Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Day 17: Monkey Sees Forest, Counts Trees, Spews Snot

well, the wellbutrin is a neat drug. it increases my focus at work, it keeps me in a good mood even when i'm pissed off, it suppresses my appetite somewhat so that my shorts sag halfway down my butt...
...but it hasn't stopped my smoking. yes, it has cut my intake by about half if i'm not at lipari's having drinks. but it hasn't stopped the cravings as was advertised...
...so, i continue to smoke, but at a much reduced rate. it's somewhat of a victory for the moment. however, i am producing snot at like no one's business. why? i don't know. it might be the air conditioners in my house. i cannot sleep unless air is circulating over my body. that stems from a childhood of sleeping directly under the swamp cooler. it provided lots of moving air and white noise. very lulling...
...but now i am swimming in snot. no infection, it's nice and white when it comes out. but something's rotten in the state of snotmark. snot is dead cells and i want to know what died inside of me. it seems like it was the size of new jersey. if i was a sculpter (but, then again, no) i could have made a life-size cow by now with my snot, complete with swollen udders...
...i'm probably calling in sick to work again tomorrow, because i can't breathe when i wake up and it takes a couple of hours of sitting up for the snot to drain from my sinuses, into my throat, into my mouth and into the toilet...
...oh, by the by, i sold my rifle to herb bauer. herb will quarantine the gun for thirty days. why? i can only think that, because it's a ruger (german), he wants to make sure it isn't harboring any mad cow disease or something. and what i found funny is that the "cop" who showed up to confiscate my old ammo didn't even own a gun. he talked of wanting to buy one, though. made me feel a bit of pity for a guy who wears a badge, but isn't allowed to carry a weapon or handcuffs or billyclub or bigass radio or mace or taser. and he asked me why i didn't just go out to the auberry range and shoot it all. he didn't want to take the ammo. he admired my rifle( funny that when i pulled it from its case he didn't even flinch as the barrel tacked right across his belly. a real cop would have caught the barrel and read me my rights). but he did insist that i sell the gun and not give it to him for processing. said the paperwork would suck and i could get a few bucks for it, which i did...
...which makes me think of alberto gonzales who DID NOT fall on the sword for bush and cronies this week. while alberto is a weasel of the worst kind (hiding behind word parsing in order to not have to ever take a concrete stand on anything) he placed the blame for obstruction of justice squarely in the lap of bush and it was a sweet kind of pyrrhic victory (a victory achieved at great or excessive cost; a ruinous victory). why pyrrhic? because nothing will come of it. the members of congress are so cowed by this administration and so concerned with winning their seats back and giving themselves raises now that accepting bribes has become harder to do that they cannot waste time chasing white elephants across the room...
...and my balls no longer itch, but i keep on scratching anyway...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hallo I absolutely adore your site. You have beautiful graphics I have ever seen.
»

airplanejayne said...

About 3 weeks after I quit smoking, I suddenly developed a smoker's cough. I never had one while I smoked -- but all of the sudden my body started spewing out gunk.

I think that's what your snot is.

Also -- talk to Cindy about the non-smoking forum she's found. I know it helped her alot.

Katie :) said...

you should really think about having that ball scratching thing looked into.......

scarysquirrelman said...

APJ: i haven't quit smoking yet. more than likely the cause is dirty filters in my air conditioners and a lot of crap in the air.

airplanejayne said...

stop shoving shit up your nose....


:)

Mustang said...

Dear SSM,

Perhaps if you rubbed the smokes on the itchy balls, that would help complete the process of quitting? Hmmm???

As for your "weapon", why did you feel compelled to pull it out and show the nice, handsome, tall, husky, deep-voiced officer? HMMM???

As for the "stuff" emerging from your facial orifices, perhaps all those years in the Boy Scouts is coming back to haunt you? HMMMMMM???

So, here is the overall solution..facial drainage stored in an appropriate container becomes a "dip" for the testicle-tainted smoke sticks! This should clear up everything!!!

M

steph said...

Mustang, i just threw up in my mouth a little bit...ewwwww...

Wellbutrin clearing up the lung butter! Your lungs are coated with shit, and tho the snotballs ain't colored black, they are carrying out much of the leftover gunk that your white blood cells are attacking in your lungs...all part of operation clean-up.

And do you think the mid-term elections will come soon enough and skew Demo enough to perhaps cause some rifting over the bush-isms, or will part of the new look Dems have to sit on their hands like good freshmen do?

Lacquer, Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

agree with room, the welbutrin as well as the cut back in smoking is clearing your lungs, (I quit a while back, was lifeguarding, and wound up leaving huge jelly-fish like blobs in the lake, (girls dig this.)
-you're also hallucinating,( welutrin as well,) any officer with any training around a weapon would have cracked the rifle, and cuffed you for allowing the business end to point at them...
-weapons are held quarentine(sp?) while they check with databases and make sure that you've not used them in any nasty business...
-and how can you type while scratching your balls? (are your knees double jointed or something?) No, wait, lets let that one ride...