Back To Politics

"...a mistake experts say most law students wouldn't make..."
my goodness. our government can't even win a slam-dunk case against an admitted terrorist. they convict him and blow the penalty phase, because they can't play by the rules (which are set up to favor the prosecution). oh boy. i have such trust in this group of yahoos that i'm thinking of trading for euros.

"...It's starting to come from Republicans, and they are the ones who must rescue the country from themselves..."
garrison keillor has something to say over at the chicago tribune about the woes of our current world. i like the poetic irony of republicans being the ones who need to save us from what they created, because the democrats most likely can't.

"...Our goal is to improve the quality of customer service and phone support in the US. This free website is run by volunteers and is powered by over one million consumers who demand high quality phone support from the companies that they use..."
this might be cool. a website that teaches you how to get through all of the phone crap and talk to a real live person. how many of us have spent 10 minutes navigating the maze of push-this-button in order to find out that they're closed or you should have called this number when you could have bypassed it all and found someone? i haven't tried it yet, but one of you might.

Heh. They Said "Crapo"

so, what the fuck does an Idaho politician have to do with the Virgin Islands? and what does his spokesperson mean by saying that states should have the right to determine states' business? the Virgin Islands aren't a state, never were and most likely never will be...though it would be cool to be able to fly there without a passport. oh, and it's always great to see Crapo's name in the news. now, if he would only run for president. "elect me and i promise you'll get what you deserve".

Crapo donations questioned
Related stories
Idaho government and politics
Associated Press
March 15, 2006
BOISE –
U.S. Sen. Mike Crapo, R-Idaho, received more than twice as much money in donations from people in the U.S. Virgin Islands than from his home state last year, according to the Federal Elections Commission.
That prompted the Senate Majority Project, a Democratic interest group, to question Crapo's involvement in the islands, which have a population of 110,000 people.
Crapo had received $39,000 from Virgin Islands residents by the end of the 2005-06 election cycle, compared with just under $20,000 from Idaho residents.
Lobbyists for the islands are trying to reduce the number of days a person must remain on the islands to be considered a resident, an issue that could have tax benefits.
Currently, under a 2004 act of Congress, individuals must spend at least half the year in the Virgin Islands to be considered a resident for tax purposes. Lobbyists would like to see that reduced to an average of 122 days per year over a three-year period.
Crapo, a member of the Senate Finance Committee, is looking into the issue.
"He's very much involved in the philosophy states should be able to determine states' business," Crapo spokeswoman Susan Wheeler told the Idaho State Journal. "And in the same vein, territories should be able to determine the tax benefits that bolster business and the economy."
Wheeler said that encouraging economic development in the islands would help reduce an illegal drug and slave trade.
"It's in the United States' best interest to have the Virgin Islands prosper," she said.

Ramblin' Rogue, Part Deux

Airplanejane has her best line from the Rogue: "draw me a map and i'll go down on you". not bad, not bad at all, though needing a map implies that the asker is a bit on the, shall we say, ignorant side. Now, my favorite lines from the Rogue (and I can hear all of you panting and drooling in antici...pation) are:
It isn't gay if it's done in the Rogue (Nile Seguin)

and

Prison Sex doesn't count as cheating (mustang)

and

Let's sell baby sized tee shirts that say "Spawn of the Rogue" (kamotion and Jen)

and

"All of the box office goes to the performers, the other half goes to my bar tab" (either Laaz or me, not too sure which. the party was that good)

I like solitaire's changing errogenous to erroguenous on APJ's blog commment section. And thanks again to all of you who made my stay a wonderful time. Mustang, Lecram, Kamotion, Jade Ed Gypsy (by the way jade, i got an email from someone who would like to "borrow" your play), Jen, Blake, Kien, Laaz, APJ, um, the rest of you know who you are. rock on.

By the way, I am making a dvd for Kamotion of her wedding last year and the party afterwards as well as one for me and Lecram. Let me or Lecram know if you're interested. It will be much cheaper to try and dupe it ourselves as the people doing it for me want $10 a pop. The tape is raw and unedited with lots of me talking behind the camera (sorry). it includes the wedding, the awards, and the party. lots of band and crowd shots. some interview type things and walking around. the wedding alone is worth it...a real tear in the eye moment. let me know and i'll see what i can do.

Ramblin' Rogue

and what was up with mike smooching on dr. o? and the ass grabbing going on between mike, mustang, john and dr. o? and who did laaz lock tongues with? and why was steph entertaining a group of young men? and should someone ask sara's friend if it's true what they say about rwandan-canadians? and if kamotion's happily married, why was she mashing with the most virile stud in the crowd? and how did the bartender get so drunk? and why was she asking us to get mike drunker than her so he wouldn't realize how drunk she was? and when did blake start yelling at the audience as part of his act? and, finally, did anyone see lecram get in a fight with a bush this year?

The Rogue Minus Photos

well now, kiddies. let's talk Amtrak. there's something i'm never going to do again! i spent more time coming and going than i did visiting. 30 hours down (6 hours worth of delays like snow on the tracks, broken switches, freight trains whose cargo was more important than me) and 27 hours back. 50 hours in the 'no. add to that the drunk sitting behind me on the way down whose breath was, shall we say, redolent (hard alcohol and ginger ale) and who spent the entire trip hitting on the 16 year old girl next to him; the old couple veteran travelling couple across from me who chose to act as tour guides to everything ("oh, look at those mobile homes", "no, those are, um, modular homes", "oh, well those modular homes are in a very odd place. still, they're quite nice" and "how many times is that girl going to walk up and down the aisle? no one can get any sleep" "oh, i know, this is her third time in 10 minutes", "no, it's her fourth", "what?", "her fourth!", "whatever. why isn't the conductor doing anything about this?") which never ended; the schizophrenic woman who told her entire relationship story at least 3 ("no, it's her fourth", "what?") or 4 times in a dry, cottonmouthed sort of way; and the entire train crew who decided they'd had enough of our complaining halfway through the first trip. yum.
on the way back, it was better except for the businessman who cussed in his sleep when he wasn't snoring loudly. at one point, a train crewperson tried to prod him awake, but left without success saying "at least we know he's still alive". i was chastised by the snack car guy for wandering around in my socks. where does it say that i have to wear shoes at all times? of course, one hour later there was an announcement that i had to. probably didn't help that i stared the guy down and ordered my coffee anyway. $2.50 for a cup of bad coffee. $7.50 for a half-heated sandwich and small bottle of water. i heard the "burgers" were $6. i guess this is what happens when the government keeps cutting your funding.
let's see, there was the overfilled trashbag that tipped and cascaded down a flight of stairs. then there was the occasional scent of really, really potent ganja (some smelling burnt, some not). many more smokers than usual were riding both ways, so the official smoking stops were a cause for universal celebration. at one point, we had been stuck inside the train for over 5 hours in oregon. when the track switch finally got fixed, the conductor announced that the next stop would become a smoking stop. i think he knew that mutiny was close at hand and wisely chose to avert it.
the chairs on amtrak are not as comfortable as i remembered. my ass was so sore within the first 5 hours that finding an easy position to sit in became impossible. sleeping was a series of 10 minute naps. i probably shouldv'e eaten the vicodin.
the weather was another factor. it snowed in washington. it dumped in oregon. it rained, hailed and thundered in california. i was blamed repeatedly for bringing the foul weather with me to the festival. fortunately, kamotion was there from new jersey and i made sure to point her out. every time.
but enough about that. what about the festival. i arrived in fresno at 6pm and cabbed it over to veni vidi vici's just in time to grab a beer and settle in for blake jones's "ill advised solo show". great stuff. a liberal christian talking (well, singing) smack back at the right wing fundies who are attempting to hijack our country's morality. and he did so in very charming, sweet, innocent, vodka swilling fashion. okay, so he wasn't drinking that night due to a cold. but he coulda been. great songs and set-up. whatta way to start the rogue (plus, he's one of my bestest friends, so i had one obligation show out of the way). the rest of the evening was spent traipsing around with lecram and kamotion, visiting venues, saying hi to everyone and drinking to stay awake. along the way, i was able to pay homage to mustang and surprise airplanejane and give a long awaited hug to jade ed gypsy and trade riffs with kien(none of whom know how to blog responsibly, i.e. with any regularity). eventually, the hard core (some of it anyway) wound up at VVV's for shoptalk, dirtdishing, egostrokes and tippling...just like old times.
the next morning was slow wakeup at lecram's pad. of course, the first stop was at javawava for some eye opener. then, the festival madness for me began. i met my son and we hit two shows. the first was "it's okay to like porn". and, it turns out, it is okay. this show had been touted as offensive. cool. i'm a tough sell on the offensive and the you'll-laugh-out-loud. i did laugh out loud. but i wasn't offended. if anything, i came away instructed. i didn't know you could buy a vibrating cockring. food for thought. a good show that is about 3 or 4 months of serious development away from being a great show. blow-up dolls, average-sized dildos (well, to me anyway), a hardcore movie playing in the background, a dirty little sock puppet, stories of finding his parents' toys and playing with them (and his parents came to one of the shows. i think they were in the front row at the one i saw, mom was in hysterics). a jesus joke that had me in stitches. a running joke about the taste of semen. a dead baby joke that i was sure would make someone get up and leave. but no one did. very fun and totally rogue.
after that came one of my other obligation shows (not that lecram would have cared one way or the other): "lies my father told me" by, of course, lecram. i have to say i was a bit let down. he didn't bother to memorize his script. but it was really good writing. no, seriously (he hates it when people tell him his writing is good after seeing one of his shows), his stories are wonderful. i had heard all but one before, but it was great to hear them again in a staged setting with 50 other patrons hanging on every word. his style is very low-key, but in your face at the same time. he compels you into the story and dares you to look away. and his last line is a challenge laced equally with arrogance and invitation. "these are my stories. what have you got?". all in all, very well done. a little loose, but that's what happens when you're running the whole damn show and trying to perform. trust me on this. it's why i started dropping lines and whole pages the last two years. it becomes one or the other at some point. unless, of course, you're jaguar bennett.
then, it was on to the 7 pm show for jade ed gypsy's "here and now". the third of my obligation shows. and i have to warn you: obligation doesn't necessarily mean "oh man, i don't wanna, but i hafta". what it can mean is "i wanna AND i hafta". this was jade's first show which she had written. she has directed a show in every rogue festival since way back in...aught'2 (that's 2002 to you young'uns). but this year she had taken the next step and written her first feature piece, which i was supposed to star in. i came away very gratified and satisfied. the two actors did a more than reasonable job and i found myself at times not gnashing my teeth over spots i knew i could have done better. you see, i don't go to see plays, because no one likes to sit with me. evidently, i mutter. and what i mutter tends to be less than supportive of what i see happening on stage. evidently, i think i'm the best goddam actor in the world...well, fresno. and i can't be impressed. hell, i've been known to want to school actresses on how to give their lines. sad, really. anyway, the actors did well with the material and i was pleasantly impressed with jade's writing abilities for her first time. perhaps, the arcs weren't as high as they could be and some of the jokes were in-jokes, but she did in her first attempt better than i will ever be able to. and my hat's off to her until next year when i expect to be impressed yet once again.
now, it's 8 pm and time for dinner with my son. we supped at livingstone's. he had the new orleans burger. i had the mushroom and jack. he had the curly fries. i had the steak fries. we used both ketchup and ranch dressing. he drank copious amounts of coffee. i never got a refill on my iced tea. the conversation was great and i learned a lot about his current life and i saw again how much i miss him. he's grown into an intelligent, thoughtful, conflicted young man. and he's too young for all of that crap. he should be testing his immortality and celebrating his immunity. maybe i moved from there too soon.
anyhoo, then it was time for the closing night party. which is part of the reason we started the rogue in the first place. one, as an excuse to have a big fucker of a party, and two, to get our own shit on stage for really cheap. who knew other people would want in? who knew they would accept lollipops for awards? who knew they would balk at the entry price and then wonder why they didn't get into the rogue before when they saw the money they'd made? who knew that canada could be so effing funny at our expense (okay, well i did)? who knew that last year and this year would mark a turning point in the rogue and establish it as THE party of the year? last year, no one left the party. it rocked and rocked and rocked all night long. all night. all night. all night long. lollipops really were handed out as awards and they were a hit. at any other festival it's certificates or whatnot that celebrate the eliteness of the event. not here. and this year we didn't bother to hand anything out. just the mention of your name and your award was enough (though i really think they should be given an excuse to approach the stage). and this year, lecram and jaguar got a bit sassy in their speeches to the masses. not just thank you and keep it up. no, this time it was we rock and the world had better take notice, because it ain't gonna stop and if everyone doesn't get on the love train then we're going to screw them prison-style. or something like that. i remember being invited up on stage as one of the has-beens and nodding like crazy until lecram mentioned his ass.
the party was insane. once again, no one left. once again, the band rocked and everyone danced and drank copious amounts of alcohol. everyone hugged and laughed and capered and reveled in the moment of an event so important to this town and to themselves. as for the core members who make this work each year, the party is the first and only chance to relax and celebrate another job well done. in a month next year's festival will get underway with meetings and chores. but the smiles on the performers' faces is almost better than getting paid for this crap.
oh, and being an alumnus has its benefits. i didn't pay for a single drink. if i didn't have a beer in my hand someone was buying me one. and i didn't have a damn thing to do with this year's gig. man, i have to quit shit more often.
i did, however, manage to spend almost $200 at the festival. some of it was on music cd's from the performers (my local music list is quite extensive), tickets to shows, dinner for me and the son, the cab, outrageous tips to the wonderful bartenders (katie and lief and hillary), a tee shirt that i should NOT have been required to pay for being the awesome support group that i am for lecram, coffee at javawava, and sundry. and this is the other thing that we have done for the community. 7000 tickets (give or take) get sold and a lot of money gets spent in the Tower District. people who want nothing to do with us make money. those who support us make lots of money, because we in turn push their services. it's a win-win situation. the performers walk off with all of the box office and the local restrauteurs and caffeine pushers make out as well. and we the poor roguesters continue to beg. that's anarchy at its finest, because it sleeps well at night nestled up against capitalism. knowing that its ends are being met and who knows what the next gig will hold in store for it.
sunday was the Brunch. food scarfing time and general relaxation and don't talk shop for two hours. the core meets and eats. the afterglow continues, but is not mentioned too often. food is the important focus. as is the thought that we all like each other still and are probably willing to continue working together. we ate at the Tang Dynasty, a chinese buffet place. lots of food, too many choices, and all you can eat. i made three trips myself. however, no matter how hard i looked i could find anything except...Tang. so, i had sprite, because izabella was drinking it. and i know not to differ too much from bella. she's my girlfriend, you see. and a very demanding one at that. what she wants to do or say or play i go along. it doesn't help that she's in kindergarten or something like that. you can't reason with a kindergartner. actually, you can't reason with any female. seriously, when's the last time you were able to use NASCAR as an arguing point? she was a trendsetter, though. she got soft ice cream in a very small cone. i saw that and followed. then came a few others in our party. it became a running theme. the, hugegargantuanmustang walked back with a cone cradled between one finger and it was on. even laaz got one and he doesn't like ice cream.
so, lunch ended. we all hugged and made promises of undying love and getting together and visiting and trading dna and leaving spouses. and it was just me and lecram and kien and kamotion and bella and APJ and jag and devon and nile seguin ("fear of a brown planet". didn't see it, because i'd seen it twice last year at the san francisco fringe festival and figured he'd earned all of the money he was going to get out of me and now was the encore i never got before) at javawava, drinking caffeinated beverages and riffing. kien got his rock star moment when another rogue musician bought a cd and asked him to autograph it. seguin got in a good riff on refusing to autograph and calling for security. seguin continued to make us laugh, because he is a master at riffing on the conversaqtion at hand. he never stepped out of it and he never tried to dominate. but when he had a chance he could shut us up for 5 minutes at a time. other than the laughter. we closed down javawava, a theme in keeping with the rest of the weekend and parted ways. i went with lecram and we hung at his pad until it was time to catch the train.
and the rest is misery.
and if you were expecting pictures from me from the wekend...call marcel. he downloaded them, my computer fucking fucked them. i downloaded them, too. then, i couldn't access them. now, they no longer exist. all i have left of the weekend is this:

my computer and blogspot not wanting to cooperate in any fashion whatsoever.

Me and Georgio Down By The Schoolyard

George Clooney is to many merely a pretty face and a Hollywood elitist out of touch with whatever reality is supposed to look like nowadays. But take away the looks, the fame, the power, the I.Q. and the money, and what do you have? Me.
The following is a recent article he wrote for the Huffington post:

"I am a liberal. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it.
Too many people run away from the label. They whisper it like you'd whisper "I'm a Nazi." Like it's dirty word. But turn away from saying "I'm a liberal" and it's like you're turning away from saying that blacks should be allowed to sit in the front of the bus, that women should be able to vote and get paid the same as a man, that McCarthy was wrong, that Vietnam was a mistake. And that Saddam Hussein had no ties to al-Qaeda and had nothing to do with 9/11.
This is an incredibly polarized time (wonder how that happened?). But I find that, more and more, people are trying to find things we can agree on. And, for me, one of the things we absolutely need to agree on is the idea that we're all allowed to question authority. We have to agree that it's not unpatriotic to hold our leaders accountable and to speak out.
That's one of the things that drew me to making a film about Murrow. When you hear Murrow say, "We mustn't confuse dissent with disloyalty" and "We can't defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home," it's like he's commenting on today's headlines.
The fear of been criticized can be paralyzing. Just look at the way so many Democrats caved in the run up to the war. In 2003, a lot of us were saying, where is the link between Saddam and bin Laden? What does Iraq have to do with 9/11? We knew it was bullshit. Which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, "We were misled." It makes me want to shout, "Fuck you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic."
Bottom line: it's not merely our right to question our government, it's our duty. Whatever the consequences. We can't demand freedom of speech then turn around and say, But please don't say bad things about us. You gotta be a grown up and take your hits.
I am a liberal. Fire away."

just got back from the Rogue festival. will be posting tomorrow (well, later today) on my experiences with photos!

A Rogue HNT From Washington

i discovered this picture recently. unearthed is more like it. and this is not my normal start to an HNT. but i thought i had lost this picture a long time ago and it is one of my favorites from a high school long covered in the dust of history. this picture is of five soccer players for the Sanger High School varsity team. This is the only year in the history of the school (to this day) that a soccer team won the league championship (and did it undefeated). from the left is Mitch (my defensive wingman who actually scored a goal once from the 50 yard line), Sean (nasty midfielder with a penchant for being in front of the opposing goal in order to score the "garbage" goals and punched out an opposing player the year after i graduated), Matti (my Finnish exchange brother who had talent we'd never dreamed of and never hesitated to show it to us while laughing...i got a lot of free beer and pot from the other players for having him live at my house once we won the championship), Ed (um, he sat a lot waiting for the game to get out of reach before being put into the scrum), and me (short skinny fullback stopper whose favorite past-time was knocking people down for no better reason than they were closer to the ball than me and checking my hair to make sure it was winging out properly). but the true beauty of this picture is threefold. one: you can see we're all happy as can be. we're having so much fun succeeding and hanging. two: the innocence. three: the hat. what a hat. mitch finally did get sent home from school for the hat (like i did for a sex wax shirt, a hussong's cantina shirt and a sleeveless shirt that i had worn in the honor choir's year end public medley. and all of mine happened in one day). what a fucking hat. almost as good as my Campus Life football jersey with the number 69 on it. almost no one got it. um, Campus Life was the come to god social group at the time. most of us used it to meet chicks from other schools. school pregnancy could probably have been cut by 1/3 if that group had been banned.

let's move on, shall we?

also in this group of pictures i found was this little gem. now, most of you are used to seeing my ass or some other provocative piece of my physical ensemble, but i looked at this photo and realized that this is about as naked as half-nekkid can get. i mean, this is probably the most nekkid i can get. this is Dork personified. it was the sadie hawkins dance and the girl with the 200 i.q. asked me to go (no figuring there). i'm wearing tie pants for crying out loud. and, yes, the bow ties are real. and she did try to use the key on my pants later on. now, why did i go to a dance with a genius nerd? i don't know other than i was involved with all of the school groups (i.e. geniuses, jocks, greasers, gang members, geeks, losers and misfits). i was a renaissance man who didn't care who you were so long as we could hang and have fun. and this chick (we'll call her...sharon) was fun. until we got on the dance floor. i had never to this point been exposed to modern dance. at the time, i was rather embarassed by her technique. in hindsight, she was madonna in a cow town.
and we're moving on.
if you can't read it, it says "not afraid". it is a website created in response to the 9/11 attacks. my friend lecram came over, shot this and then "fixed" it on photoshop. this is the quintessential me living in the 'No. back yard, plants and flowers everywhere. a beer, a smoke, The Hat, the hair, and nothing but time. and fading beauty. i truly am the bette davis of the flabby, single heteros.

and i just love this negative of my favorite tattoo. and that's all i got to say about that. Happy HNT and go Rogue, you magnificent bastards!

No Title Really, Just A Long Post That Goes Nowhere

“reject confrontation in favor of accommodation”
what the fu...? it's better to accomodate criminal activity than to confront it? and, yes, this is criminal activity. flagrantly so. congress created a law to stop presidents and spy agencies from doing exactly what the president and one of his spy agencies are doing right now. so, the word on the street is that the republicans are going to try and pass a new law that loopholes the last law, because it's their guy in the oval office. and what's the loophole? simply creating a subcommitee that bush has to report to about his illegal spying. and the makeup of this subcommitee? 4 republicans, 3 democrats. someone should tell them to beware abusing power in this manner. the next election just might put a democrat in and he or she would have all of these neat, new ways of endrunning laws. and the republicans would have only themselves to kick in the ass. not that they could it in the first place if there wasn't a lobbyist around to point it out. not that a lobbyist would be that stupid...unless, of course, he's under indictment and hoping to shave years off of his sentence.
if y'all been reading my blog for some time, then you might remember me talking about the possibility of vote machine rigging in florida and a man who exposed a congressman who attempted to buy software that would change vote counts. here is an interesting essay (complete with lots-o-links) that speaks to the national scandal no one wants to touch.
wow. this is not what i would have thought to find: the majority of americans believe god created adam just as described in the bible. no news, however, if eve came out as expected. now, before y'all go off on a rant about how atheistic i am, let me just tell you that this is not a religion bashing note. i like god. i like the idea of a supreme being fucking with the petri dish. i just don't buy into organized religion and i definately do not get on with literalists. i have my church and my sanctuary and my place to go for confession and meditation. and none of those are within a square light year of people who think tithing and sunday church are the golden ticket into heaven. they have their place in the stucture of normal society, but they are balms for the soul, not guarantors of redemption. but anyway, to read that more than 50% of us think adam was made from clay in a day astounds me. perhaps, though, the real truth is that most people just don't want to think...or add...or go to a museum.

have you ever noticed that when waterloo by abba comes on the radio you just want to stop what you are doing and groove to the music? or is it just me? i think muriel's wedding corrupted me. but, man, do i get my groove on. sometimes i think i'm a gay dancer in a hairy hetero body.

so, tomorrow my vacation begins. i catch the train at 10:30. 6 glorious days of not being at work and getting to hang out with some old friends. but not so fast. i had to make the decision to go into to work at 6 in the morning tomorrow so as to calibrate a new hydraulic compression machine so that my lab bitch can run it while i'm gone. fuck me with a swizzle stick. we just bought out two labs and my lab got some neat toys. that's the upside. the downside is that through poor planning my boss waited until the day before i go on vacation to actually go get the equipment. so, i get to find the proper speeds by which we break concrete and grout cylinders of various sizes when i should be sleeping in. trust me, though, i will not be charged a day's vacation for coming in (gotta love being on salary, i walk in for five minutes, sneeze and go home sick and i'm paid for the entire day and tomorrow will be one of those days).
also, i now have an oven that goes to 1500 degrees faranheit (yours only goes to eleven) and will burn oil out of asphalt, tell me how much organic material exists in a sample of dirt and calculate pi to the nearest parsec. ain't that cool.
two amazing toys. if i could bring them home and make love to them i would. and never leave the house again. reminds me of an alteration to a cat stevens song i once heard:
and if i could ever suck my dick
awayyyyyy ayyyy
i'd never leave the house.
but tomorrow i get on the train for a 24 hour trip. and i will need to find the porter who smokes and keep an eye on him. some stops are long enough to get off and have a puff. and the porter knows every one. amtrak no longer allows smoking in the beer car. understandable for the most part, but overnighters like me should have a safe area in which to do our nasty deed. otherwise we tend to fire weapons indiscriminately. and if i had my compression machine with me i just might put the conductor's head in it to check his skull's ultimate psi. anyhoo.
so, this is it. in a day i'm in californighaye and hanging with the heathens.

Rogue At The Piggly Wiggly

wanna see some cool ad space for the Rogue? aughra over at bad news blonde did a collage for the festival at my request. check it out. she totally rocks.

oops. dick cheney is less popular than o.j. simpson and michael jackson. the good news is that he's still slightly more popular than paris hilton (huh? she could be my veep anyday).

now, you know i looooove anonymous commenters. especially the ones i can identify through my magical powers. so, i'm down with someone not wanting to post a real name (hey, none of us do!) for reasons of security. in new jersey, however, a politician is attempting to force anyone on the internet to include their legal name if they wish to make noise of any kind. "bringing civility back into the discussion" or some such nonsense is how he puts it. check it out.

ooh, bad moon rising. don't piss off the scientists on their own turfizzle. some of the pencil necked geeks are taking it to da man (that would be bush and his (cough) appointees).

and again. gay penguins cannot be trusted. do not open the door for them, even if they are holding morman pamphlets. turn off the porch light, hide the eggs and call 9-1-1. you people don't seem to realize just how serious this is. if gay penguins are allowed to adopt and have books written about them, then no human child is safe from their "turn all human children into sissies" agenda. and this is evidently what the gay penguins have in mind. it's not enough that they've convinced male pandas to not have sex ever again (repeat after me: eucalyptus leaves yummy, female pandas fat and stupidly inscrutable). it's not enough that gay penguins are the reason for the dodo bird's demise (little known fact: penguins and dodos once fought for breeding territory. you do the math). some scientists will try to convince you that penguins are not gay, they're just extremely nearsighted. which is a fact. and some anthrpologists will tell you that when two male penguins are kept in captivity since birth and have no females around they may feel the need for a little good-ol-boy fun. but i'm here to tell you that the gay penguin agenda is also a fact. and they're everywhere. did you know there are penguins in australia? a country that doesn't know snow. a country that touts its manliness 24/7 with movies like crocodile dundee and rugged actors like russel crowe, guy pearce and hugo weaving. a continent of great white sharks, poison spitting lizards and really big beer. you might be saying right now, "no. penguins in the outback? totally nuts. how can this be?". yet, they are there. and some of them have to be gay and looking to adopt. look at the numbers: if, on the average, one out of ten humans is gay and we outnumber the penguins by like a lot (many researchers put the ratio at 10:1), then it just proves that one out of every penguin must be gay. makes you think twice before visiting the zoo.
and don't get me started on puffins and sea otters.


-does this need anything said that's not said already? just look at the coifs. clinton's all over that. not to mention the chino eyes. clinton had the humboldt, bush mistook ecstasy for aspirin. boooooring. plus, he gets no pie!

"We should fight the enemy. We should not fight each other". this was said in defense of a committee vote to not investigate illegal eavesdropping. remember, there is a law in place since 1978 ( i believe ) that orders a president to ask the court for permission to eavesdrop. the court has turned down 4 ( i believe ) requests in a lot of years. this can be asked for almost three days after surveillance starts. if it's turned down, then no one is allowed to talk about what they saw. not too shabby. but some congress people are thinking that even that much intrusion into the administration's machinations is an invasion of policy. i mean privacy. and what i think is that government privacy should be held to the same standards as piracy on the high seas.

and "the poopdeck is closed" means the poopdeck is closed. don't know why i wrote that, but poopdeck is a really funny word. what the hell goes on on a poopdeck? or in? or near? is pop really poop? is poop slang? i know it's on a ship, so deck must be accurate, right? whatever poop is it's happening on one of the decks.

The Oscars In Dyerama-vision

hey, what the heck? enough politics for one week. let's take a break and watch the Oscars! of course, i can't watch without commenting:
1. gay jokes STILL don't get much mileage from the politically correct (great western montage).
1a. guessing on george clooney for best supporting actor. don't know why. just feels right.
2. reese witherspoon continues to prove that midgets are not only a viable social minority, but sometimes really hot. it's good to have hope. keep looking up!
3. dolly parton got collagen shots? she's almost got mick jagger lips!..speaking of which , that would have made a good theme drink for tonight's festivities: collagen shots.
4. george clooney...good acceptance speech. nice poke in the eye of right wing blowhards. but did he HAVE to bring up the sexiest man thing? most of us are still hating him on that.
5. ben stiller needs to get laid...or a job. notice how he and owen wilson aren't doing much together anymore? and owen is en fuego.
6. i hate cartoon nominee announcers. and, no, i'm not rehashing #5.
7. russell crowe has a nice hairdo. looks unkempt and handswept. cost $1000. hand sweep extra. lock on the forehead looked like a big C. or a curly L.
(by the way, 40 Year Old Virgin is the funniest movie from last year)
8. rachel weiscz for best supporting actress. that's just my guess. but, eventually, catherine keener must be attended. amazing actress. amazing improver.
9. taking a guess on narnia for makeup.
10. stewart's pulling down Oscar and starting democracy in hollywood was right on...and not really gotten by the crowd.
11. morgan freeman is the epitome of coooool...
12. lauren bacall's moment on stage reminded me of frank langella in Dave when he starts out with a room full of supporters and ends up alone with a limp banner in his hand. sorry, lauren. get back into acting.
13. have i mentioned yet how hot keira knightly is? no?
14. keira's hothothot!
15. the quickest way to fuck up an Oscar nominated song is to choreograph it for the show. ooh, burned out car and fog. um, what was the song about?
16. cool. sandra bullock and keanu reeves finishing the Speed trilogy as nominators. he embraces an Eastern philosophy that doesn't fuck with making millions of dollars from two dimensional characters ans she marries somebody not me. i think i'm going to miss this segment if you don't mind.
17. sandra is goooooooorgeous. and the winner of art direction stepped on her dress. keanu..well, he looks good in a tux, but what gay penguin doesn't?
18. samuel jackson epitomized himself in Sphere. other than the pulp fiction cheeseburger moment, what's he got?
19. wow. the Oscars just went full tilt boogie on politics. left coast style. a little pissed off about being represented as "left coast" when it wasn't doing much to earn it? a bit miffed about being branded "out of it" and "not in the mainstream" and "typically liberal"? go get 'em, bitches!
20. the Oscar president is talking about sharing a movie experience in a cinema with complete strangers. he hasn't been to a cineplex lately, has he? if i want to experience people eating with their mouths open, talking on their cell phones, shushing their children, rolling their empty beer bottles down the aisle, complaining about how they wanted to see the other film, kicking the back of my seat, or needing to pee every fifteen minutes, i will pay $9. if i don't want all or any of that, i will wait until it's on netflix or the local second market movie theater. and, guess what?, very few cities and towns have second market theaters. ed emmanuel had the right idea: save up your money until you can build a private theater and pay for first-run movie reviews.
21. selma hayak is hot. even when she had no vagina in Dogma. very good movie.
22. jessica alba is hot. and Sin City is too. watch this movie. it's not nominated for anything. jessica made me think of it. hot hot movie.
23. lily tomlin and meryl streep talking about the altman montage. wow. look for the clip. not here, but somewhere. either so well rehearsed that lecram would cry or such inspired improv that...well, lecram would cry.
24. robert altman's acceptance speech is good and ends with a gotcha.
25. then a house party broke out. then it won an Oscar. woof.
gotta go. the cat needs grooming.

Gay Penguins, Convicted Republicans and Hot Whistleblowers!!!

Parents Complain About Book's Undertones
The Associated PressSaturday, March 4, 2006; 12:22 PM
SAVANNAH, Mo. -- A children's book about two male penguins that raise a baby penguin has been moved to the nonfiction section of two public library branches after parents complained it had homosexual undertones.
The illustrated book, "And Tango Makes Three," is based on a true story of two male penguins, named Roy and Silo, who adopted an abandoned egg at New York City's Central Park Zoo in the late 1990s.
The book, written by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson, was moved from the children's section at two Rolling Hills' Consolidated Library's branches in Savannah and St. Joseph in northwest Missouri.
Two parents had expressed concerns about the book last month.
Barbara Read, the Rolling Hills' director, said experts report that adoptions aren't unusual in the penguin world. However, moving the book to the nonfiction section would decrease the chance that it would "blindside" readers, she said.
(huh? is this a new part of the gay agenda? human males aren't getting the job of turning the world's children into sissies done, so they're now using the animal kingdom for this purpose? so, how'd they know those two penguins were gay and not just overly fetching in their tuxes? was it the clawticures? or the pages of Redbook lining their litter boxes? i guess this could answer the question: which came first, the gay penguin or the egg?)

anyone want to grab some illgotten booty from Randy "Duke" Cunningham? in order to pay his back taxes and whatnot, his assets are being auctioned off. $40,000 rugs? woof!

and speaking of hypocrites, Iraqi in-charge people have vowed to disband the militias that have been carrying out executions en masse of enemies, but aren't too sure just how quickly this should be done. as well as considering "disbanding" to mean absorbing them into the Iraqi "police" units so that not too many militias are operating in the same area at one time. uh, yeah. good idea. no need for turf wars over who gets to kill who when you can cover more territory the "legal and moral" way.

by the way,
"When they finally stopped, they discovered that they had just killed a family of unarmed civilians. Vivian Salim's husband, her 15-year-old son Hussam, her 12-year-old son Waseem, and her daughter Merna, age 6, were all dead."
a small group of Iraqi women wanted to come to the US to speak of their experiences. they were turned down by our government for, of all things, the fact that they had no next of kin and couldn't show that they wouldn't have a good reason for returning to Iraq after the visit. more than likely, they were turned down, because the administration knew the stories would not read well in Peoria. our soldiers wiping out innocent families? not in OUR house!

Sibel Edmonds is such a hottie!

Half Nekkid Thursday and

My Fractured Mind
Oh, and people need to wave at the webcam. or write notes and hold them up so they can say hi to me from my exile in Washington. My first year away from the Rogue.
update: let them comment!!! and tell fatass to get out of the way of the webcam... sorry, jag. didn't mean to call you fatass.
update #2: good crowd. but they don't look drunk. did you guys provide wine? and why do they keep looking at the lame artwork on the wall when the true genius is on the laptops? hey. HEY!!! pay attention to me. look at me! don't make me add another picture! okay, that's it. now, you've pissed me off. here it comes. and i won't be held responsible. you asked for it!!!

Yeah, you don't like that one, do you? drink more and maybe it will all blur into a bad memory. like my once firm buttocks.

NASCAR

You know I hate polls. Right? Hate them more than spinach and spam. hate them more than the smell of my morning breath. More than that ingrown hair high up on my inner thigh that rubs against my jeans all day and turns into a whitehead. More than Seigfried and Roy. More than the fact that my cat can lick her labia and I can't even scratch my ass without turning around. I hate polls.
i don't read them. i don't live my life by them. I don't wake up and open the paper and expound on what a beautiful day it's going to be, because Bush is in the toilet waiting for Cheney to be flushed ahead of him. That's not how I roll.
So, imagine my surprise and chagrin when I read the following:
U.S. Troops in Iraq: 72% Say End War in 2006
Now, the shock is not that soldiers are a little tired of the crap they're going through. That's natural. Getting shot at, watching buddies get blown apart, being told to smile real big when the politicians come acalling, refrain from shooting everyone in sight because they can't take another day of being called an invader and infidel and the devil. Not a cool gig. No R and R in Hawaii or the Philipines after three or six months of incountry duty. No chance at a tickertape parade. No medals, no college, no bonus, no exit.
To me, though, the real pisser is that 90% think this war is about retaliation for Saddam Hussein's role in the 9/11 attacks. Um, they don't get out much, do they? I imagine with bullets whizzing by and bombs going off and factions attacking each other the common grunt might not get much time to surf the web and search out the real news. But 90 friggin' per cent? 90?!? Not oil, not revenge for an assassination attempt on Shrub's daddy, not global hegemony, not The Neocon Deal, not even "hey, this is the only thing Republicans think they're good at". No, they all seem to think that Saddam was involved in the Twin Tower attacks. Still. To this day. As I write and you read. They think they are there for revenge, because Saddam somehow trained, financed and bought flight training for the terrorists. Wow.
But I wasn't finished with being surprised by the latest polls.
Not only do I find the lowest support for these two in almost ever, but they give me two great pictures to go with it with the numbers right below. Hosanna in the highest. Manna from Heaven. An edible fruitcake. Wonder of wonders. Actually, I think these are the lowest. I don't remember Bush going lower than 37% and Cheney below 21%. Of course, you know this means war, right? These two won't take this sitting down. Cheney will come out guns ablazing. And Bush will practice his smugly pensive look each night until it's time for ice cream and jammies. And Iran might want to close its borders and arm its anti-ballistic missiles just in case. I mean, now that New Orleans is a non-issue (passed its 90 day warranty this week).
But really the one thing that got my dandruff in a freefall today was reading that this group is calling for a boycott of advertisers on Desperate housewives. They claim (and I quote)
Wildmon calls the show "one of the trashiest programs on television. Many people consider it to be the most offensive, so we decided to take on the worst of the worst."
Wildmon, by the way, is a man and he is speaking for onemillionmoms.com. Good to know who wears the pants there. Why can't they boycott The Bachelor or Deal Or No Deal? Or The Apprentice? Or Jay Leno? Or Oprah Winfrey? Or the nightly local news? Right there is enough trash to cause a garbage strike in Manhattan. But no. They have to go after one of the very, very few intelligently written shows out there. Trashy? Some of it is...akin to the recycle not yet taken out. Or the clean green that waits to be mulched.
What these people object to is sex and sex talk. Cuz they all know that that kind of thing never happens in real life. At least, not in suburban Stepford life. Or where their husbands are concerned. And none of them are going to be seduced by the lawnmower guy. And none of them are going to get a shot a conjugal prison visits. But some are going to pass out on their lawns. And many of them are going to emasculate their husbands. And almost all are going to become their mothers (which isn't necessarily a bad thing if they can remember lessons learned). And a lucky few will sleep around for much longer than is socially acceptable and not contract any lasting diseases. And that very lucky One will become a community pariah for whatever reason and wake up and turn into Shirley Maclain's character from Steel Magnolias.
And what is it with everyone naming their group a million something? In this same article there's a onemilliondad.com and I'm wondering what exactly they did wrong to get forced into it. Stain the sofa? Fuck the maid? Vote for Kerry? Play the wrong Lotto numbers? Leave the cake out in the rain? What? Because no man in his right mind joins one of these things if his world is on a fairly even keel. No man wakes up in the morning and says to himself "you know, those 999,999 other men seem sane and happy and I feel like jumping off a cliff today". Not even to get laid. It just ain't cricket.
Unless, of course, it's NASCAR.

Countdown to Rouge

go here to find out what this really cool picture is all about. trust me. Really. Seriously. Shut up. Yes, I've been drinking. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what makes you happy? To think I'm still a drunk? Then fine. I'm drunk and puking all over my keyboard. Oh crap, here goes another volley. Dirty little Commies.
I hate polls, don't you? One note about this one, though. It's not six ports, it's around 21. Fortunately for you Californians, your ports are not affected (according to your illustrious Governor), but you might want to ask which country's company is actually in charge of them.
To me it's kind of funny the difference in arguments about Dubai being involved in controlling these ports. When I first heard about it I, too, was a bit agog that our administration would hand over something like this to a foreign entity having ties to those people we are told we want to kill. Looking into it, though, I found I was more interested in
1) the fact that the deal was done without the knowledge of Bush, Chertoff and Rumsfeld (three alleged administration mucky mucks directly tied to this type of thing), and
2) why exactly we need to be outsourcing critical control of our seaports. Are we as American workers and American companies really that incompetent? So much so that we can't be trusted to helm this ship (so to speak) ourselves? Or does bottom dollar truly rule? Or does a million dollar gift to the George Bush Library by Dubai really count for this much?

And speaking of outsourcing...or is it just more deregulation? Or deforestation? Or dearrangerment?

And speaking of Hallibuton...weren't we?...looks like we're picking up the tab for disputed costs on one of its no-bid contracts. Hey, you gotta feel for these guys. Hard working what with the bribes and graft and cut throat business deals and overcharging for every little damn thing and not finishing one job that I can think of. Of course, if you had as many people to pay off and subsidiaries to not keep track of or inline you wouldn't have any time left to run your own business the way one might expect you to. Good thing halliburton has never had any intention of doing that. By the way, do any of you realize just how heavy a "football" made up of hundred dollar bills can get when humped in a suitcase or backpack all the way from the States to Baghdad? Evidently, it's not easy feeing green.

So, if I can make it down to the 'No for the second weekend of the Rogue, who can I count on for a place to lay my sodden head? Because I can guarantee this: it will be sodden. And snorin'. Things might work out for me to make the sojourn. And kamotion says she'll be there as well. By the way, today is her birthday. So, go over and wish her one why dontcha? Oh, and go to Generik's place and ask him if he's coming down for this year's festival and bringing the missus.

Tripping The Right Fantastic

Last June, Bush said there would be no Civil War in Iraq on his watch. Last December, he repeated pretty much the same thing (and, also, called Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum his close friend)
Hmm. But now George Will (an Administration apologist, though he calls himself a political historian) seems to disagree. And Goergie has been a very good and loyal pooch up until now. This doesn't mean he will ever say that Bush's policies are a disaster. Or even an ill-conceived frat prank. What he probably means is that "little brown boys can't handle Democracy".
And, of course, there's nothing like reality to give one an idea of who might be closer to the truth...on the Civil War memo. Not Ann Coulter tripping the Right Fantastic.
Hey, remember that really crappy movie starring Dennis Quaid about the big holes in the ozone that created super storm cells that sucked really, really, really cold air from, um, up there? And everything froze? And he had to make his way to New York City to save his son? And it was all white and everything and if he blew his nose it looked like a big long green icicle? So, okay. And when everyone raced for the border of Mexico (because somehow this giant weather thingy only affected Democratic areas of the country or something) they had to set up refugee camps to control everyone? Remember? Well, don't look now, but Halliburton just got a huge friggin' contract to build detention centers in case we get a huge influx of "refugees" or "immigrants" or just plain old-fashioned "population movements". Not that it could happen, but just in case. You know...nuclear war, mass destruction, all you can eat at the Santa Fe Ribs Joint, martial law, cats and dogs living together, really really good Blue Light Specials. Nutty stuff, but the Administration takes our protection seriously. Seriously enough to keep spending all of our money on protecting us from invisible rabbits, talking horses, crazed millions of Muslims pouring in from Mexico and Liberals.
Then again, maybe it's in case they can't get this airport no-fly list thing to work (evidently, it still has a few unworked-out kinks). You know, round up all the dissidents and America haters and plop 'em down in some unused alfalfa field, radio tag 'em and let 'em free range. If Ann Coulter read my blog, I know she'd be down with that in the comment section. Call me, babe. We'll do lunch.

One Might Say That Alberto Is Slightly Out Of The Loop As Well

"When you're a law student, they tell you that if you can't argue the law, argue the facts. They also tell you if you can't argue the facts, argue the law. If you can't argue either, apparently, the solution is to go on a public relations offensive and make it a political issue... to say over and over again "it's lawful", and to think that the American people will somehow come to believe this if we say it often enough.


"In light of this, I'm proud of the very civil civil disobedience that was shown here today."- David Cole, Georgetown University Law Professor

but on to different, more melodic things. has anyone listened to the Moldy Peaches? my son got me hooked on one of their albums. i think that threw him a bit. an album of home recordings. you can hear the phone ringing in the background on one track. which adds to its anarchy. beautiful stuff. and totally homespun. i would imagine recording costs were in the hundreds of dollars. plus, the intimacy of the recordings could only add to the sexual/sensual immediacy one would want these two singers to feel. "Anyone Else But You" is about the most romantic ballad i've ever heard.

so, how do you defend yourself when questioned about your professional abilities? this is a real question. when someone(s) come to you and state that your results are not cool and that everyone else is getting different ones and you recheck your method and your equipment and you can find no flaw, how do you respond? do you:
a) request to view how samples are taken in the field;
b) request to view how tests are run in other labs;
c) check for conflict of interest in the outside agencies running the tests;
d) ask for a transfer before the lawsuit hits;
d) all of the above.
just curious. not that it might ever happen to me. assholes.

I Guess Bush Is No Longer Needed, Either

Bush promised transparency and now...we got it. Bush is not in the loop with his own team and it has never been as obvious as it is now. But that doesn't mean he won't wave the pom poms and lead a good Yale cheer for for his bosses and their shenanigans. I've been sure for a long time that Bush isn't in charge and never was. Cheney and Rove call the shots and the daily morning Presidential briefing consists "Over or under on your eggs today, sir?". Truly, this is Oz and the curtain is flapping open.

WASHINGTON -
President Bush was unaware of the pending sale of shipping operations at six major U.S. seaports to a state-owned business in the United Arab Emirates until the deal already had been approved by his administration, the White House said Wednesday.

Is Orrin Out Of His Mind?

This is choice. Orrin Hatch claims that no one with any brains believes that Saddam Hussein wasn't supporting al-quaeda. Excuse me? bin Laden called Hussein an infidel, because Hussein was secular. Hussein once said that bin laden was insane. Rumsfeld shook Hussein's hand in Baghdad and called him our best friend. Not one indepth independent search for a link between Hussein and bin Laden has produced anything. But here's Orrie spouting off as if truth is a doormat for political gain. One of these days, Norton...

CEDAR CITY - Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, boldly defended President Bush's warrantless surveillance program and the war in Iraq on Saturday at an invitation-only luncheon with Iron County political and business leaders.
While addressing a group of about 50 people, including Cedar City Mayor Gerald R. Sherratt, Enoch Mayor Bob Rasmussen and county commissioners Dennis Stowell and Wayne Smith, Hatch stressed that Bush was acting in the best interests of the country and doing so within the confines of the U.S. Constitution.
"This president is doing everything in his power to help us and everything he can to protect us," said Hatch, who will seek to win his sixth term in the Senate later this year. "I have to tell you, this president has guts and he deserves your support." Hatch spent about an hour answering questions and sharing stories with the crowd gathered inside The Garden House restaurant. Earlier in the day, Hatch met with Washington County officials.
"I always appreciate the senator and his willingness to share with us," Smith said. "It's a good thing when you can meet with him and you leave knowing you're being looked after."
Hatch was joined in Cedar City by Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper, who announced his candidacy for Utah's 2nd Congressional District this week.
The 52-year-old Christensen is the early Republican frontrunner in the race against Democratic incumbent Jim Matheson.
"It's such a privilege to serve the Utah House of Representatives, and this is just an offer to serve at a greater level," Christensen said. "I'm passionate and I think the Republican difference matters. ... The Republican principles are the right vision for America. It's the map and compass that has guided us.
"Without this map and compass, we'd be wandering."
Following his question-and-answer session, Hatch voiced strong support for Bush, who, in recent weeks, has been widely criticized by Democrats for his eavesdropping program in wake of the 2001 terrorist attacks.
By order of the president, the National Security Agency was allowed to eavesdrop - without court warrants - on Americans whose international calls and e-mails are believed could be linked to the al-Qaida terrorist network.
"They're moaning and groaning in Congress because he didn't abide by what's called the FISA Act, the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. That act is very important, but it was enacted in 1978 and it is not applicable to today's world," Hatch said. "The president is using every methodology that we know ... to try to track down those al-Qaida people or people affiliated with al-Qaida."
In addition, Hatch said Bush is abiding by the fourth amendment of the Constitution, which decries unreasonable search and seizure.
Of the war, Hatch said the U.S. must "hang in there and do what's right." He also praised the Utah soldiers who are fighting for freedom.
"It's about bringing effective changes and establishing principles of democracy," Hatch said following his speech. "If we can be successful (in Iraq), that will put pressure on all of the Arab states. It will be a rise in freedom and a demand for liberty that has never existed in some of those states.
"And, more importantly, we've stopped a mass murderer in Saddam Hussein. Nobody denies that he was supporting al-Qaida."
In a clear attack on Democrats, Hatch added, "Well, I shouldn't say nobody. Nobody with brains."
Originally published February 19, 2006

Is Rummie Out?

QUESTION: Are you confident that any problems with security — from what you know, are you confident that any problems with security would not be greater with a UAE company running this than an American company?
RUMSFELD: I am reluctant to make judgments based on the minimal amount of information I have because I just heard about this over the weekend.

very interesting...but stupid. if you click on the link you'll find that our administration is claiming different.

Skype, Skype Baby

"Skype, the Internet calling service recently acquired by eBay, provides free voice calls and instant messaging between users. Unlike other Internet voice services, Skype calls are encrypted — encoded using complex math operations. That apparently makes them impossible to snoop on, though the company leaves the issue somewhat open to question."

so, all of the code talk lecram and i use is for naught, huh? damn. zucchini is such a fun word to use. not that it meant anything. no, really. we truly do have a deep and abiding affection for long, green vegetables. shut up. can't take you guys anywhere.

well, taxes sure were fun tonight. turbotax was a bust. but taxact asked me lots of neat questions that garnered me many little deductions. i'll actually get a bit more back this year than last. my move was deductible two ways, which was way cool. not only what i spent, but the distance of the move. and i remembered renter's tax this time (always forgot that one before).

today was a cool enough day at work. i got to spend an hour or so at some condominiums being built right on the Puget Sound and watch the progress of the work. i was also told that i'm working too many hours, especially on the weekends and we have to find a way to curtail that. and i know more about asphalt according to my new bosses than i thought i did (in other words, they know very little about mix designs and lab work). i found out that i'm getting an $11,000 asphalt burning oven (burns the oil away from the aggregate). let's see, my calibration subcontractor is coming tomorrow to recalibrate all of my balances, ovens, vacuum pumps and compression machine (max load of 250,000 lbs on that sucker). and i will soon have carte blanche to charge for my extra hours on a time-and-a-half comp ratio for any work i do to move the old competitor's inventory out of his lab.
what i've noticed since my move up here (and i have to thank anonymous in part) is that in the 'No i had a job that was boring. i wasn't learning anything new. i was beyond good at what i did, but i was bored. on the other hand, i had a very rich personal life. i had friends i could trust and i had an acting life and a festival to sustain me. up here, it's the opposite. my personal life would be considered nil to most. i read, i type, i watch movies, i play with the cat, i watch the stars and the inclement weather, but i don't go out. my personal life has become very inward looking. but my job has exploded in terms of what i can learn. while i bitch about my bosses and whatnot, the job has many rewards. i am learning new things on a grand scale. i look forward to going in on the weekends for the sheer pleasure of being able to work alone. i look forward to the next challenge, because it's something i've not experienced for a while. i want to test for another certification as soon as the last one is over with. since i moved back to california and fell into the engineering industry i've not looked upon the job as just a job. it's fun, it's demanding and it almost always surprises.
big fish, little fish. big pond, little pond. those boundaries are not mine. i've never cared to be either. those are for people who define themselves by what surrounds them. not by who they are. all i want is the next challenge.
when i moved back to the 'No i was challenging myself (although i didn't really think of it that way. i just thought it was the logical thing to do). just coming back was a big question mark. was i conceding defeat in that perhaps my move to seattle was a bust? had i burned my bridges on purpose by blowing the whistle to the EPA about my company? it took me a long time to admit to friends i was back in the 'No. even got slapped by shookie.
in the long run, though, i figured out that seattle had not been the place to qualify as my own. in terms of acting it was filled to the gills with hungry. as for friends, the natives tended to be clannish and somewhat xenophobic (and not without reason). i never felt that i fit in as me. but in thinking about coming back to the 'No i wondered if i would be able to fit back in. actually, i wondered if i would be able to fit in for the first time. i never had felt that before i left.
but friends like lecram and nbutlerdidit and jade ed gypsy and zonthar and RP made me feel like the prodigal son must have. welcomed back into the fold as if i'd never left. used and manipulated to be sure, but welcomed and loved nonetheless.
the rogue was a godsend. it was the ultimate challenge. an undertaking of unparalleled proportions. none of us had the expertise, the experience, the maturity to handle anything of this sort. it was a one-off and we didn't know if we'd fall flat on our faces or not. and we had no inkling that it would go beyond one year. i remember the first night. the first shows were set to begin in an hour and no one had bought a ticket yet. it had been raining slightly and we were downtown. some of us were already shaking our heads. it was a wonderful idea and effort. the acts involved didn't expect crowds. in a sense, we had nothing to lose. except our pride. and other peoples' egos.
and then the patrons showed up. it was such a rush and a scare. and we knew we had something. by closing night when we had an audience of almost 200 for the last show we knew. and we knew the next year was going to be even worse. but after each year, the sense of exultation was enormous. the last night party was electric for me. we'd done it. year after year.
unfortunately for me i stopped having fun last year. i'd been in for the first four years and was looking the fifth in its face. i had decided to stop acting while i was the venue manager, because i found myself dropping lines on stage. why? because i couldn't be an actor and a manager at the same time. and i needed to be a manager first, because this was my baby. and i'm on stage skipping whole pages. so, there i was getting ready to be just a manager. not fun. and giving up acting with people like zonthar who makes me laugh more than metamucil on a stick.
but so be it. i had stopped enjoying the anarchy of it. i wasn't seeing the organized chaos of it anymore. i had become walmart.
so, when i was offered a chance to push my job possibilities to a new level in washington i jumped. a new challenge. and this time i know that if i don't like it (or it just doesn't work out) i have friends who i will never lose again.
and, yes, there probably is a therapist reading this and thinking "motherfucker! there goes my kid's retirement fund!".
by the way, did you know this is the only "nudie" picture i have ever been able to find of sandra bullock?

Old Fucker That Really Isn't That Old, Complaining About Being a Small Fish In a Big Pond When He Used to be a Big Fish in a Little Pond

Who here feels sympathy for the White House with regard to Vice President Cheney's "hunting accident" and the media's subsequent dog pack attack on it? Truthfully, now. Did any of you shed a tear or light a candle, because you felt Bush and/or Cheney were being wrongfully harassed?
I ask, because it seems many Republican politicians feel that our fair country does feel something akin to sympathy. I don't know about that. I can't, unlike most of our politicians, speak for the entire country. I can't glean what affects us en masse...other than apathy, narcissism and miopia.
One thing I do think I know is that there are a lot of politicians and lobbyists who are breathing a collective sigh of relief that Cheney chose to misfire on a hunting trip they were not invited to. And I don't mean that they are happy they didn't get shot. They're happy they weren't present and thereby see their names in the papers. Some of these people are probably jealous of Whittington. Talk about instant celebrity.
Here's a few names from a sure-to-be extensive list of hunting companions:
Since becoming vice president in January 2001, Cheney has continued to mix work and pleasure in these trips, at least in his choice of companions. Besides Graham and Chambliss, Cheney has gone hunting with a variety of other politicians, including Republican Sens. John Thune (S.D.), Trent Lott (Miss.) and Jim DeMint (S.C.), South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford (R), former treasury secretary Nicholas F. Brady and former senators Phil Gramm (R-Tex.) and Zell Miller (D-Ga.).
But enough about that. Want to talk about the (rounded down) million dollars per year that we pay for Cheney's ballistic forays? Same article as above.
So, Cheney goes out akillin' in order to relax and rehumanize himself. Bully for him! While it's not something I would need to do when I've got a local watering hole and a pool table or dart board, I can't fault him for blowing animals away. But enough about that.
Of course, the fact that they can't even get their stories straight is a bit nonplussing. The President was notified within an hour. No, it was two. No, it was an hour and a half.
Katherine Armstrong was an eyewitness. No, she saw it from the truck. No, the first she knew about it was when she saw the Secret Service running towards the Veep and she thought it might be his heart again.
Then, she decided on her own to call the local press. No, she called Cheney first. No, it was Cheney's idea. No, Karl Rove called her and laid it out.
Scott McClellan didn't know until the next morning. Then, Scottie didn't know about the heart attack of the victim even though it was later proven that he DID know.
But enough about that.
I guess what this tawdry little affair boils down to (besides the tittilation of Cheney's maybe having a mistress) for me is that the point is now well and truly made that Cheney doesn't feel the need to notify his boss about anything until he's ready. In other words, no one knew about his vacation and no one knew about his shooting someone until he said it was time. In other words, too much time was spent working the spin on this and not enough on realizing that sometimes the truth is your best defense. It was an accident, it was regrettable, we're getting him the best care we can and we've talked with the local authorities immediately (which they didn't until the next morning. In fact. a local law guy was not allowed access to the ranch that night and when the local sheriff called about it was informed and satisfied with the ranch's response that it had set a meeting the next morning).
But enough about that.
Did you see the trailer for tonight's Desperate Housewives? The redhead passes out drunk on her own front lawn and her son turns the sprinklers on. Hilarity, I tell you. And so socially relevant. It's must-see teevee. If they weren't all so hot I'd turn the channel to something with meat to it like Rick Steves pretending he's straight. Or the Antiques Roadshow as it continues to destroy yardsales everywhere. I mean, when's the last time one of us found a treasure for a steal of a price (other than my moving sales last year)?
But enough about that, too.
By the way, Wallace and Gromit's new movie is very cute, very inventive. But I liked Chicken Run better. And Jodie Foster's Flightplan was intriguing, but I could have done with more of the "she's gotta be crazy" part. I mean, it's Jodie Foster fer crying out loud. Of course, she's not crazy. She's in that movie career moment (which can last an entire career) of being the protective mom who kicks ass eventually (think Panic Room). Strong female role, I like it. But paranoid and delusional would have been more fun. And would have been a first for her (I think). Now, Sahara was fun. Put away your preconditions for a tight plot with no gaping holes and it's a sleighride of the first caliber. Not to mention that Penelope Cruz couldn't look ugly if her body was exhumed 6 months after dying. What a hottie. And next to Matthew McConaughy who's a hottie in his own right. Plus (not hotties), you've got Steve Zahn and William Macy. Good, fun cast who made sure the action zoomed and the repartee sizzled.
So Zonthar, did I get enough politics in and enough ass out?

21. Thou Shalt Not Republish Without Permission

10 MORE COMMANDMENTS FOUND!

'Apparently Moses was so enraged he forgot to tell the Hebrews about commandments eleven through twenty'
By CHUCK BRENNER
Religious Correspondent MOUNT SINAI, Egypt

-- Most people are familiar with the story of the Ten Commandments -- even if they can't name (or don't practice) all of them. They are the laws of life's conduct given to Moses by God on the peaks of Mount Sinai. After etching them into two stone tablets, Moses descended from the mountain to tell the newly-freed Israelites what God had ordered. The Biblical patriarch known as the Deliverer found his people worshiping golden idols -- already breaking Commandment number 2 about not celebrating graven images. Moses was so angry that he hurled the two tablets from the mountain. They shattered and, according to holy texts, were subsequently 'restored' and put into the ark of the covenant, later to be discovered by Indiana Jones. We now know that this is not the entire story. "Yes, Moses did destroy the tablets in his righteous fury, but the pieces were not put into the Ark of the Covenant." said Professor Edward Thomas Lawrence, head of a recent expedition to Mount Sinai. "It turns out the word 'restored' does not mean 'put back together.' In this case, it meant, 'Given a new copy.' We believe that someone -- probably Moses' brother Aaron -- used his sculpting skills to make a new set and copy them. But he only copied what he saw." After a painstaking and meticulous search, Professor Lawrence recovered all the pieces of the ancient stone tablets. They had actually been left where they landed. "Everyone just wanted to get on with their day," Professor Lawrence said. Remarkable as it is that Professor Lawrence found the original Ten Commandments, what is more astonishing is what archaeologists discovered after reassembling the tablets. "There were actually ten more commandments carved on the back!" Lawrence told us. "Apparently Moses was so enraged he forgot to tell the Hebrews about commandments eleven through twenty." Professor Lawrence brought in Dr. Ling Wul, an expert in ancient tongues. She translated the second set of commandments and gave the Weekly World News a sneak peek at what the rest of the world will soon be hearing about. "Unlike the first Ten Commandments, which outline an important set of moral laws, the next ten have more specific applications," Dr. Wul told us. "They are more accurately described as 'quality of life' commandments. Most are self-explanatory."
11 Thou shalt tolerate the faith of others as you would have them do unto you. ("This one seems to have been directed at those who objected to other Egyptian slaves who journeyed with the flock of Moses," Wul explained.)
12 In matters of business though shalt protect the rights of laborers, as Pharaoh shouldst have done. ("This is clearly a commandment to form workers' unions.")
13 Thou shalt not put thy animals before people, either in body or spirit. ("This refers to the animal-gods of Egypt, specifically cats, whose well-being was put before that of people -- much like today," Wul told us. "There were sheep traveling with the group and this commandment protected them."
14 Thou shalt not inhale burning leaves in a house of manna where it may affect the breathing of others.
15 Thou shalt renounce a portion of thy worldly goods to be collected by agents of the ruling body ("Tax evasion was a serious problem at the time," Wul said. "A government without a sound tax policy is one that tends to go to war and take slaves.")
16 Thou shalt not elect a fool to lead thee. If twice elected, thy punishment shall be death by stoning.
17 Thou shalt not cry "fire and brimstone" during a large public gathering.
18 Thou shalt not erect a temple of gaming in the desert, where all will become wanton.
19 Thy body is sacred and thou shalt not permanently alter thy face or bosom. If thy nose offends thee, leave it alone.
"The 20th commandment is too worn away to fully read," Wul said, "but after 'Thou shalt not' the words 'war' and 'oil' were legible. It's still a mystery." Scholars agree that it is too early to say how this discovery will change our society. "Will people begin to follow these new commandments?" Professor Lawrence asked. "Or will they be looked at as outdated set of rules? Who can say. One thing I do know: they're going to make someone else very, very rich." Word is that Mel Gibson has bought the rights to the tablets and is preparing to film The Ten Commandments II: the Back Side of Faith.

Friday Night Fights

ahhh. it's nice, after a longlonglong week of working with and for imbeciles, to get home, turn up the heat (it will, after all, get to a low 19 degrees tonight) and tip a beer or 6.
it's amazing what my job has morphed into in only two and a half little months. my business card says "lab services manager". but i seem to be spending more and more time acting as a project manager. to be blunt, the two real project managers in my office are really: 1) a salesman, and 2) a glorified field inspector. not that they don't have their merits and strengths. i'm just hard pressed to visualize them when i'm asked to handle client needs and ignorance that only a certified engineer should be involved with. i can answer most questions regarding asphalt and concrete, but i have to preface every answer with "this is not the answer, this is only my experienced opinion". which, of course, should make a client wonder why they're even talking to me in the first place.
and, again, i wonder when clients call or email me directly as lab manager, because they are not getting a response from the project manager.
this week i had to:
tell a project manager to clean up his equipment that he left lying around in my lab or he would find all of it on his desk the next morning;
force a project manager to define the word "we", because he kept asking me if "we" had made a phone call and had "we" gotten results from another lab and were we taking care of a client's needs (needless to say, "we" meant me and no, i hadn't and no, i wasn't about to);
inform that same manager that he was going to actually have to do some of his own work every now and then;
listen to the "salesman" expound on how we have control of 98% of all of the work on our peninsula, but in the same breath tell me how "we" couldn't afford to have someone spend a couple of hours creating 3 or 4 excel spreadsheets for the lab;
listen to several snide comments by the "salesman" about smokers, smoking, butts and lawsuits;
have the "salesman" take me over to another lab whose equipment we bought so i could inventory it and decide what goes to me and what goes to other offices and tell me that we're not in a huge rush to clear it out, then have him confront me each of the next two days about why i wasn't over there getting stuff out posthaste;
deal with another office's manager who hates mine (it's a hate/hate relationship evidently) about a sample that was not tested, because their manager claims i called him up and cancelled the test (when, in my reality, i told him he had two boxes of the same sample and to run the test on only one of the boxes so that my office wouldn't get charged twice);
learned over and over and over and over again that my "salesman" is a liar in the first degree and will not hesitate to cast blame on someone else if it deflects attention away from him;
heard a rumor that he wants to install a suveillance camera out back of the lab with the video monitor on his desk (hmmm, counting smoke breaks? or looking for cells of insubordination? i remember once at my first job in this industry when the office manager decreed that no more than two people could stand together outside the office at one time [mustang knows what i'm talking about]. we figured he was afraid that, because he was in the shitter with corporate, we were all outside talking about him. he was fairly right).

but then i arrive home an hour early (because when i work the weekend i take that time back during the week) and there is a brown package sitting on my doorstep. i call out to the gardener and say "hey julio, you dropped your unit on my porch. shearing accident?" but he says no.
lo and behold, it's a present from my very good friend blake. he sent me a present. two cds by the most excellent band the Pogues. plus, a couple of his own original compilations (by that, i mean that he is an amazing muscician who records his own music). by the way blake, i have that cd already, so i'll be damning people's souls to eternal purgatory when i give them out. just like i'm doing to you with this picture, but if aughra from badnewsblonde can give out naughty photos of herself in exchange for pressies, so can i. feast (and then scrub) your eyes on this!

so, i get to "end" the week with awesome music while sitting inside my toasty home with frosty beverages. okay, i'm not ending the week since i'm working in the lab tomorrow and sunday, but you get my drift. i'm getting drunk tonight (which i do so much less frequently than i did when in the 'no), eating a zucchini salad (now now, children. it's not what you think or hope unless you're lecram), listening to both the Pogues and the Trike Shop, and watching Wallace and Gromit's new movie.
does it get any better than that?
well, if you loathe ann coulter...it DOES!!!

“When contemplating college liberals, you really regret once again that John Walker is not getting the death penalty,” Coulter said in an address to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). “We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed too. Otherwise they will turn out to be outright traitors.”

Who Your Daddy? Dick Your Daddy!

Okay, I don't usually revisit stories. Shut up . I don't. But this is too, too interesting. Cheney's got a gun. Cheney sees a Quayle. Cheney shoots and scores...a lawyer. Cheney doesn't speak to local law. Secret Service denies access to local law. Cheney calls Rove who calls Bush (we think). Bush reacts with...we don't know what. Scott McClellan finds out the next morning. Gets bushwhacked by the White House press. Somehow. Gets in an argument with a journalist. Local law is evidently allowed to interview Cheney (but we really don't know that for sure). Word gets out that a local Deputy Sheriff approached Cheney's compound the night before to get a statement and was turned away. The main witness interviewed by everyone was sitting in a car, which means they might have been shooting from or close to the roadway or she was quite a distance away from the event. White House says the bottomfeeder, I mean lawyer, is stable while in ICU. Later, the doctors say the bottom-shit-...lawyer... is in stable condition in the ICU. Later, the press clarifies that ICU means InContinent Uvula, which all buckshot men get. Still later (today)., the doctors say that the (i'll get this right dammit) lawyer has had a "silent heart attack", because one of the pellets somehow got near his heart. The doctors estimate that between 6 and 200 pellets hit him. And they have no way of knowing if more of these might pose a risk.
Now, look at these two numbers. First there's 6. Then there's 200. Just for kicks I'm going to list some of the numbers that fall between those two.
7891011121314151617181920212223242526272829230313233
3435363738394041424344
54647484950515253545556575859606162
6364656667686970717273747576777879808182
83848586878888990919293949596979899
100101102103104105106107108109110111112
113114115116117118119120121122123124125
1261271281291301311321331341135136137
138139140141142143144145146147148
149150151...
get the picture? perhaps we're being lied to about how bad this guy was hit. between 6 and 200 is a large sward of denial.
but really the real story to me is why Cheney couldn't stand up to the local deputies at the scene and tell them what happened. a few stories abound that Cheney was drunk. a few abound that his friend was on the out-list. i might buy Cheney being drunk. i mean, come on. they got guns, they got immunity. they can do what they want. i'd be tipping back a few myself. never did fire my rifle sober anyway. way more fun that way. in fact, i'm looking for a good garbage dump on the peninsula where i can work my rifle back into shape and bring a six pack.
but what the fuck? accidently shot a bro out on the back forty. cut and dried accident. so why the delay, the blather, the sudden "complication not necessarily related to the shooting" with the victim? Cheney fucked up as a hunter. Is that so bad? So he doesn't get his picture in the Women In Waders Who love Geriatric Geezers Who Can't Shoot To Save Their Own Shit calendar.
Deal. Show. And let the pot go to the winner.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a society that can do that anymore.
We win or we kill.
And sometimes we kill in order to win.
Not that I'm suggesting Cheney did so. I think he really did fuck up, because he's too fucking old to be in possesion of anything more powerful than a lawn dart on a string.

Cheney Steps Up War On Lawyers: Shoots One (stole this, but damn it's funny)

I'm still trying to hunt down info from a CBS news story about Cheney shooting his buddy. Right now, everyone is talking about the delay between the shooting and the public announcement. However, CBS evidently had a news bit on the fact that Cheny's Secret Service entourage would not allow local law enforcement to question him about the incident. Standard procedure in this kind of case includes questioning of all involved on the offchance that criminal complaints may be filed. The Secret Service refused to allow any questioning. Local law was alerted to the incident when the ambulance was summoned by Cheney's party and showed up at the scene. But no questioning. None. Nada. Nichts. Niente. Null set. Zippo. Don't know really if they even asked, but I think they did.
As for the delay in a public announcement (or even an internal one for that matter...Bush didn't know for about 2 and 1/2 hours. Scott McClellan didn't know until the next morning. Evidently, Cheney called Rove instead of Bush) it's interesting, but not to my mind noteworthy...yet. I would like to know if, in fact, local law officials were really not allowed to interview Cheney about his role in the shooting. If I tried that I would be arrested for obstruction of justice or fleeing the scene of a crime (even if none were actually commited). I could, also, be arrested (along with everyone with me) for conspiracy after the fact to commit a crime. All three can be contrued as potential felonies. Instead, I'm sure the Secret Service called on them good old boys down there to pass on a little professional courtesy and let Dick tend to his friend in the hospital. Most local law folks will do that, but they will still want a personal statement from Cheney. And I don't mean a fax from the White House.
Personally, my first thought when I heard about it was that his buddy criticized the War or something and Cheney tried to fire a warning shot over his head. Something along the lines of his telling a Senator on the floor of the Senate to "go fuck yourself" (remember that little gem?).

Neighbors' Home Security System

Who needs trip wires when you've got this?