Monday, May 23, 2005

Can I Get An Amen???

Scary Squirrel Man was NOT drunk last Saturday at the Daily Planet or at home. Some would have you believe otherwise, but rest assured: Scary Squirrel Man spent the evening tending his Sobriety Garden, reading his bible and blessing his new urinal. Anyone who says different is going to aytch eee doublehockeysticks.
And in that spirit, I present you with an article proclaiming the coming of a New World Order. One that is long awaited by Scary Squirrel Men everywhere. An order where the Faithful and the True Believers are rewarded for their arduous journey through the underbelly of our Secularist and Demonic Society. I talk about Theocracy. I talk about returning this country back to God and His Law. I speak not of a dictatorship, but of Divine Intervention to prevent further desecration of the Constitution, which was handed down to us just as the Tablets were handed down to Moses. I speak...oops, barfed on my shoes again. Must be the acorns.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7924870/site/newsweek/

Excerpt:
"Shelby reintroduced the bill in March of this year when the Terri Schiavo case was in the headlines. His press secretary says the two events were unrelated, yet if anything like Shelby imagines comes to pass, it would turn our constitutional democracy into a theocracy. The legislation says no court has jurisdiction to rule on issues surrounding God, the flag, separation of church and state and establishment of religion. The wording is broad enough to remove from civil law all matters of personal status, like whom you can marry and issues related to child custody and child support. “We’re lulled into thinking it’s too ridiculous to pass,” says Judith Lichtman with the National Partnership for Women & Families. “But it’s the genius of the right to make what is really radical accepted in the mainstream.”

13 comments:

scarysquirrelman said...

heck, i'll comment on my own post if you heathens won't.
so what the hey does the American flag have to do with God? is it his way of telling us that only the red, white and blue races will get into heaven? since we kind of wiped out the red race, can we get a do-over and pick...i don't know...forest green?
is the number of stars on the flag the actual number of stars in the universe? or is it the number of pinpricks NASA put in the mylar stretched around the world and that's all of the heavenly light we're allowed to have?
were the stars really six-pointed at first until the recovering Nazis were brought to our shores after Nuremburg for rehab and, as a joke, they cut off one point from every flag star they could find? did Jewish leaders silently agree that that might actually be good for business?
was Roosevelt really on the main floor of a Congress in session when, during a poker game, he called out for a new deal?
who haven't i tried to insult yet? ah, the Catholics. is it true that this new pope has NEVER taken a shit in the woods?

airplanejayne said...

joel,
this government gets more frightening by the month/week/day/hour.

scarysquirrelman said...

you know what really gets my dandruff up? besides not bathing on a weekly basis? it's belonging to the other party, knowing that my party doesn't have dancing girls, uh, cheerleaders. mission statement representatives...condoleeza rice. there. i said it. i admit it. and i'm not ashamed anymore.
condi's kind of hot looking in those power suits with her cute little frown anytime someone forgets to salute the president.
and, then, there's the twin bushes (had to write them backwards to see if it would read dirty. it did).
i apologize for that last one. if i had a time machine i would take it back, believe me.
anyway, what was the topic?

Lelly said...

Gosh you really are quite scary, arn't you?

airplanejayne said...

but only scary in that "squirrel" kind of way.
or is that "squirrely" kind of way?
I can't remember...but I'm sure it's one of those.

Lelly said...

Well, I shall never know, as missed the opportunity to see Baba perform at the Brighton Fringe (Damn!was too busy visiting 4 clubs in one night!) and thereby phtographic evidence of scale of squirelly scariness.

scarysquirrelman said...

lelly, lelly, lelly...i'm not scary. i'm just a barking squirrel. and someday, as God is my witness someday there will be a picture posted of my immortal good looks and you will forgive me of all treespasses (get it?...never mind).

Lelly said...

Tree passes?? you need passes for your trees??? Good thing we don't or Blithers would neve have got Bernard!

scarysquirrelman said...

..........................................that's a Brit joke, isn't it..................................

scarysquirrelman said...

plus, in our current state of preparedness against any and all forms of terrorism, everything needs a pass. this is how we fight our enemies in this new world.

Lelly said...

Joel
if you go to my blog...and perhaps leave a comment in passing as none of my UK chums can be arsed!)you will see that I have a link to me mate Blitheringblogs (aka Blithers) and on his blog he witters on about this new tree fern he's bought,and named (you've guessed it!) Bernard.

Lelly said...

UK is keen to introduce ID cards with iris scan and fingerprints embedded. As someone much wittier than me said " I tend to take my eyes and fingers with me when going anywhere". to add injury to insult they're gonna cost around 90 quid!
I guess tree passes could prevent non-indiginous species from taking root. Well that would be pretty much ALL of our trees for the chop then, eh! And as well as not needing shade, beauty, privacy, soil stability and cheap sustainable timber, lets hope we don't get sick, need looking after or want to travel anywhere either, cos if some parties have their way most of our medics, nurses, care-workers and transport staff would be radically pruned as well.

scarysquirrelman said...

you scan irises? they're pretty flowers, but somehow i think trees are more dangerous.