managed to get out of the house tonight. my brain is beginning to get the hang of being abby...something. the last week has been a bit, well, wrong. perhaps it is a compliment to my psyche that wellbutrin twists me in the wind. it must mean i'm not depressed since that is what the drug is ultimately used for. however, it's also used for smoking cessation, alcoholism and weight loss (because the so-called "smarty" scientists finally figured out the hard way that this drug caused a significant minority of users to explode or commit suicide).
so, i've dropped 9 pounds in ten days. my nicotine cravings are definately diminishing (except when i go out) and alcohol has tasted like day-old dog farts
until this evening. actually, food has, too. except for tacos. don't know what it is about tacos made at home with fried corn tortillas that transcends all. but whatever it is does. cantaloupe's been tasting really good, too, as has raw cauliflower. all food looks and smells great and i am enjoying watching other people eat, but mostly my taste buds have gone on vacation to scotland for haggus.
the headaches are wearing off. the irritability is under control now that i know not to drink caffeine in public.
the std turned out to be a sinus infection (but, yes, the appropriate person was still notified).
i am completely focused at work and get a lot done and can speak very, very fast without tripping up.
when i get home i go back into la-la land. the energy surges are like a rollercoaster.
i am now a cheap date to get drunk.
i still am not sleeping in any stretch of the imagination. alpha level maybe. the dreams are extremely vivid and sometimes unsettling. memories are being dredged up from my past that i haven't thought about in years or decades. not necessarily a good time, but damn interesting.
as fucked up as i've felt, i gotta admit it's still fun to ride a new dragon from time to time.