Friday, June 29, 2007


when the State Equalization Board sends you a Cigarette and Tobacco Products Use Tax Return and it turns out to be a form on which you are supposed to tell them how many untaxed cigarettes you purchased iin the last year, you gotta wonder.
when you call and tell the representative that you've never purchased untaxed cigarettes before in your life and she then insinuates twice that you're lying, you gotta wonder.
when you ask for her superviser and are told that he is unavailable and you ask for his number and are told that she doesn't give out that kind of information and you ask how to get in touch with him and you are told that she will take your name and number and you try to give her your name and number and she begins repeating a federal code while you are reciting your name and number and when she hangs up on you as you are still trying to relay your contact information, you gotta wonder.
"what's your account number?"
"and how can i help you?"
"i got this form in the mail today and not only did you spell my name wrong, but i've never purchased untaxed cigarettes before."
"it say right here on my computer that you bought 98 cartons of untaxed cigarettes over the past three years and stopped in early 2007."
"did you just call me a liar?"
"sir, we received sales receipts from ----------- with your name and address. now, why would this company pull your name out of thin air?"
"you just called me a liar again."
"no sir, i never used that word."
"oh, i'm sorry. you insinuated i'm a liar."
she hung up on me shortly thereafter.
i called back immediately, made my complaint and was transferred by the main switchboard to one of their supervisers. hmmmm.....
turns out my SSN and driver's license are not in their system, which greatly worried the superviser (he gave me his direct number and his extension should i decide to call through the 800 number).
the quote of the conversation with him was:
"i hate to tell you this, but you're not lying."
coming on the heels of a collection agency coming after me even though they had my first name completely wrong and being told by a creditcheck group that i worked at a hardrock cafe in las vegas for a year i'm beginning to hear little paranoic bells in my head (sounds like my alarm going off in the middle of me sleeping off a particularly bad bender).


Mustang said...

..somewhere, on the dark side of this city, a lone figure moves through the mist. It is a small, compact, swarthy figure leaning into the drizzle blowing in off of the fetid harbor. It seems to have a purpose, and yet that purpose seems far away, as if the figure had far to go. Alone, this furtive figure finds following futile fjords of fundemental flotsum frequently frustrating. And yet, it moves with purpose. The goal tonight is ill-gotten booty, a fag without duty, a stick without representation, in untaxed cigarette. However, thanks to Homeland Security, DEA, FBI,CIA, NCIS, NIA, NRO, USMC, HHS, EPA, and the New York Yankees there ARE NONE!


airplanejayne said...

ppsssttt! Me thinks you might want to run a credit check.

It appears you may have been compromised....

scarysquirrelman said...

i was compromised the day i joined the rogue. so there!