Tuesday, December 06, 2005

okay. so there is no forced air in the joint. the only heat is from the cute little gas fireplace. okay. setting up base camp there then. and waiting for the oxygen tanks before making the final ascent into the clear blue cold. huddling around a small fake fire is no camp in the woods, let me tell ya. one good thing about the cold, though, is that the cat is easier to catch now that it's frozen. i sold the refridgerator and put everything outside in the backyard...just kidding. the fridge is now being used as the warming oven. just kidding, i've decided to raise chickens and it's now an incubator.
i finally bought a shower rod (it's cheaper to buy him than rent him by the hour) and curtain so i can bathe properly. i'm pretty sure that the owners of the house think hygeine is a fascist ploy to keep us distracted from the government's effort to take over the world. i, also, think they go to hempfest and burningman (isn't that a town in england?). up until now bathing was not so important. i had only myself to impress and, since i am so impressionable, it didn't take much to convince myself that everyone else must stink too.
i remember when i moved up to seattle in 1992 the first thing i noticed was that everyone was giving birth to twins and triplets. it was an oddity to be sure. this time around the trend seems to be black eyes. i guess the doors have a lot of pent up rage.
work is work over the first two days. i have no idea what i'm doing, although i have no idea what anyone else is doing. they gave me my own cell phone/radio, which is cool. the battery's dead and they have no extra charger, which is cooler. i look important, but don't have to answer it.
i'm waiting on my company vehicle. evidently the siberian motorwerks is on strike until the spring thaw and world yak milking competitions are done with. i've been given the second day smoke break talk:
"thou shalt not encourage others to be like you".
"thou shalt not look like you're enjoying yourself".
"thou shalt not bring up the fact that there are now more smokers then nonsmokers in this office".
"for it makes me look petty and resentful".
"and no god appreciates having that thrown in his face".
"and i can smite you with my Big Stick".
actually, my boss is okay so far...just a bit hopped up on the bean. i was going to recommend decaf, but just then his head began to swivel 360 degrees. maybe tomorrow.
by the way, washington men are evidently very ugly (the straight ones anyway). everywhere i go the chicks are digging me. smiling at me and all that. a two year old actually scribbled her number, spit it at me and gave me a drool-hither look. i asked her what hobbies she was into and she said "gumming". reminded me too much of my grandmother.
but then she said "breast feeding".
hold the phone. suddenly, we have something in common. but i thought about it and the whole diaper changing thing (as intimate as it may be) is kind of a turn off. so, i said, "nah. i got a ride. but maybe i'll call you. check you later". her mother was pretty impressed by that and told me HER curfew wasn't until 10 pm and we could get together after her weekly "So, You're Pregnant Again And Still Two Years Shy Of Your High School Diploma" class. i'm going to see what's on tv first.
which brings me to my newest moneymanking scheme: a tee shirt that says "Chix Dig Bloggers". i mean, we all know it's true. think about it. we spend an inordinate amount of time telling the world just how hip, cool, educated, stone cold foxy and worldly we are and then we log off and have sex with groupies, right? tell me i'm wrong. i bet a donut to a dildo you can't...
or is it just me?

5 comments:

lecram sinun said...

That's why you went up there... to get laid, huh?

Just figures!

Mustang said...

Sorry I was late...even a hit-and-miss blogger like moi seems to have a never ending bevy (OK, maybe a semi-bevy) of women simply dying to ravage me senseless.

Right...

Well, I hope that the heat comes on and the cat thaws, cuz nothin nicer than warm pussy (sorry, that was base, but I had to, before lecram jumped on that one himself).

So the cell phone is bling for riding around in the company-truckster, whilst making efforts to pick up on the Jock Sturges-crowd in outer-Seattle? Hmmm, and the snow is just an extra, right?

M

airplanejayne said...

--so much for unvanquished.....

scarysquirrelman said...

still unvanquished. just a bit worn...

airplanejayne said...

--worn!?!? who got to wear you!?!?!?