(from 2003 shortly after the leak hit the urinal, president bush answered reporters' question regarding how he felt about the leakers who leak...can you say total hypocritical lying son of a-?)
Q Do you think that the Justice Department can conduct an impartial investigation, considering the political ramifications of the CIA leak, and why wouldn't a special counsel be better?
THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Let me just say something about leaks in Washington. There are too many leaks of classified information in Washington. There's leaks at the executive branch; there's leaks in the legislative branch. There's just too many leaks. And if there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated law, the person will be taken care of. And so I welcome the investigation. I -- I'm absolutely confident that the Justice Department will do a very good job. There's a special division of career Justice Department officials who are tasked with doing this kind of work; they have done this kind of work before in Washington this year. I have told our administration, people in my administration to be fully cooperative. I want to know the truth. If anybody has got any information inside our administration or outside our administration, it would be helpful if they came forward with the information so we can find out whether or not these allegations are true and get on about the business. Yes, let's see, Kemper -- he's from Chicago. Where are you? Are you a Cubs or White Sox fan? (Laughter.) Wait a minute. That doesn't seem fair, does it? (Laughter.)
Q Yesterday we were told that Karl Rove had no role in it --
THE PRESIDENT: Yes.
Q -- have you talked to Karl and do you have confidence in him --
THE PRESIDENT: Listen, I know of nobody -- I don't know of anybody in my administration who leaked classified information. If somebody did leak classified information, I'd like to know it, and we'll take the appropriate action. And this investigation is a good thing. And again I repeat, you know, Washington is a town where there's all kinds of allegations. You've heard much of the allegations. And if people have got solid information, please come forward with it. And that would be people inside the information who are the so-called anonymous sources, or people outside the information -- outside the administration. And we can clarify this thing very quickly if people who have got solid evidence would come forward and speak out. And I would hope they would. And then we'll get to the bottom of this and move on. But I want to tell you something -- leaks of classified information are a bad thing. And we've had them -- there's too much leaking in Washington. That's just the way it is. And we've had leaks out of the administrative branch, had leaks out of the legislative branch, and out of the executive branch and the legislative branch, and I've spoken out consistently against them and I want to know who the leakers are.
(and what does this mean if the president is allowed to "declassify" intel as he sees fit? now it's not a crime and no one should be punished, because the prez authorized it? this was revenge. this was petty thuggery. leg breaking. this was the action of a man who had spit in his eye. this is a man who also has a rather large beam in it as well. this is a group that will stoop to any level to hurt others. bush, cheney and rove must go. whether it's in leg irons or simply in shame i don't care. but go they must. they make nixon look like a dime store shoplifter. and what's a blowjob in comparison to this? absolutely nothing. and wait. do i hear the rumblings of the senate and house of representatives now waking up and calling for impeachment proceedings? no, i do not. because the cowards are all still saying that you don't impeach a president in times of war, which means nerts. because we are in a "war" with no end. and a theocratic mafia is at the helm of this oh-so-offcourse ship. now, they've hit some shoals, because they didn't expect libby to break. he obeys omerta and is pardoned when bush quits. easy peasy. except that fitzgerald obviously knows the kung fu grip of death and used it. for the first time in my life i'm beginning to revisit my stance against torture. i think i now believe that all elected or politically appointed officials should be made available for "coercive" interrogations while being questioned about purportedly illegal activities. and it should be shown on tv as some sort of game show.
"i can break that spirit in three whiplashes".
"waterboarding for $200, alex".
"i'd like to buy a howl, pat".
"squeal or no squeal".
great googlymoogly, folks. what more do we need from this administration? they suck, pure and simple.)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I'm Calling Bullshit on Alberto
hoo boy. this article by the new yawk times lays out some damning insinuations that, if proven, could actually lead to impeachment proceedings if the democrats take back congress in november. here's the sentence i found most relevant:
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the president has the ''inherent authority to decide who should have classified information.''
so, bush can take a classified document and decide a reporter should have it in order to disseminate it to the public and, suddenly, it's legally declassified. he can take our most secret nuclear technology and hand it to bob novak to print for the world to read and it's okay, because it's bush. the president. pardon me, but
Bullshit!!!
the only time someone in government is supposed to get away with releasing classified info is when that person is reasonably sure that others are breaking the law and releasing certain info is the only way in which to make sure existing law is adhered to. it's the whistleblower protection. bush wasn't blowing any whistle. bush and cheney were retaliating for the exposure of their lies.
and here's the attorney general of the untied states claiming bush is within the law, because if he does it it must be okay. monarchs crave that kind of unilateral fucking power. and some of them never get it. this truly is a king in the making. and a theocracy. and martial law. and "let them eat cake".
you know, the democrats aren't much better on the national scene, but at least most of them know when to call it a day. right now, the republicans can't seem to fall asleep for want of more power, money, influence and immortality. maybe that's what happens when you've spent decades as the minority party. so much ground to make up, so little time, so few brain cells.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the president has the ''inherent authority to decide who should have classified information.''
so, bush can take a classified document and decide a reporter should have it in order to disseminate it to the public and, suddenly, it's legally declassified. he can take our most secret nuclear technology and hand it to bob novak to print for the world to read and it's okay, because it's bush. the president. pardon me, but
Bullshit!!!
the only time someone in government is supposed to get away with releasing classified info is when that person is reasonably sure that others are breaking the law and releasing certain info is the only way in which to make sure existing law is adhered to. it's the whistleblower protection. bush wasn't blowing any whistle. bush and cheney were retaliating for the exposure of their lies.
and here's the attorney general of the untied states claiming bush is within the law, because if he does it it must be okay. monarchs crave that kind of unilateral fucking power. and some of them never get it. this truly is a king in the making. and a theocracy. and martial law. and "let them eat cake".
you know, the democrats aren't much better on the national scene, but at least most of them know when to call it a day. right now, the republicans can't seem to fall asleep for want of more power, money, influence and immortality. maybe that's what happens when you've spent decades as the minority party. so much ground to make up, so little time, so few brain cells.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Me, Myself and Ir-wreck
so, zonthar had a good question. why hasn't scarysquirrelman given a reason for returning and what is it?
well, i'm not saying. at least, i can't really cover the gamut.
suffice it for me to say that this was an ill-timed move. the reasons were right, the timing was not. had i waited one month i would not be up here. but that's hindsight talking. and as president bush once famously said, i prefer not to dwell on the past but to look to the future. of course, he said that in response to his failure to find WMDs in ir-wreck or a link between it and al-quaeda.
i can honestly say that the situation i was led to believe existed in this office does not, in fact, exist. i can further say that i am not a diplomatic person when it comes to dealing with bosses who have no management skills. even more so, i can say that i did not move up here to work 7 days a week and have no kind of balance between work and personal time (not that any of you would notice considering how much time i spend blogging).
certain promises were made, none were kept. certain expectations were given, none were met.
each morning i wake up and i do not look forward to going to work. this did not used to be the case. now, my first thought is "what is going to dumped on me today? how am i going to be made to think less of myself? what must i do to keep from lashing out? why do i always have to make the coffee?".
life is a gamble. this time the dice were loaded, but i placed my money down anyway. my own fault for believing in the goodness of others. mind you, this office has a great staff overall. lots of experience. but it is an angry office. and that anger has bled onto me in a very short time. and i see no way of changing the attitudes of those around me with whom i must directly work.
so, after my rogue vacation, i sat down and asked myself if being up here around all of this communal hostility was worth the payraise, the lab challenge and the chance to do something new at the expense of what happiness i brought with me from the 'No. and the answer, a couple of weeks in coming, was...'No.
the clovis office has approved my transfer. they understand that i am stuck in a lease. they will wait.
unfortunately, they may have to wait a bit longer than they or i thought. i signed a six month lease. on the phone and on the website it was a six month lease. i moved in december 1. when i signed the papers 4 days later i didn't notice that the agent had written in that the lease ended on the last day of june. and that one extra word was slipped into the jargon: "approximate". as in approximate six month lease. the agency has me dead to rights on paper. i signed a seven month lease. it's unethical certainly. but is it illegal? i'll bet not. my initials are right there on the bottom of the page. it's interesting, though, that the agent spent a lot of time going over the entire contract, but that is the one section she didn't point to. interesting, also, that when i called recently about moving out earlier then the end of may she very adamantly informed me that the lease ends in june. when i questioned this and counted up my months of tenancy she declared that she has always started leases on the first day of the second month and she's never heard of any agency ever doing otherwise. i defy any of you to find a person who's ever signed this kind of lease. not to mention that the contract stipulates that the lease began on december 1.
but there is that damned little word "approximate". i spoke with mr. geoffrey and he doesn't see how they can stretch "approximate" into an extra month. neither do i since there was no prorating done. plus, they received my first month's rent in november. and, yes, i have documented proof of that. but i have no precedent and web searches for lease laws have come up lean, very lean.
so, i will be finding a local contract lawyer to weigh my options. if worse comes to worst, then i will pay rent for june up here and down there. and suck it up. boo-rah. just watched jarhead. sorry.
just a damn good thing i've not gone on any baseball card buying binges of late. in fact, i've gone on no binge of any kind. other than food, beer and smokes. and two harmonicas (don't ask). i get up, go to work, come home, doodle on the computer, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, fall asleep on the couch. occasionally, i listen to the neighbor girls bicker. very funny. 14 and 16. definate siblings. but no spending sprees for which i used to be famous. perhaps, my subconscious was warning me.
anyhoo. there it is.
well, i'm not saying. at least, i can't really cover the gamut.
suffice it for me to say that this was an ill-timed move. the reasons were right, the timing was not. had i waited one month i would not be up here. but that's hindsight talking. and as president bush once famously said, i prefer not to dwell on the past but to look to the future. of course, he said that in response to his failure to find WMDs in ir-wreck or a link between it and al-quaeda.
i can honestly say that the situation i was led to believe existed in this office does not, in fact, exist. i can further say that i am not a diplomatic person when it comes to dealing with bosses who have no management skills. even more so, i can say that i did not move up here to work 7 days a week and have no kind of balance between work and personal time (not that any of you would notice considering how much time i spend blogging).
certain promises were made, none were kept. certain expectations were given, none were met.
each morning i wake up and i do not look forward to going to work. this did not used to be the case. now, my first thought is "what is going to dumped on me today? how am i going to be made to think less of myself? what must i do to keep from lashing out? why do i always have to make the coffee?".
life is a gamble. this time the dice were loaded, but i placed my money down anyway. my own fault for believing in the goodness of others. mind you, this office has a great staff overall. lots of experience. but it is an angry office. and that anger has bled onto me in a very short time. and i see no way of changing the attitudes of those around me with whom i must directly work.
so, after my rogue vacation, i sat down and asked myself if being up here around all of this communal hostility was worth the payraise, the lab challenge and the chance to do something new at the expense of what happiness i brought with me from the 'No. and the answer, a couple of weeks in coming, was...'No.
the clovis office has approved my transfer. they understand that i am stuck in a lease. they will wait.
unfortunately, they may have to wait a bit longer than they or i thought. i signed a six month lease. on the phone and on the website it was a six month lease. i moved in december 1. when i signed the papers 4 days later i didn't notice that the agent had written in that the lease ended on the last day of june. and that one extra word was slipped into the jargon: "approximate". as in approximate six month lease. the agency has me dead to rights on paper. i signed a seven month lease. it's unethical certainly. but is it illegal? i'll bet not. my initials are right there on the bottom of the page. it's interesting, though, that the agent spent a lot of time going over the entire contract, but that is the one section she didn't point to. interesting, also, that when i called recently about moving out earlier then the end of may she very adamantly informed me that the lease ends in june. when i questioned this and counted up my months of tenancy she declared that she has always started leases on the first day of the second month and she's never heard of any agency ever doing otherwise. i defy any of you to find a person who's ever signed this kind of lease. not to mention that the contract stipulates that the lease began on december 1.
but there is that damned little word "approximate". i spoke with mr. geoffrey and he doesn't see how they can stretch "approximate" into an extra month. neither do i since there was no prorating done. plus, they received my first month's rent in november. and, yes, i have documented proof of that. but i have no precedent and web searches for lease laws have come up lean, very lean.
so, i will be finding a local contract lawyer to weigh my options. if worse comes to worst, then i will pay rent for june up here and down there. and suck it up. boo-rah. just watched jarhead. sorry.
just a damn good thing i've not gone on any baseball card buying binges of late. in fact, i've gone on no binge of any kind. other than food, beer and smokes. and two harmonicas (don't ask). i get up, go to work, come home, doodle on the computer, watch a movie, listen to music, read a book, fall asleep on the couch. occasionally, i listen to the neighbor girls bicker. very funny. 14 and 16. definate siblings. but no spending sprees for which i used to be famous. perhaps, my subconscious was warning me.
anyhoo. there it is.
The Funnies
(every now and then a family member sends me something intentionally funny. i'd seen this one before, but it never fails to get a chuckle out of me. thought i'd share it this time.)
"After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an ”S”) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
"After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an ”S”) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Bastards On Our Doorsteps
i wanna talk about our neighbors to the south for just a minute. has anyone been paying attention to what's been going on down there? much of the doings down there have been underreported by the press due to the flatuence issuing from ir-wreck and afghanistan.
venezuela and bolivia are now considered extremist on the same level as cuba. in peru, a leftist is leading in the polls for their next president. and in mexico, it's the same.
chavez has been sending cheap heating oil to our east coast so the poor and elderly don't freeze to death instead of having to pay exorbitant prices our government has set up. he's, also, selling his crude oil for less than market value (venezuela has the largest oil reserves outside of the middle east). plus, he just grabbed control of another foreign oil company as he redefines the terms by which greedy multinationals can do business in his country. and he's called bush a liar, cowboy, bad guy, and mr. mean. he may have said something nasty about our beloved condi rice as well. the bastard.
in bolivia, evo morales (the first indigenous person [read campesino] to win the top spot) has announced that coca cultivation is no longer illegal (long the poor person's crop of choice). and he has aligned himself squarely on the "bush sucks" side. another bastard.
in peru, ollanta humala is a retired general who led a failed coup in 2000 and is now ahead in the polls. many so-called experts say that polls are misleading and, inthis case at least, they are correct. the polls are undercounting the poor who are one of humala's biggest blocs. he, too, is anti-bush and "free trade". and he could inherit the continent's most flourishing economy. bastrad #3.
in mexico, vincente fox is not faring well with the poor. or the middle class. or the border families who have seen hundreds of their daughters disappear and then show up dead and raped. or anyone who has tried to cross the border to find better wages that they can send back to their families. and he now has a rival who is playing on all of that. you know, speaking to the oppressed masses like a craven bastard (#4).
daniel ortega, of all bastards, is looking like the front runner for president in nicaragua. remember that this is the guy who led the sandanistas to armed victory and was chased back out by our own lovely contras so we could get a peep at violeta chamorra. he survived CIA assassination attempts and in-house tries. and he was enemy numero uno for (it seems like) ever. now he's back #5.
brazil, chile and argentina, while somewhat left of center (whatever that means marketwise) are still on friendly terms with our man bush for now. but the political axis is tilting down south. and their bastards are making our bastards look stupid and colonial. and dimwitted.
and none of them are muslim. what gives. i thought we only had to fear the muslims. why aren't we being told to fear anyone of brown hue (sorry, lecram)? because there's lots and lots of them really close by. and they speak real good english real well.
venezuela and bolivia are now considered extremist on the same level as cuba. in peru, a leftist is leading in the polls for their next president. and in mexico, it's the same.
chavez has been sending cheap heating oil to our east coast so the poor and elderly don't freeze to death instead of having to pay exorbitant prices our government has set up. he's, also, selling his crude oil for less than market value (venezuela has the largest oil reserves outside of the middle east). plus, he just grabbed control of another foreign oil company as he redefines the terms by which greedy multinationals can do business in his country. and he's called bush a liar, cowboy, bad guy, and mr. mean. he may have said something nasty about our beloved condi rice as well. the bastard.
in bolivia, evo morales (the first indigenous person [read campesino] to win the top spot) has announced that coca cultivation is no longer illegal (long the poor person's crop of choice). and he has aligned himself squarely on the "bush sucks" side. another bastard.
in peru, ollanta humala is a retired general who led a failed coup in 2000 and is now ahead in the polls. many so-called experts say that polls are misleading and, inthis case at least, they are correct. the polls are undercounting the poor who are one of humala's biggest blocs. he, too, is anti-bush and "free trade". and he could inherit the continent's most flourishing economy. bastrad #3.
in mexico, vincente fox is not faring well with the poor. or the middle class. or the border families who have seen hundreds of their daughters disappear and then show up dead and raped. or anyone who has tried to cross the border to find better wages that they can send back to their families. and he now has a rival who is playing on all of that. you know, speaking to the oppressed masses like a craven bastard (#4).
daniel ortega, of all bastards, is looking like the front runner for president in nicaragua. remember that this is the guy who led the sandanistas to armed victory and was chased back out by our own lovely contras so we could get a peep at violeta chamorra. he survived CIA assassination attempts and in-house tries. and he was enemy numero uno for (it seems like) ever. now he's back #5.
brazil, chile and argentina, while somewhat left of center (whatever that means marketwise) are still on friendly terms with our man bush for now. but the political axis is tilting down south. and their bastards are making our bastards look stupid and colonial. and dimwitted.
and none of them are muslim. what gives. i thought we only had to fear the muslims. why aren't we being told to fear anyone of brown hue (sorry, lecram)? because there's lots and lots of them really close by. and they speak real good english real well.
Monday, April 03, 2006
today's forecast calls for
this is my garden. do you doubt now that i need a place to grow my seed?
"Zarqawi's role has been limited to military action. Zarqawi bowed to the orders two weeks ago and was replaced by Iraqi national Abdullah bin Rashed al-Baghdadi."
heh. baghdadi. bighdadi. that's cute. dj bighdadi.
oh, did anyone catch the last round of the LPGA Dinah Shore Classic yesterday? no? well, let me tell you that red-blooded hetero american males are now officially allowed to watch and root. i give as proof of this the following:
all in one group. all hitting awesome
this is my garden. do you doubt now that i need a place to grow my seed?
"Zarqawi's role has been limited to military action. Zarqawi bowed to the orders two weeks ago and was replaced by Iraqi national Abdullah bin Rashed al-Baghdadi."
heh. baghdadi. bighdadi. that's cute. dj bighdadi.
oh, did anyone catch the last round of the LPGA Dinah Shore Classic yesterday? no? well, let me tell you that red-blooded hetero american males are now officially allowed to watch and root. i give as proof of this the following:
all in one group. all hitting awesome
Contest Update
Contest Update:
1 vote for the north side.
1 vote for the east side.
1 cosmic meltdown by a platypus.
1 berke breathed trashing.
2 trips to the store.
1 nasty dog teasing.
1 decrepit peruvian maid.
1 unbalanced maldovian pool boy.
1 sleepy rant against disco (i feel the same way about led zepplin).
1 anonymous dittohead.
1 'bitchin' accusation.
enough snarkiness to fill an elephant's sinus cavity.
0 (zero!) valid entries.
i don't know, folks. this isn't the clearinghouse sweepstakes. no one is guaranteed to win. you have to want it. you have to try. believe in yourself and you, too, can be a winner. otherwise, it's just another missed opportunity in a life filled with them. they say that it's never too late to change the path you're on, but in this case they may be wrong. the clock's ticking, time to saddle up.
1 vote for the north side.
1 vote for the east side.
1 cosmic meltdown by a platypus.
1 berke breathed trashing.
2 trips to the store.
1 nasty dog teasing.
1 decrepit peruvian maid.
1 unbalanced maldovian pool boy.
1 sleepy rant against disco (i feel the same way about led zepplin).
1 anonymous dittohead.
1 'bitchin' accusation.
enough snarkiness to fill an elephant's sinus cavity.
0 (zero!) valid entries.
i don't know, folks. this isn't the clearinghouse sweepstakes. no one is guaranteed to win. you have to want it. you have to try. believe in yourself and you, too, can be a winner. otherwise, it's just another missed opportunity in a life filled with them. they say that it's never too late to change the path you're on, but in this case they may be wrong. the clock's ticking, time to saddle up.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Contest Ain't Over. Get On Board.
so far, my contest to help me move back to the Big Bad 'No has garnered one (1) response. and let me tell you that "move to the north side" goes directly into the recycle bin for those less fortunate, good looking, talented, popular or well groomed than me.
i await your help. i anticipate it. i expect it. why?
because i am scarysquirrelman.
beloved of the sweaty masses and feared by the powerful. so, give me a shout out. help me to move back and, by so doing, help yourself to a richer life.
i can't offer you $20 and a free hotel room like some evangelical politicians do in order to fill up the room for a fundraiser, but i can promise you rewards beyond your imagination when you go to your final dirtnap, uh, heavenly destination. God will look kindly on you for helping me to regain my celebrity status in the Big Bad 'No as the idiot token drunk who makes no sense ever, but is looked on fondly as the mistake of any festival, event, idea or bad move.
because i am scarysquirrelman.
because i speak the truth.
because i will dance to sister sledge.
because i know all of the words to shake your groove thing.
because i listen to your problems and DO NOT LAUGH...immediately.
because i CAN overact my way out of a wet paper bag.
because i will recite very bad, self-written poetry at open mic with no shame at any given moment..
because i will tend your garden when you're not looking, but never for a fee and never when you ask.
and because if you set something free and it wants to come back, it's yours. if it doesn't, it's because you didn't enter the contest and make it happen.
i am scarysquirrelman. hear me bark.
i await your help. i anticipate it. i expect it. why?
because i am scarysquirrelman.
beloved of the sweaty masses and feared by the powerful. so, give me a shout out. help me to move back and, by so doing, help yourself to a richer life.
i can't offer you $20 and a free hotel room like some evangelical politicians do in order to fill up the room for a fundraiser, but i can promise you rewards beyond your imagination when you go to your final dirtnap, uh, heavenly destination. God will look kindly on you for helping me to regain my celebrity status in the Big Bad 'No as the idiot token drunk who makes no sense ever, but is looked on fondly as the mistake of any festival, event, idea or bad move.
because i am scarysquirrelman.
because i speak the truth.
because i will dance to sister sledge.
because i know all of the words to shake your groove thing.
because i listen to your problems and DO NOT LAUGH...immediately.
because i CAN overact my way out of a wet paper bag.
because i will recite very bad, self-written poetry at open mic with no shame at any given moment..
because i will tend your garden when you're not looking, but never for a fee and never when you ask.
and because if you set something free and it wants to come back, it's yours. if it doesn't, it's because you didn't enter the contest and make it happen.
i am scarysquirrelman. hear me bark.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Notes From A Dirty Little Commie
okay, so the executive director of "good morning america" has been suspended for a month for emails he wrote that were leaked to the press. one was about george bush during the 2004 first presidential debate. the second one was about madeleine albright. the one about bush is quite understandable and not offensive. the other could be construed as offensive, but mild in comparison to what i'm about to post here. remember this guy just got suspended for a month without pay.
now, we have michael savage encouraging his radio listeners to go out and burn mexican flags in an effort to protest their protesting the new immigration law bill currnetly in congress.
and we have neal boortz saying that rep. cynthia mckinney looks like "a ghetto slut" with her current hairdo. no, i can't find a picture at the moment.
no word on whether these two "esteemed" "journalists" are facing punishment for their racial attacks on people of different skin color. and i seriously doubt it will happen. the right wing gets away with it, the left and the mainstream get hammered. good thing we all know the media is still predominantly controlled by us libruls. otherwise, helen thomas would have to executed for interrupting president whatshisname during one of his press conference nonanswers.
scooter libby is trying to get fitzgerald relieved of his duties, because he claims fitzgerald is acting outside his proper powers. libby says only congress can approve this. oddly enough, he offered no defense for why bush should be allowed to continue eavesdropping on anyone he wants outside of congress's approval. or why it's okay to wage war on a country based on lies. or why electronic voting machines should continue to be used despite the fact that each and every one of them has been hacked and shown to be vulnerable to vote count changing. there really does seem to be no argument that what libby did was in violation of the law. so this move looks like an attempt to get in a new prosecutor who would be more crony friendly.
katherine harris continues her calimitous freefall, which i must admit i'm enjoying more than a little.
this could be pure bullshit, but what do YOU think? speaking for myself, i wouldn't put it past bush and his trolls. and i wouldn't put it past the democrats to cave on it for fear of looking like "terrorist sympathisers". i wouldn't put it past us citizens to accept it, because we are suffering from "scandal fatigue". think about that last one for a second. how many scandals, dustups, fuckups, lies, indictments, convictions, exposures, withdrawn assertions, blackmails, extortions, backstabs and fraud can one nation stand in the space of 5 or so years before tuning out and accepting the numbness that comes from being forced to deal with corruption on a daily basis?
ah. and finally. a note on why i, as a common drone grunt for a large company, seem to feel no joy in the recent "upturn" in the economy. i watch my smalltime office manager bring down over a hundred grand a year for nothing more than creating headaches for all of us who have to put out his fires and apologize to clients for his rash promises and work very long hours and weekends in order to NOT have to apologize to the clients. yet, he is the one who will walk away each year with a large bonus if the office shows a profit while the rest of us have to deal with the corporate line that no bonuses will be forthcoming, because we are in transition or something equally false and odious. this makes me want to puke up and scream, but i know it's the same everywhere or worse.
update: i got took. i totally forgot what today's date is. i have been working 7 days a week since the rogue and fell for an april fool's joke. the third term link above encouraged me to write the author and the following is the result:
(his reply)
You might want to double-check the date on that story.
t.
(my initial email)
oh, come on. this has to be bullshit. although i wouldn't put it past the bush administration to dream of this sort of shenanigan i have to ask you to publish your contacts. give us proof. otherwise, this is just another Onion article.
now, we have michael savage encouraging his radio listeners to go out and burn mexican flags in an effort to protest their protesting the new immigration law bill currnetly in congress.
and we have neal boortz saying that rep. cynthia mckinney looks like "a ghetto slut" with her current hairdo. no, i can't find a picture at the moment.
no word on whether these two "esteemed" "journalists" are facing punishment for their racial attacks on people of different skin color. and i seriously doubt it will happen. the right wing gets away with it, the left and the mainstream get hammered. good thing we all know the media is still predominantly controlled by us libruls. otherwise, helen thomas would have to executed for interrupting president whatshisname during one of his press conference nonanswers.
scooter libby is trying to get fitzgerald relieved of his duties, because he claims fitzgerald is acting outside his proper powers. libby says only congress can approve this. oddly enough, he offered no defense for why bush should be allowed to continue eavesdropping on anyone he wants outside of congress's approval. or why it's okay to wage war on a country based on lies. or why electronic voting machines should continue to be used despite the fact that each and every one of them has been hacked and shown to be vulnerable to vote count changing. there really does seem to be no argument that what libby did was in violation of the law. so this move looks like an attempt to get in a new prosecutor who would be more crony friendly.
katherine harris continues her calimitous freefall, which i must admit i'm enjoying more than a little.
this could be pure bullshit, but what do YOU think? speaking for myself, i wouldn't put it past bush and his trolls. and i wouldn't put it past the democrats to cave on it for fear of looking like "terrorist sympathisers". i wouldn't put it past us citizens to accept it, because we are suffering from "scandal fatigue". think about that last one for a second. how many scandals, dustups, fuckups, lies, indictments, convictions, exposures, withdrawn assertions, blackmails, extortions, backstabs and fraud can one nation stand in the space of 5 or so years before tuning out and accepting the numbness that comes from being forced to deal with corruption on a daily basis?
ah. and finally. a note on why i, as a common drone grunt for a large company, seem to feel no joy in the recent "upturn" in the economy. i watch my smalltime office manager bring down over a hundred grand a year for nothing more than creating headaches for all of us who have to put out his fires and apologize to clients for his rash promises and work very long hours and weekends in order to NOT have to apologize to the clients. yet, he is the one who will walk away each year with a large bonus if the office shows a profit while the rest of us have to deal with the corporate line that no bonuses will be forthcoming, because we are in transition or something equally false and odious. this makes me want to puke up and scream, but i know it's the same everywhere or worse.
update: i got took. i totally forgot what today's date is. i have been working 7 days a week since the rogue and fell for an april fool's joke. the third term link above encouraged me to write the author and the following is the result:
(his reply)
You might want to double-check the date on that story.
t.
(my initial email)
oh, come on. this has to be bullshit. although i wouldn't put it past the bush administration to dream of this sort of shenanigan i have to ask you to publish your contacts. give us proof. otherwise, this is just another Onion article.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Protect Yourself? NONONO! We Got You Covered.
oh man. this is just insane. the government, our government, is still decades away from providing our soldiers with adequate protective body armor (not to mention the vehicles). and, now, it's saying that all privately bought armor is banned if it's not issued by the military.
"In a new directive, effective immediately, the Army said it cannot guarantee the quality of commercially bought armor, and any soldier wearing it will have to turn it in and have it replaced with authorized gear." turn it in. and replaced by gear the government says is proper. how many soldiers do you think are going to go for that?
dragonskin may indeed be subpar (who knows?), but what is subpar compared to nothing at all? suddenly, the military is beginning to provide body armor and claiming that nothing but what it deems appropriate is adequate. this sounds like a halliburtonesque deal. "we will do what we've been pressured to do for three years, but none of you are allowed any other vendor from this point on". personally, if i was in iraq i'd be buying a larger footlocker and making friends with some iraqi who wants us there and asking him to bury certain items of clothing until further needed. at this point, i think all of them could use a gunga dhin or two.
thanks to generik for this one. he tends to be good for the occasional scotch drink and lap dance, but that's about it. unless, of course, he's horny and in fresno.
"In a new directive, effective immediately, the Army said it cannot guarantee the quality of commercially bought armor, and any soldier wearing it will have to turn it in and have it replaced with authorized gear." turn it in. and replaced by gear the government says is proper. how many soldiers do you think are going to go for that?
dragonskin may indeed be subpar (who knows?), but what is subpar compared to nothing at all? suddenly, the military is beginning to provide body armor and claiming that nothing but what it deems appropriate is adequate. this sounds like a halliburtonesque deal. "we will do what we've been pressured to do for three years, but none of you are allowed any other vendor from this point on". personally, if i was in iraq i'd be buying a larger footlocker and making friends with some iraqi who wants us there and asking him to bury certain items of clothing until further needed. at this point, i think all of them could use a gunga dhin or two.
thanks to generik for this one. he tends to be good for the occasional scotch drink and lap dance, but that's about it. unless, of course, he's horny and in fresno.
Help Find Me A Home Contest
yes, you read right. it's a contest to see who can find me a cool Tower District house to live in. notice i didn't say apartment. i said house. under $700. with a backyard. one bedroom, one bath, preferably with a washer and dryer. a duplex will work so long as the neighbors are old, infirm, deaf, or otherwise noise impaired.
what's the prize for winning? well, let's see. besides the gratification of knowing you helped one of the 'No's most famous and beloved drunks to return and regale you all with stories of debauchery and "there, but for the grace of God..." moments, dirty poetry at open mic, useless suggestions about the arts, slurring rambling diatribes on the state of anything i didn't invest in, snide comments about all of you, the experience of watching my clean my earwax with my pinky finger, masturbation anecdotes, unanswered phone calls and unreturned phone messages, bemused expressions hiding my real feelings, unnecessary and ill-timed odors, well...
First Place: Buy Me Dinner
Second Place: Drink With Me
Third Place: Buy Me Dinner, Drink With Me, Watch Me Get Slapped By Shookie, And Have Me Agree To Act Badly In A Play Written By You Or Directed By You Or Watched By You
Fourth Place: A Knock On The Nose, Because You So Very Much Didn't Try At All And Therefor Suck Wind That Convicted Ax Murderers Could Be Breathing
Wow. that is some serious bootiage. if it wasn't for the obvious legal restrictions on relatives of those putting on this contest i'd enter myself.
heh. i said "enter myself". there's a neat trick. and i am kind of at loose ends this evening. what the fuck. what's the worst that could happen? a pulled muscle or something?
what's the prize for winning? well, let's see. besides the gratification of knowing you helped one of the 'No's most famous and beloved drunks to return and regale you all with stories of debauchery and "there, but for the grace of God..." moments, dirty poetry at open mic, useless suggestions about the arts, slurring rambling diatribes on the state of anything i didn't invest in, snide comments about all of you, the experience of watching my clean my earwax with my pinky finger, masturbation anecdotes, unanswered phone calls and unreturned phone messages, bemused expressions hiding my real feelings, unnecessary and ill-timed odors, well...
First Place: Buy Me Dinner
Second Place: Drink With Me
Third Place: Buy Me Dinner, Drink With Me, Watch Me Get Slapped By Shookie, And Have Me Agree To Act Badly In A Play Written By You Or Directed By You Or Watched By You
Fourth Place: A Knock On The Nose, Because You So Very Much Didn't Try At All And Therefor Suck Wind That Convicted Ax Murderers Could Be Breathing
Wow. that is some serious bootiage. if it wasn't for the obvious legal restrictions on relatives of those putting on this contest i'd enter myself.
heh. i said "enter myself". there's a neat trick. and i am kind of at loose ends this evening. what the fuck. what's the worst that could happen? a pulled muscle or something?
Beware Floridians In Your Water
"This is the most important thing I can do with what God gave me, and I've got a lot of making up to do," said Monaghan, 69, who spent most of his childhood raised by nuns in Catholic orphanages and later became a self-made billionaire. "God gave me a lot and showed me it is not impossible to use it to help people get to heaven."
just one more reason to go out and buy a domino's pizza NOW!!! if the kooks want a place to be pure and unadulterated (unlike his pizzas) and live out their lives like the universe ends at their doorsteps, then by all means do it. and we should help. it's kind of like when you can't find a white aryan racist on your block and you find out they all moved to idaho and you go "cool. is it an interment camp thing or the fishing?". because you know the fishing there is overrated. the big sandy is a big fish story.
then again, one (well, me) has to wonder what this guy is thinking. building a city in SW florida? um, that's hurricane alley, bub. perhaps, he expects the ever-more-powerful 'canes to help the citizens recognize the power of God. and, since we truly have tipped the balance on global warming, his flock should be able to embrace an angry and vengeful one. it could, also, help explain his feeling that he can "help people get to heaven". sooner rather than later.
what is it about florida anyway? maybe they had it right in the 50's and 60's when they (you know who "they" are) were claiming that floridians in the water was a commie conspiracy to sterilize and weaken good, honest americans.
so, when the pundits call florida a red state, i guess they know whereof they speak more so than i had previously given them credit.
"occasional nuggets of wisdom"??? that hurts, mustang. that hurts. i work hard to make sure you dear, dear moron readers find nothing of value here. this is supposed to be the big mac daddy of nutritional news. twice the calories, supersize the stroke. the fact that you think i sometimes slip up and add a stalk of celery or something makes me want to show more boobies.
not mine. hers!!!
now, go away and move to florida or something. dirty little commies.
just one more reason to go out and buy a domino's pizza NOW!!! if the kooks want a place to be pure and unadulterated (unlike his pizzas) and live out their lives like the universe ends at their doorsteps, then by all means do it. and we should help. it's kind of like when you can't find a white aryan racist on your block and you find out they all moved to idaho and you go "cool. is it an interment camp thing or the fishing?". because you know the fishing there is overrated. the big sandy is a big fish story.
then again, one (well, me) has to wonder what this guy is thinking. building a city in SW florida? um, that's hurricane alley, bub. perhaps, he expects the ever-more-powerful 'canes to help the citizens recognize the power of God. and, since we truly have tipped the balance on global warming, his flock should be able to embrace an angry and vengeful one. it could, also, help explain his feeling that he can "help people get to heaven". sooner rather than later.
what is it about florida anyway? maybe they had it right in the 50's and 60's when they (you know who "they" are) were claiming that floridians in the water was a commie conspiracy to sterilize and weaken good, honest americans.
so, when the pundits call florida a red state, i guess they know whereof they speak more so than i had previously given them credit.
"occasional nuggets of wisdom"??? that hurts, mustang. that hurts. i work hard to make sure you dear, dear moron readers find nothing of value here. this is supposed to be the big mac daddy of nutritional news. twice the calories, supersize the stroke. the fact that you think i sometimes slip up and add a stalk of celery or something makes me want to show more boobies.
not mine. hers!!!
now, go away and move to florida or something. dirty little commies.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Create Your Own Commercial For A Chevy
"Check out the commercial [name deleted] created for the all-new 2007 Chevy Tahoe. Think you could do better? Think you're up to the task? Then take a shot at the Chevy Apprentice Challengeand create your own commercial that brings the best Tahoe ever to life. It could be your chance to win."
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=4ee0dd9e-11b5-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7
these people should really know better. i mean, come on. bored liberal who hates SUVs and has nothing better to do? woof. soft ball throw. whap. outta the park.
http://www.chevyapprentice.com/view.php?country=us&uniqueid=4ee0dd9e-11b5-1029-98eb-0013724ff5a7
these people should really know better. i mean, come on. bored liberal who hates SUVs and has nothing better to do? woof. soft ball throw. whap. outta the park.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
ITMFA, Daily Kos, America Blog and the War Nerd (and a smelly hippie). It's Da Bomb.
you know what's fun? seeing ads that the mainstream media giants won't run. like this one. a liberal (i think) church advertising the fact that it doesn't kick out or shun people for being different or for not fitting in to a narrow physical, sexual or idealogical box...hmmm, somehow i cringe to think what mustang is going to write about my putting sexual and box in the same sentence.
oh, and i just can't help it. dan savage, that rascally rabid sex columnist from seattle and the weekly rag The Stranger, is at it again with his new website ITMFA. Impeach The Motherfucker Already. Who knew gay men could all fired up about anything more important than the proper manicure or what to wear to a political demonstration. well, evidently he can. along with whatshisname over at the daily kos and the other whatshisname at americablog ("because a great nation deserves the truth"). great blogs, by the way. up to date on everything and lightyears ahead of the MSM. i steal from them all the time.
and one more thing: if its dateline is Fresno, you know it's gonna be funny. the WarNerd is a 'No gent who writes for the Exile, which is based in Moscow...um, idaho? russia? that's not him up above, by the way (that's the smelly hippie). the WarNerd is truly funny and informative. i try to read all of his columns if only for the comedic value. in fact, i'd love to see him perform at next year's rogue. if only to read something like this. ah man...'next of kin'... good stuff.
oh, and i just can't help it. dan savage, that rascally rabid sex columnist from seattle and the weekly rag The Stranger, is at it again with his new website ITMFA. Impeach The Motherfucker Already. Who knew gay men could all fired up about anything more important than the proper manicure or what to wear to a political demonstration. well, evidently he can. along with whatshisname over at the daily kos and the other whatshisname at americablog ("because a great nation deserves the truth"). great blogs, by the way. up to date on everything and lightyears ahead of the MSM. i steal from them all the time.
and one more thing: if its dateline is Fresno, you know it's gonna be funny. the WarNerd is a 'No gent who writes for the Exile, which is based in Moscow...um, idaho? russia? that's not him up above, by the way (that's the smelly hippie). the WarNerd is truly funny and informative. i try to read all of his columns if only for the comedic value. in fact, i'd love to see him perform at next year's rogue. if only to read something like this. ah man...'next of kin'... good stuff.
Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Lara?
lara (tombraider) logan, a reporter in iraq, gives what i think to be a very definative answer to the so-called pundits here in the US who claim that she and her ilk are obsessed with negative news reporting at the expense of positive.
crooks and liars has the video.
scroll down til you see her picture.
plus, she's, uh, kind of outrageously hot.
pig in a blanket hot.
crooks and liars has the video.
scroll down til you see her picture.plus, she's, uh, kind of outrageously hot.
pig in a blanket hot.
Jack, We Hardly Paid Ye
jack abramoff (heh. jack...off) was sentenced today to the minimum amount of time allowable, a paltry 5 years, 10 months. of course, he was sentenced in a state he did so much for (think jeb bush and katherine harris). and i (along with many others) would like to know who all these people are that wrote letters asking for leniency for this scumbag. i mean, really. the hockey referee? if i buy your children ice cream and rides on the merry-go-round before torching your house, can i get some of that "he's not a monster" love?
Working Assets Kicks Ass
working assets just announced its list of profit disbursements for the year 2005. it's a joy to be a member of their long distance phone service. and it's a kick to turn down the mega companies by telling them who i belong to and then hear that profound moment of silence on the other end ogf the phone before they respond with "ah. yes. well. but we're cheaper". in many ways, the megas are. most definately.
$119,210
American Civil Liberties Union
$46,267
American Constitution Society for Law and Policy
$89,175
Americans United for Separation of Church and State
$54,733
Center for Constitutional Rights
$53,109
Feminist Majority Foundation
$67,373
Human Rights campaign
$83,493
NARAL Pro-Choice America
$120,253
Planned Parenthood federation of America
$53,109
Project Vote
$47,543
Public Campaign
$64,388
Coral Reef Alliance
$82,595
Earthjustice
$54,531
ForestEthics
$54,299
Global Greengrants Fund
$56,850
International Rivers Network
$120,392
NRDC Action Fund
$62,300
Oil & Gas Accountability Project
$77,725
Organic Consumers Association
$83,870
Rainforest Action Network
$58,938
Rocky Mountain Institute
$58,725
Africa Action
$82,266
American Friends Service Committee
$71,597
Global Fund for Children
$70,091
Global Fund for Women
$81,107
Human Rights Watch
$57,682
International Medical Corps
$49,217
Ipas
$55,711
Ploughshares Fund
$76,237
Union of Concerned Scientists
$61,509
Women for Women International
$55,480
ACORN
$47,362
Center for Policy Alternatives
$49,333
Center on Budget and Policy Priorities
$52,001
Drug Policy Alliance
$48,986
Families USA Foundation
$69,164
National Coalition for the Homeless
$46,898
National Employment Law Project
$87,719
Oxfam America
$51,885
Project on Government Oversight
$72,758
Wellstone Action
$66,992
American Library Association
$45,075
American Progress Action Fund
$85,894
Democracy Now!
$53,888
Free Press Action Fund
$65,252
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
$52,265
Independent Press Association
$56,787
Media Matters for America
$59,223
National Center for Science Education
$49,829
National Coalition Against Censorship
$57,367
Public Education Network
(Total amount in 2005 includes donations to groups planting trees, customers rounding up payments and miscellaneous contributions.)
$119,210
American Civil Liberties Union
$46,267
American Constitution Society for Law and Policy
$89,175
Americans United for Separation of Church and State
$54,733
Center for Constitutional Rights
$53,109
Feminist Majority Foundation
$67,373
Human Rights campaign
$83,493
NARAL Pro-Choice America
$120,253
Planned Parenthood federation of America
$53,109
Project Vote
$47,543
Public Campaign
$64,388
Coral Reef Alliance
$82,595
Earthjustice
$54,531
ForestEthics
$54,299
Global Greengrants Fund
$56,850
International Rivers Network
$120,392
NRDC Action Fund
$62,300
Oil & Gas Accountability Project
$77,725
Organic Consumers Association
$83,870
Rainforest Action Network
$58,938
Rocky Mountain Institute
$58,725
Africa Action
$82,266
American Friends Service Committee
$71,597
Global Fund for Children
$70,091
Global Fund for Women
$81,107
Human Rights Watch
$57,682
International Medical Corps
$49,217
Ipas
$55,711
Ploughshares Fund
$76,237
Union of Concerned Scientists
$61,509
Women for Women International
$55,480
ACORN
$47,362
Center for Policy Alternatives
$49,333
Center on Budget and Policy Priorities
$52,001
Drug Policy Alliance
$48,986
Families USA Foundation
$69,164
National Coalition for the Homeless
$46,898
National Employment Law Project
$87,719
Oxfam America
$51,885
Project on Government Oversight
$72,758
Wellstone Action
$66,992
American Library Association
$45,075
American Progress Action Fund
$85,894
Democracy Now!
$53,888
Free Press Action Fund
$65,252
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
$52,265
Independent Press Association
$56,787
Media Matters for America
$59,223
National Center for Science Education
$49,829
National Coalition Against Censorship
$57,367
Public Education Network
(Total amount in 2005 includes donations to groups planting trees, customers rounding up payments and miscellaneous contributions.)
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Business As Usual
y'all might want to call your senators and tell them to stop the immigration bill that just passed the house of representatives. not only can it make every illegal alien a felon, but it can make you one as well if you help one of them out with a bite to eat or a coat or a dollar or two or work at a charity that serves them. even if you do none of these and couldn't give a ratshit about the plight of the illegals, consider this: the only reason we can afford to eat our own produce is because we have illegals willing to work for less than minimum wage. that sounds callous, but think of where they come from. $5 an hour to most of them is like $20 an hour to any of us legals. and do you want to spend massive backbreaking (not brokeback, mustang) hours in the summer sun picking fruit and vegetables? i thought not. but if we had no illegals willing to do it then we'd have to pay serious wages to get lazy legals to do it and our supermarket trips would be a new form of financial hell.
and the groundswell of public opposition to this election year bill is impressive. the catholic and pentacostal churches are involved as well as every latino ever born. cesar chavez has got to be beaming over this. and tossing down a few more coals j edgar hoover's way.
BAGHDAD, Iraq, March 28 — Senior Shiite politicians said today that the American ambassador has told Shiite officials to inform the Iraqi prime minister that President Bush does not want him to remain the country's leader in the next government.
okay, so the shiites are being extremely shiity to the sunnis for decades of murder, torture, executions, gassing and whatnot. i don't condone killing squads, that's for sure. otherwise i'd be advertising in soldier of fortune for a group of snipers and renting hotel rooms close to the white house. but this is the same government that bush lauded not too long ago as he tried to shore up his sagging ratings. remember the purple fingers and announcements from our government that iraq now had a legally elected government? remember how bush claimed it was only with our intervention that this had come to pass and that now he was going to let them rule themselves? he was so proud of his accomplishment. couldn't stop smiling. but when things don't go your way domestically or foreignly, i guess the answer is to keep remolding in a democratic manner until the final outcome is what you need. and, yes, many many eggs may need to be broken until the fallen souffle turns to pancakes. so long as it looks edible and the ignorant masses believe that's what you meant to make in the first place. mmmm, pancakes...
frank harris III gives his opinion in the hartford courant and it is indeed an opinion. but a concise and direct one. and one i happen to echo. bush needs to clean house from the top down. and when i say top down, i mean top down. he's got to go. and take cheney and rumsfeld and rice and alberto with him. it is disgusting to know that many many americans let bush go on his recent proclamation that the troops in iraq will be another president's problem. just like that he let all of us know that public opinion is of no matter to him. the fact that the majority of us think invading iraq was a big mistake doesn't even faze him. what, me worry? bush is the alfred e neuman of politics.
y'all remember Abu Musab Zarqawi? claims to be bin laden's number two guy and all that jazz? keeps killing lots and lots of soldiers and innocents in iraq and elsewhere? well, NBC has a little article that reveals how we had three clear, can't-miss shots at him in the run-up to our invasion and all three were nixed by the administration. this administration is the same group that demonized clinton for two failed attempts on bin laden. and they call bullshit on blowing this bad guy to high heaven along with his chemical plants. very nice. at the very least, each time zarqawi's name is connected to a mass killing or roadside bomb or suicide attacker we know who to thank for his continued presence.
on the personal war front, i have to say that moving up here was the best form of spring cleaning. i whittled down my accroutements to something resembling sensible. now, it goes even further. i am becoming the lean, clean moving machine i always wanted to be, but never could, because i kept attaching too much sentimental value to material commodities. other than the cat, what really matters? okay...music, movies and groovy tee shirts. not much else, though. oh, and my bedding. and mom's rugs. and the couch.
maybe i should just name the cat 'shithead'.
grandma continues to show her beautiful stubborn streak. while not resigned to losing her house, she is aware and asking about church happenings and how her cat is doing.
so, while my tears were needed for me, perhaps they weren't so much for her.
and the groundswell of public opposition to this election year bill is impressive. the catholic and pentacostal churches are involved as well as every latino ever born. cesar chavez has got to be beaming over this. and tossing down a few more coals j edgar hoover's way.
BAGHDAD, Iraq, March 28 — Senior Shiite politicians said today that the American ambassador has told Shiite officials to inform the Iraqi prime minister that President Bush does not want him to remain the country's leader in the next government.
okay, so the shiites are being extremely shiity to the sunnis for decades of murder, torture, executions, gassing and whatnot. i don't condone killing squads, that's for sure. otherwise i'd be advertising in soldier of fortune for a group of snipers and renting hotel rooms close to the white house. but this is the same government that bush lauded not too long ago as he tried to shore up his sagging ratings. remember the purple fingers and announcements from our government that iraq now had a legally elected government? remember how bush claimed it was only with our intervention that this had come to pass and that now he was going to let them rule themselves? he was so proud of his accomplishment. couldn't stop smiling. but when things don't go your way domestically or foreignly, i guess the answer is to keep remolding in a democratic manner until the final outcome is what you need. and, yes, many many eggs may need to be broken until the fallen souffle turns to pancakes. so long as it looks edible and the ignorant masses believe that's what you meant to make in the first place. mmmm, pancakes...
frank harris III gives his opinion in the hartford courant and it is indeed an opinion. but a concise and direct one. and one i happen to echo. bush needs to clean house from the top down. and when i say top down, i mean top down. he's got to go. and take cheney and rumsfeld and rice and alberto with him. it is disgusting to know that many many americans let bush go on his recent proclamation that the troops in iraq will be another president's problem. just like that he let all of us know that public opinion is of no matter to him. the fact that the majority of us think invading iraq was a big mistake doesn't even faze him. what, me worry? bush is the alfred e neuman of politics.
y'all remember Abu Musab Zarqawi? claims to be bin laden's number two guy and all that jazz? keeps killing lots and lots of soldiers and innocents in iraq and elsewhere? well, NBC has a little article that reveals how we had three clear, can't-miss shots at him in the run-up to our invasion and all three were nixed by the administration. this administration is the same group that demonized clinton for two failed attempts on bin laden. and they call bullshit on blowing this bad guy to high heaven along with his chemical plants. very nice. at the very least, each time zarqawi's name is connected to a mass killing or roadside bomb or suicide attacker we know who to thank for his continued presence.
on the personal war front, i have to say that moving up here was the best form of spring cleaning. i whittled down my accroutements to something resembling sensible. now, it goes even further. i am becoming the lean, clean moving machine i always wanted to be, but never could, because i kept attaching too much sentimental value to material commodities. other than the cat, what really matters? okay...music, movies and groovy tee shirts. not much else, though. oh, and my bedding. and mom's rugs. and the couch.
maybe i should just name the cat 'shithead'.
grandma continues to show her beautiful stubborn streak. while not resigned to losing her house, she is aware and asking about church happenings and how her cat is doing.
so, while my tears were needed for me, perhaps they weren't so much for her.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Sunday Bloody Sundae
Lieberman says Bush wiretapping 'outside the law'
March 26, 2006
HARTFORD, Conn. --President Bush's authorization of warrantless wiretapping as part of the war on terrorism was "outside the law," Sen. Joe Lieberman said Sunday.
(okay, this is a weird start for the one democrat who is more in line with the republicans than any other)
Lieberman, D-Conn., also said he opposes a move by a Democratic Senate colleague to censure Bush over accusations that the president unlawfully authorized wiretaps without obtaining court orders.
(and this is totally in line for a man who thinks democrats are either leftist or confused)
"As I read the law I think the president's tapping or surveillance without a warrant was wrong," Lieberman said on "Face the State" on WFSB-TV. "It was outside the law."
(hmmm. outside the law. that could mean illegal. if i were to speed in my car i would be outside the law. if i were to peek in my neighbor's window or steal beer from the minimart i would be outside the law...because it's illegal. so, it looks like lieberman is saying bush broke the law)
"This is an important program," said Lieberman, who is seeking a fourth term this year. "I don't find anybody in Congress who thinks we ought not to be listening to the phone conversations and reading the e-mails of people that we think are involved in and we have reason to believe are involved in terrorist groups. (nice use of the "some people" argument) But it has to be done in America in my opinion pursuant to the Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and seizures. It has to be done with a court order."
(so, what bush has done is against the law. and what bush has done should not be condoned. but what bush has done should be legal and let's work to make it okay and what bush has done okay in hindsight?)
Lieberman, who has been criticized by liberals for supporting Bush's war policy, faulted a censure move against the president that was proposed last week by Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis.
"My own opinion, and it seems to be shared by most Democratic senators, is that it would be an unproductive use of our time," Lieberman said. "Again, it's looking backward. It would be divisive. The best thing we could do about this program is to bring it under the law and I'd prefer to spend my time and the Senate's time figuring out how we can adopt a law that allows the administration to continue this program but force them to go to court to get a warrant before they do."
(lieberman is using the bush argument: "i won't spend my time looking backwards. i choose to move forward". or what mccain said [paraphrased], " mumble mumble mumble screech into the breach")
(the other argument lieberman makes is let's bring this program under the law. how about we admit that this administration knew the law before it began the program and chose to ignore it. "it" would be FISA, the court that the president goes to when he needs a wiretap or phone bug or computer trace. that court has turned down four requests since 1978 when it was created. it has passed more than 10,000. get a calculator and check that percentage. and lieberman wants to legalize it by making it conform to an existing law that the administration actively and knowingly ignored while bush renewed it in writing every 45 days since 9/11 or earlier)
A possible Republican opponent to Lieberman announced his candidacy last week. Paul Streitz, a 63-year-old Darien resident, said he will seek his party's nomination and will focus on immigration control (good pictures) as his main issue.
(when a republican takes on lieberman with his entire agenda being immigration control that basically means lieberman enjoys getting fence burn and knows he will benefit from it, because he can cover every other republican talking point andf the republican opponent is wondering how to attack one of the very people his party is trying to woo. i'll bet this guy doesn't have much support, because lieberman is being courted by every mainstream republican and some outlying weirdos who don't want to see a different democrat in his place)
thinkprogress has a good point about dickhead tom tancredo who thinks making it a federal crime to aid illegal immigrants is in keeping with the bible.
(i grew up in a liberal methodist church. we were one of the first to offer our sanctuary to el salvadoran refugees and we were one of the first to become a sanctuary for all sexualities. a reconciling congregation. very fun even though i was a teenager when it all first began so i didn't get the full experience. i was a bit preoccupied with the youth group and we were preoccupied with goofing off, flirting, making fart jokes, meeting on the weekends away from the counselors and drinking or smoking the chronic, going to campus life and disrupting the "daylight" [meaning six inches of distance between the participants] dances by actually holding each other [which got bad once when john and i went on to the dance floor together for the song "three times a lady" and began tangoing...we never got to actually tango, it was more of a hand clasp, head spin, grunt and removal from public view by the present authorities], meeting at taco bell or denny's or carl's jr to plot our next crime. i may actually have to scan photos of us for anyone to truly understand our depths...but my church rebelled against anything it saw as betraying the love of christ and the methodist church certainly did that. every organized religion does that. doctrine is the masthead. for the methodists, though, liberal is not a deathknell.).
and only florida could get pissed off at a zealous vote machine overseer who doesn't want to see another 2000 debacle and who keeps proving the newest generation of vote machines are crap. of course, florida did give its electoral votes to bush after the supreme court decided that recounting all of those stupid little ballots one by one was a dumb idea. and the governor and all of his party and katherine harris (who is running for office right now and turning absolutely kooky in her delusional qualities and she was the one who stopped the florida ballot recount before the supreme court ruled and was appointed by jeb bush and accepted money from jack abramoff, jack...off. really, a do over is in order on the name) and the cubans who didn't know that bush hated them, too. especially when it comes to refugees, detainees and baseball world classic runner up winnings. it seems that fidel promised his team's runner up winnings to the victims of hurricane katrina ("i'm walking on sunshine...we-elll..."), but major league baseball and the administration are claiming that cuba gave up all of its monetary rights in order to play in the classic. that may be true, you never know. especially with our country that can't get past the bay of pigs. unless, of course, castro truely was behind jfk's murder and none of them can admit they fucked it up so badly. but i doubt it. some knucklehead democrat would have spilled it by now. in short, no cuban geets for katrina's wet streets.
now, if only hugo chavez would get with the program and stick to making up funny new names for bush and not keep poor people alive on the east coast with his oil. what a bastard. making political hay at the expense of the poor...in someone else's country. in a very obvious manner. which the minority opposition party might try to misrepresent and take advantage of come election time. which would probably help chavez keep his job, because the masses somehow seem to keep liking democrats and liberals if only for their weak knees.
long new york times article about the Lincoln group that pays iraqi newspapers to have its articles published. if only ol' abe could have done this he would never have had to leave springfield.
oh, and in case you thought the liberals in the blogosphere were as unorganized as the democratic party or as allegedly unbiased as the printed and viewed media, oh you so totally suck. we rock. and we're smart. at least in this one case we managed to raise arguments that were actually valid. word has it that al franken was so shaken he dropped his big mac, called michael moore and complained that "the liberals ruined my gucci". not sure what that means unless one of us hit his moped or stopped him from his annual nepalese trek to sit with his yeti.
and it's even better when republicans attempt to eat their own. i've never watched great whites go after each other, but i doubt it could get nastier than fools on a sinking ship who refuse to jump first for fear of being called a coward. oh, and d'amato's "i never met him before" defense is pure bush administration. whether or not it's true.
now, there's news that there may have been a russian mole feeding military info of ours to saddam hussein. good job. the link speaks of how the mole may have been either misinformed or simply very tardy with the intel. huh. ya think one or the other? just maybe? other than forgetting to tell the palace that they needed to act like masses awaiting liberation and strew flowers at our feet and sing whatever their equivalent of hoseanah is and not steal a billion dollars worth of shit in front of everyone (even though the bulk of it was US greenbacks and gold and no one ever saw it anyway). but i'm sure the mole got it right by telling saddam, "hey, hanging out in the presidential palace might be stupic right about now. you got a bunker?". and "the people hate you. did you know that? it seems, based on our newest polls, that this feeling may have existed for some time. some drivel about gas and torture and execution and women going about bareheaded and driving cars and having jobs and flying planes. pretty weird. we're not sure how this happened, but we're going to form a panel to investigate this as soon as possible. in the meantime, you got a bunker?". what is it about the russians? they're so good at offering free or really cheap code for no better reason than they can and it always defies microsoft interventions. but governmentally there is a bit of a competence gap.
i'll stop here. not that any of you dirty little commies will have read any of this. and for that i salute you. i wouldn't either if i was a rigidly caught doctrinaire. lachaim.
lachaim, i say. damn your little commie eyes.
update:
p.s. what do you think? it's 9:20 pm and she is having one of her nightly fits. so, $25-$30 for her and her litter boxes? i will throw in the catnip bags, tennis balls, laser pointer, plastic bags, ink pens, shoelaces, chair arms, pants legs, screen doors, carpets, norway rats and friends' allergies this cat has destroyed. she's a real bitch. and warm. sleeps with me when it's too cold anywhere else. finds the first spot to knead, does that for maybe 5 minutes. then she finds another place to lie down and take a nap. so long as it's right next to me.
think i'll keep her a while longer.
March 26, 2006
HARTFORD, Conn. --President Bush's authorization of warrantless wiretapping as part of the war on terrorism was "outside the law," Sen. Joe Lieberman said Sunday.
(okay, this is a weird start for the one democrat who is more in line with the republicans than any other)
Lieberman, D-Conn., also said he opposes a move by a Democratic Senate colleague to censure Bush over accusations that the president unlawfully authorized wiretaps without obtaining court orders.
(and this is totally in line for a man who thinks democrats are either leftist or confused)
"As I read the law I think the president's tapping or surveillance without a warrant was wrong," Lieberman said on "Face the State" on WFSB-TV. "It was outside the law."
(hmmm. outside the law. that could mean illegal. if i were to speed in my car i would be outside the law. if i were to peek in my neighbor's window or steal beer from the minimart i would be outside the law...because it's illegal. so, it looks like lieberman is saying bush broke the law)
"This is an important program," said Lieberman, who is seeking a fourth term this year. "I don't find anybody in Congress who thinks we ought not to be listening to the phone conversations and reading the e-mails of people that we think are involved in and we have reason to believe are involved in terrorist groups. (nice use of the "some people" argument) But it has to be done in America in my opinion pursuant to the Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable searches and seizures. It has to be done with a court order."
(so, what bush has done is against the law. and what bush has done should not be condoned. but what bush has done should be legal and let's work to make it okay and what bush has done okay in hindsight?)
Lieberman, who has been criticized by liberals for supporting Bush's war policy, faulted a censure move against the president that was proposed last week by Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis.
"My own opinion, and it seems to be shared by most Democratic senators, is that it would be an unproductive use of our time," Lieberman said. "Again, it's looking backward. It would be divisive. The best thing we could do about this program is to bring it under the law and I'd prefer to spend my time and the Senate's time figuring out how we can adopt a law that allows the administration to continue this program but force them to go to court to get a warrant before they do."
(lieberman is using the bush argument: "i won't spend my time looking backwards. i choose to move forward". or what mccain said [paraphrased], " mumble mumble mumble screech into the breach")
(the other argument lieberman makes is let's bring this program under the law. how about we admit that this administration knew the law before it began the program and chose to ignore it. "it" would be FISA, the court that the president goes to when he needs a wiretap or phone bug or computer trace. that court has turned down four requests since 1978 when it was created. it has passed more than 10,000. get a calculator and check that percentage. and lieberman wants to legalize it by making it conform to an existing law that the administration actively and knowingly ignored while bush renewed it in writing every 45 days since 9/11 or earlier)
A possible Republican opponent to Lieberman announced his candidacy last week. Paul Streitz, a 63-year-old Darien resident, said he will seek his party's nomination and will focus on immigration control (good pictures) as his main issue.
(when a republican takes on lieberman with his entire agenda being immigration control that basically means lieberman enjoys getting fence burn and knows he will benefit from it, because he can cover every other republican talking point andf the republican opponent is wondering how to attack one of the very people his party is trying to woo. i'll bet this guy doesn't have much support, because lieberman is being courted by every mainstream republican and some outlying weirdos who don't want to see a different democrat in his place)
thinkprogress has a good point about dickhead tom tancredo who thinks making it a federal crime to aid illegal immigrants is in keeping with the bible.
(i grew up in a liberal methodist church. we were one of the first to offer our sanctuary to el salvadoran refugees and we were one of the first to become a sanctuary for all sexualities. a reconciling congregation. very fun even though i was a teenager when it all first began so i didn't get the full experience. i was a bit preoccupied with the youth group and we were preoccupied with goofing off, flirting, making fart jokes, meeting on the weekends away from the counselors and drinking or smoking the chronic, going to campus life and disrupting the "daylight" [meaning six inches of distance between the participants] dances by actually holding each other [which got bad once when john and i went on to the dance floor together for the song "three times a lady" and began tangoing...we never got to actually tango, it was more of a hand clasp, head spin, grunt and removal from public view by the present authorities], meeting at taco bell or denny's or carl's jr to plot our next crime. i may actually have to scan photos of us for anyone to truly understand our depths...but my church rebelled against anything it saw as betraying the love of christ and the methodist church certainly did that. every organized religion does that. doctrine is the masthead. for the methodists, though, liberal is not a deathknell.).
and only florida could get pissed off at a zealous vote machine overseer who doesn't want to see another 2000 debacle and who keeps proving the newest generation of vote machines are crap. of course, florida did give its electoral votes to bush after the supreme court decided that recounting all of those stupid little ballots one by one was a dumb idea. and the governor and all of his party and katherine harris (who is running for office right now and turning absolutely kooky in her delusional qualities and she was the one who stopped the florida ballot recount before the supreme court ruled and was appointed by jeb bush and accepted money from jack abramoff, jack...off. really, a do over is in order on the name) and the cubans who didn't know that bush hated them, too. especially when it comes to refugees, detainees and baseball world classic runner up winnings. it seems that fidel promised his team's runner up winnings to the victims of hurricane katrina ("i'm walking on sunshine...we-elll..."), but major league baseball and the administration are claiming that cuba gave up all of its monetary rights in order to play in the classic. that may be true, you never know. especially with our country that can't get past the bay of pigs. unless, of course, castro truely was behind jfk's murder and none of them can admit they fucked it up so badly. but i doubt it. some knucklehead democrat would have spilled it by now. in short, no cuban geets for katrina's wet streets.
now, if only hugo chavez would get with the program and stick to making up funny new names for bush and not keep poor people alive on the east coast with his oil. what a bastard. making political hay at the expense of the poor...in someone else's country. in a very obvious manner. which the minority opposition party might try to misrepresent and take advantage of come election time. which would probably help chavez keep his job, because the masses somehow seem to keep liking democrats and liberals if only for their weak knees.
long new york times article about the Lincoln group that pays iraqi newspapers to have its articles published. if only ol' abe could have done this he would never have had to leave springfield.
oh, and in case you thought the liberals in the blogosphere were as unorganized as the democratic party or as allegedly unbiased as the printed and viewed media, oh you so totally suck. we rock. and we're smart. at least in this one case we managed to raise arguments that were actually valid. word has it that al franken was so shaken he dropped his big mac, called michael moore and complained that "the liberals ruined my gucci". not sure what that means unless one of us hit his moped or stopped him from his annual nepalese trek to sit with his yeti.
and it's even better when republicans attempt to eat their own. i've never watched great whites go after each other, but i doubt it could get nastier than fools on a sinking ship who refuse to jump first for fear of being called a coward. oh, and d'amato's "i never met him before" defense is pure bush administration. whether or not it's true.
now, there's news that there may have been a russian mole feeding military info of ours to saddam hussein. good job. the link speaks of how the mole may have been either misinformed or simply very tardy with the intel. huh. ya think one or the other? just maybe? other than forgetting to tell the palace that they needed to act like masses awaiting liberation and strew flowers at our feet and sing whatever their equivalent of hoseanah is and not steal a billion dollars worth of shit in front of everyone (even though the bulk of it was US greenbacks and gold and no one ever saw it anyway). but i'm sure the mole got it right by telling saddam, "hey, hanging out in the presidential palace might be stupic right about now. you got a bunker?". and "the people hate you. did you know that? it seems, based on our newest polls, that this feeling may have existed for some time. some drivel about gas and torture and execution and women going about bareheaded and driving cars and having jobs and flying planes. pretty weird. we're not sure how this happened, but we're going to form a panel to investigate this as soon as possible. in the meantime, you got a bunker?". what is it about the russians? they're so good at offering free or really cheap code for no better reason than they can and it always defies microsoft interventions. but governmentally there is a bit of a competence gap.
i'll stop here. not that any of you dirty little commies will have read any of this. and for that i salute you. i wouldn't either if i was a rigidly caught doctrinaire. lachaim.
lachaim, i say. damn your little commie eyes.
update:
p.s. what do you think? it's 9:20 pm and she is having one of her nightly fits. so, $25-$30 for her and her litter boxes? i will throw in the catnip bags, tennis balls, laser pointer, plastic bags, ink pens, shoelaces, chair arms, pants legs, screen doors, carpets, norway rats and friends' allergies this cat has destroyed. she's a real bitch. and warm. sleeps with me when it's too cold anywhere else. finds the first spot to knead, does that for maybe 5 minutes. then she finds another place to lie down and take a nap. so long as it's right next to me.
think i'll keep her a while longer.
Cyber Yard Sale
then, of course, there is the winnie the pooh night light (which i bought at a tv KVPR auction so i could talk to a certain belly dancer i was infatuated with).
and the "no exit" sign" (left with me by dillyn with whom i had THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE for three weeks and then she disappeared).
and the clothes.
and the kitchenware.
and the candle holders.
and the rugs.
and the books.
and, oh, the baseball cards. talk about cards.
and the cat...what to do about the cat...
and my virginity, which i recently found hiding under the bed and am not sure i want to readopt, even if it works well in the bars.
Grandma's Sitting Up And Washing Herself
monthly natural gas bill: $90
monthly phone and internet bill: $55
monthly electric bill: $40
monthly trash and recycle pickup bill: $25
bi-monthly water bill: $90
monthly debt bills: $325
rent: $825
decision to return to the 'No for those and other reasons: priceless.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Not Your Normal SSM Post
my pal generik passed along a link to me today that i don't think even he could understand how much i would appreciate. there's a blogger out there writing about baseball cards in a most amusing manner. i had many minutes of enjoyment checking out this guy's posts. the one i've linked to in this post is very good. you don't even have to be a baseball card collector to appreciate it. oh, but if you are i have a collection of about 5000 mostly from 2000 up to the present that i would let go for a nominal fee. and when i say nominal, you know it's gonna be cheap.
on that note, i have to say that i'm feeling a spring cleaning mood coming on. what to do with the telescope i haven't used in over a year? 8" Celestron with a full array of lenses. hmmm. and the 24" flat screen tv still wrapped in its shipping shroud. and all of the baubles like the candle holders and dishware and kitchen appliances. or the gateleg table from the 1920's. well, i might keep that one.
then there are the futon couches that fold out into beds. and the corner pieces that will hold a tv or a computer.
the big box of music.
the bigger box of movies.
the books. oh my god, the books. by the way, Hunter Thompson's last compilation titled "Hey Rube" is a hoot. it's from his days as an ESPN sports journalist. damn funny and as wacky as ever. the dvd my sister sent me of a bunch of interviews he'd done over the years (dave letterman, conan o'brian, charlie rose and others) is fun, but it is obviously something someone duped from old vhs copies and HST is hard to understand. watching him interview keith richards is like watching a masonic handshake. you know it's important and you really want in on the joke, but they won't let you. the interview is to spoken english what shorthand is to the written. still and all, watching conan have to go to colorado, drink whiskey and shoot bigass guns to get his interview is funnier than an amoeba at a hermaphrodite's convention.
where was i?
oh yeah.
it's tough being an amateur heterosexual interior designer with ADD and commitment issues. and before you can ask the obvious joke question about whether i'm an amateur hetero or amateur designer: the answer is yes. i maintain my amateur status in all things. as it should be. forever and ever. amen.
so, back to moving things. do i take it all down to st. paul's thrift shop? some of it would just be going home again. seems a shame, but there's symmetry to it. kind of look at it as a rental. time served and on to the next lucky person. or i could do what i and a couple of friends used to do when i lived in seattle (before i moved back to the 'No). and that was to take what we could out to a garbage dump in the boonies and shoot the ever lovin' shit out of it. one of those buddies has been trying to get in touch with me. perhaps, the kitchen kabobbles need some good old-fashioned, all-american iraqification. and it would be good practice for me, because in about a year or so i expect the draft age to move up to 45 and i'll finally be eligible again for that free education i blew when i didn't study for my SAT's. so long as the PT at bootcamp is changed to the 16 ounce swig; nanosecond nachos munch; and body fat to muscle ratio is measured not in percentages, but in comfort zones. then i think i'm in and i can shoot things and spy on people and be like that really cool french guy who schmoozed all the english gits, ate all the caviar and champagne, and found the murderer in the last chapter.
god-damn it. i lost my train of thought. oh, the hyphen between god and damn it? it's so cool. have you ever watched mickey rourke? next time listen to how he says that. he always puts this pause where the hyphen goes. he makes sure it's two words and you know that he's pissed. just watched domino and he did it like three times. and then keira showed her boobies and...let's just leave it at that, shall we?
so, i got stuff to move. what to do? what...to...do? yard sale? free ads?
my neighbors keep lugging in lots of copies of newspapers. this has been going on for a week now. i don't know if they're paying 25 cents to clean out the street corner paper machines or they're taking the daily leftovers and i have no idea what they might be using them for. i do remember from when i was little and our family was very poor. my dad would wrap large bundles of newspaper in wireties and burn them in the fireplace like wood logs. the heat wasn't all that great, but it was better than shivering. and it looked neat. one thing my parents would do was buy some of that sparkly dust to throw on the fire so that it burned in different colors. so cool to a child. and it was a smart way of distracting from the harsh realities of a teacher's salary who was raising six kids. that reminds me that i never tasted real milk until i was about ten or so. all i knew until then was the powdered stuff. let me tell you, tasting 2% for the first time was like neil armstrong stepping onto the moon. life changing. history making. finally a true mustache. and i was no longer behind the curve compared to all of my friends.
i remember going over to michael's house, because he said his parents had a new tv. AND IT WAS IN COLOR!!! i had to know. it was glorious. and it filled me with shame, because he would no longer come over to my house and play. of course, his dad was a principal at one of the other schools. and michael had a ping pong table and a foosball table. none of us really liked him. we just used him for his toys. but going home to a small black and white tv was like being kicked out of saks fifth avenue and finding i could only shop at the salvation army.
but you know what? i watched martin luther king, jr give his biggest speech on that crappy tv and i remember it. we had the tv and this godawful black vinyl couch that sat about 40 and i remember him on the tv speaking and me being allowed to stay up past my bedtime even though i was all of about 4 or 5. my parents don't remember this, but i do (they remember the speech, just not me being in the room, but i do). so, that crappy tv will always have a splendored place in my heart. plus, i watched scooby doo, gilligan's island, the andy griffith show, sesame street, the flintstones, bewitched, i dream of jeannie,. oh man, just mentioning them brings back all of the pre-adolescent crushes i had. mary ann (she was a GOOD GIRL, ginger was too racy), daphne, aunt bee (okay, that one's weird, but i swear it was non-sexual maternal thing), betty...oh betty...oh mama, tabitha (yup) and, of course, jeannie with the "you can't see my belly button because that's not allowed on tv, but i bet you wish you could" and oh boy did i want to.
and, somehow, this all brings me to my grandma. like all children, i was born to two sets of grandparents. some of us knew all of them, some didn't. i knew three. my grandma on my dad's side and both on my mom's. my dad's mom died someime during my teens. she wasn't a very nice person and so it wasn't a truamatic loss to me. my mom's dad died in the 1980's and it did hit me. i was home with my sister the night the call came in. we were joking around with our parents when the call came. to watch my mother crumble while holding the phone was immediate in its cruelty and whim. without knowing what was being said we knew. my mother had lost her father. he died in his sleep, which is, i think, what we all wish for ourselves. no drawn-out, painful death. just a did not wake up moment. but it hurt me and my sister so much seeing that look on her face. and to see my dad knowing there was nothing he could do but hold my mother. inconsolable grief is the most wretched thing ever put upon humans.
after granddad died, it was down to one. my grandma. the woman who would visit with granddad every summer and i would run out to their guest room every morning and eat toast with raspberry jam and look at the stick figure pictures while they read from the good news bible. they and i had a routine and it was not to be fucked with. ever. we had fun and i learned and i loved them.
and now my grandma has collapsed. at the amazing age of 102. she just fell and they took her to the hospital and they told my aunt that she can no longer live by herself. she has to have assisted living. my grandma has always been adamant about living in rest homes. she hates them. she hates not being independent. she's legally blind (gave her license up when she was 96, voluntarily) and going deaf. she'd been fine up until now. but suddenly she falls to the floor and her cognitive powers are no longer what they were. she wants to go home. and she can't. and she doesn't understand. and my aunt can't make her understand. and my grandma is not all there anymore. she's confused and scared. and now we're waiting for her to die. because we know she's dying. because her worst fear was not being able to take care of herself. and the waiting is worse than the event itself. she is going to go out like uncle gene did. confused, unhappy, and lost. and no one will be able to console her in any manner which we would like to.
and i keep her quilt on my bed. the quilt was made of old clothes her mother cut from worn out stuff when grandama was a child. they were poor, too. they lived on a farm and they recycled clothing for as long as they could and then great grandma made it into quilts. and i have one. and it keeps me warm at night 80 years later.
they did what they had to. just as my grandma will do if she realizes she can't go home ever again. and i think she does deep within.
and i feel so bad for my aunt. she saw her husband succomb to alzheimer's disease in the last two years. she had to have him put away for his and her own safety and he died soon after. now, she has had to do the same thing to her mom. it's not fair for one person to have that much sorrow dumped on them in so short a time. there should be a limit. there should be a moment of rest in between. there should be a pause for reflection and a time of joy to celebrate each person.
and i wish i hadn't been the last child in my family. i wish i had been born sooner just so i'd have more memories of her. she taught me so much about caring and virtue and patience and loyalty and tolerance (when she met my son she took him straight to her heart) and so much of everything that it would fill 1000 lifetimes.
i didn't know this post was going to go this way. i apologize. i wanted it to be light hearted. instead, i've cried the whole time i wrote about my grandma. she's really special.
she came with my parents twice to visit me in seattle. i remember one of the the times we went to beatty's books on third avenue (a block from my apartment). mom was in a hurry to get there and grandma was lagging. i walked with her and she looked up at me at one point and said "your mother and her schedules. if she'd just slow down for once we might enjoy the day". when we got to the bookstore, grandma promptly found the right chair in front of the big street window and went to sleep. the beattys made sure that no one woke her up. and thanked me for bringing a woman of her literary taste to their shop. all i could do was laugh and thank them.
i miss my grandma.
on that note, i have to say that i'm feeling a spring cleaning mood coming on. what to do with the telescope i haven't used in over a year? 8" Celestron with a full array of lenses. hmmm. and the 24" flat screen tv still wrapped in its shipping shroud. and all of the baubles like the candle holders and dishware and kitchen appliances. or the gateleg table from the 1920's. well, i might keep that one.
then there are the futon couches that fold out into beds. and the corner pieces that will hold a tv or a computer.
the big box of music.
the bigger box of movies.
the books. oh my god, the books. by the way, Hunter Thompson's last compilation titled "Hey Rube" is a hoot. it's from his days as an ESPN sports journalist. damn funny and as wacky as ever. the dvd my sister sent me of a bunch of interviews he'd done over the years (dave letterman, conan o'brian, charlie rose and others) is fun, but it is obviously something someone duped from old vhs copies and HST is hard to understand. watching him interview keith richards is like watching a masonic handshake. you know it's important and you really want in on the joke, but they won't let you. the interview is to spoken english what shorthand is to the written. still and all, watching conan have to go to colorado, drink whiskey and shoot bigass guns to get his interview is funnier than an amoeba at a hermaphrodite's convention.
where was i?
oh yeah.
it's tough being an amateur heterosexual interior designer with ADD and commitment issues. and before you can ask the obvious joke question about whether i'm an amateur hetero or amateur designer: the answer is yes. i maintain my amateur status in all things. as it should be. forever and ever. amen.
so, back to moving things. do i take it all down to st. paul's thrift shop? some of it would just be going home again. seems a shame, but there's symmetry to it. kind of look at it as a rental. time served and on to the next lucky person. or i could do what i and a couple of friends used to do when i lived in seattle (before i moved back to the 'No). and that was to take what we could out to a garbage dump in the boonies and shoot the ever lovin' shit out of it. one of those buddies has been trying to get in touch with me. perhaps, the kitchen kabobbles need some good old-fashioned, all-american iraqification. and it would be good practice for me, because in about a year or so i expect the draft age to move up to 45 and i'll finally be eligible again for that free education i blew when i didn't study for my SAT's. so long as the PT at bootcamp is changed to the 16 ounce swig; nanosecond nachos munch; and body fat to muscle ratio is measured not in percentages, but in comfort zones. then i think i'm in and i can shoot things and spy on people and be like that really cool french guy who schmoozed all the english gits, ate all the caviar and champagne, and found the murderer in the last chapter.
god-damn it. i lost my train of thought. oh, the hyphen between god and damn it? it's so cool. have you ever watched mickey rourke? next time listen to how he says that. he always puts this pause where the hyphen goes. he makes sure it's two words and you know that he's pissed. just watched domino and he did it like three times. and then keira showed her boobies and...let's just leave it at that, shall we?
so, i got stuff to move. what to do? what...to...do? yard sale? free ads?
my neighbors keep lugging in lots of copies of newspapers. this has been going on for a week now. i don't know if they're paying 25 cents to clean out the street corner paper machines or they're taking the daily leftovers and i have no idea what they might be using them for. i do remember from when i was little and our family was very poor. my dad would wrap large bundles of newspaper in wireties and burn them in the fireplace like wood logs. the heat wasn't all that great, but it was better than shivering. and it looked neat. one thing my parents would do was buy some of that sparkly dust to throw on the fire so that it burned in different colors. so cool to a child. and it was a smart way of distracting from the harsh realities of a teacher's salary who was raising six kids. that reminds me that i never tasted real milk until i was about ten or so. all i knew until then was the powdered stuff. let me tell you, tasting 2% for the first time was like neil armstrong stepping onto the moon. life changing. history making. finally a true mustache. and i was no longer behind the curve compared to all of my friends.
i remember going over to michael's house, because he said his parents had a new tv. AND IT WAS IN COLOR!!! i had to know. it was glorious. and it filled me with shame, because he would no longer come over to my house and play. of course, his dad was a principal at one of the other schools. and michael had a ping pong table and a foosball table. none of us really liked him. we just used him for his toys. but going home to a small black and white tv was like being kicked out of saks fifth avenue and finding i could only shop at the salvation army.
but you know what? i watched martin luther king, jr give his biggest speech on that crappy tv and i remember it. we had the tv and this godawful black vinyl couch that sat about 40 and i remember him on the tv speaking and me being allowed to stay up past my bedtime even though i was all of about 4 or 5. my parents don't remember this, but i do (they remember the speech, just not me being in the room, but i do). so, that crappy tv will always have a splendored place in my heart. plus, i watched scooby doo, gilligan's island, the andy griffith show, sesame street, the flintstones, bewitched, i dream of jeannie,. oh man, just mentioning them brings back all of the pre-adolescent crushes i had. mary ann (she was a GOOD GIRL, ginger was too racy), daphne, aunt bee (okay, that one's weird, but i swear it was non-sexual maternal thing), betty...oh betty...oh mama, tabitha (yup) and, of course, jeannie with the "you can't see my belly button because that's not allowed on tv, but i bet you wish you could" and oh boy did i want to.
and, somehow, this all brings me to my grandma. like all children, i was born to two sets of grandparents. some of us knew all of them, some didn't. i knew three. my grandma on my dad's side and both on my mom's. my dad's mom died someime during my teens. she wasn't a very nice person and so it wasn't a truamatic loss to me. my mom's dad died in the 1980's and it did hit me. i was home with my sister the night the call came in. we were joking around with our parents when the call came. to watch my mother crumble while holding the phone was immediate in its cruelty and whim. without knowing what was being said we knew. my mother had lost her father. he died in his sleep, which is, i think, what we all wish for ourselves. no drawn-out, painful death. just a did not wake up moment. but it hurt me and my sister so much seeing that look on her face. and to see my dad knowing there was nothing he could do but hold my mother. inconsolable grief is the most wretched thing ever put upon humans.
after granddad died, it was down to one. my grandma. the woman who would visit with granddad every summer and i would run out to their guest room every morning and eat toast with raspberry jam and look at the stick figure pictures while they read from the good news bible. they and i had a routine and it was not to be fucked with. ever. we had fun and i learned and i loved them.
and now my grandma has collapsed. at the amazing age of 102. she just fell and they took her to the hospital and they told my aunt that she can no longer live by herself. she has to have assisted living. my grandma has always been adamant about living in rest homes. she hates them. she hates not being independent. she's legally blind (gave her license up when she was 96, voluntarily) and going deaf. she'd been fine up until now. but suddenly she falls to the floor and her cognitive powers are no longer what they were. she wants to go home. and she can't. and she doesn't understand. and my aunt can't make her understand. and my grandma is not all there anymore. she's confused and scared. and now we're waiting for her to die. because we know she's dying. because her worst fear was not being able to take care of herself. and the waiting is worse than the event itself. she is going to go out like uncle gene did. confused, unhappy, and lost. and no one will be able to console her in any manner which we would like to.
and i keep her quilt on my bed. the quilt was made of old clothes her mother cut from worn out stuff when grandama was a child. they were poor, too. they lived on a farm and they recycled clothing for as long as they could and then great grandma made it into quilts. and i have one. and it keeps me warm at night 80 years later.
they did what they had to. just as my grandma will do if she realizes she can't go home ever again. and i think she does deep within.
and i feel so bad for my aunt. she saw her husband succomb to alzheimer's disease in the last two years. she had to have him put away for his and her own safety and he died soon after. now, she has had to do the same thing to her mom. it's not fair for one person to have that much sorrow dumped on them in so short a time. there should be a limit. there should be a moment of rest in between. there should be a pause for reflection and a time of joy to celebrate each person.
and i wish i hadn't been the last child in my family. i wish i had been born sooner just so i'd have more memories of her. she taught me so much about caring and virtue and patience and loyalty and tolerance (when she met my son she took him straight to her heart) and so much of everything that it would fill 1000 lifetimes.
i didn't know this post was going to go this way. i apologize. i wanted it to be light hearted. instead, i've cried the whole time i wrote about my grandma. she's really special.
she came with my parents twice to visit me in seattle. i remember one of the the times we went to beatty's books on third avenue (a block from my apartment). mom was in a hurry to get there and grandma was lagging. i walked with her and she looked up at me at one point and said "your mother and her schedules. if she'd just slow down for once we might enjoy the day". when we got to the bookstore, grandma promptly found the right chair in front of the big street window and went to sleep. the beattys made sure that no one woke her up. and thanked me for bringing a woman of her literary taste to their shop. all i could do was laugh and thank them.
i miss my grandma.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Helen, We Hardly Knew Ye
so, everyone know who helen thomas is? no? okay. helen is the stanchion of of white house press corps ethics. she has had a front row seat at every press conference and daily briefing for a few decades. she has always been the first reporter allowed a question and all other reporters defered to her. until about 4 years ago when the bush cartel decided it din't like her queations anymore (i.e. the questions were tough, insightful and well prepared). since then she has literally been relegated to a back row seat and has not been called on once by either bush or mcclellan.
she has since then called bush the worst president she has ever covered and the most dangerous to our country well-being. not because she's bitter, but because she can see through all of the smoke, lies and disingenuousness thrown out by this administration. and bush was right to shunt her aside if only to maintain any measure of credibility.
today, however, bush called on her. her question? "why did we go to war with iraq?". this question has not been asked once since the actual incident. and she has made no secret of what she would ask if allowed to. bush's response was...um...not really a response (surprise, surprise) so much as it was an attempt at more smoke and lies. she didn't let him escape, but continued to force him to address the actual question. the result was predictably depressing in light of what bush said or, rather, wouldn't say. in short, his answer was no answer at all. it was evasion and ducking, because he knows he has no viable reason for attacking iraq. only armchair quarterbacking and revision. remember the weapons of mass destruction that anyone with half a brain could tell was pure crap? niger yellowcake? the reasons why valerie plame was outed? or saddam hussein wouldn't let UN inspectors back into the country when it was us who booted them out right before we began bombing? then on to saddam being a brutal dictator who gassed his own people with our weapons of mass destruction some ten years earlier? engaged in brutal executions of enemies? was a bad, bad man and we were liberating the iraqi populace? if you don't, helen does. she is the grand dame of political reporters and brooks no bullshit.
if you were bush you wouldn't call on her either.
also, bush is saying once again that he never tried to link saddam to 9/11.
oy vey.
on a lighter note, i tried out the new cafe a couple of blocks away. very cool. their condiment bar is the backside of a VW bus with its back door flipped up. there is a Woodstock poster on the wall. while i was there today, they were trying to decide where to hang an old fender stratocaster. someone in the family has been collecting thermoses for a loooong time and these decorate the upper book shelf running the length of about half the place.very hippy dippy and happy. the license plate frame on the bus actually proclaims washington as the liquid sunshine state. ahem. my latte was good and the food smelled terrific. evidently, the family is a local legend. they had some kind of cafe or store something downtown, but decided to get out of there. i only had 30 minutes to soak in the ambience, because i was getting my first haircut since last summer next door from the liberal activist woman. good haircut, great conversation. one of her stickers said "beef: it's what's destroying your colon". a poem next to her mirror spoke of mothers distracting military recruiters until their sons and daughters could head for the hills and until there was no more need for recruiting. she found me a good radio station while i was there. she named her son after john lydon. she partied with sha na na and the who on a boat and got really puking sick. she's into new music, but loves todd rundgren, the ramones, the sex pistols (duh!). i just love getting professional haircuts from independents. you never know where the conversation is going to go.
so, i found a sliver of culture two blocks from my house. man, that's depressing. this town has almost nothing. but it IS two blocks from me.
it's raining today and feeling like it's still winter. we had some great sunshine yesterday and teases of it today, but the water is settling in for the evening.
have a great night, ya hear?
she has since then called bush the worst president she has ever covered and the most dangerous to our country well-being. not because she's bitter, but because she can see through all of the smoke, lies and disingenuousness thrown out by this administration. and bush was right to shunt her aside if only to maintain any measure of credibility.today, however, bush called on her. her question? "why did we go to war with iraq?". this question has not been asked once since the actual incident. and she has made no secret of what she would ask if allowed to. bush's response was...um...not really a response (surprise, surprise) so much as it was an attempt at more smoke and lies. she didn't let him escape, but continued to force him to address the actual question. the result was predictably depressing in light of what bush said or, rather, wouldn't say. in short, his answer was no answer at all. it was evasion and ducking, because he knows he has no viable reason for attacking iraq. only armchair quarterbacking and revision. remember the weapons of mass destruction that anyone with half a brain could tell was pure crap? niger yellowcake? the reasons why valerie plame was outed? or saddam hussein wouldn't let UN inspectors back into the country when it was us who booted them out right before we began bombing? then on to saddam being a brutal dictator who gassed his own people with our weapons of mass destruction some ten years earlier? engaged in brutal executions of enemies? was a bad, bad man and we were liberating the iraqi populace? if you don't, helen does. she is the grand dame of political reporters and brooks no bullshit.
if you were bush you wouldn't call on her either.
also, bush is saying once again that he never tried to link saddam to 9/11.
oy vey.
on a lighter note, i tried out the new cafe a couple of blocks away. very cool. their condiment bar is the backside of a VW bus with its back door flipped up. there is a Woodstock poster on the wall. while i was there today, they were trying to decide where to hang an old fender stratocaster. someone in the family has been collecting thermoses for a loooong time and these decorate the upper book shelf running the length of about half the place.very hippy dippy and happy. the license plate frame on the bus actually proclaims washington as the liquid sunshine state. ahem. my latte was good and the food smelled terrific. evidently, the family is a local legend. they had some kind of cafe or store something downtown, but decided to get out of there. i only had 30 minutes to soak in the ambience, because i was getting my first haircut since last summer next door from the liberal activist woman. good haircut, great conversation. one of her stickers said "beef: it's what's destroying your colon". a poem next to her mirror spoke of mothers distracting military recruiters until their sons and daughters could head for the hills and until there was no more need for recruiting. she found me a good radio station while i was there. she named her son after john lydon. she partied with sha na na and the who on a boat and got really puking sick. she's into new music, but loves todd rundgren, the ramones, the sex pistols (duh!). i just love getting professional haircuts from independents. you never know where the conversation is going to go.
so, i found a sliver of culture two blocks from my house. man, that's depressing. this town has almost nothing. but it IS two blocks from me.
it's raining today and feeling like it's still winter. we had some great sunshine yesterday and teases of it today, but the water is settling in for the evening.
have a great night, ya hear?
Monday, March 20, 2006
Nasty Nymphos Need My Nachos
On CBS News' "Face the Nation," Mr. Cheney sought to place the war in a broader context. "It's not just about Iraq, it's not about just today's situation in Iraq," he said. "It's about where we're going to be 10 years from now in the Middle East and whether or not there's going to be hope and the development of the governments that are responsive to the will of the people, that are not a threat to anyone, that are not safe havens for terror or manufacturers of weapons of mass destruction."
who's "we" exactly? we the people or we americans or we republicans or we adminstration historical figures or we the world or we not the threat or we the safe haven?
vietnam, at least, had something of a civil war going on...sort of. the ruling faction was being attacked by the rival faction who found foreign military support. and we had signed a really ill-advised treaty with them. so had france and another country. the french went in first...sort of. they got the shit knocked out of the forefathers. we took over for whatever reason besides the treaty. we've never admitted getting our ass kicked by the vietnemese, but something or ours was hit up. hard.
in iraq, we had nothing. saddam hussein ruled with an iron fist. the shi'ites could attend their mosques and practice their religion very quietly. but they could not disagree with any of hussein's decisions. otherwise, he would have to hurt them. and what they did bad, he did back twice. not pretty at all.
but we put him in place. we kept him in place. we watched his children grow up. we watched them frolic and gambol and then try to flee the country with something like a billion dollars in lots of different denominations (cash, gold, statues, bullion, jewelry, bonds, ancient figurines, literary works, land titles, biblical artifacts, blackmail of enemies, medals, pictures, antique furniture, rare animals...these boys had it all and, when push came to shove, they grabbed as much as they could in the time they had...and they loved their father for all he was worth...saddam is still doing what he likes to do, which is act the revolutionary and upset the proceedings with vehement rhetoric. this is his poison. he gets off on being pissed). then we saw them ripped to shreds by bullets. benny and clyde. it makes me think of o brother where art thou? when they're in the barn loft and clooney keeps saying "damn, we're in a tight spot". but, of course, the boys fuck it up. and die.
a fitting epitaph, maybe, to an entire family as it now must accept entry to the lowest echelon of the ruling class. these are the remnants of war. not just ours, but decades of internecine fighting. we just happened to be the latest foreigner to make a try.
forgot where i was going. nice night, y'all.
who's "we" exactly? we the people or we americans or we republicans or we adminstration historical figures or we the world or we not the threat or we the safe haven?
vietnam, at least, had something of a civil war going on...sort of. the ruling faction was being attacked by the rival faction who found foreign military support. and we had signed a really ill-advised treaty with them. so had france and another country. the french went in first...sort of. they got the shit knocked out of the forefathers. we took over for whatever reason besides the treaty. we've never admitted getting our ass kicked by the vietnemese, but something or ours was hit up. hard.
in iraq, we had nothing. saddam hussein ruled with an iron fist. the shi'ites could attend their mosques and practice their religion very quietly. but they could not disagree with any of hussein's decisions. otherwise, he would have to hurt them. and what they did bad, he did back twice. not pretty at all.
but we put him in place. we kept him in place. we watched his children grow up. we watched them frolic and gambol and then try to flee the country with something like a billion dollars in lots of different denominations (cash, gold, statues, bullion, jewelry, bonds, ancient figurines, literary works, land titles, biblical artifacts, blackmail of enemies, medals, pictures, antique furniture, rare animals...these boys had it all and, when push came to shove, they grabbed as much as they could in the time they had...and they loved their father for all he was worth...saddam is still doing what he likes to do, which is act the revolutionary and upset the proceedings with vehement rhetoric. this is his poison. he gets off on being pissed). then we saw them ripped to shreds by bullets. benny and clyde. it makes me think of o brother where art thou? when they're in the barn loft and clooney keeps saying "damn, we're in a tight spot". but, of course, the boys fuck it up. and die.
a fitting epitaph, maybe, to an entire family as it now must accept entry to the lowest echelon of the ruling class. these are the remnants of war. not just ours, but decades of internecine fighting. we just happened to be the latest foreigner to make a try.
forgot where i was going. nice night, y'all.
Jack...Off. Why Wouldn't You Ask For A Do-Over?
i have bad news and good news. the bad news is that the nasty burning sensation in your crotch is hereditary and not related to your habit of dry humping store mannequins. the good news is i just saved a shitload of cash by switching to allstate!...seriously.
out of boredom the other night, i filled out an online auto insurance quote form. five different outfits emailed me quotes that would be laughable if i was a person into laughing. which i'm not, because i am a curmudgeon (not a title i chose; it was given me by some very...dear...friends). ergo, no laugh at joke.
but the local allstate office called me today. yes, called. at work. and offered me the same coverage i have with geico fo a buttload less plus renter's insurance (which i was supposed to get 4 months ago according to my lease). this group actually believed me when i said that i drive my car less than a thousand miles a year (unless, of course, i drive down to the 'No).
and renter's insurance? $21,000 worth. anyone got a match? no, really. i'd never do something like that on purpose. really. but it does remind me...where DID i put that lit cigarette? what's cool about the renter's is that i don't have to take pictures of every damn thing. so long as i know the make and model of stuff like the tv, telescope, computer, and whatnot it's cool. the only bad is that my baseball card collection falls under the "limited" category. no individual card is covered for more than $250. fortunately, i have only 5 or 6 that exceed that value. but the entire collection is worth only $1500 should catastrophe strike. of course, most people i know would say that catastrophe DID strike when i bought my first pack of cards and pulled out an autograph. what they don't understand is that this is my retirement fund. these things appreciate more than some bonds. buy a pack, pull the right card (which i have a habit of doing) and profit is guaranteed. oh sure, the purist collector would say "no, no. you can't put a price on these". to him/her i say," plplplplplpl!!!". yes i can. and now i have. so, shove off.
but enough about that. let's move on to politics, that animal i so love to dangler shiny objects in front of.
Finding inspiration from God, The Last of the Mohicans and The Lord of Rings, Katherine Harris told hundreds of conservative Christians Saturday that she is "a work in progress."
remember that this is the person who shut down recounting of the ballots in 2000 in florida. she, also, accepted money from jack abramoff ( i swear, how can anyone have a name that starts with jack and ends with off) and won't donate it or give it back. her own staff has asked her to drop out of this race. but when God calls...and i can understand that one. but lord of the rings? what, does she think she's running against trollocs or that dark lord himself? and then there's this little gem:
"...redirected my life to the Lord when I was only in the third grade..."
wow. to be that precocious. to be that enlightened. to be that full of shit.
third grade. no gum balls, paperwad spitting, pulling braids for her. nooooo. walking in the Light Of Jeeee-sus. bowing before the Almighty when every other child in the universe is playing sick on a Monday and counting marbles against the next playground matchup. she is truly unique. and full of shit. how desperate do you have to be to get up in front of an audience and claim rightiousness at the age of 8? does she truly believe the fundies can carry her to victory? then, there's this addendum:
"...blessed to be raised in a godly family..."
i keep hearing this country song at work, because i'm such a nice guy i let my lab bitch play his favorite station. the song starts off by telling us how this poor little girl was being raised without religion. both her parents were godless. and they drank. and they fought. and they were basically junkies with no moral compass. and every time i hear it i want to shoot the radio, because it's so morally self-rightious. if this poor little girl had only had God in her life, then everything else would have worked out. bullshit. and then i read about politicians raising the religion flag. even though they accept money from immoral assholes and won't give it back. even thought they shut down vote recounts when they knew it would screw their chosen one. even though their own backers tell them they suck at what they do. even though they suck up to fringe associates who fill their ears with what they want to hear and they don't stop to wonder if they aren't just giving a free ride to trollocs. but they're "blessed" to be raised in a godly family. by the way, republicans (of which harris is one) have a higher rate of divorce than democrats. coincidence?
and that is my rant for this evening. please stay tuned for your regularly scheduled program of insults should i decide to post another.
by the way, got to watch the new harry potter movie last night. oh yeah. it just keeps getting darker and darker. such a fun series. and hermione got her boobies. that's so cute. and harry is now, like, the shortest guy at the school. neville towers over him. great stuff from brendan gleeson. and michael gambon is doing a heckuva job standing for the late Richard Harris. the other stalwarts (maggie and alan and gary and robbie) just keep on having fun. and a nice touch having hagrid try to grab his girlfriend's ass at the dance.
anyway, we were talking politics or what passes for it nowadays. i think that most people are, by now, scandaled out. what with the spying and torturing and vote rigging and lobbyist payola and record deficit and lying about why we're in Iraq and shooting our friends in the face and stabbing them in the back and outing CIA agents and obstructing justice and flying prisoners to other countries to be tortured and opting India out of the nuclear non-proliferation treaty (but not pakistan) and forging documents to bolster the Iraq invasion and completely fucking up hurricane katrina (i'm walking on sunshine, we-ell...) and medicare and social security and gutting the treasury and ignoring global warming and trying to open alaska to oil drilling and defending the NRA and intimating that abortion should be outlawed in toto (why is it that being pro-choice means i want all women to have an abortion each and every, let alone any, time?) and granting faith-based nonprofit groups lots of money while giving almost none to outreach programs that won't adhere to very strict moralist rules and cozying up to the likes of pat robertson, ralph reed, bill o'reilly, rush limbaugh, ann coulter, jesse helms, rick "man on dog" santorum, randy cunningham, jack abramoff (again, jack...off), the Saudis, Dubai. it gets to be too much after a while. we can't keep track of the numbers. clinton had a blowjob. that was easy. carter lusted in his heart and let a bunch of spies, i mean embassy workers, get hijacked in iran. also easy. but isolated. this group has a new scandal just about every day and eventually we throw up our hands and say "fuck it".
you know what else sucks? i used to be able to change the time of my post. now, i can't. it's 7:16 on the left coast. adjust your wrist clocks as needed.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Tom Cruise Is Not Gay And Neither Is Chef
man, do i love yahoo news. it has a way of skewering the topic while providing information. the latest is the so-called controversy over South park having an episode yanked at the behest of Tom Cruise. Cruise denies it (well, one of his flaks does) and, according to yahoo, is an "avowed heterosexual". what the hell does that mean? professing one's love for women in public? while jumping on a couch? and telling talking heads that they know nothing about the history chemical imbalances? while he does (i'll bet he does)?
i don't think i've seen anyone in the public eye work harder to convince the world at large that he is NOT GAY than mr Cruise. you'd think after failed marriages to mimi rogers and nicole kidman, a supposed romance with penelope cruz and what ever this thing is with katie holmes (all sans biological children) that we would just admit and accept that he MUST BE NOT GAY. how many times must he change babes before we will give up on our demonic crusade to OUT HIM? i personally feel sorry for the man and all the energy he has been forced to expend defending his sexuality when it could have going toward making more award winning movies. like the mission impossible series. or collateral where he put white stuff in his hair. or that one where he plays the shallow guy who is forced to look within himself and realize he is better than that. oh wait, that's pretty much all of them. god, i love him. if only he weren't so STRAIGHT.
i don't think i've seen anyone in the public eye work harder to convince the world at large that he is NOT GAY than mr Cruise. you'd think after failed marriages to mimi rogers and nicole kidman, a supposed romance with penelope cruz and what ever this thing is with katie holmes (all sans biological children) that we would just admit and accept that he MUST BE NOT GAY. how many times must he change babes before we will give up on our demonic crusade to OUT HIM? i personally feel sorry for the man and all the energy he has been forced to expend defending his sexuality when it could have going toward making more award winning movies. like the mission impossible series. or collateral where he put white stuff in his hair. or that one where he plays the shallow guy who is forced to look within himself and realize he is better than that. oh wait, that's pretty much all of them. god, i love him. if only he weren't so STRAIGHT.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thinking Of Renaming My Blog "Bowel Movement". It Feels That Good
oopsie. got a little excited there at the battle front for the hearts and minds of indecisive voters who might think that we're getting nothing accomplished over in Iraq. which we are. just yesterday or so, we did an air assault...the largest since 2003. and we captured like 50 insurgents and weapons caches and other stuff. it's just that, well, oh hell, read the Time article. effed it up or just needed a photo op. most likely the latter. bush's and cheney's popularity goes into the toilet and they see the water swirling, what do they do? go and terrorize an area that has needed "cleansing" 4 or 5 times in the past couple of years. and invite all of the embedded reporters. one, at least, of whom reported the truth of the mission. so pathetic. but then, my lab bitch at work still thinks that iraq must have been involved with the 9/11 bombings because bin Laden is an Arab. he and i were listening to the country music station (he listens, i tune out) and a song came on and the singer was crying about if you like your freedom thank the soldiers over in Iraq revenging us for 9/11. i had to stop what i was doing and yell at the radio.
Him (lab bitch): what the fuck are you yelling at?
Me: i can't believe they're still selling this type of bullshit to us. does anyone believe it anymore?
Him: what?
i explain to him that fact that Iraq was not involved in the attacks.
Him: well, it was the bin laden guy.
Me: yeah, it was. bin laden.
Him: well, he's from there. he's Arab. isn't he an Arab? It's the middle east?
Me: yes, he is. but that's a damn big area. and he's from saudi arabia and was hiding in afghanistan when we went after him. not in iraq.
Him: oh...um...that's fucked up. are you sure?
Me: yeah, it is, i am...what is?
Him: fuck, i don't know. you wanna change the station?
Me: nah, that's okay. i like this song.
(what i yelled was "oh shut the fuck up you stupid fucking redneck sister fucking cocksucker asshole liar shitforbrains dumbfuck")
what i meant was "being the spineless liberal that i am i must beg to differ with your assessment even though i recognize you as an informed, pro-america, patriotic, non-terrorist sympathizing, red-blooded, true blue, anti-choice, anti-feminist, jesse helms and roy moore backing, rush limbaugh and bill o'reilley and sean hannity listening, UN basher who thinks all towelheads are inscrutable and look alike and we as United States white citizens are the new supreme beings on the block and have been since God created the world 6 or 7000 years ago and began painting Jesus as a petite-nosed Caucasian who never seemed to get a sunburn even though he lived in a desert region."
that's what i meant to say. because i don't want to offend anyone. it's not politic or in anyone's best interest to offend or point out logical anomalies concerning our country's history over the past 30 years or so or ask why the president is mistruthing or why the press daily trots out whatever it is the white house is spewing for breakfast or whether any of us have a grip on the realities of our global territorial rights (notice that i am not using the words hegemony, imperialism and xenophobia, because those are words that have no place in the lexicon of civilised discourse). all i mean to say is that perhaps, just perhaps, kinky friedman had it right when he sang "they ain't making jews like jesus anymore".
and, by the way, the kinkster is running for governor of texas and any help you can give him would be greatly appreciated. he's all for shutting down the border for a while, but he's just as in favor of gay mariage, because he truly believes that "gays should have the same right to be just as miserable as the rest of us". a sentiment i couldn't agree with more.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Mea Culpa? Try Mea Assa!
"You can call George Clooney an Oscar winner. You can call him a liberal. Just don't call him a blogger.The celebrity-populated Huffington Post has removed the actor's riff on lily-livered Democrats after the star complained the site misrepresented him as one of its bloggers.According to a statement Wednesday, Clooney said Arianna Huffington, the site's namesake and political pundit, cobbled together sound bites from Larry King Live and quotes from London's Guardian for an entry, "George Clooney: I Am a Liberal. There, I Said It!," that was published Monday."These are not my writings. They are answers to questions, and there is a huge difference," Clooney said.To the New York Daily News, Clooney was blunt: "I feel abused," he said.The Clooney entry made headlines for its frank assessment of ostensive opposition party leadership in the run-up to theIraq war: "We knew the link betweenSaddam Hussein andOsama bin Laden was bulls--t. Which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, 'We were misled.' It makes me want to shout, 'F--k you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic.' "Clooney hasn't disavowed the sentiment, but he did demand Huffington publish a disclaimer, he told the Daily News."She told me that it's a big no-no in the blogosphere, where people are supposed to write their own pieces," Clooney said in the newspaper.For her part, Huffington insists the blog imbroglio was the result of "an honest misunderstanding" among those in Clooney's camp.In a post Wednesday, Huffington wrote that the Clooney entry went live "only after we received written approval from his representative to do so."Huffington admitted that, yes, her team pieced together the item from old interviews. But before the so-called "sample blog" was published, she wrote, it was reviewed and okayed by a publicist for Clooney's Oscar-nominated Best Picture entry, Good Night, and Good Luck."Any misunderstanding that occurred, occurred between Clooney and the publicist," Huffington wrote. "We based our decision to post on the unambiguous approval we received in writing."In another Huffington Post entry, movie producer Jane Hamsher wrote that she was with Huffington the night her Web host recruited Clooney to join the blogging world. "And the conversation went down as she describes it today," she wrote.Hamsher openly wondered if Clooney distanced himself from his byline because he "got spooked [by] Fox News" or because "he just doesn't know his office bungled the communique."In the Daily News, Clooney spoke of being studied--not skittish. "I stand by what I do," he said in the newspaper. "But I'm very cautious not to take giant steps onto soapboxes, because I think they're polarizing."Huffington seemed sensitive to the target that is the Hollywood star on a soapbox, telling the Los Angeles Times she held off on posting the Clooney item until after theAcademy Awards.Clooney, who was up for threeOscars claimed the Best Supporting Actor trophy for the political thriller Syriana.The Huffington Post launched last year. While the likes ofGwyneth Paltrow and Warren Beatty haven't blogged there yet, as advance publicity buzzed they would, the likes of John Cusack, Larry David, Al Franken, director Nora Ephron andBillMaher have.If you're awaiting the next contribution from George Clooney, don't hold your breath.Telling the Daily News that Huffington had all but threatened him over their fracas, Clooney retorted: "Well, screw you!"
i'd like to start by saying that clooney is a big poopie head. i take back everything i said about he and i being almost exactly alike (i.e. the good looks, the schwing and all that). and i will not, repeat will not, be erasing his blog from my blog just because he didn't actually say the stuff yet. i will not participate in revisionist history even if the initial piece was made from cloth as of now. that doesn't matter. what does matter is that he might have said it at some point in the future, which further in the future would be the past, which would then mean that he indeed would have been going to say it already and had. just because he didn't say it then doesn't make it any less future true.there. i feel vindicated for the things that may happen without my knowing them yet.
i'd like to start by saying that clooney is a big poopie head. i take back everything i said about he and i being almost exactly alike (i.e. the good looks, the schwing and all that). and i will not, repeat will not, be erasing his blog from my blog just because he didn't actually say the stuff yet. i will not participate in revisionist history even if the initial piece was made from cloth as of now. that doesn't matter. what does matter is that he might have said it at some point in the future, which further in the future would be the past, which would then mean that he indeed would have been going to say it already and had. just because he didn't say it then doesn't make it any less future true.there. i feel vindicated for the things that may happen without my knowing them yet.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Back To Politics
"...a mistake experts say most law students wouldn't make..."
my goodness. our government can't even win a slam-dunk case against an admitted terrorist. they convict him and blow the penalty phase, because they can't play by the rules (which are set up to favor the prosecution). oh boy. i have such trust in this group of yahoos that i'm thinking of trading for euros.
"...It's starting to come from Republicans, and they are the ones who must rescue the country from themselves..."
garrison keillor has something to say over at the chicago tribune about the woes of our current world. i like the poetic irony of republicans being the ones who need to save us from what they created, because the democrats most likely can't.
"...Our goal is to improve the quality of customer service and phone support in the US. This free website is run by volunteers and is powered by over one million consumers who demand high quality phone support from the companies that they use..."
this might be cool. a website that teaches you how to get through all of the phone crap and talk to a real live person. how many of us have spent 10 minutes navigating the maze of push-this-button in order to find out that they're closed or you should have called this number when you could have bypassed it all and found someone? i haven't tried it yet, but one of you might.
my goodness. our government can't even win a slam-dunk case against an admitted terrorist. they convict him and blow the penalty phase, because they can't play by the rules (which are set up to favor the prosecution). oh boy. i have such trust in this group of yahoos that i'm thinking of trading for euros.
"...It's starting to come from Republicans, and they are the ones who must rescue the country from themselves..."
garrison keillor has something to say over at the chicago tribune about the woes of our current world. i like the poetic irony of republicans being the ones who need to save us from what they created, because the democrats most likely can't.
"...Our goal is to improve the quality of customer service and phone support in the US. This free website is run by volunteers and is powered by over one million consumers who demand high quality phone support from the companies that they use..."
this might be cool. a website that teaches you how to get through all of the phone crap and talk to a real live person. how many of us have spent 10 minutes navigating the maze of push-this-button in order to find out that they're closed or you should have called this number when you could have bypassed it all and found someone? i haven't tried it yet, but one of you might.
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