Sunday, April 09, 2006

Smoke Me A Kipper, I'll Be Home For Breakfast. And the MOVE awards.

this lease of mine is really weird. it states that i started my lease on december 1st and it ends on the last day of june. that's seven months. the first weirdness. the agency's rationale is that they prorate the first month. well, i moved in on december 1. so, the prorate is the full monthly rent. the lease also says i am responsible for paying them $4950 during the lease. divide that by $825 (the monthly) and it equals 6. so, wouldn't june (the 7th month) be free? if i pay through may then i have done my part to honor the financial part of the lease. the agent was almost spitting at me over the phone when i asked about leaving early and demanded june as my duty. but it looks like she outsmarted herself. six months payments meets the lease requirements.
oh, and my old landlord just offered me a place and i'm sending him a check to cover may's rent so that i can move in any time that i want.
now, it's a matter of trying to finish up my lab so that it is in good working order. we just expanded and modified it and if i'm not here to work out the details of the flow of it all then it's going to be shit for a while.
and it's raining again. zonthar would love it. as do i. i will miss this weather and climate. i won't miss the complete lack of anything to do, though. so many liberals, so few brain cells. really, i think this is where they go to retire. and then you have the military who make a large part of this peninsula. they aren't so much conservative or rightwing as they are uninformed and too busy working and making babies.
oh yeah. i work with a mor(wo)man who uses the word fuck like it's going out of style. love it. breaking the stereotype. bustin' a mold.
so, jade, hold the phone. i don't know how i can pay for any of this, but i'm coming home.
smoke me a kipper, i'll be home for breakfast.

update: well, wait a minute. this means none of you win first prize in my contest. no one gets to buy me dinner. what a shame and shame on you.
win goes to chris mendes who offered me one of his places today. he doesn't know about the contest yet or what his prize is, but i'll let him in on it after i move in next month. you'd have thought he learned his lesson after the first time he rented to me. of course, i did leave a bunch of beer in the fridge along with my note about what i couldn't get cleaned up. metaphorically, he drank the apple.
place goes to stephan, because he (perhaps, no definate, ill-advisedly) offered me a room in his pad. which was awesome in its brain-farted stupidity and generosity. remember me two rogue closing night parties ago? that's me before beer.
show goes to mustang since he actually looked for places for me at his own risk (according to his description of the apartment complex he gave me). just think of him covered in gang initiation tattoos and you'll get an idea of where he thought i might want to live. and how i want him to look for next year's rogue.
so, mendes buys me dinner.
stephan drinks with me.
mustang buys me dinner, drinks with me, and...uh...pulls my hair out of my face while i puke?...gets me a taxi?...lubes up my ski boots?...agrees to take my cat to his house one night a week and let the family love it up?...dry the ink on my papyrus?...i really can't remember what the last one of these was.
4th place goes to APJ who, i think, offered me her untended garden. at no cost. any time i don't let her know.
bringing up the rear is lecram with his east is north and north is east routine. not only did ne not know where in the north-east conflict he was, but he never found the center. kudos, bravo and more luck upon you who bet on the mule this time.
the miss congeniality award goes to zonthar. what a pus.
the foreign press award goes to APJ for her creative english.
the voter's award goes to jade for her role in forming SSM's only glee club. i hadn't before thought i needed one. hindsight's 20-20, isn't it? maybe that's why i bought the harmonicas.
best dressed award goes to kamotion from a year ago again (what is it with you guys? get some handlers), because i just watched her wedding dvd again and she looks gradient.
the "got it" award goes to mustang. he'll either understand or i just completely missed on my last joke. mustang, if you don't get this dear, consult miguel.
and, finally, producer's award: me.
so glad you could attend this year's MOVE Awards. remember to vote again when you leave for Most Obnoxious Segment, Presenter, Video, Idea, Dress, Acceptance Speech, and Political Maneuver.
Please tip your bartender on the way out. Good night.

6 comments:

jade ed girl said...

Hey Desperado... glad you've come to your senses.

I'd smoke ya a kipper, but I can't... cuz I'm relationship girl :) Ohh... that's not what you meant? Guess I'm spending too much time with APj...

Speaking of... APj might want to re-consider crossing drunk guys off the list... I mean do you want some or not?!

scarysquirrelman said...

i just had to clean my computer screen. you got me with my open.

Zonthar said...

SSM, I vote for your dress, because I could see your nipples.

lecram sinun said...

Zonthar... I think he flashed a little ass there too.

scarysquirrelman said...

i DID flash my ass. twice.

Mustang said...

For the record..some places on your body should NEVER be tatooed!

M