Friday, August 26, 2005

Quiz Time

in the spirit of cameraderie, i offer my own version of a quiz. i expect you all to fail miserably.

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by theInterstate to breed a country-western singer?

4 comments:

airplanejayne said...

1) Zero. Every Opposum knows that persimmons are only good for cookies, not raw. Raw persimmons taste like boogers. Possums hate boogers.

2) Not the GTO, 'cause a goat's too fast to rust out. Not the Chevelle, 'cause it's too buff. Gotta be the Ford 'cause, hel-LO! It's a Ford!

3)Three radiaters are needed. But we don't need none of that canned milk!! Hell, we making moonshine, not milkshine!

4)Fourteen. Someone will have to go to the store for more. Mostly cause doing manly things with chainsaws, and talking about things that are 14 inches makes ya' feel like "going to the store!"

5)Farting refrigerators have no effect on the ozone layer. It's the cow farts that are the problem.

6)Nine hound dogs, and cousin Earl...who truly is a dog.

7)This must be a trick question. Everbody knows that ther ain't no hollows in Tennessee -- it's called a holler!

8) The odds are higher that it'll run over one of the hound dogs that escaped from the porch in question #6.

9) Another trick question. There are no hazardous gas warnings at a coalmine. And besides, everybody knows that a mine is a terrible thing to waste.

10) I think it already happened -- but SNL cued up the wrong music for Ashlee Simpson to lipsync too!

scarysquirrelman said...

APJ, good answers on all, which you failed miserably. congrats and give my love to the rest of your fambly splinter.

lecram sinun said...

1. 2 inches - the strength of a "batang" can hold up anything.

2. (D) Ford Escort 84 - I had one named Laazrus - died and came back to life several times despite the rust.

3. 3... but only if you leave them uncapped.

4. 36 per woodcutter.

5. None if you protected it with a condom. Please kids, practice Safe Refrigeration.

6. 0 hound dogs, 5 toothless horney white trash yokels crawling around looking for a mangy bitch to screw.

7. Of Course (see number 6)

8. Trick question. Impossible to calculate without factoring one essential variable - what color chonies the driver is wearing and are they boxers or briefs... or if the driver is wearing any at all. (thought you could get me, huh?)

9. Depends if the gas was caused by beans or cabbage.

10. Come on! It's a "sob story town" they are all country western singers!

scarysquirrelman said...

lecram, you too have astounded me with your amazing lack of correct anawers. all wrong, you fail! congrats and visit my site sometime if you have need of a batang upgrade.