"heh. reading a book with y'all. great fun. reminds me of my ranch when the help would milk the cows and i could read Reader's Digest to 'em. made me laugh. so, uh, i just want y'all to know that i'm down with y'all. good americans. all of ya. proud of ya. uh, some of ya have got piercings on ya. shiny metal stuff. just, uh, want ya to know that, uh, even though i believe self-mutification is a sin and all that, it's not as bad as some things. y'all could get an abortion or do drugs or something. eat your boogers. that would be badder. uh, but i was thinking on the way here way up on air force one that your problems are real small. especially from up there. that's like 300,000 feet or something. way high. and getting high is bad. so don't do it. just say, uh, nope to dope. because you'll never get to be me if you loose your way. and when you loose your way, then it's the highway.
so, why is clifford red? and he's big, too, huh? i never got to read this in tenth grade. now i know why. it's, uh, a real big book.
but i want to, uh, go to what i talked to before. y'all got metal on you. you know ya couldn't get by my new airport stuff with that, right? i mean, you, uh, would probably half to get half nekkid to pass. and that's not cool with this fool. heh. but i wanted to talk on this fartherer, because i did a thing when i was in my twenties, like you, that i ain't proud of, but i still got. ya see, during my hazy frat days when i was puttin' stuff in my body that can't be proved, so put your hand down young man, i got me a souveneir from a night spent with my daddy's buddies. took me out on the town, heh, and got me all fucked, i mean energized, up and we found a parlor. called 'em parlors in those innocent days. so, i want you to know that i am down with your lack of moral compass, because i still have a dick chainy.
whoops, national security is calling me. gotta go and do important things. that's what bein' pregnitent is all about, important things. signin' bills an' cuttin' off funding. good, strong leader stuff. y'all have a good class now an' remember that killin' babies is for libruls and commies."