hmmm. do i pay for the move or do i rent a truck? the truck is way cheaper on the frontside. budget will do me for $699. but i need a tow kit for the car. that's about $125. and gas is estimated at $339.
so, do i sell everything i own and cram the little leftovers into my car? or do i go further into debt and try to maintain some kind of domestic continuity? i know what the cat would say: "toys, food, litter box, warm spot; all else is inconsequential and serves me not. now, pet me and then leave me alone. now, pet me again. wait, i changed my mind. go away. no, come back. go away. come back. go away. ooh, shiny thing."
unfortunately, i cannot afford to listen to my inner pussy. or my outer. i must make decisions soon based on finance and necessity. of course, i have to first find a domecile in which to place those items i decide to keep. based on jade's and my past experience with putting stuff in storage i opt out of that.
i must call chris m. and find out about any rentals he may have open. an agency that runs several apartment groups may have openings.
now, let's talk silence and complicity. the hell with the past. let's look to the present. someone hunt down joe lieberman and ask him why he will not stand up and say something about this newest information that dick cheney is right at the heart of the classified leaks and that he did so at the behest of george bush? i can understand republicans circling the wagons ever tighter (tighter, it seems, than physically possible), but a democrat hiding from the public? running from reporters? leaving through the back door? the one dem who has been invited to the inner sanctum of the administration's doings and briefings, because he is the dem they could count on to back them to the hilt? joe can run, but he can no longer hide. when we speak of appeasers, we speak of joe. makes me think of the movie "say anything" where all of lily's songs were about her asshole boyfriend named joe. and they were all depressed, suicidal and ultimately meaningless. still, i had to laugh. because it was all about the blind faith one puts in someone who has hurt you so bad that you have to hang on, because to let go is to admit that you have failed and wasted your dignity on a loser. so, some in this country will continue to sing joe's praises as a compromiser and uniter, because they're too invested to cede defeat. others of us were never taken in by this charletan and cringed when he was nominated as a vice president. look at his mealy mouth and it says it all. as a sidenote, did anyone watch "turner on turner"? there's a moment at the 2004 dem convention when jack turner and the camera crew catch joe. turner's handler asks joe if he remembers turner. joe's face shows confusion at first, then he shakes turner's hand and warmly says of course, how are you, gotta run, late for a meeting? joe got caught in the headlights and lied. because he can't be seen as forgetting someone. what's wrong with just saying, "um, no actually. refresh mymemory". fucking pols. sold to the highest bidder. no longer even caring about the common person. bought and paid for and every vote is a vote to pacify special interests. don't even think that a pol's vote is given at the behest of the people. if it seems like it to you, you're very gullible. all you can do is try to vote in those pols who most closely resemble how you feel. barbara boxer can surprise me once in a while. feinstein sold the farm a long time ago. jesse helms is actually one of the very few who voted as his constituents wished most of the time. but it's easier for republicans to accept massive graft and not fall out of favor with their voters. because most of the bribes offered are from megacorporations who have no interest in the environment or the homeless or the arts or education or civil rights or gas prices or the consumer index or living affordability or, well, anything to do with anything that truly affects you and me.
so, while the two parties spar over taxes and immigration and abortion and national security, you and i are left to wander further into the wilderness of being common citizens left behind by those who shape this nation with no thought to our well-being. left or right, it doesn't matter. we have been betrayed and left bereft.
and that is the silence and complicity that kills us. it's not so much us as it is them. most of us do not have the time to invest in seeking out the truth. we are too busy maintaining, too busy scratching for that little extra. and the pols know it. and they play on that. when your neighbor admits not voting or caring, he or she is not commiting a sin. he or she is copping to the common truth. we no longer feel we have the time to care about things perceived as being bigger than us or beyond our control. this is what the pols want. and it's what they've gotten. we work too much, we eat too much, we have too many children, we need too many diversions from our unhappiness. we have no energy left. we live in a nation of splendors and opportunities, but we have no energy to explore or enjoy or question. and we are now paying the ultimate price: loss of all of that.
herein ends the current apocalyptics of scarysquirrelman. feel free to tip the bartender.