Monday, December 19, 2005

Harry Holimus

so, "dr. germ" and "mrs. anthrax"---two leading scientists in saddam hussein's bio-warfare department--- were released today from U.S. custody. evidently, their story that all bio-weapons had been destroyed before our dirty little war began is true. we, on the other hand, are merely saying that they represent no threat to us. we are not saying, "oopsie. whaddya know? that goldurned saddam wasn't shittin' us. maybe we shouldn't have forced out those UN inspectors right before we started bombing. um, i mean we shouldn't have bombed. um, i mean it's all about the democracy, ya know? don't be a defeatist. defeatism sucks and takes away from analyzing history...later on."
wait a minute. hold the phone. wasn't it dick cheney who claimed that saddam kicked the UN out that last time? why, i think it was. not us. no sir. we did not tell the UN we could no longer vouch for the inspectors' safety, because we were about to begin taking out biblically important sites (evidently, oil rigs and financial centers aren't). even though those inspectors had completely unfettered access to any and all sites and the saddam regime was no longer slowing them down. not ONE WMD. nowhere. nada. nights. niente. zip. zilcho. null set. absent. did saddam have them? well, you bet. who did he get them from? well, democracy and freedom. back when iran was the axis of evil. so to speak. wait, it still is. funny how the enemies of your enemies are your frineds until they're not and your enemies still are. kind of makes a person wonder if the shenanigans are worth it in the long run. unless, of course, democracy and freedom for a people who don't know what the hell you're talking about are on the line. then, it's an imperative. until it's not. or until the military/industrial complex whispers that its backers (read: manufacturers) aren't making a big enough profit from the annual "blow everything up so all of our military budgets can be renewed for the same or higher level". did you know that? before each year fiscally ends for the military there is a mass movement to explode as many armaments as possible. why? because if you don't then the government decides in its infinite wisdom that your branch of the military must not need as much money the next year. the military would have us believe that these armaments have a very short safe life expectancy, but that's not true. we're using artillery in iraq right now that have been stockpiled for years. but to keep even with the other military branches each branch feels the need (no, knows the need) to rid itself of as much artillery as possible. this is "rising to the highest level of one's incompetence" as possible. our government will slash funding for groups that prove they can operate within their boundaries. militarily, that is. why doesn't it, instead, reward for fiscal responsibility? ironic, too, that it is cutting funding on the very domestic and social groups that need more and complaining that they don't do enough oversight and rein in their spending (even as these groups watch their funding diminish each and every year). so, simple government math. overfunded military + needless spending = more. underfunded domestic/social programs + need = no more free handouts you lazy welfare queens and useless commoners.
how i got to this from iraq i don't know. but if you'd been on the receiving end of my phone call with my boss 30 minutes ago about something i have no control over, you wouldn't know or care.
Harry Holimus!

2 comments:

lecram sinun said...

It's all hairy , man!

scarysquirrelman said...

Harry Holimus! Be in on the ground floor of this new saying. it'll be all the rage soon. you'll see.