Thursday, June 22, 2006
sorry, dear reader(s). major internet connection problems right now. connecting is very, very occasional and there is no rhyme or reason to it. must get the Devil (A T & T) out here for diagnosis. however, the world cup continues to rock. as do i. on my way to virginia city for a wedding this weekend (one of my siblings' offspring). tonight, full circle brewery for the ill advised lies my solo father showed me. more when i get this phone line bug sussed.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
World Cup Fever
it was an amazing world cup game between the usa and italy this morning. not quite as riveting as the gargantuan upset by ghana of the czech republic, but damn entertaining nonetheless. three ejections, horrible officiating and an american team that refused to give in to a european powerhouse despite playing the second half with one less player. so, kudos and here's hoping our team actually scores a goal of its own next time against ghana.
however, those of you who have not been following the world cup, let me show you some of the highlights via a pictorial essay:
mexico
brazil
um, wherever
sweden, ya
japan, hai
however, those of you who have not been following the world cup, let me show you some of the highlights via a pictorial essay:
mexico
brazil
um, wherever
sweden, ya
japan, hai
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
When You're A Jet...
so, lecram got me thinking about my smoking addiction, which has been at a pack a day for about 19 years (i've been smoking for 23). needless to say, this is not a record i am proud of. on the other hand, i'm not ashamed. it is what it is. i cannot remember the day i took my first drag. nor can i remember the day i bought my first pack. i can remember the reason and the rationalization. i lived in germany at the time and many kids my own age would ask me if i had tobacco. after a while, i realized that a good, simple way to meet people was to have tobacco on me (in germany, at that time, all the kids rolled their own tobacco). so, i would carry tobacco and papers and wait for someone to ask and i would produce the aromatic pouch. and-voila-a conversation would begin. in this way i met quite a few interesting teenagers (mostly counter-counter culture) and created friendships.
eventually, i just had to know what all the hip hubbub was with smoking. it certainly looked cool, but i had grown up in a strict nonsmoking, nondrinking house here in the states, so i had to overcome my fear of being a bad boy (back then i wasn't into spanking so much, maybe a light slap or two). defeating the fear took oh about two, maybe one long minute and i carefully placed the damp weed into a zig zag-like paper and rolled the most bulbous, bumpy and asymmetrical piece of crap cigarette this world has ever seen. too tight at one end and falling out at the other i had to huff and puff until i was blue in the face before i could begin coughing my lungs out. which i eventually did. but i didn't get the hipness of it. it made me feel a bit nauseous, light headed and i had to go crap. and i didn't get good high from it like all the pot i'd smoked my senior year in my american high school. it certainly wasn't going to make the arcades a better experience.
but it did smell good before being lit and it did allow me to meet people and it did make me feel oh so cool by carrying it. and i quickly realized that learning to roll this stuff would help me immeasurably in rolling the "other" stuff.
so, i kept with it, offering to roll for people (and thereby began the education of me in rolling the perfect joint for which i was properly lauded in my college years). but, as has been borne out in almost every smoker's history, it was my willingness to help others that led to my downfall. as i got better and quicker at rolling, i began rolling one for me as well. i knew it looked odd that i had tobacco, but never smoked with the person asking for a ciggie. so, i began rolling for me. after a while, the petit mort high was pretty cool. a smoke after 4 or 5 beers, then 3 or 4, then 2 or 3, then with every one was a good kicker. and we drank a lot in germany. i had good, solid teutonic school friends who went to the local pub (located on land owned by the Prince of Denmark) every weekend where the owner/bartender was a blues fanatic who'd owned a bar in hamburg and played host to every blues legend who ever toured europe (plus, folk like van morrison and bob dylan) and had a record collection so extensive i don't think i ever heard one album twice (the musician he like to talk about most when in his cups was muddy waters who he evidently was perrrrsonal friends with, though not sexually). Peachy, his name was. just like michael caine's in the Man Who Would Be king.
where was i? oh yes. so, i began a long relationship with tobacco, which is sustained to this day.
fast forward more than half of my life and we arrive at today. this morning, in fact, when i went to the doctor to have some mushrooms looked at on my elbow. well, a rash that the doc thinks is fungal ala crotch rot. when her very cute assistant jotted down my particulars and addictions, it was at that moment that i was asked if i'd like to quit smoking. i said i wasn't not interested and she told me of The Pill. Wellbutrin. Zyban. the doc said for me to look it up on the internet and decide if i wanted to try it. so, i did. and this is what i found. well, i found a lot of sites talking of the drug, but this is the one i enjoyed the most.
the problem with quitting is that i know i must take time to psych myself up to it. i can't just one day say "you know, i think this is the last one". i almost have to have a wake. so, i will think about it, maybe even discuss this with lecram. perhaps he and i can make a pact (like a suicide). though i doubt it. i'm as bad a quitter as i am a joiner (unless, of course, we're talking about romantic relationships).
eventually, i just had to know what all the hip hubbub was with smoking. it certainly looked cool, but i had grown up in a strict nonsmoking, nondrinking house here in the states, so i had to overcome my fear of being a bad boy (back then i wasn't into spanking so much, maybe a light slap or two). defeating the fear took oh about two, maybe one long minute and i carefully placed the damp weed into a zig zag-like paper and rolled the most bulbous, bumpy and asymmetrical piece of crap cigarette this world has ever seen. too tight at one end and falling out at the other i had to huff and puff until i was blue in the face before i could begin coughing my lungs out. which i eventually did. but i didn't get the hipness of it. it made me feel a bit nauseous, light headed and i had to go crap. and i didn't get good high from it like all the pot i'd smoked my senior year in my american high school. it certainly wasn't going to make the arcades a better experience.
but it did smell good before being lit and it did allow me to meet people and it did make me feel oh so cool by carrying it. and i quickly realized that learning to roll this stuff would help me immeasurably in rolling the "other" stuff.
so, i kept with it, offering to roll for people (and thereby began the education of me in rolling the perfect joint for which i was properly lauded in my college years). but, as has been borne out in almost every smoker's history, it was my willingness to help others that led to my downfall. as i got better and quicker at rolling, i began rolling one for me as well. i knew it looked odd that i had tobacco, but never smoked with the person asking for a ciggie. so, i began rolling for me. after a while, the petit mort high was pretty cool. a smoke after 4 or 5 beers, then 3 or 4, then 2 or 3, then with every one was a good kicker. and we drank a lot in germany. i had good, solid teutonic school friends who went to the local pub (located on land owned by the Prince of Denmark) every weekend where the owner/bartender was a blues fanatic who'd owned a bar in hamburg and played host to every blues legend who ever toured europe (plus, folk like van morrison and bob dylan) and had a record collection so extensive i don't think i ever heard one album twice (the musician he like to talk about most when in his cups was muddy waters who he evidently was perrrrsonal friends with, though not sexually). Peachy, his name was. just like michael caine's in the Man Who Would Be king.
where was i? oh yes. so, i began a long relationship with tobacco, which is sustained to this day.
fast forward more than half of my life and we arrive at today. this morning, in fact, when i went to the doctor to have some mushrooms looked at on my elbow. well, a rash that the doc thinks is fungal ala crotch rot. when her very cute assistant jotted down my particulars and addictions, it was at that moment that i was asked if i'd like to quit smoking. i said i wasn't not interested and she told me of The Pill. Wellbutrin. Zyban. the doc said for me to look it up on the internet and decide if i wanted to try it. so, i did. and this is what i found. well, i found a lot of sites talking of the drug, but this is the one i enjoyed the most.
the problem with quitting is that i know i must take time to psych myself up to it. i can't just one day say "you know, i think this is the last one". i almost have to have a wake. so, i will think about it, maybe even discuss this with lecram. perhaps he and i can make a pact (like a suicide). though i doubt it. i'm as bad a quitter as i am a joiner (unless, of course, we're talking about romantic relationships).
Monday, June 12, 2006
today at work i was informed by a co-worker with access to email that my dear, dear founding owner sent out an email to all within the company who have such addresses. within this missive was a passioned cry for unity from all to stand up and face down our state's wish to include ethnic history education in our schools. he asked all who read the email to call their senators and whonot to get the message across that this is not acceptable. i have not yet read the email, but it was imparted to me that the contents included a summary of the hated ethnicities. this included blacks, browns and gays. the owner's fervent wish was that none of these American histories be taught to our children.
i am a bit nonplussed. our office is a diverse one. in an office of 60 or so people, we have two blacks, a large handful of browns, and the person who shared this snippet of info with me is a lesbian. we, also, have a few gay men and one man of middle eastern origin. is it just me or did this owner just commit a very actionable offense?
what prompted this i do not know. it may be a bill before the legislature or something we will vote on in the future. all i can say is that this email (if i was told it correctly) was very ill-advised and could come back to bite him in the ass.
i am a bit nonplussed. our office is a diverse one. in an office of 60 or so people, we have two blacks, a large handful of browns, and the person who shared this snippet of info with me is a lesbian. we, also, have a few gay men and one man of middle eastern origin. is it just me or did this owner just commit a very actionable offense?
what prompted this i do not know. it may be a bill before the legislature or something we will vote on in the future. all i can say is that this email (if i was told it correctly) was very ill-advised and could come back to bite him in the ass.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Asymmetrical Warfare
Let it be known that this weekend witnesses the advent of a new euphemism brought to us by the same people who provided the war in Iraq: asymmetrical warfare.
Catchy, isn't it? And stunning in its simplicity. Any prisoner of war who commits suicide while under arrest can be accused of attacking us by using this two-word phrase. Evidently, even though these "detainees" have not been convicted in our courts of even a misdemeanor, any person of Arab descent residing at Guantanamo Bay in cages under armed guard and video surveillance is engaging in enemy activity and possible war crimes by hanging himself in his cell. It must be a clever psy-op campaign designed to destroy American morale there and here by making the world believe (erroneously, of course) that our military (and, by extension, our current administration) cares not a whit about the welfare of those we keep locked up at great cost with no end in sight.
However, it seems to be only those successful in their suicide attempts who garner this assessment of their criminal enterprise, because no such acknowledgment was given to the previous 41 failed suicide attempts that have been documented.
Of course, it is widely known and accepted that all prisoners at GitMo are Al-Quaeda. Bill O'Reilly recently visited there as part of some odd investigative reporting stunt and, in a televised interview with FoxNews, referred repeatedly to the prisoners as "Al-Quaeda". Not "detainees", not "prisoners", not "humans". "Al-Quaeda" (or however we're spelling it these days).
That brings up the question, by the way, of just how many spelling variations we've had for this terrorist group. Do you think that could be one reason why we haven't been able to stamp it out? Because we can't stick with one variation? Can you imagine an intelligence operative reading intercepted emails or somesuch and discarding the info, because it was sent by "al-quaida"? Hmmm, nope, must be from some other bandwagon-jumping nutjob gang.
Hell, we can't even agree on how to pronounce Iraq. We have "eyerack", "eerock", "eerack", "eyerock". "SawDOM" and SAWdum". And we're 15 years past the first fight with this country and its leader. Then again, we Americans still claim we speak English, which any foreigner with a rudimentary understanding of the language can tell us with authority we do not. "Nuculear" comes to mind as an opening salvo.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce "asymmetrical warfare" to y'all.
Catchy, isn't it? And stunning in its simplicity. Any prisoner of war who commits suicide while under arrest can be accused of attacking us by using this two-word phrase. Evidently, even though these "detainees" have not been convicted in our courts of even a misdemeanor, any person of Arab descent residing at Guantanamo Bay in cages under armed guard and video surveillance is engaging in enemy activity and possible war crimes by hanging himself in his cell. It must be a clever psy-op campaign designed to destroy American morale there and here by making the world believe (erroneously, of course) that our military (and, by extension, our current administration) cares not a whit about the welfare of those we keep locked up at great cost with no end in sight.
However, it seems to be only those successful in their suicide attempts who garner this assessment of their criminal enterprise, because no such acknowledgment was given to the previous 41 failed suicide attempts that have been documented.
Of course, it is widely known and accepted that all prisoners at GitMo are Al-Quaeda. Bill O'Reilly recently visited there as part of some odd investigative reporting stunt and, in a televised interview with FoxNews, referred repeatedly to the prisoners as "Al-Quaeda". Not "detainees", not "prisoners", not "humans". "Al-Quaeda" (or however we're spelling it these days).
That brings up the question, by the way, of just how many spelling variations we've had for this terrorist group. Do you think that could be one reason why we haven't been able to stamp it out? Because we can't stick with one variation? Can you imagine an intelligence operative reading intercepted emails or somesuch and discarding the info, because it was sent by "al-quaida"? Hmmm, nope, must be from some other bandwagon-jumping nutjob gang.
Hell, we can't even agree on how to pronounce Iraq. We have "eyerack", "eerock", "eerack", "eyerock". "SawDOM" and SAWdum". And we're 15 years past the first fight with this country and its leader. Then again, we Americans still claim we speak English, which any foreigner with a rudimentary understanding of the language can tell us with authority we do not. "Nuculear" comes to mind as an opening salvo.
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce "asymmetrical warfare" to y'all.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
so, when exactly does it become an atrocity to kill innocent civilians in the name of defending our country? Haditha? Ishadi? Hamandiyah? or is it only an atrocity if the high command can be proven to have been involved? i can understand and accept the fact that soldiers under constant stress will occasionally lash out without thinking through the obvious ramifications. they have been trained to kill, not persuade. they are the ones living in continual fear and lacking immediate leadership.
but now news and evidence of multiple executions in different places by different units are coming to light. with abu ghraib it became apparant long before the military almost admitted it that soldiers were not acting solely on their own. much of what they did was directed by people high up in the military food chain. and it was atrocious.
with that in mind, can anyone truely believe that what is being read about now is not, also, being directed by those who sit safely within cozy offices stateside and care even less about the soldiers than they do the civilians?
our military command has declared its soldiers innocent of any wrongdoing in the Ishadi event. But how can we take them at their word? one only has to go back to the Pat Tillman bullshit to know that the military will lie to God if that gets the press off its back. why do we see no independent inquiries? we should know better by now. it's like asking the scorpion what happened to the frog. it is the military's nature to lie about everything and cover up any badness that may occur by its hands, rahter than tell us that something bad may have happened and then getting to the bottom of it. many liberals would actually look on the military in a more compassionate mien if they could believe that the high standards we hold other countries to were actually being applied at home.
also, the fact that these stories are now leaking out proves (to me) that the situation in Iraq is getting worse and worse. these can't be isolated cases. history will show that when the dam begins to overflow it was already too full a long time ago.
but now news and evidence of multiple executions in different places by different units are coming to light. with abu ghraib it became apparant long before the military almost admitted it that soldiers were not acting solely on their own. much of what they did was directed by people high up in the military food chain. and it was atrocious.
with that in mind, can anyone truely believe that what is being read about now is not, also, being directed by those who sit safely within cozy offices stateside and care even less about the soldiers than they do the civilians?
our military command has declared its soldiers innocent of any wrongdoing in the Ishadi event. But how can we take them at their word? one only has to go back to the Pat Tillman bullshit to know that the military will lie to God if that gets the press off its back. why do we see no independent inquiries? we should know better by now. it's like asking the scorpion what happened to the frog. it is the military's nature to lie about everything and cover up any badness that may occur by its hands, rahter than tell us that something bad may have happened and then getting to the bottom of it. many liberals would actually look on the military in a more compassionate mien if they could believe that the high standards we hold other countries to were actually being applied at home.
also, the fact that these stories are now leaking out proves (to me) that the situation in Iraq is getting worse and worse. these can't be isolated cases. history will show that when the dam begins to overflow it was already too full a long time ago.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Bush will be publicly endorsing a constitutional amendment on Monday to ban gay people from getting hitched. This is not a winnable position in respect to actually getting such an amendment passed, but it is a good way to win back political clout with gene-challenged people: play on their paranoia and xenophobia. Personally, I like what Kinky Friedman had to say about marriage between gay folk: "they should have the right to be just as miserable as everyone else". Rumor has it that Bush will, also, propose an amendment that legalizes horsecock fondling so long as the First lady, I mean spouse, approves.
What a difference a failed war makes. The Dixie Chicks are back on top without an apology and with a new "single" that talks about being bashed for being honest. I put single in quotation marks, because country radio will still not play their music.
Rolling Stone gets it on with an article that hearkens back to what I was screaming about in 2004. To wit, the Republicans stole the fucking election. Again. This time around, Stone actually footnotes all of the allegations. To those of you who think I should take the tinfoil hat from off mein kopf, look around you and ask yourselves if this is the country you agreed to live in when you were 20. Ask yourselves if this is the country that your parents meant you to inherit. I know they didn't.
What a difference a failed war makes. The Dixie Chicks are back on top without an apology and with a new "single" that talks about being bashed for being honest. I put single in quotation marks, because country radio will still not play their music.
Rolling Stone gets it on with an article that hearkens back to what I was screaming about in 2004. To wit, the Republicans stole the fucking election. Again. This time around, Stone actually footnotes all of the allegations. To those of you who think I should take the tinfoil hat from off mein kopf, look around you and ask yourselves if this is the country you agreed to live in when you were 20. Ask yourselves if this is the country that your parents meant you to inherit. I know they didn't.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
now, it's not surprising that atrocities have been committed by our side in this conflict, just as they have been by the other sides (yes, that's plural, because there are multiple factions working against each other), and it's not surprising that it took so long for this specific atrocity to come to light, and it's not surprising that most of us don't seem to care as scandal-shocked as we are. so, the article is much the same as every other one we've read over the past week or so. but what i found interesting is the following clip from this particular article:
"More than two months after the incident Time magazine asked the military to respond to allegations of the killings.
The magazine says a Marine spokesman responded with an e-mail stating, "I cannot believe you're buying any of this. This falls into the same category of Al-Qaeda in Iraq propaganda."
so, what was this guy saying exactly? that al-quaeda is not in iraq? top officials (um, dick cheney) are still claiming that saddam had direct ties to al-quaeda and was harboring them before we invaded. so, is this guy in fact saying that dick's covered with shit? i mean, i DO feel like i've been inappropriately penetrated by the the dickmeister, but here's a spokesman for the marines telling time magazine that bystander-obliterating is about as believable as a bar-mitzmah in babylon. and he uses the al-quaeda link, which we've been repeatedly told to put in our hanky pockets since 2002, as an example. odd. especially since we know that al-quaeda is indeed in iraq now. unlike when we invaded.
The Presidential Prayer Team in affiliation with Fabric of Faith
is pleased to offer you an exceptional line of patriotic apparel!
join the team, get your faith on and toss a dwarf for jesus.
"More than two months after the incident Time magazine asked the military to respond to allegations of the killings.
The magazine says a Marine spokesman responded with an e-mail stating, "I cannot believe you're buying any of this. This falls into the same category of Al-Qaeda in Iraq propaganda."
so, what was this guy saying exactly? that al-quaeda is not in iraq? top officials (um, dick cheney) are still claiming that saddam had direct ties to al-quaeda and was harboring them before we invaded. so, is this guy in fact saying that dick's covered with shit? i mean, i DO feel like i've been inappropriately penetrated by the the dickmeister, but here's a spokesman for the marines telling time magazine that bystander-obliterating is about as believable as a bar-mitzmah in babylon. and he uses the al-quaeda link, which we've been repeatedly told to put in our hanky pockets since 2002, as an example. odd. especially since we know that al-quaeda is indeed in iraq now. unlike when we invaded.
The Presidential Prayer Team in affiliation with Fabric of Faith
is pleased to offer you an exceptional line of patriotic apparel!
join the team, get your faith on and toss a dwarf for jesus.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
talk to the clown and toss that dwarf
well, i must admit i had a wonderful time tonight. apj has a great spread. and her house ain't so bad either. nyuk nyuk nyuk.
seriously, it was a fabulous barbecue. the food was great, the beer was aplenty, and the conversation never left the gutter. i will never look at a dwarf again without laughing. to myself, of course. because laughing at a dwarf out loud is really rude and inconsiderate. though, in terms of personal safety, it's not too dangerous. maybe some scarring on the knees or something, but that's about it.
and i will never ever talk to the clown again in public. i never knew it was considered socially unacceptable. even in a public restroom. or especially there. and all those times in the mall when i would talk to the clown and shake hands and tweak his little red nose...who knew i was breaking the law? well, maybe someday someone will go to manchester mall and dedicate a memorial plaque in my honor like they're thinking of doing for nick ryan and that toilet over at roeding park. or i'll get a street named in my honor like they might do for sam samuelian on motel drive.
i found the war nerd on wikipedia. this is the guy i've been trying to get you to read, because he claims to be from fresno. just too damn funny and acerbic for his own good. devastating reading. and you never do know what side he's shooting at.
speaking of shooting and not knowing who at, what's going on with the haditha massacre? it's beginning to look like we got ourselves a mini-mai lai on our hands. deaths aren't in the hundreds, just the dozens. but most of them appear to be executions of defenseless civilians in retaliation for a bombing attack they had nothing to do with. and the LA Times is pursuing another story in which a civilian may have been killed by marines and then set up to look like he was planting a roadside bomb. makes me think of the movie jarhead when the sniper team is about to get their first chance at a kill and the army breaks in and stops them, because a bombing raid will be so much more cooler. one sniper totally loses it, because he really wants this one chance to see the pink cloud. it's like these snipers have been so brainwashed and desensitized to killing that not getting to kill is the worst kind of emasculation. in the movie, though, they walk away and return to their unit to find out the war is over. in real life, the war is not over and it appears at the moment that soldiers may be under too much stress without proper command structure.
give a man a gun and he'll shoot the snot out of paper heads. teach that man to hate and he'll find moving targets.
and so bill frist has now said that the fbi's search and seizure within a congressman's office is within the law. a few days ago he was singing a different tune. but after meeting with alberto "VO5" gonzalez he's okay with it. why is it that when a republican disagrees with the bushies alberto "the consigliere" gonzalez seems to always have a sitdown with said dissenter and said dissenter almost always changes his mind? not that i'm against politicians not being above the same laws i'm required to obey. but (by the same token) ain't it funny that these politicians have spent 5 or 6 years letting the administration stomp all over our civil rights with nary a peep and suddenly, when one of their own gets the jackboot treatment, they are up in arms about it? both parties screaming about abuse of power and constitutional issues. i think i know where most of the pharmaceutical grade pot is being smoked now. when what they really need is a barium enema so that whenever they spew bullshit we can see the glowing vapor trail of it.
this is probably going to piss someone off (i hope), but i just have to ask: isn't the pope humanity's direct pipeline to god? isn't god supposed to speak directly through the pope? then why is the pope asking god why he didn't speak up or do something about the holocaust? is benedict telling us that john paul the 2nd (or whatever number) kept secrets? is he telling us that jp and the big g weren't really on speaking terms? the pope is on this earth to tell us what god is thinking and saying and doing and why. and here is benedict at auschwitz wondering what the hell god was doing right around the 1940's. personally, i think god was looking down (or up or sideways or whatever) and writing in his holy papers "note to Holy Self: germans and jews, that sucked.
p.s. further note to Holy Self: dissuade U.S. from creating land for anyone if it's not on U.S. soil. plus, ask Loki to kill all with the surnames Kennedy, Nixon and Bush. wait, strike Nixon. he amuses me."
so, cheney is still the vice-president, huh? good thing. but what's this little note about this administration challenging more laws than all previous administrations combined? wasn't it the bushies and their cohorts in congress who screamed bloody murder at the supreme court for "interpreting" the constitution when they should be laying down the law as writ (specifically during the terri schiavo non-crisis)? wasn't it the republicans who actually threatened the supreme court justices with the possibility of physical violence by "good (but misguided) americans" because of their twisting of the law? so, why is cheny still vice-president? lord knows no one will vote for him for president. we know and he knows. his heart will give out at any given moment. and his ties to big industry are just too, well, big to ignore. so, he's doing everything he can as the puppetmaster to make sure all of his ideas are implemented before 2008 rolls around. what we have to understand is that we have a second term group that smells death at the end of this term and is going to do all in its power to permanently change the balance of power. does it hope that another republican replaces it? yes. does it care deeply if a democrat steps in? not so much since it's burdened the next sucker with baggage that will stymie any reforms for decades to come. think about it. two "wars" not to be finished any time soon. social security no better than it was. a massive budget deficit. global warming issue not even approached. military brushfires around the world that weren't there 6 years ago (not to say they wouldn't have flared anyway). the ugly face of so-called religion having taken hold of politics one more time after a decade of tolerant acceptance by both camps. political scandals erupting everywhere. big business erupting everywhere and shitting hot lava on the common folk. tax breaks for the rich and half the usual tax return for me. mexicans who are suddenly the new face of terrorism and the reason our economy is in the tank. racism kicking up again. and not just from the crackers.
makes me want to curl up, watch movies and not leave the house ever again. damn java wava for making a killer avalanche.
seriously, it was a fabulous barbecue. the food was great, the beer was aplenty, and the conversation never left the gutter. i will never look at a dwarf again without laughing. to myself, of course. because laughing at a dwarf out loud is really rude and inconsiderate. though, in terms of personal safety, it's not too dangerous. maybe some scarring on the knees or something, but that's about it.
and i will never ever talk to the clown again in public. i never knew it was considered socially unacceptable. even in a public restroom. or especially there. and all those times in the mall when i would talk to the clown and shake hands and tweak his little red nose...who knew i was breaking the law? well, maybe someday someone will go to manchester mall and dedicate a memorial plaque in my honor like they're thinking of doing for nick ryan and that toilet over at roeding park. or i'll get a street named in my honor like they might do for sam samuelian on motel drive.
i found the war nerd on wikipedia. this is the guy i've been trying to get you to read, because he claims to be from fresno. just too damn funny and acerbic for his own good. devastating reading. and you never do know what side he's shooting at.
speaking of shooting and not knowing who at, what's going on with the haditha massacre? it's beginning to look like we got ourselves a mini-mai lai on our hands. deaths aren't in the hundreds, just the dozens. but most of them appear to be executions of defenseless civilians in retaliation for a bombing attack they had nothing to do with. and the LA Times is pursuing another story in which a civilian may have been killed by marines and then set up to look like he was planting a roadside bomb. makes me think of the movie jarhead when the sniper team is about to get their first chance at a kill and the army breaks in and stops them, because a bombing raid will be so much more cooler. one sniper totally loses it, because he really wants this one chance to see the pink cloud. it's like these snipers have been so brainwashed and desensitized to killing that not getting to kill is the worst kind of emasculation. in the movie, though, they walk away and return to their unit to find out the war is over. in real life, the war is not over and it appears at the moment that soldiers may be under too much stress without proper command structure.
give a man a gun and he'll shoot the snot out of paper heads. teach that man to hate and he'll find moving targets.
and so bill frist has now said that the fbi's search and seizure within a congressman's office is within the law. a few days ago he was singing a different tune. but after meeting with alberto "VO5" gonzalez he's okay with it. why is it that when a republican disagrees with the bushies alberto "the consigliere" gonzalez seems to always have a sitdown with said dissenter and said dissenter almost always changes his mind? not that i'm against politicians not being above the same laws i'm required to obey. but (by the same token) ain't it funny that these politicians have spent 5 or 6 years letting the administration stomp all over our civil rights with nary a peep and suddenly, when one of their own gets the jackboot treatment, they are up in arms about it? both parties screaming about abuse of power and constitutional issues. i think i know where most of the pharmaceutical grade pot is being smoked now. when what they really need is a barium enema so that whenever they spew bullshit we can see the glowing vapor trail of it.
this is probably going to piss someone off (i hope), but i just have to ask: isn't the pope humanity's direct pipeline to god? isn't god supposed to speak directly through the pope? then why is the pope asking god why he didn't speak up or do something about the holocaust? is benedict telling us that john paul the 2nd (or whatever number) kept secrets? is he telling us that jp and the big g weren't really on speaking terms? the pope is on this earth to tell us what god is thinking and saying and doing and why. and here is benedict at auschwitz wondering what the hell god was doing right around the 1940's. personally, i think god was looking down (or up or sideways or whatever) and writing in his holy papers "note to Holy Self: germans and jews, that sucked.
p.s. further note to Holy Self: dissuade U.S. from creating land for anyone if it's not on U.S. soil. plus, ask Loki to kill all with the surnames Kennedy, Nixon and Bush. wait, strike Nixon. he amuses me."
so, cheney is still the vice-president, huh? good thing. but what's this little note about this administration challenging more laws than all previous administrations combined? wasn't it the bushies and their cohorts in congress who screamed bloody murder at the supreme court for "interpreting" the constitution when they should be laying down the law as writ (specifically during the terri schiavo non-crisis)? wasn't it the republicans who actually threatened the supreme court justices with the possibility of physical violence by "good (but misguided) americans" because of their twisting of the law? so, why is cheny still vice-president? lord knows no one will vote for him for president. we know and he knows. his heart will give out at any given moment. and his ties to big industry are just too, well, big to ignore. so, he's doing everything he can as the puppetmaster to make sure all of his ideas are implemented before 2008 rolls around. what we have to understand is that we have a second term group that smells death at the end of this term and is going to do all in its power to permanently change the balance of power. does it hope that another republican replaces it? yes. does it care deeply if a democrat steps in? not so much since it's burdened the next sucker with baggage that will stymie any reforms for decades to come. think about it. two "wars" not to be finished any time soon. social security no better than it was. a massive budget deficit. global warming issue not even approached. military brushfires around the world that weren't there 6 years ago (not to say they wouldn't have flared anyway). the ugly face of so-called religion having taken hold of politics one more time after a decade of tolerant acceptance by both camps. political scandals erupting everywhere. big business erupting everywhere and shitting hot lava on the common folk. tax breaks for the rich and half the usual tax return for me. mexicans who are suddenly the new face of terrorism and the reason our economy is in the tank. racism kicking up again. and not just from the crackers.
makes me want to curl up, watch movies and not leave the house ever again. damn java wava for making a killer avalanche.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
no rant tonight. instead, i'll let the king of detroit rock and roll mayhem do it for me. click on this and strap yourself in for a very hairy ride. and please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
SSM Back In The Neighborhizzle!
so this is my driveway. it extends for quite a while. then it stops.
unless you turn at the right moment. and stop.
the kitchen. of course. a horse. a horse.
the communal patio.
the private patio. with two grills, one orange tree, a loquat tree and plum tree.hi. i'm back. so sorry you all had to do without me for an extended period of time. sucked for me, too. okay, not really. sbc's incompetence actually allowed me to spend a few days and evenings catching up on films i hadn't watched in a while. sunday's threepack of jersey girl, jay and silent bob strike back and dogma was a nice treat for a very hungover squirrel.
so, i'm back in the 'no and back online. the trip down was fairly noneventful aside from the cat peeing on itself 15 minutes into the drive, a 45 minute oregon refueling fiasco, no sleep until just below stockton on I-5, broken payphones at 4 rest areas in a row in northern california when i needed to call my new landlord to see if he could meet me the next morning to let me into my new place and arriving on the last sweltering day of the summer's first heatwave.
but now i have to go eat and sleep. in that order. i think. the weather's perfect, the breeze just right, how can one not want to nosh and nap?
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Sunday
so, i've had a change of heart. i do not like jack fm anymore. due to the fact that i just found out it is in fresno as well as bremerton. obviously, it is a hostile sirius type attempt at a radiowave takeover. even though i think a station without djs is like a vacation in nirvana.
and i stand by my assertion that the nightclub managers do not deserve life sentences for the Great White fire. negligent homicide at worst and whatever that brings, but life? no way. when the ceos who have gutted our nation's coffers walk with slaps on their wrists and minimum time at club fed after having destroyed countless lives and futures, then no. when politicians can send innocent people to their deaths in another country for no better reason than "i have a vision from God", then small-time, petty, greedy little managers should not get the equivalent of the death penalty no matter how many headbangers burn to death.
beautiful day in the neighborhood today. mid 70's. cloudless. tomorrow, though, we break records. mid 80's. and let me tell you, those temps in the northwest are almost never fun. except in july. here it's still too wet and the humidity will soar. except in bremerton where we get all of the breeze. so, i'll continue to clean. packing is almost all done. the lawns are all mown. the cat is going apeshit. laundry day tomorrow. coffeeshop day as well. one last trip to the thrift store for another tax deduction.
let's move on, shall we? this is what happens when a president's ratings plunge below 30% qualifying him as the least popular president in our nation's history. congarats all. we helped to set a record. and unleash even further a nasty, petty, greedy little demon. not that thousands of soldiers along the mexican border won't help to stop the terrorism rampant on our soil. and laura bush saying that the papers didn't put her husband's very high poll ratings on the front pages of their publications when that was a fact is just total bullshit.
still not investing in doubloons? might be about time.
oh jeez. if jack abramoff's and mike scanlon's story is ever filmed...i nominate greg kinnear and charles grodin to play the two. go here, check the pics and tell me i'm wrong.
and i stand by my assertion that the nightclub managers do not deserve life sentences for the Great White fire. negligent homicide at worst and whatever that brings, but life? no way. when the ceos who have gutted our nation's coffers walk with slaps on their wrists and minimum time at club fed after having destroyed countless lives and futures, then no. when politicians can send innocent people to their deaths in another country for no better reason than "i have a vision from God", then small-time, petty, greedy little managers should not get the equivalent of the death penalty no matter how many headbangers burn to death.
beautiful day in the neighborhood today. mid 70's. cloudless. tomorrow, though, we break records. mid 80's. and let me tell you, those temps in the northwest are almost never fun. except in july. here it's still too wet and the humidity will soar. except in bremerton where we get all of the breeze. so, i'll continue to clean. packing is almost all done. the lawns are all mown. the cat is going apeshit. laundry day tomorrow. coffeeshop day as well. one last trip to the thrift store for another tax deduction.
let's move on, shall we? this is what happens when a president's ratings plunge below 30% qualifying him as the least popular president in our nation's history. congarats all. we helped to set a record. and unleash even further a nasty, petty, greedy little demon. not that thousands of soldiers along the mexican border won't help to stop the terrorism rampant on our soil. and laura bush saying that the papers didn't put her husband's very high poll ratings on the front pages of their publications when that was a fact is just total bullshit.
still not investing in doubloons? might be about time.
oh jeez. if jack abramoff's and mike scanlon's story is ever filmed...i nominate greg kinnear and charles grodin to play the two. go here, check the pics and tell me i'm wrong.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Smoke Me A Kipper
in response to steph's question about my thoughts about the nightclub manager getting 4 years in prison for the fire that killed something like 100 people at a heavy metal gig due to pyrotechnics onstage igniting the ceiling:
check this out where an "eco-terrorist" gets almost 23 years for setting three trucks on fire at a dealership. do i think this guy is nearsighted in terms of what he should have chosen to do in order to get his message out? oh yes. do i think that 23 years is ridiculous and unwarranted without his having caused the death or injury of even one person? more than yes.
so, a nightclub manager who knows that pyrotechnics are not allowed according to city code lets it happen or fails to ensure that a band known for pyrotechnics gets the memo is serving 4 years. do i think he is a killer? not at all. do i think he's an idiot who stood aside in order to get his paycheck and keep everyone happy? yes, i do. do i think that he is the "ringleader" who deserves the most lockup time? no, again. the people who go to these concerts know what they're in for. the people who go to these concerts know that it will get violent at some point. the people who go these concerts know that the venues absolutely suck. did they deserve to die? no. did they deserve anything but a kickass concert? no. did they know that this band gets out of control on a regular basis and look forward to it? yes. did the manager know this as well? yes. is he paid to make the band and the patrons happy? yes. did he do his job well up to the point that the ceiling caught on fire? yes. do he do his job well after? not so much. but how do you calm a headbanger crowd down when the place is on fire? you don't. and what do you do when the sprinklers don't turn on? run like hell. so, i can blame the germans, but do i punish them harshly because they are culpable or do i not because they didn't go into the evening thinking that it would be cool to kill a bunch of bad music lovers?
by the way, have you ever noticed that when someone else yawns you want to as well? but when a pet yawns there is no like reaction on your part? why is that? do pets yawn differently? is it a species thing? what?
and how cool is my former dispatch woman? she had extra copies of Ender's Game and Speaker For The Dead and gave them to me as a going-away present. i lost $15 earlier this year when i tried to order them online. i received neither books nor refund.
i've been hearing a commercial for Geico lately that asks you about the feeling of getting a $5 bill from your granny and then 99 more from some other people. then it asks you about finding a $5 bill on the ground and then finding a $495 bill next to it. Geico (and i belong to them, by the way) thinks that finding a piece of currency in the amount of $495 to be a good thing. tell me: what store is going to accept a $495 bill? and whose picture is on it? is it the kind of bill i would slip into the waitress's book after my bosses all hung out with me and then left without paying anything and i know there is no way i can pay for this mistake of mine? is this special money for states with a mandatory purchase rebate? can you take it to a bank and ask for all $1 bills in exchange? all $5? quarters? serously, though, whose picture would be on it?
i will miss jackfm in seattle. it is a radio station that has no dj. ever. it plays music, "clever quotes" by a prerecorded voice that is sometimes amusing. it plays commercials and makes no bones about it. any sigles from the late late sixties to about 2 years ago. i've been surprised by songs i haven't heard in a long time by madonna, nine inch nails, the talking heads, the doors, the go-go's, KISS, rickie lee jones, movie quips, peter gabriel, tom waits, the proclaimers, pearl jam, tower of power, prince, matchbox 20. and i've been disappointed. the playlist is fairly random, but they do only play commercial singles. so, no obscure b side song except very occasionally. but their library is pretty vast. santana is playing right now. oye como va. valise notch. say your mama coughs. squa-weeze them. ..okay, so those are my rendition.
check this out where an "eco-terrorist" gets almost 23 years for setting three trucks on fire at a dealership. do i think this guy is nearsighted in terms of what he should have chosen to do in order to get his message out? oh yes. do i think that 23 years is ridiculous and unwarranted without his having caused the death or injury of even one person? more than yes.
so, a nightclub manager who knows that pyrotechnics are not allowed according to city code lets it happen or fails to ensure that a band known for pyrotechnics gets the memo is serving 4 years. do i think he is a killer? not at all. do i think he's an idiot who stood aside in order to get his paycheck and keep everyone happy? yes, i do. do i think that he is the "ringleader" who deserves the most lockup time? no, again. the people who go to these concerts know what they're in for. the people who go to these concerts know that it will get violent at some point. the people who go these concerts know that the venues absolutely suck. did they deserve to die? no. did they deserve anything but a kickass concert? no. did they know that this band gets out of control on a regular basis and look forward to it? yes. did the manager know this as well? yes. is he paid to make the band and the patrons happy? yes. did he do his job well up to the point that the ceiling caught on fire? yes. do he do his job well after? not so much. but how do you calm a headbanger crowd down when the place is on fire? you don't. and what do you do when the sprinklers don't turn on? run like hell. so, i can blame the germans, but do i punish them harshly because they are culpable or do i not because they didn't go into the evening thinking that it would be cool to kill a bunch of bad music lovers?
by the way, have you ever noticed that when someone else yawns you want to as well? but when a pet yawns there is no like reaction on your part? why is that? do pets yawn differently? is it a species thing? what?
and how cool is my former dispatch woman? she had extra copies of Ender's Game and Speaker For The Dead and gave them to me as a going-away present. i lost $15 earlier this year when i tried to order them online. i received neither books nor refund.
i've been hearing a commercial for Geico lately that asks you about the feeling of getting a $5 bill from your granny and then 99 more from some other people. then it asks you about finding a $5 bill on the ground and then finding a $495 bill next to it. Geico (and i belong to them, by the way) thinks that finding a piece of currency in the amount of $495 to be a good thing. tell me: what store is going to accept a $495 bill? and whose picture is on it? is it the kind of bill i would slip into the waitress's book after my bosses all hung out with me and then left without paying anything and i know there is no way i can pay for this mistake of mine? is this special money for states with a mandatory purchase rebate? can you take it to a bank and ask for all $1 bills in exchange? all $5? quarters? serously, though, whose picture would be on it?
i will miss jackfm in seattle. it is a radio station that has no dj. ever. it plays music, "clever quotes" by a prerecorded voice that is sometimes amusing. it plays commercials and makes no bones about it. any sigles from the late late sixties to about 2 years ago. i've been surprised by songs i haven't heard in a long time by madonna, nine inch nails, the talking heads, the doors, the go-go's, KISS, rickie lee jones, movie quips, peter gabriel, tom waits, the proclaimers, pearl jam, tower of power, prince, matchbox 20. and i've been disappointed. the playlist is fairly random, but they do only play commercial singles. so, no obscure b side song except very occasionally. but their library is pretty vast. santana is playing right now. oye como va. valise notch. say your mama coughs. squa-weeze them. ..okay, so those are my rendition.
Free At Last
um...i made it. i'm free sort of at last. no more bad boss. just a sad boss. his loss. today actually went relatively quickly. i had enough work to keep me occupied, then i read a book for the last two hours. i seem to have not met everyone's expectations, though. no one thought i would show up today. so, i saw looks of amazement and chagrin. a few of them may have lost bets.
i did receive kind words and thanks from all but He Who Shall Not Be Named. while my time here was short i did manage to make a difference in the eyes of the technicians. so, that makes me feel good. now that i think about it, everyone who had a reason to come into the office did stop to thank me. except bill. but he's, well, in his own orbit around the planet Anger. penn was the best. he knew exactly why i chose to leave and understood. he's worked with HWSNBN for a number of years and has seen him alienate many people. penn and i got along very well. he's the type of inspector who never talks down to anyone who might not be as experienced as he is. he will simply use smaller words. he enjoys teaching and mentoring. he's the kind of inspector i wish i could replicate ten times and have as my entire field staff. aaron, robert, john, tim and james all were very kind.
jon can kiss my ass. he is a ladder climber who will say one thing to you and another behind your back. but he was useful, because he's a snitch. i found i could feed him stuff in "confidence" knowing it would go straight to HWSNBN.
but that's all over. now, i go back to being a technician and arguing only with the dirt that is given to me. oh, another fun thing today: one of my old co-workers from down in the 'No called me for help on some asphalt testing. i was able to get her past the problems over the phone in about 30 minutes and it felt great to feel like a troubleshooter again. i haven't been asked to use my testing experience in some time.
but anyway. it's friday and i'm free. i may come back on later for political meanderings and whatnot. for now, gluck gluck gluck. burp. scratch. gluck gluck gluck.
i did receive kind words and thanks from all but He Who Shall Not Be Named. while my time here was short i did manage to make a difference in the eyes of the technicians. so, that makes me feel good. now that i think about it, everyone who had a reason to come into the office did stop to thank me. except bill. but he's, well, in his own orbit around the planet Anger. penn was the best. he knew exactly why i chose to leave and understood. he's worked with HWSNBN for a number of years and has seen him alienate many people. penn and i got along very well. he's the type of inspector who never talks down to anyone who might not be as experienced as he is. he will simply use smaller words. he enjoys teaching and mentoring. he's the kind of inspector i wish i could replicate ten times and have as my entire field staff. aaron, robert, john, tim and james all were very kind.
jon can kiss my ass. he is a ladder climber who will say one thing to you and another behind your back. but he was useful, because he's a snitch. i found i could feed him stuff in "confidence" knowing it would go straight to HWSNBN.
but that's all over. now, i go back to being a technician and arguing only with the dirt that is given to me. oh, another fun thing today: one of my old co-workers from down in the 'No called me for help on some asphalt testing. i was able to get her past the problems over the phone in about 30 minutes and it felt great to feel like a troubleshooter again. i haven't been asked to use my testing experience in some time.
but anyway. it's friday and i'm free. i may come back on later for political meanderings and whatnot. for now, gluck gluck gluck. burp. scratch. gluck gluck gluck.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
T Minus One
Am I just charmaliscious or what? I scored a $50 Visa gift card out of the SBC operator just by being my normal beautiful self. And the DSL modem is free. So, I have a new address, new phone number and DSL service when I get back to the 'No. APJ, ETA is next Thursday evening. I plan to do an almost straight through drive with the help of Exedrin Migraine (all the pain relief, twice the caffeine) with time to stop off somewhere and hit 756 homers in less than an hour. Tweaked when I get there? Oh yes. Needing help to unload the furniture? Definately. Happy to be back someplace where culture isn't a foreign word? Priceless. Moving away from my current boss? Pinch me. Wait, don't . If this is a dream I don't want to wake up.
Happy to be back with my old landlord. Endless thanks to Lecram for hooking me up with him in the first place three years ago. You gotta love a landlord who frequents your drinking establishments and insists on buying you one or two every time. And isn't hung up on "the rent is due by this day or you get charged extra". And doesn't even want a security deposit. But does take good care of the place. Of course, he does have amazingly responsible renters like me. When I moved out of my last place in the 'No before moving up here I realized I couldn't get the place totally cleaned before leaving (mostly because I let the moving guys take my vacuum cleaner two days before). So, I left a sixpack of good beer in the fridge along with some of my mom's homemade jam with a note to apologize about the pile of dust and stuff I'd swept into a corner. He liked it.
So, now I have an address that has to have the letter R or word Rear put on it in order for me to get mail. Cool. Make the joke, dear readers. Make the joke.
Now, one more day of work to get through. Today, my boss came through the lab and stopped as if he just remembered something and asked "So, your last day is still, um, tomorrow?". As if he'd forgotten. The message there was very simply "I'm trying to make you think that I truely don't think you're still here". Then he told me he wanted a "synopsis" of how the lab stands and what needs to be done by the time I leave. This guy is such a piece of work. He is in a panic to replace me, but won't speak with me unless it's to report a problem he has with me. And he won't include me in the steps needed to be taken in order to provide a smooth transition. He hasn't even interviewed anyone for my position. Why? Because he sat on his ass until it became a crisis.
Will I get a going-away lunch tomorrow? No. Will I get a thank-you-for-what-you've-done-and-can-we-still-be-friends moment? No. I will come in and do my work as I normally would and leave at 5 pm in order to get a free ride with the dispatch woman. I don't know that I even want to shake his hand if it's offered.
I found out very recently that he has illegally abused my salary position. I've said nothing. I don't know what to say or what I want to do about it. I know I'm going to make sure that the person who replaces me can't be taken advantage of in this way. Whether I ask for compensation for all of the extra hours worked is still a question turning on the spit in my mind.
But tomorrow is my last day! I'm so looking forward to working. I can do whatever I want. I can tell him to go fuck himself and there's nothing he can do. My transfer is complete and Clovis wants me back. I won't tell him anything, of course, but it will be nice to see him twist if there's anything he needs to speak to me about.
Anyhoo, I'm going to watch a movie now and drink a beer.
Happy to be back with my old landlord. Endless thanks to Lecram for hooking me up with him in the first place three years ago. You gotta love a landlord who frequents your drinking establishments and insists on buying you one or two every time. And isn't hung up on "the rent is due by this day or you get charged extra". And doesn't even want a security deposit. But does take good care of the place. Of course, he does have amazingly responsible renters like me. When I moved out of my last place in the 'No before moving up here I realized I couldn't get the place totally cleaned before leaving (mostly because I let the moving guys take my vacuum cleaner two days before). So, I left a sixpack of good beer in the fridge along with some of my mom's homemade jam with a note to apologize about the pile of dust and stuff I'd swept into a corner. He liked it.
So, now I have an address that has to have the letter R or word Rear put on it in order for me to get mail. Cool. Make the joke, dear readers. Make the joke.
Now, one more day of work to get through. Today, my boss came through the lab and stopped as if he just remembered something and asked "So, your last day is still, um, tomorrow?". As if he'd forgotten. The message there was very simply "I'm trying to make you think that I truely don't think you're still here". Then he told me he wanted a "synopsis" of how the lab stands and what needs to be done by the time I leave. This guy is such a piece of work. He is in a panic to replace me, but won't speak with me unless it's to report a problem he has with me. And he won't include me in the steps needed to be taken in order to provide a smooth transition. He hasn't even interviewed anyone for my position. Why? Because he sat on his ass until it became a crisis.
Will I get a going-away lunch tomorrow? No. Will I get a thank-you-for-what-you've-done-and-can-we-still-be-friends moment? No. I will come in and do my work as I normally would and leave at 5 pm in order to get a free ride with the dispatch woman. I don't know that I even want to shake his hand if it's offered.
I found out very recently that he has illegally abused my salary position. I've said nothing. I don't know what to say or what I want to do about it. I know I'm going to make sure that the person who replaces me can't be taken advantage of in this way. Whether I ask for compensation for all of the extra hours worked is still a question turning on the spit in my mind.
But tomorrow is my last day! I'm so looking forward to working. I can do whatever I want. I can tell him to go fuck himself and there's nothing he can do. My transfer is complete and Clovis wants me back. I won't tell him anything, of course, but it will be nice to see him twist if there's anything he needs to speak to me about.
Anyhoo, I'm going to watch a movie now and drink a beer.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I Blog Therefor I Am
1. When was the last time you had sex?
Most cultures define sex as an inimate act between two consenting adults. I do not. So, about four minutes ago.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Right. Like anyone else does either. You leave one, I leave another.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Of course. It's the only thing that restrains me from attacking the other idiots.
4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Oh yes. Oh yes indeedy. See answer #1.
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Patience.
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
(other people) Kevin Kline, Starsky, Tim Dalton. (me) Jack Black.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Liv Tyler
9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes. I, also, knuckle my crack.
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
I wake up every morning for some reason with a new song stuck in my head. So, it's a daily thing. Today's was "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. But I didn't hate it...for the first 30 minutes or so. Now, Axl Rose must die.
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No. Right now, I have the Bangles' "Vacation" going. Ooh, why would that be there?
12. What are your super powers?
The ability to annoy without provocation. Manipulation of others' feelings. Being goddamn funny even when no one else gets it. Forgetting the writer's lines. Sloth. Gardening. The ability to ignore incessant ringing. Eating for free at Costco. Shopping. Fucking up...and somehow making up for it.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Growing up. Accepting that Natalie Portman is too young for me. Accepting that I am not superhuman or immortal. Waking up right before driving through the fence right before the DUI. Realizing that I do not have the talent of Laurence Olivier or even one of the guys from "Buttfarts: The Musical". Learning to like myself.
14. Where are your car keys?
Within reach.
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
I don't even want to hear my own. I pick Zonthar and Mustang.
16. What's your most annoying habit?
Not answering the phone would be most people's pick. But I choose making sure my nose doesn't whistle before I fall asleep (this can be a long drawnout process if I'm partially stuffed up. I had one girlfriend banish me to the living room, that's when I learned to do it quietly).
17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
The 'No, of course. Tower. Rogue. Rain. Big fun. Friends galore. Great wrap party.
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Ann Coulter. Oh, and I'd want the cameras. Get away, yes; have it not seen, no.
19. What is your best physical feature?
My ankles are kind of nice. They're well-formed.
20. What CD is closest to you right now?
Gillain Welch. Kien Lim. Southern Culture On The Skids. Rickie Lee Jones. Sublime.
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Three? Um, cauliflower, cheese and beer. Three more: minced garlic, flour tortillas, corn tortillas. Three more: salad dressing, jam, butter.
22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
Wake up, shower, cup of tea with cigarette, take first crap.
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
No. But I will take my hand off the wheel in order to "greet" those who do.
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self?.
Joelle. My choice. I happen to like my name and think any girl would be lucky to be named after me.
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
"()"
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
30. What CD is in your stereo?
2 A.M. Orchestra.
31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Orange County what? None so far as I know.
32. How many kids do you want to have?
See question #1.
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Liv Tyler. Susan Sarandon. Christina Ricci. David Letterman.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
Why not? If you knew my history of kissing et al, you'd wonder why they wanted to kiss me.
35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Practice. Also, see #1.
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Who would I like? John Cusack. Who would I expect? Bystander #2. My life is boring and boring is never celuloid. Okay, so maybe Michael Caine during one of his paycheck phases.
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Blaze of Glory. I hate the cold now.
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
The ones I would steal. Seriously.
39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Kiki's Delivery Service.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Rickie Lee Jones, Lyle Lovett, Supertramp, The Beach Boys, Jonathon Richman, Tower of Power, The Police.
41. Have you ever been in love?
In love with love many times. In love with others...hard to say. It never took, so it's hard to say.
42. Do you talk to yourself?
I blog therefor I am.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
Nope. Without the ones I dislike I would have no outlet for my loathing of others. Or the ability to feel superior.
Most cultures define sex as an inimate act between two consenting adults. I do not. So, about four minutes ago.
2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Right. Like anyone else does either. You leave one, I leave another.
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Of course. It's the only thing that restrains me from attacking the other idiots.
4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Oh yes. Oh yes indeedy. See answer #1.
5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Patience.
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
(other people) Kevin Kline, Starsky, Tim Dalton. (me) Jack Black.
7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Liv Tyler
9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Yes. I, also, knuckle my crack.
10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
I wake up every morning for some reason with a new song stuck in my head. So, it's a daily thing. Today's was "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. But I didn't hate it...for the first 30 minutes or so. Now, Axl Rose must die.
11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No. Right now, I have the Bangles' "Vacation" going. Ooh, why would that be there?
12. What are your super powers?
The ability to annoy without provocation. Manipulation of others' feelings. Being goddamn funny even when no one else gets it. Forgetting the writer's lines. Sloth. Gardening. The ability to ignore incessant ringing. Eating for free at Costco. Shopping. Fucking up...and somehow making up for it.
13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Growing up. Accepting that Natalie Portman is too young for me. Accepting that I am not superhuman or immortal. Waking up right before driving through the fence right before the DUI. Realizing that I do not have the talent of Laurence Olivier or even one of the guys from "Buttfarts: The Musical". Learning to like myself.
14. Where are your car keys?
Within reach.
15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
I don't even want to hear my own. I pick Zonthar and Mustang.
16. What's your most annoying habit?
Not answering the phone would be most people's pick. But I choose making sure my nose doesn't whistle before I fall asleep (this can be a long drawnout process if I'm partially stuffed up. I had one girlfriend banish me to the living room, that's when I learned to do it quietly).
17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
The 'No, of course. Tower. Rogue. Rain. Big fun. Friends galore. Great wrap party.
18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Ann Coulter. Oh, and I'd want the cameras. Get away, yes; have it not seen, no.
19. What is your best physical feature?
My ankles are kind of nice. They're well-formed.
20. What CD is closest to you right now?
Gillain Welch. Kien Lim. Southern Culture On The Skids. Rickie Lee Jones. Sublime.
21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Three? Um, cauliflower, cheese and beer. Three more: minced garlic, flour tortillas, corn tortillas. Three more: salad dressing, jam, butter.
22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
Wake up, shower, cup of tea with cigarette, take first crap.
25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
No. But I will take my hand off the wheel in order to "greet" those who do.
26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self?.
Joelle. My choice. I happen to like my name and think any girl would be lucky to be named after me.
27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
"()"
28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.
29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
30. What CD is in your stereo?
2 A.M. Orchestra.
31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Orange County what? None so far as I know.
32. How many kids do you want to have?
See question #1.
33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Liv Tyler. Susan Sarandon. Christina Ricci. David Letterman.
34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
Why not? If you knew my history of kissing et al, you'd wonder why they wanted to kiss me.
35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Practice. Also, see #1.
36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Who would I like? John Cusack. Who would I expect? Bystander #2. My life is boring and boring is never celuloid. Okay, so maybe Michael Caine during one of his paycheck phases.
37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Blaze of Glory. I hate the cold now.
38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
The ones I would steal. Seriously.
39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Kiki's Delivery Service.
40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Rickie Lee Jones, Lyle Lovett, Supertramp, The Beach Boys, Jonathon Richman, Tower of Power, The Police.
41. Have you ever been in love?
In love with love many times. In love with others...hard to say. It never took, so it's hard to say.
42. Do you talk to yourself?
I blog therefor I am.
43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
Nope. Without the ones I dislike I would have no outlet for my loathing of others. Or the ability to feel superior.
Bonds not Ruthian? Bullshit. Couldn't say it better myself. Actually, I couldn't say it anywhere near this well. After all, I am not a writer. I am a ranter. And anyone who thinks that Bonds got to where he is on the back of a needle can kiss my hairy white ass. Babe Ruth was a pig with the IQ of that twin from Deliverance.
Well, it's Quittin' Time minus 2 days. My lab tech asked me if he could take those two days off for a long weekend and, knowing that he will be working 6 or 7 days a week until they find my replacement, I said "get the hell out of here". So, I will be solo for these last two days. Which is okay. But I'll miss the young bugger. That boy can break me out of a funk faster than anyone I've ever met. Maybe it's because he's young. Maybe it's because he has a chip and attitude like no one's business and it makes me laugh to watch him get all pumped up over miniscule things. But I'll miss him. I just got done writing a letter of recommendation for him along with a personal note addressing those things I think he needs to think about. I may call him and get him to come mow the lawn before I leave (and help me schlep the couches into the moving van). It's weird leaving here. I can't wait to be back in the Tower and see all of my friends. But there's a part of me that hates walking away from this challenge I was so up for only 6 months ago. Under different circumstances I could have made this lab the creme de la creme. It's almost there. Well, it's a year or two away from "there", but it coulda happened. I don't feel as if this was a failure. But I do feel it was a big missed opportunity. And it will take time for me to figure out if the miss was truely the boss's fault or if I could have learned something from all of this and stayed. I do know that the person who replaces me can ask for the moon in terms of salary. They will be walking into a ready-made lab and the boss is in a panic. He won't speak to me about it...actually he won't speak to me about anything. He is acting as if I am already gone. Cutting off his nose to spite his face. Everyone else is being cool about the whole affair. I'm getting the usual ribs, but they're letting me know that they would like me to stay. I think I can leave on a positive note. I learned a lot about management and about myself. Someday, maybe, I can try it again. For now, though, I look forward to becoming an hourly grunt who just runs tests and helps out the lab boss.
See you tomorrow.
Well, it's Quittin' Time minus 2 days. My lab tech asked me if he could take those two days off for a long weekend and, knowing that he will be working 6 or 7 days a week until they find my replacement, I said "get the hell out of here". So, I will be solo for these last two days. Which is okay. But I'll miss the young bugger. That boy can break me out of a funk faster than anyone I've ever met. Maybe it's because he's young. Maybe it's because he has a chip and attitude like no one's business and it makes me laugh to watch him get all pumped up over miniscule things. But I'll miss him. I just got done writing a letter of recommendation for him along with a personal note addressing those things I think he needs to think about. I may call him and get him to come mow the lawn before I leave (and help me schlep the couches into the moving van). It's weird leaving here. I can't wait to be back in the Tower and see all of my friends. But there's a part of me that hates walking away from this challenge I was so up for only 6 months ago. Under different circumstances I could have made this lab the creme de la creme. It's almost there. Well, it's a year or two away from "there", but it coulda happened. I don't feel as if this was a failure. But I do feel it was a big missed opportunity. And it will take time for me to figure out if the miss was truely the boss's fault or if I could have learned something from all of this and stayed. I do know that the person who replaces me can ask for the moon in terms of salary. They will be walking into a ready-made lab and the boss is in a panic. He won't speak to me about it...actually he won't speak to me about anything. He is acting as if I am already gone. Cutting off his nose to spite his face. Everyone else is being cool about the whole affair. I'm getting the usual ribs, but they're letting me know that they would like me to stay. I think I can leave on a positive note. I learned a lot about management and about myself. Someday, maybe, I can try it again. For now, though, I look forward to becoming an hourly grunt who just runs tests and helps out the lab boss.
See you tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
T Minus Three and Counting
You thought it was over, but you're wrong. One more comment on the mighty mighty Stephen Colbert. Steph-o!
It's easy for many of us to forget those affected by hurricane Katrina. it's last year's story and so many more scandals and disasters have happened since. It's nice to know that some journalists are still working to remind us that this most devastating tragedy is not yet behind us and may not be for years to come.
Tony Blair has announced he will be stepping down from his most exalted post earlier than anticipated. He and his party have been rocked by scandal and gaining lack of public support for some time now, but things became inestimably worse when Jack Straw was sacked and word leaked out that it was due primarily to the influence of George "heckuvajob" Bush and one phone call. I have no idea which party would lead England in a better direction than they face now, but it will be distinctly interesting to watch the fall-out over Blair's veryveryvery close ties to our President whose approval ratings just dropped to 31%, let me say that again with another poll's backing-31%, second lowest only to Nixon and Carter. And Carter's ratings bungee-plummeted only because Reagan and his boys were making deals with Tehran during the campaign to not free our citizens until after the vote.
Bush's Fish Story. And, yes, there is a German paper that reported his interview. Some bloggers are asking the question: is he that much of a liar? I respond with: no, he's that much of a boy king moron. And if that's the highlight, ohmyfreakinggoodness, there's not much in the vein of positive news concerning his presidency that even he can conjure up.
Bush says that the Taliban are not terrorists. Just out (well, not so much just out as I'm just getting around to writing about it) is the annual list of those assholes who don't like us and made some sort of pact to show us their dislike by killing one or more of us in a concerted effort. You know, the Liberals. Just kidding. Seriously, I'm somewhat stumped as to how Liberals didn't make that List. But the Taliban are not on there. In another article was a quote from some administration wonk that the Taliban were made up mostly of normal, common, everyday Afghan men who just wanted their homeland back. Not like all those damned Iraqis, I mean insurgents, I mean foreign agitators, I mean effing terrorists not from Saudi Arabia or Dubai.
Do I dare to pretend I understand any monetary bill coming out of Washington an any given day? No, I don't. The legalese used to wrap an enigma in a riddle in a word jumble makes mincemeat of my 140 IQ mind (yeah, that's right. 140. Was told that by an online site the third time I took the test. And I only paid thrice, so there). Do I think that the Republicans, knowing that their control of the government is extremely shaky, will do pretty much anything to reward their benefactors before it's too late? Yes, I do. As any good crony government would do when it thinks it might be on the way out. Line the coffers, boyos. After all, your careers aren't over, just the job titles on your business cards.
It's easy for many of us to forget those affected by hurricane Katrina. it's last year's story and so many more scandals and disasters have happened since. It's nice to know that some journalists are still working to remind us that this most devastating tragedy is not yet behind us and may not be for years to come.
Tony Blair has announced he will be stepping down from his most exalted post earlier than anticipated. He and his party have been rocked by scandal and gaining lack of public support for some time now, but things became inestimably worse when Jack Straw was sacked and word leaked out that it was due primarily to the influence of George "heckuvajob" Bush and one phone call. I have no idea which party would lead England in a better direction than they face now, but it will be distinctly interesting to watch the fall-out over Blair's veryveryvery close ties to our President whose approval ratings just dropped to 31%, let me say that again with another poll's backing-31%, second lowest only to Nixon and Carter. And Carter's ratings bungee-plummeted only because Reagan and his boys were making deals with Tehran during the campaign to not free our citizens until after the vote.
Bush's Fish Story. And, yes, there is a German paper that reported his interview. Some bloggers are asking the question: is he that much of a liar? I respond with: no, he's that much of a boy king moron. And if that's the highlight, ohmyfreakinggoodness, there's not much in the vein of positive news concerning his presidency that even he can conjure up.
Bush says that the Taliban are not terrorists. Just out (well, not so much just out as I'm just getting around to writing about it) is the annual list of those assholes who don't like us and made some sort of pact to show us their dislike by killing one or more of us in a concerted effort. You know, the Liberals. Just kidding. Seriously, I'm somewhat stumped as to how Liberals didn't make that List. But the Taliban are not on there. In another article was a quote from some administration wonk that the Taliban were made up mostly of normal, common, everyday Afghan men who just wanted their homeland back. Not like all those damned Iraqis, I mean insurgents, I mean foreign agitators, I mean effing terrorists not from Saudi Arabia or Dubai.
Do I dare to pretend I understand any monetary bill coming out of Washington an any given day? No, I don't. The legalese used to wrap an enigma in a riddle in a word jumble makes mincemeat of my 140 IQ mind (yeah, that's right. 140. Was told that by an online site the third time I took the test. And I only paid thrice, so there). Do I think that the Republicans, knowing that their control of the government is extremely shaky, will do pretty much anything to reward their benefactors before it's too late? Yes, I do. As any good crony government would do when it thinks it might be on the way out. Line the coffers, boyos. After all, your careers aren't over, just the job titles on your business cards.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Monday Night Movies
As an antidote to Lecram's film picks of the week, I feel I must jump up and offer my own. It's not that I disagree with his choices. So far, he has been spot on interms of quality and entertainment value. However, testostrone level? Fear factor? Violence volume? Not so much. So, I present my first film pick as a remedy:
A rock-solid epic of a journey into the heart of Dixie darkness. Replete with zombies, killer viruses, backwoods redneck fucks, tributes to Deliverance and Evil Dead, and humor so dark and nasty you'd need to solve the Black Hole Theory just to find your pecker afterwards. Plus, it's a Morality Tale. Just in case some of you are hung up on the whole "redeeming quality", "is it good for the children", "he just said the N word" thing. Which I'm not. Laughs, gaffes, chills, thrills and spills. Potty talk, potty humor, maybe even potty potty. One disclaimer, though: it's intelligently written and directed with a talented cast. You know, blah blah blah. One more disclaimer: as Joe Bob Briggs would say, "3 Buckets of Blood, one car explosion, one burning body, zero boobies".
Sunday, May 07, 2006
'No News
Sunday May 28, 2006 at 10:00 AM-5:00 PM
Where:Aldo's Nightclub
617 W. Belmont
Fresno, CA 93728
SPONSORED BY PRIVATE ENCOUNTERS, ALDO'S NIGHT CLUB AND Q97 WILL ALSO BE AT THE EVENT!
GIRLS WANTED!!!!!
We are auditioning girls to come and join the fun and work in the biggest Co-Ed bikini car wash event of the year! The only Co-Ed Bikini Car Wash with Private Dancers! Hosted by Private Encounters!
This BIG Event will be held in May 28, 2006!
If interested please send Photos to email addresses below,
For more info email louistight@yahoo.com or private_encounters_fresno@yahoo.com
Or Call 559-273-0067
whoo hoo! waka waka! ahoooogah!
what's with the co-ed bikini part, though? are there going to be studs wearing buttfloss? or fat guys like me with plumber's butt?
Where:Aldo's Nightclub
617 W. Belmont
Fresno, CA 93728
SPONSORED BY PRIVATE ENCOUNTERS, ALDO'S NIGHT CLUB AND Q97 WILL ALSO BE AT THE EVENT!
GIRLS WANTED!!!!!
We are auditioning girls to come and join the fun and work in the biggest Co-Ed bikini car wash event of the year! The only Co-Ed Bikini Car Wash with Private Dancers! Hosted by Private Encounters!
This BIG Event will be held in May 28, 2006!
If interested please send Photos to email addresses below,
For more info email louistight@yahoo.com or private_encounters_fresno@yahoo.com
Or Call 559-273-0067
whoo hoo! waka waka! ahoooogah!
what's with the co-ed bikini part, though? are there going to be studs wearing buttfloss? or fat guys like me with plumber's butt?
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