Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Your Name Here

wow. this is both odd and revolting. this has to step out of anyone's religious beliefs, regardless of who they are. of course, it does come from the washington times...and the washington times is, how should we put it, freaking conservative! but i wouldn't be surprised if this article speaks true.

the study's in on bill o'reilly. and what it found is: if you can't say something nice...go sit by him. evidently, bill can't keep his bigot in his box.

you ever get one of those automated phone calls over and over again about every two weeks to a month asking you to call a person back, but you're given no information as to to why you should do so? i've been getting one of those ever since i moved into my current place of residence...so, about a year now.
the voice was always the same and it stated that it was important that i "contact adam kirtsall" immediately at 1-888-899-6779.
until a week ago i had no idea what it was about and assumed he was a mortgager as i get many of those.
but last week the message was lightly different. the voice, for one, was a different man and the message stated that it was a debt collection agency. i erased that message, then belatedly hoped he would call again.
today he did. i listened and jotted down the phone number. i called that number. i was answered by a real live person. following is the transcript:
"bleeping Collection Service"
"yes, i'd like to speak with adam kirtsall"
"i'm sorry, he's in another department. how can i help you?"
"well, adam kirtsall has been sending me automated messages for almost a year now and i finally understand why he's been doing this. i need to speak with him, please"
"what's your phone number sir?"
"it's --- - ----"
"are you joseph ----?"
"no, i'm not. i'm joel ----"
"so he no longer lives there?"
"as far as i know he's never lived here. i don't know who he is. this place was vacant for a couple of years before i moved in"
"do you know where he is?"
"i just told you i don't know who he is"
"it's a little coincidental that you have the same names, don't you think?"
"what's the same about joseph and joel?"
"well, it's coincidental that your last names are the same"
"yeah, how coincidental is that that i have the same last name as someone else in this fucking country? i need you to put me through to adam kirtsall or take me off of your call list right fucking now"
"you'll need to get in contact with joseph ---- and have him get in contact with us to that, sir"
"how the fuck am i going to do that when i already told you i don't fucking know him, you dumbass piece-"
click.

of course i called back. and my number had been removed from the call list in the 10 seconds it took me to re-engage.
i encourage everyone who reads this to call that number and pretend for a few minutes to be a very confused person owing them money, then blog about it.

5 comments:

Katie :) said...

I love how you handle dumb ass phone calls.
I have taken to doing the same, I think it's time you ran a school on proper pain in the ass marketing phone call answering....



that made no sense

Good job babe! :)

Mustang said...

So let me get this straight...

Someone named Adam was calling someone named Joseph?

Is it just me, or is that perhaps somehow biblically odd? Or is that just some sort of non-secular "call forwarding"?

Anyway, I highly recommend drinking heavily...

Mustang

scarysquirrelman said...

mustang,
i believe i've stated before that when i...
imbibe...
telemarketers and whonot get abused. either with four letters or eight or eighteen.
and katie,
if i wasn't already considering "proofreader to the stars" i might be willing to indulge in just that.
until then, suffer the slings of my boomerangs with me.

airplanejayne said...

-But wouldn't it be fun to pretend to be a 1-800-sex operator, and call Adam's boss about him making calls from work!?!?!?!?!

oh, and my sympathies to you and katie: I didn't know your boomerang was in a sling....

Mustang said...

Well...the last time I had SSM pants off (uh..Friday night last week, if you must know!)..there was no readily apparent appendage suspendage underway...

Maybe someone crashed a gasoline tanker into his wanker, and now he can't crank 'er, cuz it all fall down?

Mustang