortgages, credit cards, insurance, groceries, laundry, and the ever evolving less social outings), we will no longer be able to jump up off the couch and rush to Blockbuster for the latest installment of Scary Movie in order to take our minds off of the War On Terror. Will CNN become the most watched news "program" at that point? Will American Idol crush its opponents, because we are forced to stay at home and watch TV? Will people start reading books again (ha, that one's a laugher)? No. We will continue to drive and consume and bitch about how we got to this point. Then we will forget to vote. Again. And we won't write to our Congresspeople. And we won't attend City or County meetings in order to air our grievances. But we'll keep going to Big Lots, because it's a discount chain, in our SUVs and bitch about how we got to this point. All the while, Bush and his masters will be dreaming up new ways in which to distract us from the fact that they have ruined our economy, enriched their friends and sullied our reputation as an inclusive society across the globe. Good news, indeed.

Holy Fromage, Batman!

Segolene Royal, perhaps the next (and first female) president of france. Now, I wait for the Pulp Fiction joke to hit. Wait for it...wait for it...

By the way, she's a...I'd better whisper it...Socialist. And next door to her is the Italian president who is about to be given his formal walking papers. And he will be replaced by a...wow, I'd better whisper this one, too...left-of-centerist. Germany has somewhat gone that way already. And not. Merkel (another first female, though this time it's a chancellor) is still ping ponging as she makes heads or tails of what she inherited and who she really is. The Poodle in Britain is on very shaky ground for now as scandals continue to rock his world and confidence from the public coninues to plummet. Fortunately, he's got the Parliament to diffuse any real indepth investigation of anything whatsoever so long as they're allowed to stand and pontificate about whatever they like for as long as they like. No offense to my friend(s) across the Big Drippy, but your politicians are almost as bad and windbaggy as ours. And they know bigger words. And can speak in complex sentences. you know, like:
"My Lords, Ladies, Provincials and Peons. Today is a day in which many threads of international and domestic issues provide fertile loam for the meandering tendrils of rootish conundrums, the answers to which this humble and lackeyish servant of the House of Whiteford-upon-Stratocaster-upon-Pokemon-upon-Widmer cannot ascertain without further canoodling and flippancy at the whim and genorosity of the Commoner's purse." They might even throw in a few henceforths and herewiths and to wits.
Translation: No comment.
And i say that you are almost as windbaggy as our pols. The truth is that yours are as windbaggy as our press liaisons. Our pols have no time to speak to any of their own, much less us Commoners. Exhibit #1: the Bush Townhouse meetings. He speaks, we listen. And we listen. And when we fall asleep we're awoken (my word) and escorted out, because as everyone knows only terrorists snore when the president pontificates.
Exhibit #2: the daily Scott McClellan Press Conference, in which he repeats what he said the day before and the day before that and the day before that and I begin to wonder why the press even bothers to show up and ask questions as if they're expecting to get the truth on anything.
What I do enjoy is the fact that almost all of our pols have discovered the Thesaurus. When a word like "fallacious" shows up in a speech or response to an attack by the other party and the Religious Right doesn't step forward to condemn that kind of dirty talk.
Anyhoo, Europe is leaning a bit to the dirty little commie side for a while as is South America. And it's mostly in response to Cheney's actions and attitudes. This will change eventually. It's a cycle after all. One side gets in promising all of these changes and hits the trifecta using the Commoner's dissatisfaction with the prevailing party. Then, this party gets that first wad of cash in the mail and discovers graft is good. It's a cycle.

update (8:00 PM): Trying to leave here on good terms is becoming a very iffy thing. I got chewed out via two way radio yesterday, because my boss couldn't find a particular piece of information in my office while i wasn't there. In short order, the problem was fixed, but that didn't stop him from berating me. This man's problem is that three of us are leaving within a two month period and he practices crisis management (he actually admitted that to me twice in the past three days and claimed that it is standard for the industry...which it most defi-fucking-nately ain't). I will continue to try and maintain a professional demeanor, but this morning I had to confront him during a closed door meeting with me and my lab tech on this and tell him that his approach to things he preceives as problems could use some tempering. He tried to get my tech to leave, but I said this involved my tech as well since my boss had attacked him in past as well. Do I even need to say that it went over like a sack of bricks? Do I even need to say that my tech wanted to crawl out the door within the first thirty seconds, but afterwards thanked me for forcing the issue? My boss is not a bad person. He does, unfortunately, suffer from fear of failure syndrome, blame everyone but yourself syndrome and short man's syndrome. He is a great salesman. He is, also, a lousy leader. He manages. So, today marked a new chapter in my short tenure here. I finally lit into him about his attitude towards his employees and his approach to problems that may not actually exist. The rest of the day was politeness. Yum. I can't wait to leave.

BushSpeak

A. He's a liar, or
2. He's never had control of his people from the get-go and found it easier to wallow in ignorance while those around him did the lying without keeping him in the loop.
Either way, he's at the top and that's where the buck is supposed to stop.

"We have found the WMD's."
"I will not tolerate leakers".
"Fuzzy math, fuzzy math."
"You're either with us or against us".
"I did not have sex with-" whoops, wrong president.
"A thousand points of light twinkling from a hundred bottles of beer on the wall."
"Fool me once, shame on--fool me again--won't get...fooled again."
"It will take time to restore order and chaos".
"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."
"But Iraq has—have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future."
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way."
"If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one."
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table."
"It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life."
"I believe that, as quickly as possible, young cows ought to be allowed to go across our border."
"The CIA laid out several scenarios and said life could be lousy, life could be OK, life could be better, and they were just guessing as to what the conditions might be like."
"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
"Secondly, the tactics of our—as you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's—ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions—you can't—we're out of sanctions."
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."
"But the true strength of America is found in the hearts and souls of people like Travis, people who are willing to love their neighbor, just like they would like to love themselves."
"[T]he illiteracy level of our children are appalling."
"[A]s you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the—the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."
"It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."
"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
"I think war is a dangerous place."
"In other words, I don't think people ought to be compelled to make the decision which they think is best for their family."
"These people don't have tanks. They don't have ships. They hide in caves. They send suiciders out."
"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."
"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."
"I'm a patient man. And when I say I'm a patient man, I mean I'm a patient man."
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."
"There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all. ... I can't think of anything more deep than that right."
"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region."
"The suicide bombings have increased. There's too many of them."
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''
"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants."
"They misunderestimated me."

Yum Yum

(you know, i never actually knew how enriched uranium was made. now that iran is declaring itself a member of the nuclear gang our press is finally informing me)
"The enrichment process is one of the most difficult steps in developing a nuclear program. It requires a complicated plumbing network of pipes connecting centrifuges that can operate flawless for months or years.
The process aims to produce a gas high with an increased percentage of uranium-235, the isotope needed for nuclear fission, which is much rarer than the more prevalent isotope uranium 238.
A gas made from raw uranium is pumped into a centrifuge, which spins, causing a small portion of the heavier uranium-238 to drop away. The gas then proceeds to the next centrifuge, where the process is repeated. Then it goes to another, and another, and another, in a chain that can involve thousands of centrifuges and gradually increases the proportion of uranium-235.
The enrichment process can take years to produce a gas rich enough in uranium-235 that it can be used to power a nuclear reactor or produce a bomb. Enrichment typically starts out with a gas that is 0.7 percent uranium-235, and boosts it to either 4 percent for power generation or to 90 percent for weaponry. "

YESYESYES!!! cheney roundly and loudly booed as he throws out the first pitch before the washington nationals game. that's gotta be a first (roseanne and maisy whosit were booed after they mangled the national anthem, which does no one's musicality any favors anyway). fortunately, as thinkprogress notes, the ball hit the dirt, not someone's face.

i wasn't gonna post about this, but it's hitting the newspapers now. and it may not be going away. an attempt to jam phonelines at a democratic get out the vote hotline center that was offering rides to people in order to get them to theie polling places. we already have one conviction, two plea bargains and a massive phone bill to ken mehlman's office the day before and day of.

man, this is a lot of people:
and greg palast (a noble dirty little commie) sent me a letter today. to wit:
"America is a nation of losers. It's the best thing about us. We're the dregs,what the rest of the world barfed up and threw on our shores. John Kennedy said we are "a nation of immigrants." That's the sanitized phrase.We are, in fact, a nation of refugees who, despite the bastards in white sheets and the know-nothings in Congress, have held open the Golden Door to a dark planet. Looking out at the tempest-tossed sea of protesting immigrants today, I finally figured out what's wrong with George Walker Bush. He's so far away from his refugee loser roots that he just doesn't get what it is to be American. So he steals the one thing that every American is handed off the boat: a chance. It's not just the immigrants denied a green card. When Bush threatens to take away your Social Security; when Bush's oil wars hike the price of crude and threaten your union-scale job at the airline; when Bush tells you sleeper cells aresleeping under your staircase, you don't take chances anymore -- you lose your chance -- and the land of opportunity becomes a landscape of fear, an armed madhouse. You want to say that George W. Bush is an evil sonovabitch? I'd go further: he's UN-AMERICAN. And that's why he lost the election. Twice. I'll stick with the losers. Take one, Anna, from Poland, who snuck across the US border near Windsor, Ontario. She was grabbed by La Migra -- 80 years later --just short of her 100th birthday. My father told Immigration, "OK, send her back." They didn't. Grandma Anna taught me what two million marchers this week are trying to teach that slow learner, George W.: In America, it's not where you come from that counts, it's where you're going. "

'Nuff said.

Smoke Me A Kipper, I'll Be Home For Breakfast. And the MOVE awards.

this lease of mine is really weird. it states that i started my lease on december 1st and it ends on the last day of june. that's seven months. the first weirdness. the agency's rationale is that they prorate the first month. well, i moved in on december 1. so, the prorate is the full monthly rent. the lease also says i am responsible for paying them $4950 during the lease. divide that by $825 (the monthly) and it equals 6. so, wouldn't june (the 7th month) be free? if i pay through may then i have done my part to honor the financial part of the lease. the agent was almost spitting at me over the phone when i asked about leaving early and demanded june as my duty. but it looks like she outsmarted herself. six months payments meets the lease requirements.
oh, and my old landlord just offered me a place and i'm sending him a check to cover may's rent so that i can move in any time that i want.
now, it's a matter of trying to finish up my lab so that it is in good working order. we just expanded and modified it and if i'm not here to work out the details of the flow of it all then it's going to be shit for a while.
and it's raining again. zonthar would love it. as do i. i will miss this weather and climate. i won't miss the complete lack of anything to do, though. so many liberals, so few brain cells. really, i think this is where they go to retire. and then you have the military who make a large part of this peninsula. they aren't so much conservative or rightwing as they are uninformed and too busy working and making babies.
oh yeah. i work with a mor(wo)man who uses the word fuck like it's going out of style. love it. breaking the stereotype. bustin' a mold.
so, jade, hold the phone. i don't know how i can pay for any of this, but i'm coming home.
smoke me a kipper, i'll be home for breakfast.

update: well, wait a minute. this means none of you win first prize in my contest. no one gets to buy me dinner. what a shame and shame on you.
win goes to chris mendes who offered me one of his places today. he doesn't know about the contest yet or what his prize is, but i'll let him in on it after i move in next month. you'd have thought he learned his lesson after the first time he rented to me. of course, i did leave a bunch of beer in the fridge along with my note about what i couldn't get cleaned up. metaphorically, he drank the apple.
place goes to stephan, because he (perhaps, no definate, ill-advisedly) offered me a room in his pad. which was awesome in its brain-farted stupidity and generosity. remember me two rogue closing night parties ago? that's me before beer.
show goes to mustang since he actually looked for places for me at his own risk (according to his description of the apartment complex he gave me). just think of him covered in gang initiation tattoos and you'll get an idea of where he thought i might want to live. and how i want him to look for next year's rogue.
so, mendes buys me dinner.
stephan drinks with me.
mustang buys me dinner, drinks with me, and...uh...pulls my hair out of my face while i puke?...gets me a taxi?...lubes up my ski boots?...agrees to take my cat to his house one night a week and let the family love it up?...dry the ink on my papyrus?...i really can't remember what the last one of these was.
4th place goes to APJ who, i think, offered me her untended garden. at no cost. any time i don't let her know.
bringing up the rear is lecram with his east is north and north is east routine. not only did ne not know where in the north-east conflict he was, but he never found the center. kudos, bravo and more luck upon you who bet on the mule this time.
the miss congeniality award goes to zonthar. what a pus.
the foreign press award goes to APJ for her creative english.
the voter's award goes to jade for her role in forming SSM's only glee club. i hadn't before thought i needed one. hindsight's 20-20, isn't it? maybe that's why i bought the harmonicas.
best dressed award goes to kamotion from a year ago again (what is it with you guys? get some handlers), because i just watched her wedding dvd again and she looks gradient.
the "got it" award goes to mustang. he'll either understand or i just completely missed on my last joke. mustang, if you don't get this dear, consult miguel.
and, finally, producer's award: me.
so glad you could attend this year's MOVE Awards. remember to vote again when you leave for Most Obnoxious Segment, Presenter, Video, Idea, Dress, Acceptance Speech, and Political Maneuver.
Please tip your bartender on the way out. Good night.

Say It Ain't So, Joe.

hmmm. do i pay for the move or do i rent a truck? the truck is way cheaper on the frontside. budget will do me for $699. but i need a tow kit for the car. that's about $125. and gas is estimated at $339.
so, do i sell everything i own and cram the little leftovers into my car? or do i go further into debt and try to maintain some kind of domestic continuity? i know what the cat would say: "toys, food, litter box, warm spot; all else is inconsequential and serves me not. now, pet me and then leave me alone. now, pet me again. wait, i changed my mind. go away. no, come back. go away. come back. go away. ooh, shiny thing."
unfortunately, i cannot afford to listen to my inner pussy. or my outer. i must make decisions soon based on finance and necessity. of course, i have to first find a domecile in which to place those items i decide to keep. based on jade's and my past experience with putting stuff in storage i opt out of that.
i must call chris m. and find out about any rentals he may have open. an agency that runs several apartment groups may have openings.

now, let's talk silence and complicity. the hell with the past. let's look to the present. someone hunt down joe lieberman and ask him why he will not stand up and say something about this newest information that dick cheney is right at the heart of the classified leaks and that he did so at the behest of george bush? i can understand republicans circling the wagons ever tighter (tighter, it seems, than physically possible), but a democrat hiding from the public? running from reporters? leaving through the back door? the one dem who has been invited to the inner sanctum of the administration's doings and briefings, because he is the dem they could count on to back them to the hilt? joe can run, but he can no longer hide. when we speak of appeasers, we speak of joe. makes me think of the movie "say anything" where all of lily's songs were about her asshole boyfriend named joe. and they were all depressed, suicidal and ultimately meaningless. still, i had to laugh. because it was all about the blind faith one puts in someone who has hurt you so bad that you have to hang on, because to let go is to admit that you have failed and wasted your dignity on a loser. so, some in this country will continue to sing joe's praises as a compromiser and uniter, because they're too invested to cede defeat. others of us were never taken in by this charletan and cringed when he was nominated as a vice president. look at his mealy mouth and it says it all. as a sidenote, did anyone watch "turner on turner"? there's a moment at the 2004 dem convention when jack turner and the camera crew catch joe. turner's handler asks joe if he remembers turner. joe's face shows confusion at first, then he shakes turner's hand and warmly says of course, how are you, gotta run, late for a meeting? joe got caught in the headlights and lied. because he can't be seen as forgetting someone. what's wrong with just saying, "um, no actually. refresh mymemory". fucking pols. sold to the highest bidder. no longer even caring about the common person. bought and paid for and every vote is a vote to pacify special interests. don't even think that a pol's vote is given at the behest of the people. if it seems like it to you, you're very gullible. all you can do is try to vote in those pols who most closely resemble how you feel. barbara boxer can surprise me once in a while. feinstein sold the farm a long time ago. jesse helms is actually one of the very few who voted as his constituents wished most of the time. but it's easier for republicans to accept massive graft and not fall out of favor with their voters. because most of the bribes offered are from megacorporations who have no interest in the environment or the homeless or the arts or education or civil rights or gas prices or the consumer index or living affordability or, well, anything to do with anything that truly affects you and me.
so, while the two parties spar over taxes and immigration and abortion and national security, you and i are left to wander further into the wilderness of being common citizens left behind by those who shape this nation with no thought to our well-being. left or right, it doesn't matter. we have been betrayed and left bereft.
and that is the silence and complicity that kills us. it's not so much us as it is them. most of us do not have the time to invest in seeking out the truth. we are too busy maintaining, too busy scratching for that little extra. and the pols know it. and they play on that. when your neighbor admits not voting or caring, he or she is not commiting a sin. he or she is copping to the common truth. we no longer feel we have the time to care about things perceived as being bigger than us or beyond our control. this is what the pols want. and it's what they've gotten. we work too much, we eat too much, we have too many children, we need too many diversions from our unhappiness. we have no energy left. we live in a nation of splendors and opportunities, but we have no energy to explore or enjoy or question. and we are now paying the ultimate price: loss of all of that.
herein ends the current apocalyptics of scarysquirrelman. feel free to tip the bartender.

Rainy Saturday

this may be a long post, because it's raining and windy outside today and i'm stuck inside the house with the master's tournament on a rain delay hold and i've got a halfrack of beer in the fridge. but let's get started:

sy hersh of the New Yorker has been lightyears ahead of his journalistic colleagues when it comes to getting access to administration insiders and malcontents. he's been writing for a while about the inevitability of us attacking iran. according to him, it may be time to tighten the seatbelts and batten down the hatches.

if you're an AT&T subscriber and you're using their services to do or say naughty things (or even if you're not), then you might want to read this.
if men in black sunglasses are blocking your driveway or your school bus zone make sure you've got a videocamera before attempting to engage them in dialogue. or about a hundred witnesses.

hugo chavez watch: go here to find out how he will bring down the untied states through the electoral process. and go here to find out just who was behind the fruit and vegetable pummeling of an american diplomat's car in caracas.

a three-fer here. bill frist and brokeback mountain...hilarious; jack straw kicking condi rice out of bed; and a boring (but nasty) campaign fight.

plan B contraception explained here, albeit by a professor who has no use for the right wing argument that it is actually abortion.

i've blogged before about the dearth of body armor for soldiers. i've also blogged about the government telling soldiers recently that hey had to turn in their personal body armor in exchange for government-okayed body armor. now, dailykos has some more on the effectiveness of both types. guess which type is better? yeah. it would be what the soldiers and their families were paying for out of their own pockets. not what we would have them wear.

Still Pissed Off, But Laughing At It All

(from 2003 shortly after the leak hit the urinal, president bush answered reporters' question regarding how he felt about the leakers who leak...can you say total hypocritical lying son of a-?)

Q Do you think that the Justice Department can conduct an impartial investigation, considering the political ramifications of the CIA leak, and why wouldn't a special counsel be better?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Let me just say something about leaks in Washington. There are too many leaks of classified information in Washington. There's leaks at the executive branch; there's leaks in the legislative branch. There's just too many leaks. And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of. And so I welcome the investigation. I -- I'm absolutely confident that the Justice Department will do a very good job. There's a special division of career Justice Department officials who are tasked with doing this kind of work; they have done this kind of work before in Washington this year. I have told our administration, people in my administration to be fully cooperative. I want to know the truth. If anybody has got any information inside our administration or outside our administration, it would be helpful if they came forward with the information so we can find out whether or not these allegations are true and get on about the business. Yes, let's see, Kemper -- he's from Chicago. Where are you? Are you a Cubs or White Sox fan? (Laughter.) Wait a minute. That doesn't seem fair, does it? (Laughter.)

Q Yesterday we were told that Karl Rove had no role in it --

THE PRESIDENT: Yes.

Q -- have you talked to Karl and do you have confidence in him --

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I know of nobody -- I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information. If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action. And this investigation is a good thing. And again I repeat, you know, Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information -- outside the administration. And we can clarify this thing very quickly if people who have got solid evidence would come forward and speak out. And I would hope they would. And then we'll get to the bottom of this and move on. But I want to tell you something -- leaks of classified information are a bad thing. And we've had them -- there's too much leaking in Washington. That's just the way it is. And we've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them and I want to know who the leakers are.

(and what does this mean if the president is allowed to "declassify" intel as he sees fit? now it's not a crime and no one should be punished, because the prez authorized it? this was revenge. this was petty thuggery. leg breaking. this was the action of a man who had spit in his eye. this is a man who also has a rather large beam in it as well. this is a group that will stoop to any level to hurt others. bush, cheney and rove must go. whether it's in leg irons or simply in shame i don't care. but go they must. they make nixon look like a dime store shoplifter. and what's a blowjob in comparison to this? absolutely nothing. and wait. do i hear the rumblings of the senate and house of representatives now waking up and calling for impeachment proceedings? no, i do not. because the cowards are all still saying that you don't impeach a president in times of war, which means nerts. because we are in a "war" with no end. and a theocratic mafia is at the helm of this oh-so-offcourse ship. now, they've hit some shoals, because they didn't expect libby to break. he obeys omerta and is pardoned when bush quits. easy peasy. except that fitzgerald obviously knows the kung fu grip of death and used it. for the first time in my life i'm beginning to revisit my stance against torture. i think i now believe that all elected or politically appointed officials should be made available for "coercive" interrogations while being questioned about purportedly illegal activities. and it should be shown on tv as some sort of game show.
"i can break that spirit in three whiplashes".
"waterboarding for $200, alex".
"i'd like to buy a howl, pat".
"squeal or no squeal".
great googlymoogly, folks. what more do we need from this administration? they suck, pure and simple.)

I'm Calling Bullshit on Alberto

hoo boy. this article by the new yawk times lays out some damning insinuations that, if proven, could actually lead to impeachment proceedings if the democrats take back congress in november. here's the sentence i found most relevant:
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the president has the ''inherent authority to decide who should have classified information.''
so, bush can take a classified document and decide a reporter should have it in order to disseminate it to the public and, suddenly, it's legally declassified. he can take our most secret nuclear technology and hand it to bob novak to print for the world to read and it's okay, because it's bush. the president. pardon me, but
Bullshit!!!
the only time someone in government is supposed to get away with releasing classified info is when that person is reasonably sure that others are breaking the law and releasing certain info is the only way in which to make sure existing law is adhered to. it's the whistleblower protection. bush wasn't blowing any whistle. bush and cheney were retaliating for the exposure of their lies.
and here's the attorney general of the untied states claiming bush is within the law, because if he does it it must be okay. monarchs crave that kind of unilateral fucking power. and some of them never get it. this truly is a king in the making. and a theocracy. and martial law. and "let them eat cake".
you know, the democrats aren't much better on the national scene, but at least most of them know when to call it a day. right now, the republicans can't seem to fall asleep for want of more power, money, influence and immortality. maybe that's what happens when you've spent decades as the minority party. so much ground to make up, so little time, so few brain cells.

Me, Myself and Ir-wreck

so, zonthar had a good question. why hasn't scarysquirrelman given a reason for returning and what is it?
well, i'm not saying. at least, i can't really cover the gamut.
suffice it for me to say that this was an ill-timed move. the reasons were right, the timing was not. had i waited one month i would not be up here. but that's hindsight talking. and as president bush once famously said, i prefer not to dwell on the past but to look to the future. of course, he said that in response to his failure to find WMDs in ir-wreck or a link between it and al-quaeda.
i can honestly say that the situation i was led to believe existed in this office does not, in fact, exist. i can further say that i am not a diplomatic person when it comes to dealing with bosses who have no management skills. even more so, i can say that i did not move up here to work 7 days a week and have no kind of balance between work and personal time (not that any of you would notice considering how much time i spend blogging).
certain promises were made, none were kept. certain expectations were given, none were met.
each morning i wake up and i do not look forward to going to work. this did not used to be the case. now, my first thought is "what is going to dumped on me today? how am i going to be made to think less of myself? what must i do to keep from lashing out? why do i always have to make the coffee?".
life is a gamble. this time the dice were loaded, but i placed my money down anyway. my own fault for believing in the goodness of others. mind you, this office has a great staff overall. lots of experience. but it is an angry office. and that anger has bled onto me in a very short time. and i see no way of changing the attitudes of those around me with whom i must directly work.
so, after my rogue vacation, i sat down and asked myself if being up here around all of this communal hostility was worth the payraise, the lab challenge and the chance to do something new at the expense of what happiness i brought with me from the 'No. and the answer, a couple of weeks in coming, was...'No.

the clovis office has approved my transfer. they understand that i am stuck in a lease. they will wait.
unfortunately, they may have to wait a bit longer than they or i thought. i signed a six month lease. on the phone and on the website it was a six month lease. i moved in december 1. when i signed the papers 4 days later i didn't notice that the agent had written in that the lease ended on the last day of june. and that one extra word was slipped into the jargon: "approximate". as in approximate six month lease. the agency has me dead to rights on paper. i signed a seven month lease. it's unethical certainly. but is it illegal? i'll bet not. my initials are right there on the bottom of the page. it's interesting, though, that the agent spent a lot of time going over the entire contract, but that is the one section she didn't point to. interesting, also, that when i called recently about moving out earlier then the end of may she very adamantly informed me that the lease ends in june. when i questioned this and counted up my months of tenancy she declared that she has always started leases on the first day of the second month and she's never heard of any agency ever doing otherwise. i defy any of you to find a person who's ever signed this kind of lease. not to mention that the contract stipulates that the lease began on december 1.
but there is that damned little word "approximate". i spoke with mr. geoffrey and he doesn't see how they can stretch "approximate" into an extra month. neither do i since there was no prorating done. plus, they received my first month's rent in november. and, yes, i have documented proof of that. but i have no precedent and web searches for lease laws have come up lean, very lean.
so, i will be finding a local contract lawyer to weigh my options. if worse comes to worst, then i will pay rent for june up here and down there. and suck it up. boo-rah. just watched jarhead. sorry.
just a damn good thing i've not gone on any baseball card buying binges of late. in fact, i've gone on no binge of any kind. other than food, beer and smokes. and two harmonicas (don't ask). i get up, go to work, come home, doodle on the computer, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, fall asleep on the couch. occasionally, i listen to the neighbor girls bicker. very funny. 14 and 16. definate siblings. but no spending sprees for which i used to be famous. perhaps, my subconscious was warning me.
anyhoo. there it is.

The Funnies

(every now and then a family member sends me something intentionally funny. i'd seen this one before, but it never fails to get a chuckle out of me. thought i'd share it this time.)

"After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an ”S”) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Bastards On Our Doorsteps

i wanna talk about our neighbors to the south for just a minute. has anyone been paying attention to what's been going on down there? much of the doings down there have been underreported by the press due to the flatuence issuing from ir-wreck and afghanistan.
venezuela and bolivia are now considered extremist on the same level as cuba. in peru, a leftist is leading in the polls for their next president. and in mexico, it's the same.
chavez has been sending cheap heating oil to our east coast so the poor and elderly don't freeze to death instead of having to pay exorbitant prices our government has set up. he's, also, selling his crude oil for less than market value (venezuela has the largest oil reserves outside of the middle east). plus, he just grabbed control of another foreign oil company as he redefines the terms by which greedy multinationals can do business in his country. and he's called bush a liar, cowboy, bad guy, and mr. mean. he may have said something nasty about our beloved condi rice as well. the bastard.
in bolivia, evo morales (the first indigenous person [read campesino] to win the top spot) has announced that coca cultivation is no longer illegal (long the poor person's crop of choice). and he has aligned himself squarely on the "bush sucks" side. another bastard.
in peru, ollanta humala is a retired general who led a failed coup in 2000 and is now ahead in the polls. many so-called experts say that polls are misleading and, inthis case at least, they are correct. the polls are undercounting the poor who are one of humala's biggest blocs. he, too, is anti-bush and "free trade". and he could inherit the continent's most flourishing economy. bastrad #3.
in mexico, vincente fox is not faring well with the poor. or the middle class. or the border families who have seen hundreds of their daughters disappear and then show up dead and raped. or anyone who has tried to cross the border to find better wages that they can send back to their families. and he now has a rival who is playing on all of that. you know, speaking to the oppressed masses like a craven bastard (#4).
daniel ortega, of all bastards, is looking like the front runner for president in nicaragua. remember that this is the guy who led the sandanistas to armed victory and was chased back out by our own lovely contras so we could get a peep at violeta chamorra. he survived CIA assassination attempts and in-house tries. and he was enemy numero uno for (it seems like) ever. now he's back #5.
brazil, chile and argentina, while somewhat left of center (whatever that means marketwise) are still on friendly terms with our man bush for now. but the political axis is tilting down south. and their bastards are making our bastards look stupid and colonial. and dimwitted.
and none of them are muslim. what gives. i thought we only had to fear the muslims. why aren't we being told to fear anyone of brown hue (sorry, lecram)? because there's lots and lots of them really close by. and they speak real good english real well.

today's forecast calls for


this is my garden. do you doubt now that i need a place to grow my seed?

"Zarqawi's role has been limited to military action. Zarqawi bowed to the orders two weeks ago and was replaced by Iraqi national Abdullah bin Rashed al-Baghdadi."
heh. baghdadi. bighdadi. that's cute. dj bighdadi.

oh, did anyone catch the last round of the LPGA Dinah Shore Classic yesterday? no? well, let me tell you that red-blooded hetero american males are now officially allowed to watch and root. i give as proof of this the following:

all in one group. all hitting awesome

Contest Update

Contest Update:
1 vote for the north side.
1 vote for the east side.
1 cosmic meltdown by a platypus.
1 berke breathed trashing.
2 trips to the store.
1 nasty dog teasing.
1 decrepit peruvian maid.
1 unbalanced maldovian pool boy.
1 sleepy rant against disco (i feel the same way about led zepplin).
1 anonymous dittohead.
1 'bitchin' accusation.
enough snarkiness to fill an elephant's sinus cavity.
0 (zero!) valid entries.
i don't know, folks. this isn't the clearinghouse sweepstakes. no one is guaranteed to win. you have to want it. you have to try. believe in yourself and you, too, can be a winner. otherwise, it's just another missed opportunity in a life filled with them. they say that it's never too late to change the path you're on, but in this case they may be wrong. the clock's ticking, time to saddle up.

Contest Ain't Over. Get On Board.

so far, my contest to help me move back to the Big Bad 'No has garnered one (1) response. and let me tell you that "move to the north side" goes directly into the recycle bin for those less fortunate, good looking, talented, popular or well groomed than me.
i await your help. i anticipate it. i expect it. why?
because i am scarysquirrelman.
beloved of the sweaty masses and feared by the powerful. so, give me a shout out. help me to move back and, by so doing, help yourself to a richer life.
i can't offer you $20 and a free hotel room like some evangelical politicians do in order to fill up the room for a fundraiser, but i can promise you rewards beyond your imagination when you go to your final dirtnap, uh, heavenly destination. God will look kindly on you for helping me to regain my celebrity status in the Big Bad 'No as the idiot token drunk who makes no sense ever, but is looked on fondly as the mistake of any festival, event, idea or bad move.
because i am scarysquirrelman.
because i speak the truth.
because i will dance to sister sledge.
because i know all of the words to shake your groove thing.
because i listen to your problems and DO NOT LAUGH...immediately.
because i CAN overact my way out of a wet paper bag.
because i will recite very bad, self-written poetry at open mic with no shame at any given moment..
because i will tend your garden when you're not looking, but never for a fee and never when you ask.
and because if you set something free and it wants to come back, it's yours. if it doesn't, it's because you didn't enter the contest and make it happen.
i am scarysquirrelman. hear me bark.

Notes From A Dirty Little Commie

okay, so the executive director of "good morning america" has been suspended for a month for emails he wrote that were leaked to the press. one was about george bush during the 2004 first presidential debate. the second one was about madeleine albright. the one about bush is quite understandable and not offensive. the other could be construed as offensive, but mild in comparison to what i'm about to post here. remember this guy just got suspended for a month without pay.
now, we have michael savage encouraging his radio listeners to go out and burn mexican flags in an effort to protest their protesting the new immigration law bill currnetly in congress.
and we have neal boortz saying that rep. cynthia mckinney looks like "a ghetto slut" with her current hairdo. no, i can't find a picture at the moment.
no word on whether these two "esteemed" "journalists" are facing punishment for their racial attacks on people of different skin color. and i seriously doubt it will happen. the right wing gets away with it, the left and the mainstream get hammered. good thing we all know the media is still predominantly controlled by us libruls. otherwise, helen thomas would have to executed for interrupting president whatshisname during one of his press conference nonanswers.

scooter libby is trying to get fitzgerald relieved of his duties, because he claims fitzgerald is acting outside his proper powers. libby says only congress can approve this. oddly enough, he offered no defense for why bush should be allowed to continue eavesdropping on anyone he wants outside of congress's approval. or why it's okay to wage war on a country based on lies. or why electronic voting machines should continue to be used despite the fact that each and every one of them has been hacked and shown to be vulnerable to vote count changing. there really does seem to be no argument that what libby did was in violation of the law. so this move looks like an attempt to get in a new prosecutor who would be more crony friendly.

katherine harris continues her calimitous freefall, which i must admit i'm enjoying more than a little.

this could be pure bullshit, but what do YOU think? speaking for myself, i wouldn't put it past bush and his trolls. and i wouldn't put it past the democrats to cave on it for fear of looking like "terrorist sympathisers". i wouldn't put it past us citizens to accept it, because we are suffering from "scandal fatigue". think about that last one for a second. how many scandals, dustups, fuckups, lies, indictments, convictions, exposures, withdrawn assertions, blackmails, extortions, backstabs and fraud can one nation stand in the space of 5 or so years before tuning out and accepting the numbness that comes from being forced to deal with corruption on a daily basis?

ah. and finally. a note on why i, as a common drone grunt for a large company, seem to feel no joy in the recent "upturn" in the economy. i watch my smalltime office manager bring down over a hundred grand a year for nothing more than creating headaches for all of us who have to put out his fires and apologize to clients for his rash promises and work very long hours and weekends in order to NOT have to apologize to the clients. yet, he is the one who will walk away each year with a large bonus if the office shows a profit while the rest of us have to deal with the corporate line that no bonuses will be forthcoming, because we are in transition or something equally false and odious. this makes me want to puke up and scream, but i know it's the same everywhere or worse.

update: i got took. i totally forgot what today's date is. i have been working 7 days a week since the rogue and fell for an april fool's joke. the third term link above encouraged me to write the author and the following is the result:
(his reply)
You might want to double-check the date on that story.
t.
(my initial email)
oh, come on. this has to be bullshit. although i wouldn't put it past the bush administration to dream of this sort of shenanigan i have to ask you to publish your contacts. give us proof. otherwise, this is just another Onion article.

Protect Yourself? NONONO! We Got You Covered.

oh man. this is just insane. the government, our government, is still decades away from providing our soldiers with adequate protective body armor (not to mention the vehicles). and, now, it's saying that all privately bought armor is banned if it's not issued by the military.
"In a new directive, effective immediately, the Army said it cannot guarantee the quality of commercially bought armor, and any soldier wearing it will have to turn it in and have it replaced with authorized gear." turn it in. and replaced by gear the government says is proper. how many soldiers do you think are going to go for that?
dragonskin may indeed be subpar (who knows?), but what is subpar compared to nothing at all? suddenly, the military is beginning to provide body armor and claiming that nothing but what it deems appropriate is adequate. this sounds like a halliburtonesque deal. "we will do what we've been pressured to do for three years, but none of you are allowed any other vendor from this point on". personally, if i was in iraq i'd be buying a larger footlocker and making friends with some iraqi who wants us there and asking him to bury certain items of clothing until further needed. at this point, i think all of them could use a gunga dhin or two.
thanks to generik for this one. he tends to be good for the occasional scotch drink and lap dance, but that's about it. unless, of course, he's horny and in fresno.

Help Find Me A Home Contest

yes, you read right. it's a contest to see who can find me a cool Tower District house to live in. notice i didn't say apartment. i said house. under $700. with a backyard. one bedroom, one bath, preferably with a washer and dryer. a duplex will work so long as the neighbors are old, infirm, deaf, or otherwise noise impaired.
what's the prize for winning? well, let's see. besides the gratification of knowing you helped one of the 'No's most famous and beloved drunks to return and regale you all with stories of debauchery and "there, but for the grace of God..." moments, dirty poetry at open mic, useless suggestions about the arts, slurring rambling diatribes on the state of anything i didn't invest in, snide comments about all of you, the experience of watching my clean my earwax with my pinky finger, masturbation anecdotes, unanswered phone calls and unreturned phone messages, bemused expressions hiding my real feelings, unnecessary and ill-timed odors, well...
First Place: Buy Me Dinner
Second Place: Drink With Me
Third Place: Buy Me Dinner, Drink With Me, Watch Me Get Slapped By Shookie, And Have Me Agree To Act Badly In A Play Written By You Or Directed By You Or Watched By You
Fourth Place: A Knock On The Nose, Because You So Very Much Didn't Try At All And Therefor Suck Wind That Convicted Ax Murderers Could Be Breathing

Wow. that is some serious bootiage. if it wasn't for the obvious legal restrictions on relatives of those putting on this contest i'd enter myself.
heh. i said "enter myself". there's a neat trick. and i am kind of at loose ends this evening. what the fuck. what's the worst that could happen? a pulled muscle or something?

Beware Floridians In Your Water

"This is the most important thing I can do with what God gave me, and I've got a lot of making up to do," said Monaghan, 69, who spent most of his childhood raised by nuns in Catholic orphanages and later became a self-made billionaire. "God gave me a lot and showed me it is not impossible to use it to help people get to heaven."
just one more reason to go out and buy a domino's pizza NOW!!! if the kooks want a place to be pure and unadulterated (unlike his pizzas) and live out their lives like the universe ends at their doorsteps, then by all means do it. and we should help. it's kind of like when you can't find a white aryan racist on your block and you find out they all moved to idaho and you go "cool. is it an interment camp thing or the fishing?". because you know the fishing there is overrated. the big sandy is a big fish story.
then again, one (well, me) has to wonder what this guy is thinking. building a city in SW florida? um, that's hurricane alley, bub. perhaps, he expects the ever-more-powerful 'canes to help the citizens recognize the power of God. and, since we truly have tipped the balance on global warming, his flock should be able to embrace an angry and vengeful one. it could, also, help explain his feeling that he can "help people get to heaven". sooner rather than later.
what is it about florida anyway? maybe they had it right in the 50's and 60's when they (you know who "they" are) were claiming that floridians in the water was a commie conspiracy to sterilize and weaken good, honest americans.
so, when the pundits call florida a red state, i guess they know whereof they speak more so than i had previously given them credit.

"occasional nuggets of wisdom"??? that hurts, mustang. that hurts. i work hard to make sure you dear, dear moron readers find nothing of value here. this is supposed to be the big mac daddy of nutritional news. twice the calories, supersize the stroke. the fact that you think i sometimes slip up and add a stalk of celery or something makes me want to show more boobies.
not mine. hers!!!
now, go away and move to florida or something. dirty little commies.

Create Your Own Commercial For A Chevy

"Check out the commercial [name deleted] created for the all-new 2007 Chevy Tahoe. Think you could do better? Think you're up to the task? Then take a shot at the Chevy Apprentice Challengeand create your own commercial that brings the best Tahoe ever to life. It could be your chance to win."
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=4ee0dd9e-11b5-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7

these people should really know better. i mean, come on. bored liberal who hates SUVs and has nothing better to do? woof. soft ball throw. whap. outta the park.

ITMFA, Daily Kos, America Blog and the War Nerd (and a smelly hippie). It's Da Bomb.

you know what's fun? seeing ads that the mainstream media giants won't run. like this one. a liberal (i think) church advertising the fact that it doesn't kick out or shun people for being different or for not fitting in to a narrow physical, sexual or idealogical box...hmmm, somehow i cringe to think what mustang is going to write about my putting sexual and box in the same sentence.

oh, and i just can't help it. dan savage, that rascally rabid sex columnist from seattle and the weekly rag The Stranger, is at it again with his new website ITMFA. Impeach The Motherfucker Already. Who knew gay men could all fired up about anything more important than the proper manicure or what to wear to a political demonstration. well, evidently he can. along with whatshisname over at the daily kos and the other whatshisname at americablog ("because a great nation deserves the truth"). great blogs, by the way. up to date on everything and lightyears ahead of the MSM. i steal from them all the time.

and one more thing: if its dateline is Fresno, you know it's gonna be funny. the WarNerd is a 'No gent who writes for the Exile, which is based in Moscow...um, idaho? russia? that's not him up above, by the way (that's the smelly hippie). the WarNerd is truly funny and informative. i try to read all of his columns if only for the comedic value. in fact, i'd love to see him perform at next year's rogue. if only to read something like this. ah man...'next of kin'... good stuff.

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Lara?

lara (tombraider) logan, a reporter in iraq, gives what i think to be a very definative answer to the so-called pundits here in the US who claim that she and her ilk are obsessed with negative news reporting at the expense of positive.
crooks and liars has the video. scroll down til you see her picture.
plus, she's, uh, kind of outrageously hot.
pig in a blanket hot.

Jack, We Hardly Paid Ye

jack abramoff (heh. jack...off) was sentenced today to the minimum amount of time allowable, a paltry 5 years, 10 months. of course, he was sentenced in a state he did so much for (think jeb bush and katherine harris). and i (along with many others) would like to know who all these people are that wrote letters asking for leniency for this scumbag. i mean, really. the hockey referee? if i buy your children ice cream and rides on the merry-go-round before torching your house, can i get some of that "he's not a monster" love?

Working Assets Kicks Ass

working assets just announced its list of profit disbursements for the year 2005. it's a joy to be a member of their long distance phone service. and it's a kick to turn down the mega companies by telling them who i belong to and then hear that profound moment of silence on the other end ogf the phone before they respond with "ah. yes. well. but we're cheaper". in many ways, the megas are. most definately.


$119,210
American Civil Liberties Union
$46,267
American Constitution Society for Law and Policy
$89,175
Americans United for Separation of Church and State
$54,733
Center for Constitutional Rights
$53,109
Feminist Majority Foundation
$67,373
Human Rights campaign
$83,493
NARAL Pro-Choice America
$120,253
Planned Parenthood federation of America
$53,109
Project Vote
$47,543
Public Campaign
$64,388
Coral Reef Alliance
$82,595
Earthjustice
$54,531
ForestEthics
$54,299
Global Greengrants Fund
$56,850
International Rivers Network
$120,392
NRDC Action Fund
$62,300
Oil & Gas Accountability Project
$77,725
Organic Consumers Association
$83,870
Rainforest Action Network
$58,938
Rocky Mountain Institute
$58,725
Africa Action
$82,266
American Friends Service Committee
$71,597
Global Fund for Children
$70,091
Global Fund for Women
$81,107
Human Rights Watch
$57,682
International Medical Corps
$49,217
Ipas
$55,711
Ploughshares Fund
$76,237
Union of Concerned Scientists
$61,509
Women for Women International
$55,480
ACORN
$47,362
Center for Policy Alternatives
$49,333
Center on Budget and Policy Priorities
$52,001
Drug Policy Alliance
$48,986
Families USA Foundation
$69,164
National Coalition for the Homeless
$46,898
National Employment Law Project
$87,719
Oxfam America
$51,885
Project on Government Oversight
$72,758
Wellstone Action
$66,992
American Library Association
$45,075
American Progress Action Fund
$85,894
Democracy Now!
$53,888
Free Press Action Fund
$65,252
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
$52,265
Independent Press Association
$56,787
Media Matters for America
$59,223
National Center for Science Education
$49,829
National Coalition Against Censorship
$57,367
Public Education Network

(Total amount in 2005 includes donations to groups planting trees, customers rounding up payments and miscellaneous contributions.)

Business As Usual

y'all might want to call your senators and tell them to stop the immigration bill that just passed the house of representatives. not only can it make every illegal alien a felon, but it can make you one as well if you help one of them out with a bite to eat or a coat or a dollar or two or work at a charity that serves them. even if you do none of these and couldn't give a ratshit about the plight of the illegals, consider this: the only reason we can afford to eat our own produce is because we have illegals willing to work for less than minimum wage. that sounds callous, but think of where they come from. $5 an hour to most of them is like $20 an hour to any of us legals. and do you want to spend massive backbreaking (not brokeback, mustang) hours in the summer sun picking fruit and vegetables? i thought not. but if we had no illegals willing to do it then we'd have to pay serious wages to get lazy legals to do it and our supermarket trips would be a new form of financial hell.
and the groundswell of public opposition to this election year bill is impressive. the catholic and pentacostal churches are involved as well as every latino ever born. cesar chavez has got to be beaming over this. and tossing down a few more coals j edgar hoover's way.

BAGHDAD, Iraq, March 28 — Senior Shiite politicians said today that the American ambassador has told Shiite officials to inform the Iraqi prime minister that President Bush does not want him to remain the country's leader in the next government.
okay, so the shiites are being extremely shiity to the sunnis for decades of murder, torture, executions, gassing and whatnot. i don't condone killing squads, that's for sure. otherwise i'd be advertising in soldier of fortune for a group of snipers and renting hotel rooms close to the white house. but this is the same government that bush lauded not too long ago as he tried to shore up his sagging ratings. remember the purple fingers and announcements from our government that iraq now had a legally elected government? remember how bush claimed it was only with our intervention that this had come to pass and that now he was going to let them rule themselves? he was so proud of his accomplishment. couldn't stop smiling. but when things don't go your way domestically or foreignly, i guess the answer is to keep remolding in a democratic manner until the final outcome is what you need. and, yes, many many eggs may need to be broken until the fallen souffle turns to pancakes. so long as it looks edible and the ignorant masses believe that's what you meant to make in the first place. mmmm, pancakes...

frank harris III gives his opinion in the hartford courant and it is indeed an opinion. but a concise and direct one. and one i happen to echo. bush needs to clean house from the top down. and when i say top down, i mean top down. he's got to go. and take cheney and rumsfeld and rice and alberto with him. it is disgusting to know that many many americans let bush go on his recent proclamation that the troops in iraq will be another president's problem. just like that he let all of us know that public opinion is of no matter to him. the fact that the majority of us think invading iraq was a big mistake doesn't even faze him. what, me worry? bush is the alfred e neuman of politics.

y'all remember Abu Musab Zarqawi? claims to be bin laden's number two guy and all that jazz? keeps killing lots and lots of soldiers and innocents in iraq and elsewhere? well, NBC has a little article that reveals how we had three clear, can't-miss shots at him in the run-up to our invasion and all three were nixed by the administration. this administration is the same group that demonized clinton for two failed attempts on bin laden. and they call bullshit on blowing this bad guy to high heaven along with his chemical plants. very nice. at the very least, each time zarqawi's name is connected to a mass killing or roadside bomb or suicide attacker we know who to thank for his continued presence.

on the personal war front, i have to say that moving up here was the best form of spring cleaning. i whittled down my accroutements to something resembling sensible. now, it goes even further. i am becoming the lean, clean moving machine i always wanted to be, but never could, because i kept attaching too much sentimental value to material commodities. other than the cat, what really matters? okay...music, movies and groovy tee shirts. not much else, though. oh, and my bedding. and mom's rugs. and the couch.
maybe i should just name the cat 'shithead'.
grandma continues to show her beautiful stubborn streak. while not resigned to losing her house, she is aware and asking about church happenings and how her cat is doing.
so, while my tears were needed for me, perhaps they weren't so much for her.

Sunday Bloody Sundae

Lieberman says Bush wiretapping 'outside the law'
March 26, 2006
HARTFORD, Conn. --President Bush's authorization of warrantless wiretapping as part of the war on terrorism was "outside the law," Sen. Joe Lieberman said Sunday.
(okay, this is a weird start for the one democrat who is more in line with the republicans than any other)
Lieberman, D-Conn., also said he opposes a move by a Democratic Senate colleague to censure Bush over accusations that the president unlawfully authorized wiretaps without obtaining court orders.
(and this is totally in line for a man who thinks democrats are either leftist or confused)
"As I read the law I think the president's tapping or surveillance without a warrant was wrong," Lieberman said on "Face the State" on WFSB-TV. "It was outside the law."
(hmmm. outside the law. that could mean illegal. if i were to speed in my car i would be outside the law. if i were to peek in my neighbor's window or steal beer from the minimart i would be outside the law...because it's illegal. so, it looks like lieberman is saying bush broke the law)
"This is an important program," said Lieberman, who is seeking a fourth term this year. "I don't find anybody in Congress who thinks we ought not to be listening to the phone conversations and reading the e-mails of people that we think are involved in and we have reason to believe are involved in terrorist groups. (nice use of the "some people" argument) But it has to be done in America in my opinion pursuant to the Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and seizures. It has to be done with a court order."
(so, what bush has done is against the law. and what bush has done should not be condoned. but what bush has done should be legal and let's work to make it okay and what bush has done okay in hindsight?)
Lieberman, who has been criticized by liberals for supporting Bush's war policy, faulted a censure move against the president that was proposed last week by Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis.
"My own opinion, and it seems to be shared by most Democratic senators, is that it would be an unproductive use of our time," Lieberman said. "Again, it's looking backward. It would be divisive. The best thing we could do about this program is to bring it under the law and I'd prefer to spend my time and the Senate's time figuring out how we can adopt a law that allows the administration to continue this program but force them to go to court to get a warrant before they do."
(lieberman is using the bush argument: "i won't spend my time looking backwards. i choose to move forward". or what mccain said [paraphrased], " mumble mumble mumble screech into the breach")
(the other argument lieberman makes is let's bring this program under the law. how about we admit that this administration knew the law before it began the program and chose to ignore it. "it" would be FISA, the court that the president goes to when he needs a wiretap or phone bug or computer trace. that court has turned down four requests since 1978 when it was created. it has passed more than 10,000. get a calculator and check that percentage. and lieberman wants to legalize it by making it conform to an existing law that the administration actively and knowingly ignored while bush renewed it in writing every 45 days since 9/11 or earlier)
A possible Republican opponent to Lieberman announced his candidacy last week. Paul Streitz, a 63-year-old Darien resident, said he will seek his party's nomination and will focus on immigration control (good pictures) as his main issue.
(when a republican takes on lieberman with his entire agenda being immigration control that basically means lieberman enjoys getting fence burn and knows he will benefit from it, because he can cover every other republican talking point andf the republican opponent is wondering how to attack one of the very people his party is trying to woo. i'll bet this guy doesn't have much support, because lieberman is being courted by every mainstream republican and some outlying weirdos who don't want to see a different democrat in his place)

thinkprogress has a good point about dickhead tom tancredo who thinks making it a federal crime to aid illegal immigrants is in keeping with the bible.
(i grew up in a liberal methodist church. we were one of the first to offer our sanctuary to el salvadoran refugees and we were one of the first to become a sanctuary for all sexualities. a reconciling congregation. very fun even though i was a teenager when it all first began so i didn't get the full experience. i was a bit preoccupied with the youth group and we were preoccupied with goofing off, flirting, making fart jokes, meeting on the weekends away from the counselors and drinking or smoking the chronic, going to campus life and disrupting the "daylight" [meaning six inches of distance between the participants] dances by actually holding each other [which got bad once when john and i went on to the dance floor together for the song "three times a lady" and began tangoing...we never got to actually tango, it was more of a hand clasp, head spin, grunt and removal from public view by the present authorities], meeting at taco bell or denny's or carl's jr to plot our next crime. i may actually have to scan photos of us for anyone to truly understand our depths...but my church rebelled against anything it saw as betraying the love of christ and the methodist church certainly did that. every organized religion does that. doctrine is the masthead. for the methodists, though, liberal is not a deathknell.).

and only florida could get pissed off at a zealous vote machine overseer who doesn't want to see another 2000 debacle and who keeps proving the newest generation of vote machines are crap. of course, florida did give its electoral votes to bush after the supreme court decided that recounting all of those stupid little ballots one by one was a dumb idea. and the governor and all of his party and katherine harris (who is running for office right now and turning absolutely kooky in her delusional qualities and she was the one who stopped the florida ballot recount before the supreme court ruled and was appointed by jeb bush and accepted money from jack abramoff, jack...off. really, a do over is in order on the name) and the cubans who didn't know that bush hated them, too. especially when it comes to refugees, detainees and baseball world classic runner up winnings. it seems that fidel promised his team's runner up winnings to the victims of hurricane katrina ("i'm walking on sunshine...we-elll..."), but major league baseball and the administration are claiming that cuba gave up all of its monetary rights in order to play in the classic. that may be true, you never know. especially with our country that can't get past the bay of pigs. unless, of course, castro truely was behind jfk's murder and none of them can admit they fucked it up so badly. but i doubt it. some knucklehead democrat would have spilled it by now. in short, no cuban geets for katrina's wet streets.
now, if only hugo chavez would get with the program and stick to making up funny new names for bush and not keep poor people alive on the east coast with his oil. what a bastard. making political hay at the expense of the poor...in someone else's country. in a very obvious manner. which the minority opposition party might try to misrepresent and take advantage of come election time. which would probably help chavez keep his job, because the masses somehow seem to keep liking democrats and liberals if only for their weak knees.

long new york times article about the Lincoln group that pays iraqi newspapers to have its articles published. if only ol' abe could have done this he would never have had to leave springfield.

oh, and in case you thought the liberals in the blogosphere were as unorganized as the democratic party or as allegedly unbiased as the printed and viewed media, oh you so totally suck. we rock. and we're smart. at least in this one case we managed to raise arguments that were actually valid. word has it that al franken was so shaken he dropped his big mac, called michael moore and complained that "the liberals ruined my gucci". not sure what that means unless one of us hit his moped or stopped him from his annual nepalese trek to sit with his yeti.

and it's even better when republicans attempt to eat their own. i've never watched great whites go after each other, but i doubt it could get nastier than fools on a sinking ship who refuse to jump first for fear of being called a coward. oh, and d'amato's "i never met him before" defense is pure bush administration. whether or not it's true.

now, there's news that there may have been a russian mole feeding military info of ours to saddam hussein. good job. the link speaks of how the mole may have been either misinformed or simply very tardy with the intel. huh. ya think one or the other? just maybe? other than forgetting to tell the palace that they needed to act like masses awaiting liberation and strew flowers at our feet and sing whatever their equivalent of hoseanah is and not steal a billion dollars worth of shit in front of everyone (even though the bulk of it was US greenbacks and gold and no one ever saw it anyway). but i'm sure the mole got it right by telling saddam, "hey, hanging out in the presidential palace might be stupic right about now. you got a bunker?". and "the people hate you. did you know that? it seems, based on our newest polls, that this feeling may have existed for some time. some drivel about gas and torture and execution and women going about bareheaded and driving cars and having jobs and flying planes. pretty weird. we're not sure how this happened, but we're going to form a panel to investigate this as soon as possible. in the meantime, you got a bunker?". what is it about the russians? they're so good at offering free or really cheap code for no better reason than they can and it always defies microsoft interventions. but governmentally there is a bit of a competence gap.

i'll stop here. not that any of you dirty little commies will have read any of this. and for that i salute you. i wouldn't either if i was a rigidly caught doctrinaire. lachaim.

lachaim, i say. damn your little commie eyes.

update:
p.s. what do you think? it's 9:20 pm and she is having one of her nightly fits. so, $25-$30 for her and her litter boxes? i will throw in the catnip bags, tennis balls, laser pointer, plastic bags, ink pens, shoelaces, chair arms, pants legs, screen doors, carpets, norway rats and friends' allergies this cat has destroyed. she's a real bitch. and warm. sleeps with me when it's too cold anywhere else. finds the first spot to knead, does that for maybe 5 minutes. then she finds another place to lie down and take a nap. so long as it's right next to me.
think i'll keep her a while longer.

Cyber Yard Sale

then, of course, there is the winnie the pooh night light (which i bought at a tv KVPR auction so i could talk to a certain belly dancer i was infatuated with).
and the "no exit" sign" (left with me by dillyn with whom i had THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE for three weeks and then she disappeared).

and the clothes.
and the kitchenware.
and the candle holders.
and the rugs.
and the books.
and, oh, the baseball cards. talk about cards.
and the cat...what to do about the cat...
and my virginity, which i recently found hiding under the bed and am not sure i want to readopt, even if it works well in the bars.

Grandma's Sitting Up And Washing Herself

monthly natural gas bill: $90
monthly phone and internet bill: $55
monthly electric bill: $40
monthly trash and recycle pickup bill: $25
bi-monthly water bill: $90
monthly debt bills: $325
rent: $825
decision to return to the 'No for those and other reasons: priceless.