Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Who Your Daddy? Dick Your Daddy!

Okay, I don't usually revisit stories. Shut up . I don't. But this is too, too interesting. Cheney's got a gun. Cheney sees a Quayle. Cheney shoots and scores...a lawyer. Cheney doesn't speak to local law. Secret Service denies access to local law. Cheney calls Rove who calls Bush (we think). Bush reacts with...we don't know what. Scott McClellan finds out the next morning. Gets bushwhacked by the White House press. Somehow. Gets in an argument with a journalist. Local law is evidently allowed to interview Cheney (but we really don't know that for sure). Word gets out that a local Deputy Sheriff approached Cheney's compound the night before to get a statement and was turned away. The main witness interviewed by everyone was sitting in a car, which means they might have been shooting from or close to the roadway or she was quite a distance away from the event. White House says the bottomfeeder, I mean lawyer, is stable while in ICU. Later, the doctors say the bottom-shit-...lawyer... is in stable condition in the ICU. Later, the press clarifies that ICU means InContinent Uvula, which all buckshot men get. Still later (today)., the doctors say that the (i'll get this right dammit) lawyer has had a "silent heart attack", because one of the pellets somehow got near his heart. The doctors estimate that between 6 and 200 pellets hit him. And they have no way of knowing if more of these might pose a risk.
Now, look at these two numbers. First there's 6. Then there's 200. Just for kicks I'm going to list some of the numbers that fall between those two.
7891011121314151617181920212223242526272829230313233
3435363738394041424344
54647484950515253545556575859606162
6364656667686970717273747576777879808182
83848586878888990919293949596979899
100101102103104105106107108109110111112
113114115116117118119120121122123124125
1261271281291301311321331341135136137
138139140141142143144145146147148
149150151...
get the picture? perhaps we're being lied to about how bad this guy was hit. between 6 and 200 is a large sward of denial.
but really the real story to me is why Cheney couldn't stand up to the local deputies at the scene and tell them what happened. a few stories abound that Cheney was drunk. a few abound that his friend was on the out-list. i might buy Cheney being drunk. i mean, come on. they got guns, they got immunity. they can do what they want. i'd be tipping back a few myself. never did fire my rifle sober anyway. way more fun that way. in fact, i'm looking for a good garbage dump on the peninsula where i can work my rifle back into shape and bring a six pack.
but what the fuck? accidently shot a bro out on the back forty. cut and dried accident. so why the delay, the blather, the sudden "complication not necessarily related to the shooting" with the victim? Cheney fucked up as a hunter. Is that so bad? So he doesn't get his picture in the Women In Waders Who love Geriatric Geezers Who Can't Shoot To Save Their Own Shit calendar.
Deal. Show. And let the pot go to the winner.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a society that can do that anymore.
We win or we kill.
And sometimes we kill in order to win.
Not that I'm suggesting Cheney did so. I think he really did fuck up, because he's too fucking old to be in possesion of anything more powerful than a lawn dart on a string.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

My favorite is from the Daily Show:
Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.

"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

scarysquirrelman said...

man, i wish i still had cable just to watch that show.

airplanejayne said...

still laughing at:
"Cheney shot a quayle."


Hmmmm....BobandTom (radio) this morning: ...Jimmy Carter never shot anyone, but admitted to lusting in his heart for a shotgun....Bush never shot anyone, cause he couldn't even make it to his National Guard meetings.