Friday, March 17, 2006

Thinking Of Renaming My Blog "Bowel Movement". It Feels That Good

oopsie. got a little excited there at the battle front for the hearts and minds of indecisive voters who might think that we're getting nothing accomplished over in Iraq. which we are. just yesterday or so, we did an air assault...the largest since 2003. and we captured like 50 insurgents and weapons caches and other stuff. it's just that, well, oh hell, read the Time article. effed it up or just needed a photo op. most likely the latter. bush's and cheney's popularity goes into the toilet and they see the water swirling, what do they do? go and terrorize an area that has needed "cleansing" 4 or 5 times in the past couple of years. and invite all of the embedded reporters. one, at least, of whom reported the truth of the mission. so pathetic. but then, my lab bitch at work still thinks that iraq must have been involved with the 9/11 bombings because bin Laden is an Arab. he and i were listening to the country music station (he listens, i tune out) and a song came on and the singer was crying about if you like your freedom thank the soldiers over in Iraq revenging us for 9/11. i had to stop what i was doing and yell at the radio.

Him (lab bitch): what the fuck are you yelling at?

Me: i can't believe they're still selling this type of bullshit to us. does anyone believe it anymore?

Him: what?

i explain to him that fact that Iraq was not involved in the attacks.

Him: well, it was the bin laden guy.

Me: yeah, it was. bin laden.

Him: well, he's from there. he's Arab. isn't he an Arab? It's the middle east?

Me: yes, he is. but that's a damn big area. and he's from saudi arabia and was hiding in afghanistan when we went after him. not in iraq.

Him: oh...um...that's fucked up. are you sure?

Me: yeah, it is, i am...what is?

Him: fuck, i don't know. you wanna change the station?

Me: nah, that's okay. i like this song.

(what i yelled was "oh shut the fuck up you stupid fucking redneck sister fucking cocksucker asshole liar shitforbrains dumbfuck")

what i meant was "being the spineless liberal that i am i must beg to differ with your assessment even though i recognize you as an informed, pro-america, patriotic, non-terrorist sympathizing, red-blooded, true blue, anti-choice, anti-feminist, jesse helms and roy moore backing, rush limbaugh and bill o'reilley and sean hannity listening, UN basher who thinks all towelheads are inscrutable and look alike and we as United States white citizens are the new supreme beings on the block and have been since God created the world 6 or 7000 years ago and began painting Jesus as a petite-nosed Caucasian who never seemed to get a sunburn even though he lived in a desert region."

that's what i meant to say. because i don't want to offend anyone. it's not politic or in anyone's best interest to offend or point out logical anomalies concerning our country's history over the past 30 years or so or ask why the president is mistruthing or why the press daily trots out whatever it is the white house is spewing for breakfast or whether any of us have a grip on the realities of our global territorial rights (notice that i am not using the words hegemony, imperialism and xenophobia, because those are words that have no place in the lexicon of civilised discourse). all i mean to say is that perhaps, just perhaps, kinky friedman had it right when he sang "they ain't making jews like jesus anymore".

and, by the way, the kinkster is running for governor of texas and any help you can give him would be greatly appreciated. he's all for shutting down the border for a while, but he's just as in favor of gay mariage, because he truly believes that "gays should have the same right to be just as miserable as the rest of us". a sentiment i couldn't agree with more.

5 comments:

Zonthar said...

WHAT??!?!?!?!?!?!!??? Your bitch ACTUALLY SAID THAT??? GodDAMN, Americans can be SO fucking ignorant.

Mustang said...

Wait..wait...towelheads are NOT inscrutible. Thats them slanty-eyed asian-types thats inscrutible.

Towelheads/ragheads/camel humpers are devious, lying, rotten, and above all smelly.

If you persist in failing to accurately represent hard-earned bigotry and racial discrimination, this reader will have no other choice but to report you to Mr. Hannity.

M

scarysquirrelman said...

i'd rather be reported to ms. coulter for punishment if you don't mind. i've been really bad and need a good spanking.

Zonthar said...

I can take care of the spanking for you.

scarysquirrelman said...

with a bill like that, it's gotta be good.