The Oscars In Dyerama-vision

hey, what the heck? enough politics for one week. let's take a break and watch the Oscars! of course, i can't watch without commenting:
1. gay jokes STILL don't get much mileage from the politically correct (great western montage).
1a. guessing on george clooney for best supporting actor. don't know why. just feels right.
2. reese witherspoon continues to prove that midgets are not only a viable social minority, but sometimes really hot. it's good to have hope. keep looking up!
3. dolly parton got collagen shots? she's almost got mick jagger lips!..speaking of which , that would have made a good theme drink for tonight's festivities: collagen shots.
4. george clooney...good acceptance speech. nice poke in the eye of right wing blowhards. but did he HAVE to bring up the sexiest man thing? most of us are still hating him on that.
5. ben stiller needs to get laid...or a job. notice how he and owen wilson aren't doing much together anymore? and owen is en fuego.
6. i hate cartoon nominee announcers. and, no, i'm not rehashing #5.
7. russell crowe has a nice hairdo. looks unkempt and handswept. cost $1000. hand sweep extra. lock on the forehead looked like a big C. or a curly L.
(by the way, 40 Year Old Virgin is the funniest movie from last year)
8. rachel weiscz for best supporting actress. that's just my guess. but, eventually, catherine keener must be attended. amazing actress. amazing improver.
9. taking a guess on narnia for makeup.
10. stewart's pulling down Oscar and starting democracy in hollywood was right on...and not really gotten by the crowd.
11. morgan freeman is the epitome of coooool...
12. lauren bacall's moment on stage reminded me of frank langella in Dave when he starts out with a room full of supporters and ends up alone with a limp banner in his hand. sorry, lauren. get back into acting.
13. have i mentioned yet how hot keira knightly is? no?
14. keira's hothothot!
15. the quickest way to fuck up an Oscar nominated song is to choreograph it for the show. ooh, burned out car and fog. um, what was the song about?
16. cool. sandra bullock and keanu reeves finishing the Speed trilogy as nominators. he embraces an Eastern philosophy that doesn't fuck with making millions of dollars from two dimensional characters ans she marries somebody not me. i think i'm going to miss this segment if you don't mind.
17. sandra is goooooooorgeous. and the winner of art direction stepped on her dress. keanu..well, he looks good in a tux, but what gay penguin doesn't?
18. samuel jackson epitomized himself in Sphere. other than the pulp fiction cheeseburger moment, what's he got?
19. wow. the Oscars just went full tilt boogie on politics. left coast style. a little pissed off about being represented as "left coast" when it wasn't doing much to earn it? a bit miffed about being branded "out of it" and "not in the mainstream" and "typically liberal"? go get 'em, bitches!
20. the Oscar president is talking about sharing a movie experience in a cinema with complete strangers. he hasn't been to a cineplex lately, has he? if i want to experience people eating with their mouths open, talking on their cell phones, shushing their children, rolling their empty beer bottles down the aisle, complaining about how they wanted to see the other film, kicking the back of my seat, or needing to pee every fifteen minutes, i will pay $9. if i don't want all or any of that, i will wait until it's on netflix or the local second market movie theater. and, guess what?, very few cities and towns have second market theaters. ed emmanuel had the right idea: save up your money until you can build a private theater and pay for first-run movie reviews.
21. selma hayak is hot. even when she had no vagina in Dogma. very good movie.
22. jessica alba is hot. and Sin City is too. watch this movie. it's not nominated for anything. jessica made me think of it. hot hot movie.
23. lily tomlin and meryl streep talking about the altman montage. wow. look for the clip. not here, but somewhere. either so well rehearsed that lecram would cry or such inspired improv that...well, lecram would cry.
24. robert altman's acceptance speech is good and ends with a gotcha.
25. then a house party broke out. then it won an Oscar. woof.
gotta go. the cat needs grooming.